Will My Boyfriend Ever Pop the Question????????

The answer to your question is "probably not".

I say that because why would he want to go through all the trouble of making it "legal" when he has the best of both worlds right now.

He says the "wedding one day" comments to keep you thinking they'll be hope of something more. Unless you make it clear that you won't live like that forever and that you also have a choice...he'll either run for the hills or do right by you.

Why commit to someone if you live with them, sleep with them and they allow it?

Smiles to you. Good Luck

Man oh man am I ever in your shoes. Only I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. You've pretty much just described my life in a nutshell, and I feel for you. No, I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think he was hurt terribly by his first marriage, and that's still a major sticking point with him. My boyfriend said something to me when we've talked about marriage (why I want it and he sometimes does and sometimes doesn't), that showed me how disillusioned he is about the idea of being married. His marriage ended when his first wife cheated on him (this was his high school sweetheart), and he basically has lost his respect for the idea of marriage, and that it holds no permanence or symbolism for him anymore because it can so easily by undone with divorce.

He also keeps asking me what will change when we get married, and I keep telling him nothing and everything, and remind him that I now have all of the responsibilities of a wife, but none of the rights. For example, we are living in his house, and if something were to happen to him now, this house would go to his family, not me, and I wouldn't put it past them to kick me out and put it up for sale. I totally agree with the suggestion of bringing it up one more time, letting him know where you stand one more time, and giving him some space to sit on it for a while. It's a suggestion I'm going to take myself, along with the realization that if mine doesn't come around I'm looking at ending a very long relationship soon. Scary thought, I know, but much better than living in limbo.

I know my message isn't a lot of help, but hopefully it's some support to let you know you're not the only one dealing with this right now. I hope he comes around for you.

Good luck,
E.

I'm not sure whether to assume that you and your boyfriend are committed just in relationship only or physically as well (or actually living together). If it the latter, that pretty well sums up the reason that you feel confused and things are not going well. The Lord gives us direct guidelines of what is right and wrong, and living together or having marital relations prior to marriage is wrong. ( Sorry, that is not my opinion, but God's word.) I know I'll catch some flack from that, as today's society just disregards God's word and direction. It's a "do what feels good society"....but, If you guys are living together and havent made a public committment to each other, then its time to make it right, or one of you should move out, until you both are ready for the permanant committment. You can't live lives that are disobedient to God's Word and expect things to go your way.
It sounds like both of you have mutual feelings for one another, but something is keeping him from making the right decision and making a respectable woman out of you, and your family. Maybe you guys could find a church and do some pre-marital counceling if you think you are both serious about marriage. That way, maybe you both wouldnt make the same mistakes twice and could get any unsettled feelings and situations from your previous marriages taken care of before your wedding. I wish you luck and will pray that you make the right decisions soon.
In Him,
S.

My husband had been divorced for a couple of years and I just had mine finalized when we meet. He said he never wanted to marry again. Finally I just told him since we both wanted a family because neither one of us had children that we would need to get married. He went back and for I finally just said I would give you a couple of months to decide and if you still think you don't want to ever get married I am leaving. We moved in together in Dec. and were engaged the next month. I just really did't want to be his live in girlfriend. I am sure you feel the same way. If he truly loves you then he will respect you and marry you. Just sit down no pressure and say I want to get married someday (not right now) and I need to know you feel the same way. If he says no and he does not ever want to get married. Then just say o.k. I will give you some more time to really think about this and you know how I feel. If when the time is up you still feel the same way then I am going to have to make my own decision on whether to stay or not. Then you decide what is best for you. I know it is such a hard thing to go through, but don't lower your expectations.

Sounds to me as if you are at a place where you are ready to go beyond your crossroad. A few questions to ask...are you living together? Are you happy?

If you are living together, it's not marriage and it's not a "complete" commitment. Nor is promising that you are in his will. If he's living there and having all the benefits of a commited relationship, but the option to go whenever he wants, I have a hard time understanding the "completly" commited comment.

What others say about him, really makes no difference at all. Are you happy? Is this enough for you?

If so, continue where you are. If this is not enough, take control of your life and make some changes to be happy. If it means he moves out, or you move out and do things on your own, you may be sad/lonely at first, but perhaps moving forward without the weight of the wait will be refreshing.

We have one chance in this life, make the choices that will make you happy!

I think that it always seems that marriage is the next logical step because that is what we are taught. If he is at all apprehensive about "making it legal" than why would you want him to do something he doesn't want to? It is understandable that he is concerned about getting mariied again. We all are commited and sure marriage is what we want and that the person we are with we will be with forever and both of you have learned that that is just not the way it is sometimes and sadly he learned that things that started well can end very very badly.

I think maybe you should relax a little and enjoy the fact that you have a man so committed to you and you so committed to him. Maybe if he talks about the wedding than you should suggest a wedding like "commitment" party. Have and do what you would want for your wedding and have a great time letting your friends and family know that you 2 love each other and you are completely committed to each other. You could even change your name if that is what you want. Then you have everything but "just making it legal".

Sweetie give him time... If it was a messy divorce he might be apprehensive for a while. He is still hurting alot it sounds like. But then too he sounds like he is completely enamored with you. Be patient with him. Love him like you want to be loved. and live life to the fullest.

I guess the bigger question for me isn't will he ever pop the question, but are you going to stick around if he continues to be wishy washy about marriage. It just depends on you...my sister waited SEVEN long years before her now husband popped the question. I would NEVER have waited that long myself. You just need to decide what is right for you and if it is really important to you. We can't change other people's behavior we can only change our own. Good luck and I hope he pops the question!