Can My Baby Be Angry with Me for Leaving Her with a Nanny

I think we often underestimate little one's emotional maturity & ability to understand what's going on. It's possible that she's upset. But it's also possible that you just don't feel right about it too (no offense intended, I know this must be really hard for you). Either way, she is connecting very strongly with the new nanny & it is up to you whether or not you're okay with this. If you're not, it's time to reorganize life situations so that you can be there with her more often. Whether that means quitting your job or just taking a day off a week, you're obviously picking up on something that is bothering her & it's important not to ignore that & say she'll just get used to it like many people do. This is the most important job I've ever had! You seem genuinely worried & I don't blame you, this would be heartbreaking for me to do at 4 months..baby's just need lots of mommy time. There's always a way! Good luck with everything.

I went back to work full-time when my daughter was 12 weeks old and leaving her in someone else's care every morning was the hardest thing I have ever done. I am lucky that my mother is the one who watches my little girl during the day but it was still difficult after being with her 24/7. And I found that often when I got home it took awhile for my daughter to shift her attention from Grandma to me and I would get very jealous. I worried that she would be confused who her mama was and that she would find me boring when I came home from work. After all my mother had lots of fun ideas of activites and I was a new mom still trying to figure everything out. Now my daughter is almost 2 and is still spending the day with grandma. She looks forward to her time with Grandma but also comes running to the door to see me when I get home. I don't think babies get angry about being left with someone else at this age. Their emotions are completely in the moment and I don't think they can hold a grudge or plan a way to strike back. Sounds like she is engaged with the nanny and happy with her which is great. You know she is being well looked after. Try not to feel guilty for going back to work, know that you can be a great mother regardless of how many hours a week you have to work and know that no one can replace or diminish your relationship with your daughter.
And I disagree that you need to look into finding a way to work less hours or not work at all just because your daughter is warming up to the nanny. I think almost every working mom wishes she could find a way to stay home with the kids more and it is a mistake to think that many moms return to work simply to afford more luxuries. For most of us it is the only way to make ends meet and we are doing the best we can to make sure our children have a safe, secure and loving home. No reason to ever feel guilty for that.

I honestly wouldn't read too much into the behavior of a four month old. She may be more interested in the nanny if the nanny is wearing a bright shirt, has interesting earrings or just makes fun sounds. You may also be timing your visits when she's tired (my kids usually napped after lunch, so that very well could be the case). There could be a number of factors there that have nothing to do with your leaving for work. You may find she's laughing and playing with you less simply due to the time of day you're initiating this activity now. Again, don't overanalyze things.

Your bond with your child won't change just because you're working. You're just bringing in someone else in her life that she can care about and that's a good thing. Our daughter absolutely loves her daycare provider and I'm good with that. I would honestly be worried if she didn't feel connected to her provider. Just keep spending time with your daughter, interacting with her and loving her, and all will be fine.

I think children are very smart and your child notices that someone different is watching her. I don't know if your child is angry with you - perhaps your child is just interested in the new person and that's all it is. I think you should give it some time for EVERYONE (you, baby & nanny) to adjust.

Good luck!

M.:

It could be that you are suffering from post-pardum depression (a SLIGHT case) and feel guilty for going to work instead of being home with your baby.

You could be angry or jealous ( (and not conscientious/aware of it) and your baby - ANY baby will pick up on the non-verbal cues)) when you walk in the door and see your baby interacting lovingly with the nanny. It really is a good thing that your baby is interacting with the baby - this means your baby is getting the attention she deserves!!

Take a step back and think about what you are expecting - when you see your baby - give her a minute to get used to you again - really - babies have short attention spans. Some babies - even with their own parents - need a minute or two before the fun starts - I know it was that way when my husband would come home from work - our boys would look at him for a second or two - ignore him - then go to him when they got used to having him in the room again - it's just kids.

Hope this helps!!

We had a nanny and I had some doubts too. I thought maybe he liked her more than me. Then I realized...she has the cookie monster shirt on, she wears the fun stuff and my child is taking to her as I hoped. If your child is happy then the nanny is doing her job. As a parent we worry they will like her more but in fact I couldn't come home for lunch and at the end of the day once my child was old enough to say mama, he crawled to the door as soon as I came home gave a big smile and called mama. You'll always have a place in your childs heart. Your the mama.

I'm not sure about angry, maybe just confused? You are there, but you are leaving again. It might be easier for you if you take a shorter lunch and just get back home sooner? This can keep her day more consistent.

Children bond with the person who lovingly takes care of them. Your baby now is learning to bond to a substitute mother. Be thankful you have such a good nanny. Continue to spend as much time as possible with your baby when you are not working. This is an adjustment time for your little girl. She will eventually learn to bond to both of you. Unfortunately this is the heart wrenching sacrifice you have to make when you can't be a stay-at-home mom. AF