Bullying - Fresno,CA

Put her in Tae Kwon Do, (I'm a black belt). It won't teach her to fight him, but it will give her self confidence and to protect herself should the situation arise. The first thing she needs to do is report it immediately to a teacher.

Also, some bully's are like that b/c they are being bullied themselves and act out. Or because they are jealous of someone... or have a crush on them. Just tell her that his opinion of her doesn't matter and she is wonderful no matter what. She shouldn't have to worry about why he doesn't like her. Teach her to stay away from him and to play with other kids and to not care what he, or anyone else thinks.

Enroll her in karate classes or tae kwon do. My daughter is only 4 and in preschool but I swear, after all the bullying posts I read on here all the time, I'm not going to wait until there is a problem!

EDITED TO ADD: Love that Lisa C.!

Why isn't the school stepping up and doing more?!

You need to be at the front door of the school the minute it opens and sit in the office until the principal and guidance counselor can see you. Don't they have an anit-bullying policy? Most schools do these days, and whatever it is you need to insist that they stick to it.

Long before anti-bullying movements my son was going through this everyday on the playground because of a little boy. He did all the right things. He walked away, told the recess teacher, his teacher, the school counselor. He did what he was supposed to do. I called the school, too, and the last time I talked to the counselor she gave me a sob story about this kids crappy homelife. While I can feel for the kid, it doesn't excuse his behavior. I also think it's inexcusable for the school to expect less of him. He should be given the dignity of being treated like everybody else and not pitied to the point that the school is ineffective.

I told the counselor: "No matter what is going on in this little boys home, MY son should be safe at school. If you aren't going to protect him, I have given him protect himself. The next time this boy hurts my son, my son knows to do whatever it takes to get this boy to stop. I don't care if he picks up a stick and hits him with it."

The counselor told me that if my son defended himself they would both be suspended. I was so pissed. You mean this kid can hurt my son and nothing happens, but if my son defends himself they BOTH get suspended??!

I was like, "Cool, we'll go to the zoo. It will be the funnest suspension he'll ever have."

Surprisingly enough, that's all it took. It stopped.

Remind her that not everyone will like her and/or treat her right. Give the child a name, bully, and tell her this is his problem; that she is a beautiful and loveable girl. Focus on giving her positive feedback about herself. Tell her to turn and walk away from him and to stay out of his way as much as possible. This boy is not important enough to warrant her attention.

You've talked with the school people and they will work on this with you. It will work out. If you haven't talked with her teacher, I recommend doing that. She will have some insight into why it's happening and how your daughter can deal with it.

As to his parents having been talked to twice, remember it takes time to figure out a solution. Trust that they are working on it. Try to relax some and not be so emotional about this. The more matter of fact you can be the better your daughter will be able to handle it too.

She was on the slide at the same time as he was. Why? Teach her to stay away from him until this gets resolved. It's proactive to keep yourself out of harm's way. It's not fair but it's what works. Life is not always fair.

When we moved to Spring a couple of months later Katrina hit NO. We had a lot of kids from inter City NO in my son's middle school. One kid just kept picking on our son. I have to say Chase was very good and told the kids to know it off. The kid told my son "hey,I I'm from NO, I can do anything I want to you". I called the school they talked to the kid, it got worse. Finally after several calls, I told my son, if he threatens you one more time, tell him you are done. The next day, I got a call from the principle, kid tried to hit my son, my son defended himself (lots of witnesses) and bloodied the kid's nose! I was so proud of my son! They tried to get him in trouble but I told the school "try to suspend him and we will see what happens"! We had everything documented. Not a thing happend to my son. Look, there are bad kids from bad families. But you need to teach your daughter that she can take care of herself. Tae Kwon Do is a good form of exercise and a wonderful way for kids to learn value of themselves and others. She will also know how to defend herself!

This is one of my worst nightmares for when my daughter starts school. I would be LIVID!!! uuggghhh! And I admire how you have handled it.

This is not the same exact situation, but my nephew was being bullied in school and the school only did so much. (They didn't/couldn't stop the snide comments or intimidating stares or threats that were whispered.) After trying every peaceful avenue, I told my nephew that if he wanted to verbally stand up to the bully then I would support him. He did (verbally, without fists) and the bully backed down.

I think bullies have a sense of who they can pick on (in their minds 'the weak ones'). I agree with the suggestion to get her into some karate classes. It will teach her self defense techniques and self confidence...which she can use for her entire life.

Good Luck!

Getting the kid moved is not going to get to the root problem. Now, you are shifting the bullying to another kid. Do you really want that on your conscience?

Obviously it's time to go up the chain of command to someone that can get something done, if the problem is not being handled. I'm sure you're doing what you need to do.

In the meantime, if he continues to mess with her, I would tell her to kick him in the jewels & run. If the administration isn't going to protect her, she has to protect herself. It seems that modern day school rules dictate that even if you didn't instigate the physical altercation & you defend yourself, you are still considered 50% at fault. Telling a kid they can't defend themselves even if they are being tortured is part of the problem.

Please don't tell your daughter that a boy being abusive towards her is indication that he "likes" her. Haven't you ever seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You?" ;o)

This is not something that she needs to deal with at all. The school needs to address the issue of bullying as a whole...teaching ALL of the children about how to properly treat one another. The focus should not be on your daughter, and it should not be on the boy (to avoid any retaliatory behaviors toward your daughter). The focus should be "the children at our school DO NOT BULLY or allow other children to bully."

I would bring this to the VP and ask that they institute some type of school wide "Bully Free Zone." There are TONS of programs out there for schools...all he has to do is Google. :o)

Hugs to your daughter!

Tell your daughter that this little boy (the bully) is usually a person who has troubles and doesn't feel good about himself so he takes it out on others....as it makes him feel better.

I sooo get it though!! My son was bullied by another kid (My son had stood up to him when he was teasing another child). We put my son in Tae Kwon Do - it helped A LOT!!!

The other parent didn't believe it until she witnessed it. It took 4 years though - because the other kid was VERY sneaky about his bullying...then he tripped my son at school and he fell and hit his head. We threatened law suit and they FINALLY did something because the TEACHER finally saw it being purposefully done.

Tell your daughter that she is just fine. I know it's hard to ignore it - especially at that age - but she can find other friends. She needs to bring it to the teacher's attention whenever he is mean to her...she's NOT a tattletale!!

GOOD LUCK!!!

I'm with Lisa C. And maybe the karate lessons. Is she bigger than this boy? Often girls are at that age. It wouldn't hurt your daughter to take this kid down, if she has to. And then have a fun day at the zoo. :)

I would do the Tae Kwon Do to. My kids are in that. You are doing everything right by staying on top of this. Reinforce with your daughter that if this kids starts trouble to go and tell the teacher right away. The bully's parents need to address it with their son.

The onus falls on the school to do something about this. File a complaint in writing to the teacher, principal, assistant principal and school district. They need to resolve this issue IMMEDIATELY. They should switch him to another class if the bullying doesn't stop. I wish every school had the uber strict anti-bullying policy that my kids' school has. Good luck!

That is a shame that we have to enroll our kids in Karate or Tae Kwon Do just to make sure that they aren't bullied. What if she isn't into that? We have to stand up and not let this happen. The bully can't get away with this or yes he/she will continue. The other thing is if they don't make the child say I'm sorry to her, whether he means it or not, he thinks he is getting away with it also. Bullying should not be tolerated at any age! Tell her it is not her fault. I like the idea of her screaming, Leave me alone and going to tell someone.

Honestly, it sounds like you have done everything you can do as far as working with the school. I'm afraid that at this point I would be tempted to really unload and file a police report. Yes, of course this extreme, and in the "old" days, you might have been able to handle it with the other child's parent or by telling your daughter to nail him back. No longer. So as long as everyone is going to pass the buck and allow your daughter to get physically assaulted, get the police involved. THAT will get everyone moving. I'm sorry you have to go through this but now is the time to put a stop to it. Good luck momma!

The teacher/administration need to implement a no-bullying policy/program ASAP and the child should receive consequences for his actions immediately in a firm yet respectful manner, overly punitive measures might backfire. You might want to find out what kinds of consequences he's received for pushing and name calling. Talking to the parents is a good idea, but the teacher needs to be the first line of defense in school. Unfortunately, there is evidence that bullies are made, not born, which means this kid may have been or is currently himself a victim of bullying at home, at school or elsewhere. There are plenty of books on the subject, both for kids and adults, as well as websites that can help. It's still early enough in the school year to repair most of this damage I think, and everyone in your daughter's class could learn a valuable lesson about treating people with respect.

If it doesn't resolve, I would request the child bullying her be moved to another class room.

So sorry to hear about the bullying. When my daughter was younger and experienced mean people I used to tell her that people who behave like that are hurt inside and don't like themselves and that is why they treat others badly. This is a nutshell reply due to time constraints but hopefully you get the jist of it.

...I just read your followup. I suggest you tell the principal you will call the police if he doesn't put a stop to it immediately. One lucky thing is that it happened during school on school property. If it had happened after school or not on their property you would have less legal recourse and the school could ignore it more easily. (long story, but my daughter was hurt in aftercare by a boy and the principal wouldn't do a damn thing). Ask the principal what the boys parents are like and request a meeting with him, the teacher and the parents. The fact that a boy was picking on a girl adds to your case even more. Chances are the parents are not going to be helpful but even if they are defensive and refuse to believe their boy did anything wrong, they may fear police involvement. Best of luck to you in this awful situation.

I'm with Sarah L. I was raised to be nice, never hit etc. When my boundaries were tested later in life, I didn't know how to enforce them. I think we need to give our children the tools to stand up for themselves. We can't always expect the system to intervene. Even yelling might help. I'm sorry you are going through this. Children really are like having our heart walk around outside our body!

I just researched bullying in elementary school and wrote a blog post about it for work that you might find helpful. Talks about why kids bully and how to deal with it if your kids are being bullied. It sounds like you are already following a lot of these tips but hopefully you'll find something in it helpful: http://uvahealth.com/blog/index.php/2011/10/19/more-than-...