I have this best friend for about 9yrs now. I just recently found out that she has been talking about me behind my back and telling her family everything I have told her seceretly. This last one did it though. She promised me she would say anything bec then my dh would get into trouble. What does she do opens her mouth and we both get into trouble. My dh was not happy with me. I needed somebody to talk to and she brought it up first. What would u do in a situation like this? I have not talked to her in a about a week now. I have cut a lot of people out of my life bec I just don't want to deal with the drama and people like this. I am just now sure what to do with her bec she is my best friend. Any suggestions would be appreicated. Thanks!
Why have a friend you can't trust? These types of people are toxic and will only bring you down.
I hope you are able to find a friend you can trust.
Best wishes
Please whats the use of having a friend you cant confine in ? If you dont want to be bothered with her just dont call her or have anything to do ..She needs to grow up!
Just stop being friends with her.
She is NOT a friend, to you.
Kick her to the curb.
TELL her, she is a jerk.
Why have toxic people like that in your life, ruining your life?
WOW! I have enemies that treat me better then she is treating you! Time for a new best friend and get one that can actually live up to that name!
Sorry she did this to you. Your only concern right now should be how to make amends with your husband, not this toxic woman.
Yes, be comfortable with yourself and who you are!
It's better to have no friends at all than "friends" who are not!
I'd don't know if I'd cut my ties altogether because she might truly care about you but have actual issues with holding secrets.
I just would be an "ackwaintance" that you say hello and goodbye and meet once a year if you're neighbors. I wouldn't leave in on bad terms, just stop telling her anything important that you mind if it gets repeated!
Cut ties with this person and keep one little thing in mind for the future...
If you don't want "everyone" to know something, then don't tell ANYONE! The minute you open your mouth and tell someone, it is no longer a "secret" and it is no longer "yours". People in general have a very hard time keeping secrets and preface their sharing with "please don't say anything but..."
Keep private things "private" and you won't have to deal with the fall-out!
Well, for starters, I'd stop telling this woman any secrets since she is untrustworthy. Secondly, I would tell her that you are hurt that she betrayed your trust. Avoiding her is not the solution. You have to tell her what she did really hurt you, your husband, and has affected your friendship with her (if indeed, that is how you feel).
You may be her best friend but she is not yours. You can't trust her. I would stop seeing and talking to her. When she calls tell her you are hurt that she continues to betray your confidence and no longer consider her a friend. I know it hurts I've been there but really you are better off without her.
my best friend was talking about my husband right after we got married. i had been friends with her since 2nd grade. i was 24. so we were friends for over 15 yrs. there were other issues involved. she had a boyfriend who did drugs and drank. i would still talk to her over the phone and once in a while she would come over. than i had kids and she couldn't understand why i couldn't talk on the phone for 2 hrs, or drop everything and go to the mall, etc. well, needless, to say, i stopped taking her calls, or wouldn't return her calls. yes, i felt bad, but i didn't want my kids around the drama, and i felt my husband deserved my friends to be loyal to both of us.
It seems you need to decide if you want to keep telling her things that she is going to repeat.
she is not a friend. she broke a confidence. end of story. move on and just keep it superficial and distance your self.
friendships can be tricky, especially best friends with years of history. I have a best friend that i've had since first grade and we "broke up" for a while... it wasn't that she was telling secrets, but she was doing something hurtful and just kept doing it. she honestly didn't think she was doing anything wrong and i didn't really expect her to understand, but i DID expected that she would stop when she saw how hurt i was, for the sake of our friendship (it wasn't even a huge thing to ask - she wanted to start a new friendship with an ex-boyfriend of mine who i had been very serious with & i was trying to move on from, she had no interest in getting to know him when we dated... and i begged her not to, she's the type that has guys lined around the corner and he was so not her type anyway).
I tried confronting her about it and when it was clear she didn't really grasp how hurt i was and had no intention of stopping, i stopped talking to her all together. We didn't talk for a while at all. Evenutally we were able to regain our friendship and she now realizes how badly i was hurt.
But even if we didn't get that friendship back, at the time she was no longer acting like a BFF to me & it was a bad friendship for me to be in. Sounds like this friend isn't grasping how badly she hurt you & your husband, if she did then she would be begging your forgiveness.
I think its always a good idea to make sure you try to talk it out - make sure she knows your side and you hear hers. But if she isn't receptive, sometimes the friendship (no matter how old and deep it is) isn't worth the drama or hurt... & either way learn from your mistakes. i know how important it is to have someone to vent to, but maybe she's not the best choice!
She sure doesn't SOUND like a best friend--more like a worst friend. Get a new O..
I assume that every word I breathe to my best friend, she turns around and tells her husband. Why would she do that? Because if it was so important I was chomping at the bit to tell HER, she's going to be equally excited and bursting at the seems to tell someone else. And vice versa. If she tells me something, she automatically knows my fiance will know. It's a big circle; we're both big mouthes ;) There are very few SUPER secrets her and I share, and we would never ever break each others trust... HOWEVER, and I think I speak for both of us here, there are somethings in life that you shouldn't talk about ever EVER. Keep your skeletons in the closet if it's that important. If you have a friendship like my best friend and I, I would confront her, maybe she didn't realize how badly it would impact you? She thought she could trust her family? If my BFF pisses me off, I'm like 'oh HELL no, what were you thinking?!' And it's always a stupid miscommunication, and she does the saaaame thing to me ('I have a bone to pick with you R.!!) LOL... Hope things get better. Communication is key; and like I said, sometimes things THAT important are better left unsaid.
It hurts to find out that someone you considered your best friend really isn't. If she was truly your best friend, she would not have done this to you. I would stop confiding in her. This sounds like a situation of immaturity. This kind of drama is for 8th grade, not adults.
What a sad situation.
Do you feel as if you really need to talk to her and hear her side of it? If you do, go ahead, but determine your own attitude beforehand. Can you be curious rather than angry?
If she becomes angry or defensive at any questioning, or if she doesn't give you a good explanation (one that both you and your husband can accept without reservation!), or if you're just still uneasy, then you need to think about what to do for yourself. You may have to start looking around for other friends, which is painful but often very fruitful.
I would not call a woman I couldn't trust a best friend, no matter how close we may have been in the past. It really seems like a contradiction in terms.
Just start censoring what you tell her!
Hi Kimberly
Sorry this happened to you but it's better to know that she is not a true friend to you than the friendship to continue.
That's life isn't it ? Its better to kick toxic people out of your life !
I had to do the same with my " best friend" a few years ago. She was ditching my fab hubby.
I am so happy that I did as I can now clearly see what a needy,jealous person she was.
All the best
B.
I had a similar situation....I put distance between us in a subtle way. I care about her but don't have 100% trust. That being said I am in a good place and can concentrate on buidling into healthier sustainable frienships...I would do the same.
If you don't want to lose her as a friend, I'd keep my personal stuff to myself. I would also tell her how dissappointed I was in her speaking about my secrets. And you stated you recently she has been telling all your secrets so why reveal more to her? If it were me I'd move on. IMHO
Just be true to yourself. In the end that's all you have. Don't be mad or hold grudges. That's just human nature. That's just how people are. Try to think of the big picture. How will this all matter tomorrow, next month, next year, in 10 years? Learn from the experience. Don't be so trusting with people but do open up a little when you can, being selective. Life is all about balance and finding middle ground.
Without knowing the story behind the last incident, I have to reserve judgement. By 'get into trouble', do you mean drama based trouble or legal/criminal based trouble? If it's legal/criminal based trouble, well, I tend to stand pretty black and white on those issues, even in the event it was well meaning, unless there are very,very dire circumstances that support it. I'm not one to stay quiet for those things, even if someone is my friend.
If it's drama trouble and you don't want to drop her, then just quit telling her stuff that you don't want the whole world to know. That's all you can do. It's hard when you really need someone to talk to but you have to be able to trust her and you can't. I have family like that. Some people just live to stir the pot.
