N.
First, I feel that some of the responses you've received so far were insensitive to your side of the situation. A lot of people don't know how much this kind of scenario hurts when they don't have a "leach" in their lives like you're describing. I do have someone like that in my life so I know what you're going through.
Your question is "I need some direction as to where to go from here." If it were me, I would tell my brother that I expect to be paid and that I will not babysit for him again until the bill is paid in full. Then, I would stick to it. That being said, I wouldn't keep bringing it up. I would consider that money gone and wouldn't let it ruin my relationship with my brother or niece. If there is a way to keep a friendly relationship with your sibling without having to be taken advantage of, that's what I would try to do. Sometimes we just have to consider bad situations as lessons learned. I cannot tell you how much money we are out because of the family member in our lives who is exactly as you describe your brother. But I will say that we figured out a long time ago that getting money back from this person was almost always impossible so we kept that in mind anytime we decided whether or not to help him in whatever situation he was in.
If you don't feel you should be made to keep your niece without getting paid, don't do it. Especially don't do it thinking you WILL get paid, because as you've learned, that probably won't happen. I like the suggestion of another mom who said to get paid up front in the future. That's the only way I would do it for him again if I expected any money. Of course, if you feel like doing it out of the goodness of your own heart, you can let him tell you he will pay you, but in your mind, you need to resign yourself to the fact that you will never see any money from him, and if you do, you can consider that a bonus.
It's unfortunate that there are people, especially close family members, that will take advantage of us and have no issues with making their life better at our expense. You can't change your brother though. Sometimes we can re-train people on how they should treat us, but it sounds like he's taken advantage of his family enough that it is not going to change. We finally told our "leach" that we love him, but we are done helping him. We know that all we are doing is enabling his bad choices and as hard as it is for us to see him suffer, we know he has to learn the hard way that life is not free and that there will not always be someone there to bail him out of trouble, especially when he has proven time and time again that he is not willing to accept any responsibility for his actions or obligations.
Good luck to you! I hope you can find a way to make peace in this situation and move on with your family. You may never get that time back with your daughter, but you have from this time forward and you don't have to let it happen again.
Blessings,
N.
