Bullying with My 4 Year Old

Your son needs to be responsible for his own behavior. Blaming someone else is teaching your son to do the same. Do not talk to him about the other boy; he's not your concern. You should ONLY be talking to your son about his own behavior.

Try role playing - you are him (the bully) he is the victim. Teach him empathy. That will probably get you further and a better long-term solution than blaming another child.

When I was a kid, my mom would blame any bad behavior on our friends and their influence. I hated that. I wanted my mom to see that I did what I did because I wanted to. So, the more she blamed others, the worse my behavior became. Don't make that same mistake. Give your son "credit" where "credit" is due.

This is a tough one for me. He's 4 and fun is just fun to them, they sometimes don't have the forethought to stop what they are doing when others are involved.

There's also the chance that come next year both boys will mature a little over the summer, and this won't be a problem. Kinder will be a lot more scheduled so it is possible they will have less time to find trouble.

Maybe watch these little video's with him. My kid enjoyed them and understood the message.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/kids/webisodes/

I would be more disappointed in the daycare center than anything else. These kids are four and this has been going on for a year? Early childhood education is their JOB, they're supposed to be teaching kids how to share, get along, be kind, and most of all, how to be a good friend. It sounds like they're nothing more than a babysitting service, at best, and that is sad :-(
As far as next year, you are right. You feel like you have no control because you DON'T have control, you aren't there! Again, it's not your job, but the teachers' job to manage and control the classroom and the children in it. Hopefully the school will be better than the daycare center and your child and this other boy will learn certain behaviors will not be tolerated.
If it's a good school I would go ahead and send him. Sending him to a private school doesn't guarantee anything. There are kids in EVERY school who will try to be mean, manipulative, aggressive, etc. The difference is in how the school deals with it, and in how your son learns to gravitate towards good kids. You actually CAN help in that way by encouraging friendships, inviting kids over, that you actually would like your son to be friends with.

I've recently been directed to try reading a book called "how full is your bucket' (the kids version) by Tom Rath, with my 4 yr old for similar reasons. He's really identifying with it and how words/actions can have a good or bad affect on his friends. Might be worth looking into, just a thought!

send your child to private school-it will be best.

This is a delimma for sure. Your child is developing his inner sense of what is right and wrong. As you well know peers have much more influence than they should.

Get your child away from this child and in that private school so he can be around kids that have different values, morals, traditions, and morays.

Your child's inner self is at risk by being around this child, who is teaching all the other kids that these behaviors are normal.

I think you are overthinking this, H.. If you were considering full-day at a private school because you like the idea of full day K, then you aren't running away from a problem, but going toward something you feel would be more beneficial in the long run.

I'm not sure what you want to be done, given the situation? If it were me and I believed that the shorter day program was the better option, then I would discuss the previous situation with the prospective K teacher. I do say: I have to wonder what steps the current daycare staff is taking to curb the bullying/upsetting behavior while the boys are there, besides writing them up. When we had a kid who was having problems being kind/getting along, we'd really keep a close eye out for mischief and try to get in there before it happened as well as making an especial effort to keep those kids within sightlines/earshot at all times. It won't be 100%, but when you know you have a child in the group who is a negative influence, that vigilance really helps.

Keep focusing on correcting your son's behavior whenever necessary. You can tell him "We know (kid's name) is not safe or kind with their body/words, and if he tells you to do something, check with the teacher to see if it's okay first." If it were me, I'd want to know what the discipline piece was at daycare (what are they doing in the moment to deal with this behavior within the group). Really, though, if you are already thinking full-day would be good for your son, go ahead and enroll him in the private school. Don't let your sense of 'oh, we've got to fix this first' stymie what you already felt was a better option for your family.

Hi, H.:

What is the reason you are punishing your child? If you keep punishing him, you are teaching him to be a bully. He will do to other children what you are doing to him.

He is a child.

It is your responsibility to go to school and straighten things out for him.

Good luck.
D.