I posted awhile back about my daughter's friend bullying her.
The last time I addressed it with "Janes" mom, who is my neighbor/ friend, she seemed understanding. The last time, her daughter had stabbed my kid with a pencil. The mom made her daughter apologize to my daughter, well actually the dad made her apologize while she was in tears in front of everyone at the bus stop.
I have only approached the mom when there has been physical contact.
I also called the teacher, and ask that he move the girls away from each other and he did.
I pretty much talk to my daughter about this girl everyday. She treats her very badly. If my daughter doesnt do what Jane wants, she lashes out at her. She makes fun of her about everything, for some reason she is saying creepy things about me, and whenever my daughter gets excited about anything, or is having fun, she gets pissed about it and treats her bad.
I keep telling my daughter that she doesnt have to like her, play with her, or even talk to her, but she has to respect her and not be mean.
So, new situation, now at recess when my daughter doesnt do what Jane wants her to do, she has been wrapping her hands around my daughters throat and squeezing.
I have been around the kid enough to know she is out of control with her emotions. When she gets mad, sad, anything, she lashes out, or when adults are around she just cries. I know it may be typical for young girls to cry, but she is 7, and I swear she cries and throws a fit about something everytime I see her.
Now, that its gotten physical again, my daughter is seriously asking for help. I already had in my mind that I need to get the teacher involved and if this doesnt work, I will go to the Principal. I ask my daughter if she wanted me to do all of this and she says yes, she wants help.
I decided I should also talk to the mom again and let her know about the throat grabbing. Before I mentioned anything about it, I asked if Jane had mentioned any problems between the girls. Her answer so no, everything was fine. I told her that my daughter is saying that they pretty much dont get along at all anymore and its getting physical again.
She asked her daughter about the situation and she said she is giving her "Hugs". I told the mom I had my daughter do to me what Jane did to her, and she wrapped both hands around my neck and squeezed. Hmmm, hug, ok.
I was not defensive or attacking to her whatsoever. I just told her that my daughter is saying it is getting physical again and I have to address it.
She continued to say she felt bad that she made her daughter apologize when her daughter stabbed my kid with a pencil when she didnt get an apology in return.
This statement left me speechless and almost studdering! Jane told her mom that my daughter called her pencil stupid (which she didnt) and thats why she got stabbed with the pencil.
You got to be freaking kidding me right? She said its pretty much equal and shes not really concerned with it and believes her daughter. I found that interesting because five minutes before she told me that her daughter has not mentioned mine ever being mean to her.
Of course shes going to lie about doing it, and of course shes going to make something up to justify her creepy behavior.
My daughter is not a liar, she is not interested in a friendship with this kid anymore, she just wants her to leave her alone. Why would she make this stuff up? I mean, I know shes not making it up, but why would this mom think she is?
I know our friendship is over, and I will completely go over her head from now on and not even mess with her.
Has anyone dealt with this and can give me advice on how to even deal with having to see this delusional person anymore? They are in the same class, they ride the same bus and they live in our neighborhood!
Hellllp Me!!
I would speak directly with the principal - ask for a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy (they should have one) and ask exactly how it has been implemented in this case. Then let the principal know that you are calling the police and that you expect follow up from him/her on how this is handled. Then follow up with the police. At the very least it will give 'Jane's' parents a wake up call that this is a serious issue.
Sorry - but if another child is putting their hands around MY child's neck? And it's NOT the first time it's happened? I am calling the police. The child needs help. SERIOUS HELP and it's obvious her parents are ignoring it or just not acknowledging there is a problem with their daughter.
If it happened on the school campus and no teacher stopped it? You bet I would be setting up a meeting with the School Board Director, the Principal and CPS - WITH PICTURES OF MY CHILD'S THROAT.
I know you don't WANT to do this - but go to the school BEFORE recess and sit where your daughter cannot see you - and video tape recess. If you can video tape your daughter getting attacked - that's all the proof you need. No longer - he said/she said (well, she said/she said).
You are your daughter's best advocate. You've done what you could so far in trying to work with the parents. It's not working. Get your daughter into Tae Kwon Do or Karate classes so that she can defend herself when you aren't around.
Even at the tender age of 7 your daughter needs to find her voice and tell the girl to leave her alone. She should not speak to her at all and certainly not let her touch or "hug" her. Agree to no contact, write down everything your daughter tells you and stay on the teacher about it.
I would not speak to the Mom again about anything, it's past that stage and up to you, your girl and the school to work together to keep her safe.
It's time to break up.
The friendship, I mean.
Your daughter is 7. You have to help her to enforce boundaries now so she knows how to do it in the future. She's tried. Now it's time for Momma Bear to step in.
This girl is NOT your daughter's friend. She is abusive, and her mother is allowing it, even making excuses for it.
Unacceptable.
Tell your daughter to stay away from this girl. Make an appointment to talk to the principal and teacher together to let them know that your daughter and this girl are not to be around one another, no matter HOW much this girl pretends she's sweet and nice and wants to be your daughter's BFF.
Let your daughter off the hook by taking responsibility and being "the mean mom." If the other girl comes over, tell her that she isn't allowed to play with your daughter anymore. And tell your daughter that she isn't allowed to play with this girl anymore (I bet your poor daughter will be relieved!). Enforce the no-contact rules and encourage your daughter to make some nice, new friends...or try to foster growth of the friendships your daughter has tried to have (which were previously derailed by the other girl).
Oh...and call the bus barn and let her bus driver know about the situation and that this girl is not allowed to bother your daughter.
Best of luck!
I'm sorry but unless you see the entire situation, I would be reluctant to believe a 7 yo completely,
not because they lie, but because they are still egocentric and don't have a World view and cause and effect are still a little sketchy.
My Dd is a good girl, i've never had a teacher complain, but she will tattle to no end on her "friend" Jill, I thought sure Jill was the child of escaped luncatics, I actually watched them play together and My Dd was definately doing things to egg this girl on, Of course no one should stab anyone with a pencil, nor put their hands around someones neck to choke them, but if two kids are grabbing at a penicl and someone gets poked and one runs screaming taht they are stabbed, it's a little different.
Of course it could actually BE that this child is the offspring of some crazy lunatics and has killer tendancies, but i bet she just needs some attention and love and less sugar in her diet.
Work with the teacher and observe as much as you can.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Document everything!
Talk to the teacher.
Talk to the principal.
Tell you daughter to avoid this girl at all costs.
Tell her to yell "Don't touch me. Get off me!" etc at the top of her lungs
when this girl attacks her like she did.
Can you arrange for her to be driven to work instead of having her ride the bus?
Lodge an official complaint w/the school so it is in writing.
Avoid her in the neighborhood.
If your daughter goes to a birthday party, make sure the other girl is not
attending. Have your daughter call you if she shows up & immediately
pick her up.
Whatever is happening at school needs to be dealt with at school.
What happened when this girl put her arms around your daughter's throat? Did the yard duty teacher see it? Did your daughter tell her or her own teacher? That needs to happen, like NOW. When I worked on the playground we were always well informed of these issues, and we knew which kids to keep an eye on, but that can only happen if either you or your daughter is telling the teacher about the problem.
The bus is trickier, as it is harder to monitor, but I would at least talk to the bus driver. Often we had kids who were forced to sit apart either because they screwed around and were distracting to the driver, or they were mean to each other.
You are SO right not to even deal with the mom anymore, just make sure everyone else (school, bus driver) knows what's going on!
I would not wait for the teacher to call. I would go to the school and talk to the principal this morning. Just speaking to the teacher might not do it. If it happens at the bus stop you can get her suspended off the bus for doing this. I would not let this happen again. Time to get aggressive. Good luck!
Sorry but I can't get through this bc its too long and I don't have time. What I can tell you though is that you are being WAY WAY WAY too nice and also meek about this. If it were me it would be O.N. with this family. You are not friends with this mother and your daughter is surely not friends with hers. You need to escalate this to the highest level. Principal, guidance, teachers, etc. Your child is being physically/psychologically abused-make sure that it is being treated like the big deal that it is. Also please give your daughter the tools that she needs to defend herself. If that means hitting back that is what it means(make sure to get her some self defense lessons if she is timid). . Tell your daughter that it is OK to fight back when you are defending yourself against someone like this girl and in this ongoing situation.
Also-I would personally make sure that every single mom of every girl in class knows the scoop about this little girl. You do this by setting it up to come up in conversation a couple of times with some of the moms who you know will get it spread. You play the victim (which you are) and you make sure that everyone knows how unstable this girl is and also her mother and how you fear for your daughters life because the girl is unstable. Make sure to say how bad you feel about it and yada yada so you don't look at all like the bad guy. You can do all of this subtly and without appearing gossipy.
At the end of your convo with the mom did you tell her that your daughter is not allowed to have any conversation or contact with her daughter and would appreciate if you guys can be on the same page?
You need to talk to the teacher and the principle. This is behavior that should not be allowed to continue to happen. Tell your daughter to stay away for that girl. If she sees her coming to move. No that's not always fair to your daughter but if she does not want to be the victim of this girls rage she will need too. I am sure it wont always be possible but when it is she needs to. Also make sure they talk to the bus driver so the bus driver can make sure they are kept apart on the bus as well. I had issues with kids in school but I was older. And its not fun.
Good luck and God Bless!!!
We have a girl down the street from us much like this. Recently we found out she is bi-polar.
Find some self defense classes for your daughter, it will help with self-esteem and she will be better equipped to control the situation when it becomes physical. I wouldn't want my child fighting, but choking is an escalation of violence, and it will get worse if it isn't stopped. Your daughter should feel like it is okay to defend herself.
We told our daughter it is okay to play with this girl in a group, but she is NOT to be alone with her.
Molly--
Glad you got the teacher involved.
It might be time to tell your daughter IF this girl touches her again, punch her in the face. Once. Hard.
She'll get the message crystal clear.
No need to get cop calling happy or videotape sneaky.
The teacher is aware and I think the principal should be aware as well.
You've TRIED talking to the mom.
Time to empower your daughter and get enforcement from the school.
Btw, pretty sure you're not allowed to sneak around videotaping kids at a public school.
