Behavior Advice from Moms with Kids 21+/- Months Apart

A. - Everyone's advice is so wonderful. I have 3 children (almost 2,3 &4). Isn't this a tiring season of our lives? It is so important to be consistent, no matter what your approach is. My 2 oldest are girls, & our son wants to do everything that his sisters are doing - which creates lots of tension.

Just this past week we've been working on reciting the Fruits of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Throughout the day - especially when they are being good - we point out to them which fruit of the Spirit they are having & what a positive effect it's having on the family. We've found that the kids respond better when we focus on the good things they're doing instead of always nagging, correcting & disciplining. As difficult as it is, we strive to have"special time" with each child at least once a day - one on one time - reading stories, building with blocks, coloring.... Then, we also plan an extended "special time" as often as possible, where ONE parent spends several hours with ONE child, giving that munchkin undivided attention from mom or dad.

Good luck! Feel free to email me if you need to talk about having little ones so close together in age. There are 32 months between my oldest & youngest...keep your chin up & enjoy the precious moments of each day.

In His Healing Arms,
Kim

I have two boys 16 months apart at ages 3 and 4. The advise Jaimee gave was correct. Stay on top of it, reminding them to share and take turns. It is a constant struggle but it does get a bit better along the way. We also encourage the boys to use team work whenever possible. We even got them a see-saw this X-mas because it does not work if they do not work together. That has helped us tremendously. There is also a show on Noggin called the Wonder Pets that is all about team work. My boys love them and we always sing the theme song when they are having issues. "What's going to work, team work." Stay on top of it and you will prevail. Good luck!

S.

My children are 19 months apart. They are now 13 and 14 but there has been fights from the beginning. My older one is a boy and the younger one is a girl. It took a lot of patience and keeping on top of who had what and reminding them of kindness. I've been homeschooling them so they are always together. I've got two others also but they are more spred out in age (5 and 7) and I don't have any trouble with them. Seriously, just be patient and keep reminding them of how to treat each other. If they keep pushing and taking things away, then use the "time out" rule or whatever discipline you use. Be consistent and be patient. It gets better! Good luck!

As a parent educator I see this all the time and I have a great solution I tell parents about all the time.

The key here is to give your older child some private time away from the younger one during hte day. I suggest that yu purchase those gates that can be connected to form a circle. Tell your daughter she can bring 3 toys in at a time and play with them all by herself. This gives her the privacy she is craving, AND she will begin to see playing is more fun when I play with my brother. When you hear her say, he took my toy, go get the toy from the little one and say you can share the toy and play with brother or have some alone playtime in your special circle.
This works very well.
Good Luck, THe Mommie Mentor, www.proactiveparenting.net

Hey! This is a heavy time for training to share! It takes so much attention and diligence, doesn't it? Whether or not this will work for you, I don't know. It's what we do with our boys. We are in the 'working-on-it' stage. It seems to be going well.

First, we don't allow our boys to be ugly to one another. If they do, there are negative consequences on first offense. If the older one is frustrated by the small one taking something from him, he is to say, "Stop, please." If that doesn't work, he must come to me for help. We have taught the older one that if he wants something, he must ask and then WAIT. He will then wait for the other child to share willingly or finish with the toy, but he must never be ugly and grab or fuss. After all, none of us gets what we want all the time, or at least not the moment we want it. I am frustrated with parents who MAKE their child surrender a toy to mine just because he asked nicely. We do teach our older son to share toys, but with a heart that is happy and willing to either teach the other child how to play with his, or to give up what is bringing him joy to bless another. We do this by telling him to share when someone asks and to do it without fussing. If he fusses there are negative consequences.

Our younger one is coached. When he wants something, he must say "please". He can only speak a handful of words. He was required to sign it (rubbing an open palm on his chest) when he couldn't say it. If he takes a toy with an ugly heart, we make it clear that his action was 'no good', deal a negative consequence and direct him to something else. When he asks for a toy kindly, we help him to wait patiently for it and say, or sign, "thank you" when it comes his way.

Both are obligated to behave lovingly and patiently. Both boys are obligated to share and consider the one they are playing with, making sure their sibling is having as much fun they are.

Blessings to you!