Bulimia/Binge Eating

I am an ana/mia who has been in recovery for 3 years now, but previously struggled with it for over 20+ years. At 86 lbs (I am 5'5'') I ended up in the hospital and from there I had to get treatment. At first it was IOP at Princeton House and they kicked me out for non compliance and tried to send me to several different IP hospitals. If you live in the Monmouth Cty area I would highly suggest getting an appt with Dr. Erwin. He had such a tremendous impact on my recovery and I met with him every week. His name was given to me from a friend who struggled with an ED for years and he helped her. It sounds like you would finally like to try to change (and I know how hard it was to stop because I didnt even when my doc told me that my internal organs would digest themselves or when I binged and purged so badly for so many days in a row I ended up in the ER for heart probs) It really isnt a joke that you could be found dead with your head in the toilet. One of the things that defintely helped me was getting into a great relationship with a supportive man. I started to think I was going to relapse when I was prego with my daughter bec when I finally got over the morning sickness (which never bothered me as a binge and purge gal) I started to make myslf sick a few times and thankfully I was able to rely on what I learned in treatment to stop it after a week. Now that I am prego again I am having a very tough time as it took me over a year to get back down to an acceptable size for me (which is anything 4 or less) and I often cry when I look at myself, but I again rely on the things I learned in treatment and try to redirect my feelings and definitely my actions. Since you have been struggling for so long I really think you need to seek professional assistance. Finally realizing that struggling with and ED took up so much time between planning binges, agonizing over meals, weight contests etc etc etc helped me start to take the counselling seriously and helped me with changing. Oh....and throw out your scale....I am serious....yes you will wonder what you weigh but it really helps in the end and it is best not to know. Hope this long ramble helps

well, congratulations on seeking help. One thing to try, and believe me, it does work, is to keep a food diary. Keep track of when you eat, what you eat, why you ate (i.e., happy, sad, hungry), how you felt about eating (i.e, satisfied, guilty, etc.), when you purge, why you purge, how you felt about it, etc. by seeing all this in writing, it will help you to see trends in your eating. such as, i often eat cookies in the afternoon because i'm sad, then feel guilty about it, then purge and feel upset that i purged. so then in the afternoon, when you start to feel sad, try going out for a walk and get some fresh air instead. i know it is hard, but it will help. Also, try to find a support group/group therapy.
those things helped me. Good luck! i'm sending positive vibes your way :)

I spent 6 months in the psychiatric center when I was 16 due to anorexia with bulimic tendencies. I was in and out of counseling until I was thirty. Today I am 34 and while worries of fat and the urge to binge still intrude on my thoughts, I am proud to say I am not acting on it and have not for many years now.
The road to recovery is very difficult, but not impossible. You will likely need professional help. If you don’t feel comfortable with a program or councilor don’t be afraid to look for another. You need to find one that fits you as an individual. Two things that I’ve learned as I battled my own difficulties: I had attached a host of negative adjectives to the label ‘fat’. As I still felt I was stupid, ugly, messy, etc. I still believed I was fat. I couldn’t loose the fat because this ‘fat’ had nothing to due with adipose tissue. It had everything to due with not liking myself. The other thing I realized is that when I binged I was usually tying to fulfill a need that had nothing to do with calories. I needed a break, needed to have fun, needed to feel valuable etc. I ate because I was trying to fulfill an empty and aching need somewhere inside me. It will take some time, but eventually you may discover you have some erroneous thinking about yourself or ineffective strategies to meeting your needs as well. Best of luck, you can do this.
Jen

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson

1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost...
I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit
My eyes are open; I know where I am;
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

5) I walk down another street.

My best friend went through the same thing, and what helped her was when she was finally able to tell the people she loved. She is still in therapy, and has been for over three years, but is finally pregnant and healthy and determined to stay so. I know it was hard for her to share, but I watched her blossom once the secret was out and she was no longer suffering in silence. Try to involve the people in your life who love you. I bet they are more than happy to lend you their ears, shoulders and support. Good luck to you.

First, I know how difficult it must have been for you to write this post and I applaud your courage. Now you just need to muster up a bit more. Everyone I know who has had to beat this thing needed professional help. It is not something you can do on your own, and your issues go far beyond the symptom of the disorder.

I know you can and will beat this thing. But please please please, get professional help.

Good luck and God bless.

I also suffered this way and was very trapped and distressed by feeling out of control. What to offer you... I'm sure that you already know at least some of the emotional issues driving your actions, so will assure you that you aren't alone in your experience or pain.

What helped me was deciding to help myself by addressing my emotional and physical health - by taking care of myself. I began to choose eating and exercise habits that built a healthier and stronger body, but more importantly I learned to know my emotions with a therapist. From there I just kept my focus on health itself, which was an act of self-love.

Take the advise of others who've been able to get through the struggle and get someone who knows how to help you.

Wishing you luck and happiness...

Hi Christine,
How brave of you to not only recognize this disorder but to write this post and ask for help. I'm not sure where you're located but I can't say enough amazing things about the Wilkins Center located in Greenwich, CT. They specialize in eating disorders but are so much more than that -- dealing with all of the underlying issues that normally couple with eating disorders. They offer outpatient and work with different hospitals, nutritionists, therapists and work on a sliding fee as well as some insurances. Their website is www.wilkinscenter.com and whatever you do, don't justify postponing getting help - regardless of how many excuses your brain gives you. Take care of yourself and your body and know that even though I don't know you personally, I'm thinking of you....
~M.

Hi Christine

I feel your pain.I have over 16 years of recovery from bulimia.What saved me was a true bottom at 26.... OA therapy and a new way of looking at life.I had to learn to see my value in myself and others as something inside not outside.Go get the proper help and support and you to can live a whole life filled with love,happiness and acceptance!

Good luck

Christine,
it's great that you realize you have a problem. I dealt with anorexia and later bulimia for 10 yrs. I took so many laxatives one night I thought I might die. I ended up in counseling with a wonderful therapist who eventually helped me discover the root of this problem. I have been healthy & happy for 9 years. Nutrition and excercise are a big part of my life but in a healthy way.

An eating disorder is about control and almost always masking bigger issues. You've taken the first step in acknowledging the problem, now go one step further and look for some counseling. It'll be a difficult and painful journey but eventually you will be empowered. Best wishes to you for a full recovery.

Hi Christine,
I'm so sorry for your struggle. Thank you for your willingness to open up and share with us. That can be very difficult. Although I have not struggled with an eating disorder and I apologize that I cannot help you with that specifically, I have had some other battles of my own. One of the greatest things that has helped me has been to talk to others that love me and that I can trust. I hate to do it; I often feel so ugly and ashamed, but when I do the burden is much lighter and I can see more clearly. When I carry my struggle on my own, it often becomes overwhelming and I feel completely trapped.
Perhaps you have already found these people in your life; if not, I hope that as you move forward and find healing and treatment that you seek trustworthy friends to walk with you, encourage you, and carry you when needed on your journey to recovery.
love and prayers,
M.

I haven't read all the posts so this might be a double. Check out the EFT website and find a practitioner in your area. You might be able to do it alone but at least one visit with a professional would be helpful. www. emofree .com

This will really help solve whatever the underlying reason is for your illness. The neat thing is that you don't always have to know the reason, it works either way and is tremendously healing.

If you want help with the nutritional side of things, just message me anytime and I'd be happy to talk to you on the phone about food and what kinds of food will make you feel good. Much of what people eat these days is toxic and you need to eat feel-good food that feeds your brain and your body and doesn't make you fat.

Usually it's the unconventional ways work best. As a nutritional counselor I can tell you that most things you will read or hear from professionals about diet is very bogus and doesn't work but it sells books.

I need to feed my need for sleep now--it's after midnight! Don't be shy to write me.

Have you ever checked yourself into an inpatient unit that specializes in eating disorders? If not, it sounds like you are at the point where it could do you a lot of good, at least give you a jump start to getting healthy. Somerset Medical Center has an inpatient eating disorders unit, and Princeton House is another good one to look into. If you're not quite ready to do this yourself, then look into at least getting professionally evaluated by people who specialize in this area. They can give you their ideas about what they think you neeed. I hope you find what you need.

Hi Christine,

I am a food addict, and although I am currently struggling, I had my longest "recovery" with Overeaters Anonymous. It is an organization modeled on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. There are many meetings all over. Check out http://www.oa.org for meetings in your area. And it doesn't cost anything except time. They also have a few specialized meetings for bulimics, I think.
Good luck,
D.

Hi Christine
Are you a Christian, and are you trusting God? Do you know that God made you in His image? Do you know that God made you beautiful? You say you have tried everything, but have you turned it over to God. It is an addiction. Treat it as an addiction.
Our daughter struggles, she reminds herself daily that "God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" That comes from the Bible and God gives us a sound mind means we can get past the things that are coming into our mind and causing it to be anything but sound.
God bless you and please write me anytime
K. === SAHM married 38 years-- adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married with 5 mo, and twins 18 and in college.

I haven't personally fought this battle...but after watching my best friend suffer with eating disorder symptoms and depression for years I did get my degree in counseling. She got the eating disorder symptoms under control but was secretly depressed for some 15 years or more before finally getting into counseling that worked (she had been in counseling numerous times but was never totally invested in making changes). After about 2 years of counseling she got out of an unhealthy relationship and went back to school. Now she has a new career and job and is single but happy...it took nearly 20 years since the semester she was so depressed she dropped out of college for a while.

Eating disorders almost always cover up a load of emotional issues so you definitely need a therapist you are comfortable with (it's worth shopping around if you need to). You will probably want to work with a doctor and maybe a nutritionist for some of the physical symptoms. Your regular doctor can probably get the ball rolling with a comprehensive physical (including blood work) and a referral (especially if you need an inpatient program). Counseling can take a little while to get going so don't worry if it takes up to a few months to feel like you are doing something. "mistakes" are common early on so don't get too discouraged if it happens. It can take as much as a year to be able to look back and see your own progress with all it's ups and downs.

Condrads on having the courage to ask for help--it is a huge first step. You can do this!

Having a health problem is nothing to be ashamed of and good for you for reaching out for help....
This is not a simple health problem with simple solutions. So have faith and hope and don't be hard on yourself and don't give up on yourself either.
I don't suffer from this, nor do I know anyone who does, so my only suggestions are to google Bulimia and eating disorders on line to find out what you can about it..in doing so you might come across Bulimia centers and support groups you can make contact with to find out what help is available in your area...also if you haven't already, do go to your doctor about this problem...he/she can also direct you to a specialist for treatment and get you the support that is needed...

Well, acknowledging that you have a problem and that you want to do something about it is a wonderful start to your recovery! I'm not entirely sure where you are, but I work at Rutgers University at the New Brunswick/Piscataway campus, and my lab shares a building with Rutgers' Eating Disorders Clinic. If you like, I can send you contact information. While I have had no personal experience with bulimia, I can imagine that this would be extremely difficult to beat all by yourself. The people at the Eating Disorders Clinic will be more than willing to help you in your recovery. Please let me know, and I will send the info to you ASAP.

Christine,

You have taken a great first step in recognizing your eating disorder and the need for change. As you've described, it's very very difficult to change this behavior on your own. I strongly encourage you to seek professional help to begin this process. I don't know where you live, but the Renfrew Center specializes in eating disorders and has locations in NY, NJ, and CT. http://www.renfrewcenter.com/index.asp

There are other programs that treat people with eating disorders -- check to see what your insurance covers for mental health treatment and what providers are in your plan. Then check out those programs and see which one you feel most comfortable with.

It will be a challenging road for you, but it will most certainly be worth it in the end. It sounds like you already know that it will involve "work to be healthy", and that awareness will be another positive factor towards success. Best of luck and keep us posted.

A.

Christine,
Good luck! I have no experience in this; exactly the opposite. I'm hungry all the time. You are willing to do the work, you can do it!

One thing that may help: God created food to bless our bodies. Think about each bite as you eat as a blessing, and how it will fortify your body against disease, how it will give you energy to help others and yourself, and how it will build your stamina up to last through the day for your little one(s).

Blessings and prayers for you,
M.