Boyfriend Has Commitment Issues

First hugs! Here's what you have to say to yourself.. What do you want from Tim and your relationship? Is that what you are getting from him right now? If it is then try to relax and go with it. I am one of those people that "if it ain't broke don't fix it". Now, if you aren't getting the love and support that you need from him that's a different story. It sounds like you guys have a pretty good relationship. In my mind, I can be in a very committed relationship without being engaged or married. I know I've been in raltionships that are more committed than others that are married. It's all a matter of how honest you guys are with each other. You said you weren't ready to jump back into a marriage. Tim maybe right for you just take it slow. There is no rush.. GOOD LUCK!
K.

A.,

If you guys are happy in the way you guys are right now, leave them there for now. "don't fix something that isn't broken". If your acquaintances are mistakenly refer to him as your husband, then i would correct them by saying, "we are dating" And the question "when are you going to get married" I SERIOUSLY hate that question. I always told our "friends" that we will get married when we are ready to get married. We are happy the way we are right now. People that are questioning you will make you feel unhappy in your relationship's progress. Step back and look at the situation and see if you are truely happy or not.

Good luck --A. S.

There are several issues to look at. Probably most important is are you creating a family unit with him and his son. It sounds as thought you are.
Do you worry that he will leave? With a son involved that you claim as yours, it seems that he's pretty invested.
Getting married is about a piece of paper. Half of those papers are worthless within a few years, along with the relationship they symbolize.
There are too many children involved to rush into something that you are not ready for. With people who have been married before, we tend to find it more important to get it right. When that isn't the case is when you have the most problems.
I think it's great that you recognize that you aren't ready to get married again. I wouldn't encourage cohabitation when children are involved if it wasn't a long term thing. (Note: I am cohabitating with my boyfriend and have no intentions to get married anytime soon, but we have had in depth discussions on our future plans.)
People will always disagree with things you do. If you are secure with your actions, and feel strongly that you are providing a stable healthy environment for your children, STAND UP AND BE PROUD! Happy women make better moms! If these are your friends making these comments, find new friends, and re-evaluate your relationships with the existing ones. Let them know that it bothers you and that it's not any of their business. If you want to (you don't have to!) explain why you have made the choices you have made.

If you are in the Prattville area, and decide you need some different friends. Look me up,

L. Stewart

A.,

I by far am no expert. I myself am in a marriage that I'm not sure is going to work, except for the fact that my husband and I are just to stubborn to get a divorce. I do have a suggestions you could say to these ppl who 'think' they know what's right. Q: Why haven't you two gotten married? A: Because we both still like each other. Most married people can't stand their spouse, (me for example...lol).

Q. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
A: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

For now it seems like the situation is working. but eventually what will happen, you or he will want something more. Definately seek marital counseling from a licensed therapist. It's really nobody's business but yours and Tim's.

O.k. A., here's my opinion. I am glad you have found someone you are happy with. Yes, in life, that is a true oddity..sad, but true. But, first, I am a little confused. It seems that you are contradicting yourself. How can you say that you are ready for some type of commitment yet not be ready to jump into marriage? Is marriage, not the commitment you seek? Second, I know it really upsets you when people make "Why buy the cow comments"...People can be really insensitive. I think there is a way to say everything. I would say this..If I were in the same situation and I had a girlfriend or guyfriend who REALLY loved me and was interested in my wellfare and the wellfare of my children, I would want them to say something no matter how bad it hurt or angered me at the time. The "Truth" is A., you are GIVING AWAY a precious gift that God meant for you to keep for the Prince you were going to marry. If he REALLY loved you, he would protect your honor and your gift by not accepting it until the time was right/acceptable...Your wedding night. A., that's goint to kind of hard to do when he lives under the same roof. Why are you living with him outside of marriage...finances,sex,lonliness,fear,companionship? What? No one is saying move him out right now. But there are some solutions that maybe your pastor or another Christian friend could help you with. So, how should you handle situations, when people, like me, say things like this to you. Get angry if you wish...but allow God to speak to your heart. Deep down, A., you know the truth. I don't hate you A., I am not even angry with you..Some people really do want what's really best for A..

A.,

Ok here is my opinion on the whole deal. I can see that your frustrated by it all and looks to me like you would really like the him to make the commitment. If your going to be a family why not make it legal. I would advise you to take a long hard look as to why he doesn't wanna make that commitment. My question would be have you told him how you feel about this. I mean really sat down and had a heart to heart about it. You deserve to be called his wife as well as being able to refer to him as your husband. I was in a relationship for a long time where he didn't want to marry me. He too had been married b4 and didn't want to rush into anything again. Well for me it was like I wasn't as good as she was. And I took it personal. The only thing I can say is don't settle for less than what your worth. I see so many women doing that. I did that myself for a long time. Know what you want and settle for nothing less. Decide what your worth. Make every one rise to that level instead of you compromising.

Hi A.! It sounds like you're very frustrated. Think about this. What were you looking for when you met Tim? Alot of women look for companionship, security, and someone to fill that void. I don't know your beliefs, but I believe that after marriage (a Divorce) a woman should take the time to get to know herself and if she has children, be there to support them through the divorce as well. I know many women after their divorce ended, they let go of everything( I'm FREE again) but not aware that there is a process of healing she has to go through before getting involved with another man. He has a problem with commitment, of course he does. He's had 2 divorces prior to meeting you. Take it slow A. and see the flags as God shows them to you.

Love,
Queen Z

Hello A.,
My name is R.,I am a Mother of two,13 yr old girl and a 6 yr old boy. A. if you take no other advice than this.You and Tim need to Look deep before you leap.I would suggest premarital counseling.You both have had former marriages go wrong.As for the undo pressure people on the outside are giving,I would say something like "Are you playing Dr.Phil again?"Have a sence of humor about it...Hope this Helps..Good Luck....

Question: You say you feel it's time to make a committment. I can't help but wonder why? Because other people assuming that the two of you are married bothers you? Because a certain amount of time has passed? If the answer is Yes to those questions, then I believe your reasons for wanting marriage need rethinking.

If the reasons are financial, then there is more logic involved. Sad, but true, the government has made it simpler to get tax advantages and medical benefits if your part of a family.

You need to ask yourself what it is you're hoping to achieve by getting married. Because getting married does not increase a relationship's stablility, love, or committment. If you have love, trust, and committment now, you might want to wait to get married. And as far as folks telling you your giving him the milk for free; well, yeah. But just remember, you're getting a nice, fat steak, too.