Behaviorial Issues

The only advice you need...Keep up the good work, stay firm, explain patiently and don't keep repeating...just ignore the drama (they know how to play you and prey on weakness ;). You done good, mama!

I would just keep doing what you already did - remove him from the situation, don't give him an audience, and tell him he can come out when he pulls it together and can act nice. Sometimes ignoring them (and putting them somewhere where they don't have an audience) is the best solution (it can also keep you from losing your cool). My DD is 3 also and can get that way at times, and she doesn't even have a new baby sibling to boot. I don't doubt a lot of it could be the new baby and your hubby's schedule, but also the age - 3 is tough, I am finding out!

I would also try to catch him though when he is being good and behaving himself, like playing quietly with a toy or cooperating when you ask him to do something - don't forget to praise him for his good behavior, tell him specifics (like "Thank you for listening to Mommy!") and spend extra one-on-one time with him when you can (same goes for Dad). It won't change things overnight but eventually it will make a difference for the better. Behavior that is rewarded is more likely to be repeated.

I have also found out it helps to be a little empathetic and verbalize what he might be feeling - "It's hard to wait, isn't it?" and "Boy, you are having a bad day!" I've been doing this for a while with my DD and it's cute now - if there's something she has to wait for, instead of flipping out, she's more likely to just sigh, "It's hard to wait..." And I sympathize with her, "Yep, I know, it is." And that's as far as it goes.

Rum and coke for you. Patience, love and return him to his room.

I remember offering distractions for my kids. They would take a big breath to start the crying and I would quickly mention something about baking cookies and get them to help. It was very funny how quickly the crying stopped before it even started.

Ah yes, the terrible three's. For us and a lot of my friends, the terrible twos were a misnomer, It was really the threes where it started, and the 4s are also a challenge. I have found a lot of times my son is tired or hungry when he gets this way, so check that out. It really depends on the issue for us. Sometimes I will ignore it. Sometimes I will give him a warning and put him in time out. If he is really out of control, I will put him in his room to cool down. Usually if I go up there after a few minutes to talk to him he does calm down a bit. I think your son is trying to get your attention. So don't give it to him. If he warrants a time out, tell him why he is getting one and for how long, and put him there. When he gets out, no talking to him, put him back. I think he is too young to understand "you can come out when you are ready to stop crying." My son rarely stops crying while in the time out. It is after he is let out that he stops. I have often left my kids in bed crying. Within a few minutes they have cried themselves to sleep because the reason for crying in the first place is usually that they are over tired. I would also try to find some time that you can give him some one on one time. Maybe when baby is sleeping. That will probably help you a lot.

Yup. You won't want to do this, but -- mirror his emotions.

Instead of being "rational" with him, put him in your lap, cuddle him tightly for a few minutes and say things like, "Life sure is hard sometimes, isn't it," or "It sure is hard to stop crying sometimes, isn't it," or "It's sad when dad is gone so much, isn't it," or "Is sure is terrible to have a baby sister sometimes, isn't it." To all four of those statements, he would probably nod his head, and say yes, and then quickly calm down.

Now, when kids are annoying you, it's REALLY hard to mirror their emotions, but it is the BEST, I repeat BEST and most effective technique to get them to comply. And by the way, all four of those statements I suggested are TRUE, especially to him. Try it next time, and you will immediately see a new boy.

And DO NOT put him in a cold shower, as suggested below. That is abusive. I once hosed off my son with a cold hose after he pooped in his pants (people were giving me a hard time about his not being potty trained), and I look back on that with horror. BAD advice, below.

my sister swares that cold showers help these issues........their battle was the dinner table. he would always throw a fit and not eat or try to throw up. the cold shower shaped him up and that is all she had to say from that point on...... she did it both with her children whom are 15 years apart :0)

My son used to have spectacular tantrums. My best advice is that it will pass as he gets older. He actually is not able to control himself very well and some of it is hormonal -- so your job is to help him to learn to control his emotions better and better, but it's not going to happen over night. Talking to him rationally at his age when he's in the throes of a tantrum is a good model for the future -- in other words, talking rationally is what adults do when they are upset, but it won't actually help in the present. He's probably too little to really get a rational argument and he's too upset to respond to it anyway. One mistake I made with our son was offsetting the tantrums by logically getting him to agree with me about what we were going to do. It set up a bad precedent that he could argue things out with me rather than obey -- we've been working on correcting that mistake since, so I strongly advise you not to take that route (although it will work on occasion). In our son's case, he started really growing out of tantrums at about 5 years old. But, I do have a couple of pointers. 1.) there are consequences to temper tantrums. Usually those consequences mean that he doesn't get to do fun things or has to go to his room until they are over. 2.) don't reward the tantrums out of desperation -- this was hardest for us because even though I wouldn't reward them, his grandmother or baby sitter would -- i.e., here have a cookie or ice cream and stop crying, or do whatever you wanted just so you stop crying. Kids realize very quickly when a tantrum will get them what they want. 3.) Understand that he really is feeling very badly and that the waterworks are not all manipulative. When he actually calms down, I would suggest letting him take it easy and do something he really likes so he can get his equilibrium back and you and he can have some good time together. In other words, if he has a tantrum and the next thing you usually do is bath and it's not his favorite thing -- skip bath until the a.m. (he'll survive) and do something fun until bedtime. The key is to cut him the breaks when he's actually being cooperative so he's basically rewarded for being cooperative, not to get him to stop crying. So, to sum up, if he's prone to tantrums, be in it for the long haul, realize that he will grow out of them, be firm and consistent and try not to lose your mind even though he's lost his. My son is now 9. He's a really wonderful kid -- and he is still intense emotionally -- he can get angry easily, but he controls it now. But, he is loving and empathetic with the same intensity. So, set your sights out far enough to see where you are going and just how wonderful your toddler is. Lots of luck.
P.S., my son is mildly ADD -- been evaluated and takes Aradix just for school -- looking back, I realize that the temper tantrums that went beyond what other kids usually do was probably the first sign that he was ADD -- because he had less emotional control than other kids. Just in case your son is the same, try to keep your confidence together as parents. Other parents will see your son throwing tremendous tantrums or doing something they might think is crazy and they will immediately put it on bad parenting. I used to get the worst looks from parents at the playground only to notice that they had one very laid back little girl. We also have one of those, so I know the difference. Just hang in there. Never let anyone tell you he's a bad kid or you are bad parents because he doesn't act like every other toddler. But, be firm and demand good behavior too -- you'll see, he'll be fine.

It's working-for him. He made you feel small about being a parent. When he is 16-you're really going to feel small after one of his tantrums-and I guarantee, you will be much smaller than he. You direct the day and evening-and stick to it. You are within your rights to expect to be treated with dignity and respect. Dad has to work-weird?-no-that's what they do to keep a roof over the family and food on the table-your son can understand this-he needs to help you and you need to be able to depend on him-especially while dad is at work. That's the way the world works-family members help each other-it's called love and respect and it must be taught.