"Big Girl Bed" Nightmare!

Updated on June 11, 2009
B.W. asks from Denham Springs, LA
10 answers

My daughter is 26 months old and we just switched her from her crib to a bed last Monday. We have always been able to put her in her crib and leave the room while she was still awake and she would go to sleep on her own. Now, with the new bed she will not stay in it if I leave her room. She immediately gets up crying and walks out. The only way I can get her to stay is if I lay with her until she falls asleep. Honestly, I don't mind laying with her and the first few night were ok but now I think I keep her from falling asleep b/c she has me as a "toy", she is rolling all over me, putting her stuffed animals on me, etc. Its nonstop for over an hour. I want her to go back to being able to fall asleep on her own. Also, around 12am she wakes up screaming for me and I end up having to get back in bed with her and sleeping with her the rest of the night. She used to sleep all through the night and if she did wake she soothed herself back to sleep. What do I do? How do I get her to sleep on her own again and stay in her bed???? Help!

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L.H.

answers from Enid on

Sounds like she isn't ready for the big girl bed. Is there any reason why she can't go back to her crib (like a new baby is sleeping in it or she doesn't fit in it?) If not, there is nothing wrong with giving her more time. My son is like her and loves his crib and falls asleep on his own in it. I will keep him in it as long as I can. Sleep is important for him but also for me, dad and brother. Same for you! :)

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B.C.

answers from Little Rock on

Put the rails back up. She's not ready. try again in a couple months. After you take a break, tell her when she sleeps all night without getting up you will reward her with something she really likes. =) good luck.

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K.M.

answers from Tulsa on

Hi B.

I feel your pain. I have a little boy who turned 3 in April and has been in a big boy bed since he was 2. We moved from Michigna to Oklahoma when he was 2 and we never put him back in the crib after our move. I usually lay with him until he falls asleep but recently I have been reading stories and then laying with him for two minutes. I remove myself from the bedroom and lay on the couch and tell him that if he gets out of bed the baby gate will go up. He hates the gate but sometimes it's the only way to keep him in the bedroom. I leave the hall light on just so he can see. It's still a struggle I am very frustrated. I am due with my second child in about 3 weeks. I must go back and forth for an hour telling him to get back in bed, it's bedtime etc, and advice that you get feel free to forward my way. Hope things get better.

K.

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T.S.

answers from Enid on

Parenting magazine has all kinds of tips on this subject this month. It is one of the cover stories.
T. S

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J.L.

answers from Tulsa on

Put the crib back in her room- while leaving the big bed in there also. It may be crowded, but let her sleep in the crib at night and big bed for naps. Then gradually she may just want to only sleep in the big bed. Seems like she needs the security of her crib still. Another idea is get one of those side railings to put on the side of her big bed so she will feel secure. Best wishes!

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W.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Hey B., we actually just went through this at my house last week! I tried laying down with her, but then she wouldn't sleep, she just wanted to play with me. So I just sat outside her room and repeatedly took her back to bed over and over. I swatted her if she would get up, and that really hurt her feelings, she was so excited about her "new big-girl bed." Finally after more than an hour she gave in and fell asleep. Nap time was worse, it took more like 2 hours. But the first nite and the first nap were by far the worst. Since then she's done so much better. She doesn't wake up in the middle of the nite though, so I'm not sure how that would go. I'd probably just comfort her and put her back in bed. Maybe read a book or say a prayer (usual bedtime routine) if she was really upset.
Good luck!

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C.T.

answers from Fayetteville on

Mine did this after being in her toddler bed for about a month. She realized that she could get out of her bed when she wanted. We did the whole night time routine, put her in bed and left the room, she may get up several times before finally falling asleep, each time her daddy or I would go in put her back in her bed, tell her its time to rest and leave after a couple weeks she stopped getting out of bed and now normally goes right to sleep-its lovely! God Bless you!

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A.W.

answers from Mobile on

Have you considered putting her back in her baby bed?
WE did this with our son and kept him in it until his 3rd birthday. He seemed more ready for the big boy bead at this age and more willing to stay in and follow instructions.

Hope this helps.

Please let us know what works for you.

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L.B.

answers from Fayetteville on

Hey, I know this is difficult right now, but let me reassure you! It's just temporary.

I have learned with my daughter, too, that toys and distractions need to be kept out of her sleeping area. Just quietly and without fuss today (not at bedtime when it might become a fight) slip in there and put the toys away, and keep them in another area where she plays - except maybe a special lovey, a comfort item. (In general, too, it's a good idea to keep the bed a spot where play doesn't happen, so she doesn't associate it with play, but with sleepiness. One exception might be while she's getting familiar with her new bed and you spend quiet time there together, if you think that willh elp her feel safer and more comfortable there at night.) Then, just keep gently reminding her that it's sleepy time. She will settle earlier and earlier in the process. It's just that the whole situation is novel. Don't make a big deal out of it, don't make it a fight, whatever you do. Truly. BE BORING :) Even "play dead." (The hard part is not starting to laugh when she pulls out her cutest antics.) And within a few nights or a week or so, she'll get it. There will be no reason for her to stay awake, so she'll settle in. Then, what you do, is leave earlier and earlier in the process. There is a fantastic description, with various tips that you might want to incorporate, in No-Cry Sleep Soloution by Elizabeth Pantley.

Same thing with the midnight waking. Except be ready for it. If you listen closely about 5-10 minutes before her expect waking time, you will probably start to notice the "wake-up sequence" starting. So, all you do is nip it in the bud. Get in there and gently, quietly lay down next to her and put your hand on her in a comforting way BEFORE she wakes. She will probably just settle right back down to sleep. If she does wake, it will be for less time, and a whole lot less traumatic for the both of you, and you can slip away quietly back to your bed. Soon, because she is, on a deep level, aware that her needs are being met and that she's safe, she won't be doing this midnight waking. Just give it a few nights or a week or so. You'll see!

She's just scared in her new sleeping situation, that's all. That crib was a secure place. Now things look different. This is why I'm so glad that you've been so loving and comforting with her, because you're tending to her emotional needs. Her sleep needs are coming right along! As long as you don't make sleep a tense or scary place to be, transitions like this one won't become a true nightmare. All you need to do is tweak your approach in order to make your life a lot simpler and more restful during this temporary, transitional, disruption.

Meanwhile, consider going back to napping when she naps, if you are a SAHM, so that being up more at night is less of a drag on you!

Hang in there! You're actually really close to seeing a whole lot of improvement! Mark my words. See how much easier it is tonight.

L.

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L.P.

answers from Jonesboro on

Well since she is still so young I would put her back in her crib for another year. I know alot of kids that slept in a crib til the age of 4. When she is three she will be better able to understand that she has to stay in bed and go to sleep. good luck.

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