Boom, I Am Pregnant!

First thing, first... You need to decide if you can take care of this baby without him & prepare accordingly. He's a real A-hole.

well, congrats.
your husband is an asshat. i can't imagine being married 'forever' to someone who was capable of treating me so cavalierly.
yes, you 'probably' should have kept using condoms 'or something.'
people make me clutch my head in despair.
looks like your choices are to be a single parent (yes, the courts will force him to support his child whether he wants to or not) or reconcile with the asshat.
birth control is so easy. so much easier than this.
khairete
S.

Give him some time. People react differently to surprises, and it can take some time for the shock to sear off. Give him time to process the news. Hopefully he will come to a point where he can talk to you about it.

My youngest is starting kindergarten in the fall, and I am finally working full time again. The thought of having a newborn again makes me tired. If it were to happen I would accept that. But I it's not in my personal plans.

Hang in there and give him some time. I can only imagine how hurtful his words must have been. I think I would feel very alone if I were you. Try to give him the time and space he needs to process this. He really might come around.

Too bad -- so sad for him!!!!!!! Boo hoo cry me a river!!!!! He had unprotected sex and his wife got preggers and he's mad!?!?!! Time to grow up and take responsibility for his actions.

Remember the women's movement is about "my body -- my right to choose" and you have made your choice. He has no say.

Even if you had been using birth control and got pregnant it's still his responsibility.

If you don't want the abortion, then don't get one. Talk to your OB and perhaps have him/her talk to your husband.

Roseanne said to DJ something like, "A surprise is something you didn't know you wanted til you got it." in reference to him asking if he was a mistake. I hope your husband comes around to this surprise.

If he will not come around, gather your resources and be prepared to be a single mom.

I feel for you as I am in a similar situation - except that I got pregnant on the IUD, so it was unexpected from both sides.

My husbands reaction is pretty much the same as yours' - the first week after I found out he did not speak to me at all. Then the night before my ultrasound to determine the age of gestation (11 weeks!) he told me that he was angry and hurt but that the decision was up to me.
After I learned how far along I was and seeing my baby on the ultrasound I know in my heart that I could not terminate the pregnancy. He never outright asks for an abortion, but he told me that my decision not to terminate will break up our family... so basically whatever I decide it gets to be my fault. This from the guy who I have asked for years for a vasectomy... just so it would not be solely my responsibility.

I made my decision based on what I can live with for the rest of my life. I would prefer my children grow up in an intact family, but unfortunately that is not solely in my control. I come from a long line of single mothers in my family... I know that I can deal with that if I have to. It will be difficult, it will be hard.
I cannot deal with looking at my older child for the rest of my life and knowing that I willingly killed her brother or sister to appease my husband. It would not save my marriage and I would resent him and myself over it for the rest of my life. I am even pro choice - I just couldn't live with it myself.

You have to make the decision for yourself, whatever you decide. Any choice you make in this situation is probably going to suck (that's the case for me) - but you have to make the choice that you are least likely to regret 10 years down the road.

Try to give him some time to get over his anger. It's hard but I try to understand his feeling too. My DH is very passive aggressive when he is angry, so he is emotionally very hurtful towards me. But I try not to let it hit me too hard.

Ask him to enter into counseling (my DH agreed and we will start as soon as we have found a counselor). I don't think that he believes it will work - but at least he is willing to try.

There really isn't a magic trick to solve it all. Some marriages make it and some don't (and that is true no matter how you decide about the baby).
Good luck!

What? He was thinking this was going to be a childless marriage?
He'd better go get a vasectomy ASAP.
What did he think having unprotected sex was going to lead to?
Whether he wants to support a child or not is irrelevant.
He's the father, the courts will say he has to pay.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Most husbands are delighted, even if they're also surprised. You're close to Houston, right? Contact the pro-life pregnancy center there today and talk to someone. You're certainly not the first wife to have this experience, and you need some loving support at hand.

Your husband is treating you this way because he doesn't know how else to manage this turn of events. His brain has fallen out, so to speak. Don't count on anything else from him right now, but do call the pregnancy center and get some help and advice.

I extend to you my congratulations on your little one! Maybe your husband will, too, one day.

You are carrying the baby, you get to decide.

Congratulations! You get to start all over!

I know a lady whose youngest started college. Her husband finally had his wife back and lots of passion. She started getting fat and the doctor told her she was 5 months pregnant. Her tubes had been tied 18 years earlier, but somehow grew back. He didn't speak to her until the baby was born because he didn't want another child. He saw his daughter and everything was fine. That is an extreme case but it proves men can totally want a child after it is here. Blessings.

Please go talk to a counselor about this.

I know you said you were both responsible and aware, but if he felt this strongly, why didn't he do the responsible thing on his end and get a vasectomy? Or go on some sort of birth control?

In any case, go to a counselor. First, a counselor is not going to pressure you into an abortion, okay? But they will be able to hear both of your sides and try to help you understand each other; they will be able to give you both some sense of validation for the *feelings* which come up, which can be highly necessary. It doesn't mean they are going to validate either suggestion of keeping/aborting either-- they want you two to figure out how to help yourselves.

I cannot imagine being married to someone who would say that you should expect 'no support'... esp. if they are living in this reality. He WILL be responsible for supporting the baby-- it's just a question of 'does he take care of this family he's helped make' or 'do you have to eventually sue him for child support'. DO go talk to a professional-- I don't think you want to just try to deal with this without some sort of guidance.

Well you said no to the abortion and now he's got 9 months to come around to the idea. It probably won't be a fun 9 months for you guys, but 9 months is a long time. He'll get used to it.

What did he think was going to happen? He knows how they are made right?

How does his reaction classify as responsible? Wow.

He may warm up to the idea. Don't have an abortion...

I've seen women of all ages give babies up for open adoption (if that is your last resort)
He will be forced into child support if you don't stay together which is why he is probably so adamant.

No easy answers on this one, but I had my dd when I was almost 45 and it's been wonderful (of course we wanted kids but thought we were too old)
Maybe you should ask him if he will go to counseling.

Updated

He may warm up to the idea. Don't have an abortion...

I've seen women of all ages give babies up for open adoption (if that is your last resort)
He will be forced into child support if you don't stay together which is why he is probably so adamant.

No easy answers on this one, but I had my dd when I was almost 45 and it's been wonderful (of course we wanted kids but thought we were too old)
Maybe you should ask him if he will go to counseling.

I was advised to look at how my husband feels responsible and highly pressured to be the provider. He was kinda freaking out and it helped that I asked what it was that he worried about the most. I tried to discuss how we could approach each worry - together.

I would get all emotional and he would worry. Maybe someone has already suggested to find a mediator / third party; someone who your husband would listen to. It also helps to meet other couples with children. How did they handle the news of the first pregnancy?

Best of luck to you and your precious baby!