18 M/o Crying in the Middle of the Night

My daughter, 13 months has moments like this when her molar teeth are coming in or she is having a major development stage, walking, etc.
Good luck and try motrin before she goes to bed and see if she sleeps threw the night...teething.

Hi K.,

I went through the same thing, my lil one still does it every now and then. She is 19 mos now. At first I would put her in the bed with me and she would fall right back to sleep. But then she started doing it more and more. I then realized she wanted to sleep in the bed with me and I just let her cry it out for a while. I felt really bad and all but I just didn't want her to get into that habbit you know. Once and while it's ok but not all the time. I do think she was having nightmares and when she does it now I go in there and comfort her instead of putting her in the bed with me.

Hi K.,

I used to have the same problem wiht my son when he was between 6 and 10 months old. I used to cave and bring him in the bed with us because I was way too exhausted to try to get him to sleep. I had to wake up early during the week to get ready and walk my, then, 5 year old daughter to school. So I wanted all the sleep I could get. My son is now 15 months old and occasionally wakes up in the middle of the night. I usually sit there and rock him and hug him until he falls asleep because I am done with the habit of him sleeping in our bed. But if he cries and just wants to play then I do bring him downstairs for milk, but I leave all the lights off to show him that it is still "nite nite" time. People say I shouldn't give him milk in the middle of the night, but how often do us adults wake up for a snack in the middle of the night? As long as it doesn't become a habit I think it is ok. However, if he takes 2 naps per day, one after breakfast, between 9 and 10 am, and one after lunch, between 3 and 4 pm, then he usually sleeps from 8:30 at night to 6:00 in the morning. I always make sure he gets a snack and a cup of milk about an hour after dinner. This is basically my daily routine. I hope some of this helps you!

C.

has she got all her teeth? maybe she's getting her mollers or incisors, they get really needy when they're getting those teeth. my son, almost 17 mos, was up a few weeks ago and just wanted me to hold him, would fall back to sleep in my arms, but wouldn't want to go back to sleep in his crib. i chalked it up to teeth cuz he had 3 mollers coming at the same time and now getting the 4 incisors. try giving tylenol when she's up and put her back to bed after consoling her, maybe that will help.

My daughter started waking up and coming to my room most nights at about this age. I would take her back to her room and try to soothe her to sleep which works on some nights and not on others. I attributed the problem to some big changes she's had recently ( changing day care, new brother, lots of family visiting from out of town). Some nights we repeatedly take her back to her room and do the 5-10-15-20 minute method but when she gets especially upset we sing her to sleep (which can take up to 30 minutes on bad days). If you aren't willing to let her sleep in your bed, be firm so that she doesn't get conflicting messages from you.

Hi K.,
My 2 1/2 year old is experiencing the same thing. She begins whimpering and then breaks out into hysterical screams. I read a lot about it and couln't figure it out. I am sure you have tried this but we still have a chair in her room. I try rubbing her back first and if she begins to scream louder and roll around her crib, I pick her up and hold her. I think it may be nightmares and she just wants to know we are there but sometimes she is out of control. I rock her in the chair and put on some lullibies. She usually calms down. I try not to bring her in our bed in fear of that habit forming that she always wants to go and sleep with us ( a few of my friends are having that issue). It has gotten better- this began about a month ago and now it happens once every few days only once or twice a night. I am hoping she will just grow out of it and it is a phase. Good Luck.... and have you and your husband take turns that also makes it easier.

Our 2nd son (who is now 11) did the same thing. He was one who never required a lot of sleep, hardly napped and was quite active. but after he was 1 he would wake up screaming hysterically in the middle of the night, like something scared him. we would hold him, pray over him, pat his back and leave and then he'd start again (very rarely would he fall back to sleep and then he'd wake up again shortly after ). It was frightening for us because of the way he awoke screaming. Our 2 older children had never done this consistently like he had. The only thing that would comfort him was him in bed with us (and like you i did not want to start that habit) so some nights my husband would lay on the extra bed in our sons room with him on his chest and some nights i would. When he was old enough he'd get out of his crib and come to our room. It was quite an ordeal for a long time and we were exhausted. He 'd had multiple ear infections so the doctor recommended tubes in his ears and said that would help, but it didn't stop it altogether. He finally stopped and i dont realy know how that happened. As i look back i realize he was a high needs baby. during the day i should've carried him with me in a sling and stop worrying about spoiling him, or starting a habit that couldn't be broken. I probably would've let him sleep with us for a while. Because in most cases they do grow out of it and they will not always sleep with you and they grow up quickly. Our 11 year old now sleeps well (when he does fall asleep) and has for quite a few years now. Just pay attention to your child and what their needs are and listen to your heart about him.

Have her molar teeth come through yet? My son is 14 1/2 months and 2 molars have just cut through and he hasn't been himself at night either. I just go in his room after he's cried a little bit and cover him back up and pat his back for a minute. I try not to pick him up and reinforce his crying for me. If I do have to pick him up I just rock him in the rocking chair and don't talk to him. I turn his nighttime music on and hold him for a few minutes and then put him down as if I was putting him to bed at his normal bedtime and leave the room. Hope this helps!

Hi K. - My 21 mo old started doing simliar about 18 months. They say it is a phase of separation anxiety that can peak about 18-21 months and subsides by 24 months. Already my son is better. He was refusing to go to bed after being a great sleeper for a year..he would cry so hard we had to bring him to bed. I think it is really just time that will "heal". Once my son falls alseep again though we bring him back too his crib so that he wakes up there. SOme people say you can go in, reassure them, hold them and put them back to work it out on their own - not sure that would work with my guy, but you can try. Good luck.
C.

My daughter who was always a very good sleeper through the night started that at different phases. But I always tried to nip it without taking her to bed, because it is a habit they start to develop. Sometimes its when she has a cold or is sick. When that happens I camp out in her room. Obviously if she is still in her crib you can't fit there, but I would make blankets and sleeping bags up on her floor and take her and we would sleep together on the floor. (At this age I was still alittle concerned about sleeping in a bed so high, as well) When she is sick she really wants to be held, so I do give in then. The other times she was night waking, it was because she was afraid of the dark. Her bulb in her night light burnt out one night and it took me a few nights in a row of her freaking out to figure it out. I started to leave her room light on...and to this day I can't shut it off. If she wakes up to a darkened room (even with a night light), she freaks......I have to be understanding to this fear because I was almost 14 before I would sleep with my door shut and hall light off. I was always a little nervous in the dark. Maybe thats her fear too.

My daughter did the same thing and I responded without picking her up. Gave a paci, her blanket and a back rub. It worked to my surprise!

K.,
YES! I had that happen (earlier) in my second.
I was breastfeeding and the thought was that I was eating something that he didn't 'like'. Well to tell you the truth, after a long and involved process and many difficult nights, we found nothing to mote.
Now, not to discourage you! He did sleep, eventually, but he is still a restless sleeper.
A few of the things that I tried was putting the crib mattress on the floor next to (or in the same room) as my husband and I
so when your just too tired to go on, she can sleep 'with you'. We also would slip into bed next to him wait till he drifted then left.
The other thing was to pay really close attention to what she eats and what's new or 'improved', take that out of her diet and see what happens.
Also any new shots? That's what triggered it for mine.
Is it acid reflux? My son would be screaming but still asleep really, no eyes open and if you turned the lights on an picked him up, pop! eyes open and you have a fussy mad kid.
I hope that some of this helps, it won't last forever, but it feels like it!

I had experienced the same thing with my daughter at around that age ..for her it was her two year molers coming in and it only happened for about a week.
I would love to say "let her cry it out" but sometimes that hurts you more than it helps her. Try not to bring her to bed with you and as hard as it is for your sleep pattern maybe you could try laying with her in her room with the light off until she calms down and closes her eyes ...then try your best to sneak out quietly. It's worked for me in the past on SOME occassions but not always other times i just had to let her cry.
good luck :-)
A.

I am having the same problem and I did the same thing as you and took her into bed with us. I don't have any advice but I am glad you wrote so I know this is normal. It is exhausting and so hard to let them cry it out.

I have two children who experienced the same night time behaviors. The best advice will take a few nights of little sleep for you, but it really does work. When she cries, go in and comfort her with a hug, some kisses and soothing words, and then lay her back in her crib. Leave the room. Continue to do the same thing at 5-10 minute intervals, until she falls asleep.

There are multiple messages that you are sending--1) that her crib is where she belongs and it is safe and comforting--2) that your expectation is that she will sleep there and be comfortable. Your expectation is probably the most important ingredient in making this work. Kids read us like books and if she feels your ambivalence, then she will be ambivalent too, and that will make her nervous.

Good luck in having a good night's sleep again!

Well, we did the family bed thing. I dream of having a "crib bed" sort of thing where you could nurture the child back to sleep, laying next to them, then slip out quietly to enjoy your parnter in another bed - that way - its like musical beds but you coudl still get privacy. If there is a toddler bed with rails if that is safe at this stage, perhaps you could do a lot of sleepy nurturing there? Or put a mattress on the floor of your bedroom so that when the toddler falls asleep you coudl slip back into bed with your partner and sneak some private time in.

Well, I am divorced from the father of my 10 and 12 year old and this was a big issue for us - I let the kids in bed and he was furious - he thouhgt it ruined them. I think it helped them feel secure and they are amazingly independent 10 and 12 year olds. We have good relationships. Most of the world has families that sleep together - to me it is natural and right for me.

Now I am re-partnered and my partner wants more time with me in bed too, and we have a 9 month old, who has been sick a lot, but he is also very nurturing to her and sleeps with her a lot so I can sleep - we collectively want to nurture her as much as possible and pray and hope we can slip her back into her crib and not wake her up after she falls asleep with us.

I'm sure other people might have better suggestions. My baby's papa walks around rocking her to sleep - it takes him 20-30 minutes sometimes but then she seems really deep and he has better success placing her in the crib than I do when I nurse her to sleep.

Well, good luck. I am a teacher and my baby nurses a lot at night and then I work all day so I know about exhaustion! I have been more sick this year than most years of my 37 years of life - I think largely becuase of the lack of sleep. I dont really have a solution - but I know that for me, acceptin it and surrendering to it has actualyl helped me. I guess I trust that she will become more independent when she is ready. I hope you and your parnter can figure out what works best for you and your child. Feel free to write if you want.

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/index.html - this web site can hook you up with others if you seem to be going that way - i found it helpful to speak with others who shared a bed with baby - especially others who wanted to do it though their partner didnt- like me - to find sneaky ways to get alone time together and ways to make your partner feel loved, special, and help him understand how you feel - and think about the compromises you would be willing to make to make him happy - and take baby steps in any direction. really, i think toddler hood just has many aspects we just make it through and somehow survive, hopefully with ALL ou relationships in tact... holding a vision and working towards it helps even if you dont attain the perfection you seek . good luck!

My daughter is 4 1/2 years old now and she still does it .. she says that she has Bad dreams and we have a night light on in her room to try to help her but the doc. said that she could have the bad dreams try havin her in bed with u one night and then but her in bed when she is sleepin and get her a night light like sumthin that she likes .. Jaz LOVES spongebob and her aunt got her a med. night light and she cant go to sleep with out it on .. or u can try that when she wakes up callin u go in there with her and just lay with her and she might go to sleep faster that way ... bc jaz did and and she wanted daddy to lay with her he did for a bit and then we had to tell her that she is a Big girl and that she has her night light on and that we can hear EVERYTHING ( baby monitors) she everynow and then she wants to lay with us... but try the night light that might be a Big help...
hope that works Good Luck
J. Marie

I am going through this as well right now. I do believe it is the child's mind developing (dreams, nightmares, and realizing she is alone). I just let her sleep with us. She transitions back to her crib when need be. Sometimes she just needs an hour with us. And that hour is an hour we all sleep. She then goes back to sleep in her own crib. Don't be afraid of co-sleeping.

Just waited out an hour of nap-time crying for my 18month old! I am in the same boat! My husband has taken over for the weekend. We're using the Ferber method. I'll let you know how it goes...

This is the age of night terrors. My daughter had them at this age also. Go easy, give her some good cuddles and stay with her in her room until she is ready for sleep again if you don't want to bring her into your bed. Check out http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp for more information on sleep issues. Good luck and I hope you are all back to good rest soon!

Hi K., I think most babies go through different stages even with sleep, as with eating.Maybe you could go in once to let her know Mama is still nearby, love on her for a moment,(not turning a light on making it bright, so she'll realize it's still night and she'll have to go back to sleep) lay her back down and walk out. Don't do it again, let her realize she can find a way to cope with the situation she's in.By giving in to her she thinks you rescued her from something she needed rescuing from. She doesn't, right? Giving her a chance to learn to cope with things even now will give her that ability later in life. They learn behaviors and coping abilities now that will continue on into adulthood. We can help our children be strong, or we can criple them. May sound harsh, but in love its good.

yes,this is happening to me too..I was thinking it was dreaming. My daughter sleeps in a bean bag half the night (the only way i can get her to sleep without being in our bed) and then I take her into bed with us. She is still a little restless.I think thats normal developmentally.

does she have all her teeth? i know my duaguter who is 17 months has been waking up the past few weeks- we looked in her mouth and all 4 eye teeth are coming in-

is she awake when this happens?? sometimes, they get night terrors and they aren't really awake.. kind of zoned out.. it's a phase if that's it.. you can try a nightlight too.. maybe she's waking up and gets scared if it's dark.. that helped my kids.