Can't Let Daughter Go over Friend's House

My daughter would not be allowed to go over to their house. I would also frequently invite the other little girl to my home. Sounds like she has a tough life and could benefit greatly by being in a loving home. At age 7 girls are completely independent.

FYI... I had a friend like this too. She was always over. In the summer my parents even got her a pool membership and eventually placed another bed in my room for sleepovers. She lived with us the whole summer she was 13. Her parents didn't even call on her 13 birthday so my dad ran out and bought a cake. When I was in college she got kicked out of her house and lived with my parents even though I was at school. How great are my parents?😊

I think this girl needs friends and an escape from her situation, I would invite her over as often as I could.

Keep inviting her over, you may be the best thing that little girl has going on and as long as she and your daughter are having fun then I wouldn't worry. If she says your daughter shouldn't come over (for whatever reason) then just tell your daughter that she hasn't been invited, and ask if she wants to invite her over to your house.

I agree with everyone else! Keep having her over. She seems like she needs some kind of stability.
But I would definitely NOT let your daughter go there.

I would keep inviting the little girl over for playdates at your house. It's not her fault that her family is dysfunctional.

I would keep inviting the little girl over. You are probably doing her an enormous service, by giving her a break from her home. Just let your no, be no. Allow the friendship to happen, by inviting the girl over, or along on some fun outings.

I might try to figure out how the grandfather is mean. Just to make sure the little girl is safe.

I would let the girls continue to play but keep the play dates at your home. If your daughter asks why, I think for now you could keep it simple with, "It works out better here and I feel better being able to watch you both here."

If the other little girl asks, then I might say that you feel more comfortable having the play dates at your house and just leave it at that.

If the girl says your daughter should come over, then do NOT send your child there! Most kids want their friends over all the time, not warn them off. Poor girl :(

I would continue to have her to your house as much as you are willing and the girls want. She obviously needs some stability and to see that not all families are shouting, cursing and abusing each other.

It sounds like the little girl could use some time with your family. I wouldn't go inviting her every day, but I would continue playdates at your house. She sounds like a good kid. You don't have to be friends or even friendly with her family in order for the girls to be friends. I wouldn't let my daughter go over there either if I were you.

This is the perfect example of "it takes a village." I can't imagine a little 7 year-old living in such upheaval. She clearly understands the dysfunction at her home and is probably embarrassed by it.

It sounds like she and your daughter play well together - foster the relationship. Explain to your daughter that it's best for her friend to play at your house. You might be the one to make a difference in her life.

I totally understand your concerns about the internal family issues inside this girl's home but this kid cannot help what these terrible and irresponsible parents or grandparents are doing at this stage of the game. She is a victim here. Having said that, the best thing for this young lady is you, your daughter, and your wonderful family. It is what she wishes she had whether she ever tells you this, she sees it and deep inside, she does want that for herself. Please don't advocate for the friendship to be cut off just because of her family. If the direct problem doesn't reside with this girl, then don't punish her for things that she cannot control and never asked to be born into. Your family structure and the friendship she has with your daughter are probably the only good thing this kid has to cling onto right now. Lead by example and show her that people can love, trust, be honest, and support on another in the face of adversity. She will remember you and your gestures for life.
As for your daughter going over to this girls house.....not at this time and maybe not at all. This is not a healthy place to be and it is clearly full of drama and chaos. You don't feel safe with the environment and as a mother, you can only compromise that so much. You have tried to reach out to Bad Mom and she acted like a total mess so you won't get much more from her. Keep the play dates, sleepovers, and fun times at your place for now or take the girls somewhere fun that doesn't involve them being at your house or the other girl's house either. If this friendship lasts and blossoms, as the girls get older, these awkward situations in the girl's house will be hard to ignore and your own daughter will have to learn to navigate life and people like this as she grows up. There's a time and a place for all that but not at this age. You are right to keep your daughter away from all that craziness at this point. However, if the was ever a little girl who needs your daughter as a friend and your family as a good example....it is this this one.

I was a little confused by #1 in your post- if this girl lives next door, does the sex offender live 2 doors down from you. Not sure what "neighbor" entails. Anyways, I would tell her play dates have to happen at your house. I don't think you should cut this girl off. It sounds like you are a bright light in her otherwise dismal life. Please try to include her if possible.

Just be blunt and say that your child only does play dates at your house. If they have a problem with that, so be it. You need to keep your daughter safe.

I would invite her to your home when and as appropriate. Give her the gift of your daughter's friendship. Your DD may not understand why she can't go there, but sometimes it's just better to host or suggest somewhere neutral. You say she's a good kid, so I'd work with her.

I agree to invite her over often.

If your DD asks why, just tell her that the girl's house is too crowded to play very well. (I'm assuming its somewhat crowded... If it's not, maybe you can find another excuse that won't shame the other girl if your DD repeats it to her...)

i do think you should keep up the friendship. the girl is nice, and clearly can use the positive influence in her life.
you don't have to make excuses for your daughter not going over there (and it doesn't sound as if it will be awkward because they're not inviting her, right?)
to your daughter's requests you can keep it very simple and straightforward. 'you can't go to alice's house to play. but she can come here if you like. why? we have rules about the places you go, and alice's house doesn't comply with them.'
khairete
S.

To me, the key is that the girl herself said not to come over. She's protecting your daughter. I would keep up the friendship and invite her over more often or let them play outside as much as they want.
For the sex offender thing, one door down, two doors down, I don't think that's an appreciable distance.

The girl said your daughter should not come over. That alone is the end of the story.
Clearly, the little girl knows that there are things going on in her house that are either unsafe, unhealthy, embarrassing, etc. She doesn't want to bring someone else into that situation. She might worry for their safety or she might worry that, once they see how she lives, they won't be allowed to play together at all anymore.

As long as having her in your life in general doesn't cause dysfunction, continue to invite her over to play at your house or the park. She's probably thrilled by any opportunity to get away from home.

I'm a little confused though about where the grandfather lives and where the girl and her mom live. Are they all in one house? Is the grandfather your neighbor but the girl and her mom live somewhere else? Where is the sex offender in relation to you?