My husband's cousin is getting married, I have met him about 4 or 5 times. We have met his soon to be wife once. They live out of state, and I was invited to her bridal shower. I definitely can't make it due to living so far away - but I feel weird because I don't know her, and surprised I was invited. So my question is - do I need to send a gift? I want to make sure I do the right thing. And if I need to buy a gift - how much do I spend on a gift?
Thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. I sent a $20 gift card for the shower and a wedding gift.
YES--definitely send a gift if you were invited. In the card, put that you are so sorry that you were unable to come to the shower, and thank the host for inviting you. If you don't know the person well, I would say to spend $15.00 to $20.00.
Always send a gift when you are invited to something like that. It is the polite thing to do.
Hi J.,
I think you should definitely send a gift. Check her registries, or send her a gift card. Most registries have on-line shopping available. I'd say $25-30 would be in good taste.
Without checking the latest edition of "Emily Post" I would ask how close is your husband to this cousin? Is this a first cousin or some one once-removed? In my opinion if this cousin was someone your husband grew up with and was a significant part of his life, you are "obligated" to send a higher end present for both the shower and the wedding. A nice kitchen appliance like a blender or toaster or linens would be appropriate for the shower, and chrystal, china, or a significant gift certificate would be appropriate for the wedding. Also take into account the venue and customs of the family. If they are more laid back, choose items that would be fitting.
Even if distance is an obstacle...if this cousin is someone you'd be otherwise seeing at every holiday and family gathering or the annual summer visit...nice, well-thought out presents are in order! Most important how close are your husband's parents to this cousins parents? Afterall, we're not just talking about ettiquette and protocol..we're talking the all too dreaded family politics. No need to get your husband's aunt or uncle in an uproar let alone your mother or father in-law because you didn't send their future in-law a decent shower gift. This simply would be a "faux pas" especially if this cousin is a first cousin.
If he (your husband) only kinda knows this cousin...has no childhood memories, hasn't a clue what his cousin's middle name or date of birth is, and sees them only at funerals and rare family reunions, I'd say a single wedding present for the actual wedding day would be appropriate...and something in a more modest price range such as a picture frame or a nice photo album.
Well I am planning my sisters Bridal Shower and I have invited her soon to be husbands cousins and wives, who also live out of state. I am really not expecting them to come but his Mom put them on the list. So that might be where your invite comes from....an older family member or her Bridal party who may not know everyone...like in my case...I don't really know his extended family at all but sent invitations to all anyone in effort not to offend anyone? I don't think it is bad to decline the Bridal shower. If you plan on not attending the wedding either then just send a small gift from registry or gift card to them.
give a very nice card and twenty bucks. you are covered both ways. the card is special and everyone likes cash.
they'll love you forever
cecil
Hi J.!
I think you do send a gift. Tt doesn't need to be anything extravagant at all. She is family and it was nice of her to remember you with any invite. I'll tell you what I do for situations like this- I watch for sales at baby stores year round and try to snag gifts (normally under $10) to keep on hand to send in instances like this. You can wrap it nicely and send a nice note with it. 'Just an idea- I know it can get really expensive to send gifts to everyone that sends out invites these days!!!
I like Cari's advice. At first I was leaning towards thinking you should not send a gift. But she has a point, this is family. And who knows, you could possibly become close friends someday. If an inexpensive gift wouldn't hurt you financially, then the benefits of sending one with a note far outweigh the reasons not to.
G.
I would say that if you are attending the wedding then you buy a wedding gift and skip the shower gift. It would be nice though to send a nice card and include a handwritten note declining to attend the shower. With 3 very small children I'm sure she will understand that you just can not get get away.
Hi J.,
I think in a situation like this, I wouldn't send a gift. I will never, ever understand why in the world people invite those that they don't really know personally to a shower where you are expected to buy a gift. My rule of thumb is this: if I haven't seen or spoken to a person in the last year, I wouldn't invite them to a shower/wedding UNLESS of course, this is someone who is close family or neighbors/friends you grew up with. I always think that when people are included in the guest list, and they don't really know the person and ESPECIALLY when you are from out of state and clearly unable to attend, that really, what the bride is doing, is gathering gifts. So tacky.
I just don't have any sympathy for those that use what should be a beautiful occasion to celebrate as an excuse to make out like bandits at other peoples' expense. Shame on the greedy!
Just my humble, Monday morning opinion!
C.
I think a gift is always in good taste:) I would think that $10-$15 is an appropriate amount. I liked the gift card idea!
The bride will be touched by your thoughtfullness!
Also, I do like one poster mentioned. I buy gifts when they are on sale and have an emergency gift box for times like having an surprise guest for Christmas, a hostess gift, things like that.
Have a great day!
Hi J.,
I have to agree with Cari I believe. I do think it's in poor taste to send a gift to someone that you don't know. Both my husband and I have family out of state and don't know really well and didn't send an invite to when we got married. I think that his mother was a little peeved at us for not doing so but I felt that it was in very poor taste and didn't want to bother anyone with it. I mean I knew that she would spread the news and if they felt like giving us gifts then they will. I hope this helps. K.
Maybe a giftcard with a nice card. That way you are not paying too much for shipping. Maybe someplace like bath & body works so she can pamper herself.
Do you plan on going to the wedding? If not, do you plan on sending a wedding gift? I understand that if you give a gift at the bridal shower, you arn't expected to give another at the wedding, so if you are planning on giving/sending a wedding gift, I would think it would be fine to decline attending the the bridal shower because of the distance, and not feel obligated to send a shower gift.
First, I think the "invite" was included rather than just an announcement because they didn't want to offend you and make you feel you weren't invited, even though it would be difficult to go out of state. Secondly, depending on how close your husband is to his cousin. Thirdly, is this her first child? (If not, definitely a gift is not necessary). Most people would say it is not necessary to send a "gift" if you don't attend, but personally I feel uneasy not to. So, I would stick to a little gift of under $10-$15 depending on the cost of things in your state.
You do not need to buy a gift. You will need to buy a wedding gift but I don't think you are required to buy a shower gift if you are not able to attend the shower. I might say yes IF you lived close or were close but this is someone you really don't know. No shower gift.
