Binky Fairy

My son was also a binky user. When he was almost 3 we transitioned him to using it only at bed and nap times. My husband and I decided to let him pick the date the binky fairy would come, we let him choose any Friday of that month. On that day, We decorated a boy for the binkys and then had a binky hunt to find all of them from the house/car/bags... Then he placed the box full of binkys in his window and had to go to bed with out it. I think because he has so much control it worked, we had a few rough spots here and there, but he's now 4 and has no problems with his little bro (1) having one. (They are different brands though)
In all, I would say try again in a month or so and give him more control of the process, 3 yr old love to be in control. Good Luck.
C. G

He is three it is time to get rid of the binky! I had my youngest (at almost 3) leave his pacifier for Santa to take to another boy or girl who needed it. My oldest (also at almost 3) gave his to Mickey Mouse when we went to Disney World. He wanted to go on a ride and I told him that the ride was for big kids and big kids don't have pacifiers.

Let him get rid of it while he is awake. Think of someone he would want to give it to (a friend's baby, a favorite character) or if there is something he really wants like a toy take him to the store pick up the toy and have him throw the pacifier out in the trash there.

You may still have a few hard nights but talk it up bigtime about what a big boy he is now that he doesn't need a pacifier. Let him do some other big boy stuff too. He'll love the responsibility and forget about the pacifier. Good luck.

From many kids I've been around, it seems like "4" is the magic age to get rid of whatever they are sucking on. They seem to need their vice less and understand more. Just a thought, but you might want to give him a little longer.

There is no easy way but to go cold turkey. If this child can talk, walk, feed himself then he doesn't need the pacifier. Children by the age of one years old no longer have the same urge to suck as they did during infancy. I have seen children over one with pacifiers in their mouth talking. It tends to interfere with speech or the delay of it. children at three should be talking up to 4 word sentences, and if his speech is not clearly understood for the most part it could be the pacifier. I say take it away, and not sneak it away tell him he is to big and babies use pacifiers not preschoolers, and I know some daycare will not allow them after a certain age because of the hinderance it can have and not to mention others getting their hands on it, germs from it falling to the floor etc. It is not going to be easy but take it away now

When I got rid of my kids' pacifiers that's just what I did, got rid of them. There were a few days of crying and crankiness, but then it passed. One thing is to be consistent. Just throw them out, that way you won't be tempted to bring them back. Maybe it will help to let him see you throw them away.

Don't sweat it. Ever seen a kid in middle school with a pacifier? Enough said.

We just went through this a month ago with my son who is almost 2 1/2. We came up with the idea of the Easter Bunny (which he changed to the Easter Froggie- this actually will help in coming years that the Easter Bunny doesn't take things but brings a treat) would take the binkie since he was now 2 and getting to be a big boy and leave him a special treat (candy peanutbutter egg) and a gift he wanted- he wanted a certain Thomas the Tank Engine Train. We put the binkie in a basket together and went up to bed. He asked for it for a couple nights and cried a little but now it isn't an issue. His napping isn't as good without the binkie for soothing so that is another thing we have been working on together but it gets better.

I think having your son actively participate in putting the bink out for the "fairy" to take and then getting up in the am to find a gift for being a big boy for other babies to have binkies would be helpful. Granted we don't have another baby in the house yet- we will in Sept and I wonder if the binkie desire will re-surface but...

Is there a special toy wants to have? That was a big "selling point" for our son.

I have to say that I did keep one bink just in case but told my husband not to let me give it to him. I threw that out actually this weekend when I found it while cleaning.

I would say try again with your son. Again, have him involved with the giving piece. My cousin had her dau tie it to the tree where the fairy would find it... Make it a special occasion to do that. I wrote a letter from the Easter Froggie that was down on the table where he eats- the internet is great- I found a cartoon of a frog with bunny ears. I put how the froggie was proud of my son for being such a big boy and in turn wrote what the froggie did for him and that other babies coming into the world would take care of his bink.

Give it another try and don't be too hard on yourself. BOth you and your son- really your family are going through this for the first time and will be pros with your next child! Good luck!

I just answered a similar question! Both of my daughters weaned themselves, my first before she turned 1, and my second just before she turned 3. My second also was only using it for bedtimes, and eventually when I offered it at bedtime, she just started saying no! I was impressed, and quite surprised...and glad, as I was clueless about what I was going to do to take it away! Your fairy idea was pretty creative, but I do think maybe your husband was right, that he was probably just so upset about a fairy coming into his room and stealing something away that he wasn't ready to have taken away. And, of course, as you already know, you giving it back to him has kind of messed that idea up! But not a big deal, how many times to us mothers have to rethink and come up with some new idea because our first didn't work? It is a never-ending for us to be creative. You could just give him a bit longer to see if he will do it himself, and just talk a lot about big boys not using pacifiers, maybe that big boys do something specific, or have something specific (like a special place to go, or special toy), and let him know that when he is done with his pacifier, he can be a big boy like that, and have that, or do that. Maybe that will inspire him. Other than that, I have nothing more creative...I don't think I could do better than a fairy!!
K.

Dear J.,

I think that if your son only uses his binky at nights, it's not that big a deal. I wouldn't stress about it. My eldest daughter is 7 years old and still has to have this raggedy old bunny with her when she sleeps (with her thumb in her mouth). I certainly wouldn't want her parading it around for everyone to see or sucking her thumb during the day (the bunny is quite a sorry sight to look at these days) but at night, why not? Everyone needs things to comfort them.
Don't worry, and enjoy your little boy being a little boy.

L. P

While I haven't had to handle this particular situation because my 3 kids didn't ever use a binky, friends have used the binky fairy and it went well. Don't beat yourself up over it and certainly don't think you were "stealing" it. He is getting to the age where he really should be able to self soothe and a binky should be necessary. The longer it is around, the longer he will want it. I'm a firm believer in the way you did it -- explain to him how he will help so many little tiny babies by giving up his binky and how special that makes him. Maybe let him pick out his own new toy so he has a hand in it. Even get him to donate the binky himself instead of taking it while he's sleeping so he can be in charge of how it goes. BUT - it should be done sooner rather than later or it won't get done. I've had a nephew who was over 5 years old and still had a binky at night b/c my sil thought he would self-ween and it just didn't happen. It is much harder to get rid of it later on! It may be a tough couple of nights, but he will eventually be okay without it. Good luck!

HiJenna,
I struggled just as you are about the binky. Believe it or not, I did the same thing with the "binky fairy". My kduaghter did not wake up in the middle of the night but she did cry for a few days after it was gone. Honestly, I wish I had just waited it out until they were 4 or so and they can really understand it has to stay in the bed. They would have slept so much better....both their sleep habits changed as soon as the binky was gone and not for the better. So, do what your instincts tell you. Lots of time we are getting advice from doctors or books and some of those people don't even have kids! With my son, I put the binky in the dishwasher (I let him watch me) as we did often when we cleaned it and then when it was finished, I cut it and said the dishwasher broke it. At first he laughed but he did cry for it for a few nights. I think that was better than the binky fairy because I think the binky fairy was just too "weird" for my daughter to understand. Now my daughter hates the binky fairy. So often we don't do what our gut is telling us. If he really needs to soothe him, I say let him have it. You'll know when it is the right time and how to take it away. My favorite saying from friends is "he won't take it with him to kindergarten".
Take care,
S.

Hi J...

I tried the "buddy fairy" with my oldest. She would come in and take his pacifiers one by one and give them to new babies who needed them. Eventually the "buddy fairy" left and forgot to come back... We got down to our last buddy and it was so sad but my son went potty one morning and it fell in the toilet! That was the end of the buddy. He was 3 1/2 years old. It was the hardest week of my life and so many times I almost ran to Walmart to buy him a new one but I knew if I just got through that day, and then the next and then the next. Within a week or so it was almost as if he had completely forgotten all about it. The best part was that his top teeth were kind of curved from using a pacifier for so long and they actually finished growing in when he stopped.

It's going to be real hard but you and your husband have to work together and be a team. You can't give in when your son cries for it because then he'll know that if he cries long enough eventually you'll give in. It's REALLY hard but just take a deep breath and you'll get through it. You'll all be much happier for it in the end.

GOOD LUCK!!!

K. - sahm of 2 boys, 5 and 2

Hi J.,

Three year old toddlers do not understand reasoning.

When a change occurs, a reaction happens. In a baby, they cry, in adults, they yell and scream.

Start over:

Take the pacifier, with him watching, and throw it away, however, you want to do it.

Make it early in the day so he can cry and fuss all day. It is going to happen at night as well. This is the consequence for giving him a pacifier when he was born.

He will get over it. You will need time and patience as your son learns he can't have everything he wants.

It is a process but you can endure it. Good luck. D.

J.,
I can totally empathize with your predicament. I thought of doing exactly what you described with my older daughter (now turning 4). I ended up having a 9 month long discussion with her about her "paci". She had several and, gradually, she would get holes in them. Each time one of her pacifiers would crack from wear and tear, they would go to the Paci fairy to be mended and recycled for another little baby. As they slowly started to break down and be 'recycled', my husband and I would both tell her that when the last paci could no longer be used, she would be done. She tried to keep her last paci in good shape as long as she could but, finally, it broke open.
My jaw hit the floor when she walked up to me one day, handed it to me and said: "it's time to go to the paci fairy mommy". with that she was finished using the pacifier. This was not a short process but, by setting the standard that a cracked or broken paci was not safe and could no longer be used, she accepted their life cycle--knew they had an end. It somehow seemed more forgivable for mommy and daddy to just not buy any more then to take it away.
I don't know if it will work for all kids, but, I'm going to try for a second go with my youngest.
Hope this helps in some way. Good luck.

Hi J.

Explain to him about how he's growing up to be a big boy and how he would no longer need the "binky". Matter of fact, ask him to throw it away. Some times they will and it won't bother them. I wish you the best with it.

Hi J. - my son was the same way and he just wasn't ready at 3 to get rid of it. We let him have it at night only and then that Xmas he said he wanted to leave it for the elves. He left it out on Xmas eve and we took it and there was never another word about it. He may be ready to get rid of it but needs to feel like it's his decision.

We weaned my daughter at 3 - we made a big deal about a firend who had a baby that did NOT live nearby. I brought my daughter a box and helped her wrap the binky and write the new baby's address on it. I gave her money and she paid at the post office to mail it. Then, in the car, we called all the grandparents, dad, aunts, etc. and I let HER tell them what she did. Then we went for ice cream to celebrate.

We kept the receipt, and hung it on her bedroom door and told anyone who came over, that "she was a big girl and mailed it off all by herself." Leading up until that day, we talked about it for a few days - you have 3 more nights, two more nights, one more night, and then the next morning, she just walked in my room and said "i need a box".

We did have to read 2 extra books that night at bed time, but after about 3 nights of trying to go to sleep, she was over it. It was a year ago, so I don't remember if we gave her a special replacement, like a stuffed animal or something.

Well unfortunately I don't have any great advice seeing as how I had the same problem. Actually we were pretty successful in taking our daughters binky away right before she turned three (by cutting holes in it) it was working then we had to move cross country and we were completely set back. So now here we are she is three years old and still takes it for naps/night time. She saw a dentist he said that it was not affecting her teeth (and only would if she had it for a good portion of the day and sucked pretty hard on it) anyhow from a dental perspective it really wasn't a big deal, so I decided just to go ahead and continue letting her have it...eventually she will give it up on her own (maybe when she turns six...:-) I figure other children have their comfort items, blankies, toys, etc. hers just so happens to be her binky.

I would try it again. Explain that the binky fairy is coming back and this time have him put it in a special place and maybe draw a picture for the fairy or have him give the fairy some other little token along with the binky to give to the other baby. Then place a toy in place of the binky. This way he falls asleep without it. If he wakes up in the middle of the night just stick to your guns. It may be a hard couple of nights but eventually it will get better and he will sleep just fine.

Good luck!

No you did it the right way. But when he started gagging after 20min. you should not have given in. Unfortunately you may have needed to sit w/ him and pat or hold him to soothe him. Teach him he can be soothed other ways to get to sleep. He will eventually get it. But try just patting. You dont want to tie yourself down so that youre sleeping on the floor next to his bed all night long for weeks. He should get the point in a few days. He is 3 after all. Waaaaay overdue for this venture. I have a 3 yr old so I cannot imagine her w/ a pacifier, its quite bizarre to me actually. But good luck.

I think your hubby was right buy him a special box and everynight before he goes to bed have him put it there instead of in his mouth see how that works and put it up on a shelf where you know he cant get it on his own. If he wakes up for it let him suck it a min and then tell him to put it in his special box he may forget about it and then go on and not want it my daughter gave hers up on her 3rd bday and never asked for it back.

J.
When my grandson was between 2-3 we starting telling him he was a big boy & didn't need binky anymore, he only used it at nap & bedtime. I finally started telling him it was stinky & he didn't need it & he was a big boy & should throw it away. One day when he got up from his nap I told him he should throw it in the trashcan because he didn't need it. It took a few days but one day he threw it away on his own & we had no problem at all he never asked for it after that. Good Luck
A.

I saw this on Supernanny, not sure if it works, but it is similar to what you tried. Using the concept of the binky fairy , address an envelope to the binky fairy and have your son decorate it. Explain to him again that there are newborn babies that need his binky more than he does and have him help you leave a note inside for the binky fairy stating something like "binky fairly, please bring me a matchbox car for my binkie"
Have him place his binky along with the note inside the envelope. Seal it and take it with him to the mailbox, or leave it on the table for the binky fairy. At bedtime if he asks for binky remind him that that he left it for the binky fairy to give to a new baby who needs it and say how excited you are to see what the binky fairy will bring him.
Once he goes to bed put the matchbox car inside an envelope that is address to him from the binky fairy. Leave him a note from binky fairy inside the envelope and in the AM when he wakes up take him to the envelope and let him open it.

Again, not sure if it works, but worth a try I guess!
If any other moms saw this episode of supernanny and i have this wrong, please correct!

Good Luck

Hey, who says a binky fairy can only come once? Maybe she let him have it for a few more days to "say goodbye" and make a special wish for another baby! :) I don't know..
Try again! Ask him if he's ready to trade his binkies in for a toy so that babies can have it.
Honestly, my 3 year old wouldn't get it. But I'd probably do a daylight trade where he put the binkies in one bag and got some hot wheels or even a stuffed animal he could take to bed in another.
I'd give him lots of love and hugs and maybe don't expect him to be happy about it! I'd let him go through a grief process a bit. It's been very important to him! I don't think I'd expect him to go to bed as usual without it at first. He needs to learn a new way to soothe himself, you know?

I'm not a binkie fan in older kids. But it's not the worst thing for him! My son is a thumb sucker and I know the binkie fairy isn't going to help me with that one! LOL! Good luck!

The other suggestions are all good, but I wanted to mention one thing - if you told him the binky fairy took it that night and then gave it back to him, I wouldn't use the binky fairy idea again.
I'm a really big believer in consistency with kids, and if you go back on this (and if he remembers, they remember the darndest things), they you might have trouble with him believing you in the future about things like the tooth fairy and santa.
Anyways, if the binky fairy thing is a no-go, then the other things I've seen suggested are to either:

a) cut off the tip, or put a big hole in it, so that it doesn't feel good to him to suck on it anymore.

b) have a conversation with him and let him trade you the binky for a specific toy/whatever thing he wants. You can have him throw it in the trash himself, if that is the angle that works for you (then it is definitely GONE), rather than giving it to you (where he might try to get it back), but something along those lines.

c) if you have a friend/relative with a little baby, ask them, and if they are ok with it, use it as an opportunity for your son to 'give' his binky to the new/little baby.

I have a 4 yr old and a 7 month old and it's been my experience that sometimes I can get my 4 yr old to do something by emphasizing what a big girl she is, so much bigger than the *baby*.

Whatever you choose to do, be strong and Good Luck!