Begging for Help with Sleep Issues!

Hi - I know it is hard to let you baby cry but I think the problem is that you go in and rub her and hug her and pick her up if she cries hard enough. She is a smart little cookie and wants you. My pediatrician said to only go in at longer and longer intervals say soothing things, say goodnight and leave. We did it for about 2 weeks, it was hard because I too breastfed my son to sleep before that. But well worth it...he goes right to sleep now and right down for naps. It saved my sanity! Good Luck

I'm not an expert in the sleep situations...but I think it might just be her age. I was told that it's not uncommon for a baby to have trouble sleeping right before reaching a milestone. I think it just sends their wee brains into hyperdrive. My six month old son is (hopefully) just finishing off one of those stages?

I don't have any advice really, just offering once more possible explaination for the trouble.

You have to resist picking her up. I would leave the room and if the crying did not stop in a few minutes (because like you I just could not let my son cry any longer than that) I would lay on the floor next to the crib, with my arm in the crib rubbing his back. This way I was not picking him up and starting all over and if I was tired - I could fall asleep. Not ideal - but after a while he would go right to sleep.

Good luck and congratulations on baby #2!!!

Hi L., Looks like you have lots of great advice. Sorry you're still having trouble. Before it sounded like she was going to sleep ok but having trouble waking in the middle of the night. It's tough when your baby can't self-soothe herself, that's ultimately what she needs to learn. I'm probably repeating myself, but...

The cry it out method is pure torture, but with our first it was the only way we could all get some rest. It took 3 nights and she was going to bed more easily (at least without going into complete hysterics). I would go in every 5 or 10 mins (depending on how guilty I felt!). Sometimes it actually got worse when I went in so we ended up letting her work it out on her own.

You really have to do what works for you and your family... co-sleep, cry it out, or anything in between. Just know that you're doing the best you can for your baby!

Take care and congratulations on #2!!
B.

We had this problam with my daughter.We started only doing a bath then bed or books then bed. I would hold her and we would count to 10 the i would lay her down. Letting her know that is what we are going to do. She did cry for the first week or so. Then she would go to sleep. I know it is tuff to let her cry but u have to do this if you ever want it to stop. Let her cry for 20 min that is what we were told to do. It will be tought but dont go in till 20 min. She nows you will go into her room. Good luck

Dear L.,
I am having the same problem but my son is 1 now. I have learned that when he acts that way, there is something wrong. Right now it's a virus and teething. Try putting some oragel on before bed with some tylenol. I also found out that too much motrin can hurt their bellys. (In case your using Motrin) Please let me know what works for you so that I can try it.

Blessings

eeeeesh. sleep training is so hard!
i think the solution is to let her scream it out. it sounds horrible, but she needs to learn to calm herself down. do your whole routine before bed, give her a good cuddle, then it's time for sleep. let her cry it out. go in after 10 or 15 minutes and just let her know that you're there. but don't pick her up. and don't hug her while she's standing there. she needs to deal. i promise it won't take long and once she's trained it's amazing. maybe start the training when your husband is around so he can at least sit with you while she's crying. but if he's away a lot, seems that you should be the one putting her to bed while she's training.
good luck. you need to be strong. you're doing the best thing for her.
oxo

You sound like you're doing a wonderful job with your daughter! We had similar sleep issues with our now 15 month old. A friend recommended and lent me the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", by Marc Weissbluth and it was a life saver. I think with any method cio, non-cio you need to take what works for you and pass on the rest. The first night we used the methods in the book our son cried for an hour and fell asleep. It was the longest hour of my life (except childbirth!), BUT the next night he fell asleep within 5 minutes and most nights that is his pattern. Because of advice in the book we gave him more naps - two daily AND he slept at night, waking to breastfeed once or twice. It saved my sanity and I think my son's also. He was so tired all the time and fighting sleeping. He is a healthy happy baby who has gone to one 2-3 hour nap a day and sleeping almost through the night - he still nurses. Ultimately of course you need to do what feels best for you, but I would recommend this book highly. If you don't want to buy it, I'm sure your library has it. Good luck!

Hey L., Oh I feel for you. My son was a horrible sleeper. We had to sleep train him at 9 months old when his reflux finally was treated and under control. It gets harder to teach them.....but you definately can. I liked reading the Baby Whisperer Solves all your Problems. She has a little mor gentle approach then other methods like Ferber. I has a hard time letting my son cry for a long time. First I would say once you are laying her down, always try and say the same thing, like goodnight, I love you. I would then leave and let him cry but go back in in about 1 minute. At that point I would make eye contact but lay him down and and time to go to sleep. I would stand there but not talk or do much but just try and provide some comfort. I don't remember all the details, but I can say we never would pick him up again or even stand there and hug. We would just repeatedly lay him back down. It totally SUCKED!!!! But it worked. My husband and I took turns and would sit outside in the hallway until he would eventually be asleep. It was awful for about 8 days but he learned to go to sleep It is so hard but once you start to train them...you have to stay strong and not give in. With all this being said....does she eventually go to sleep???? Does she then sleep through the night? I felt terrible like I wasn't meeting his needs, but he did fine and sleeps great now. I hope this helps......sorry for the long reply!

Hi, sorry for our troubles. My son, 15 months old, still has trouble falling asleep sometimes (for either a nap or for bedtime). Not always, some days he's fine but if he's overtired it is a lot harder to put him down. We go through the same thing--uncontrollable crying, having to hold him etc. Once he is starting to calm down, I put him in his crib and leave the room. I let him cry for at least 10 minutes. If he is still uncontrollable, I'll go back in, calm him down and leave again for 15 minutes. Usually this is all it takes. If it's too hard to listen to him cry, I'll sit outside or turn music on for the 10-15 minutes. I'll turn the music down every couple minutes to see how he is, but I wont go back in. I read the babies sometimes need to cry just for their own release. If you know she is well fed, clean diaper then she just needs to work it out on her own. My son wakes up from teething pain, but I don't think it keeps him from falling asleep....

Good luck! Just realize you might have this struggle for a while!

My friend,
You will literally lose your mind if you do not get some sleep. You cannot keep this up. Follow the bedtime routine (bath, book, etc.) and then put her down. Let her cry- she won't gag to death from crying. She also isn't sick- if she stops when you pick her up, she is fine. Don't give her medication- she is not sick. Eventually she'll sleep. Plan on the first night being miserable for all concerned- it won't take a week- more like 3-4 days and it will get better. Do not pick her up or you undo the whole thing and she will continue crying.
Good luck and remember you are not being mean- she needs sleep to be a healthy, happy baby and you need sleep so you can be a healthy, happy mom. The new baby also needs you to be well rested and healthy. Good luck!

Try wearing your baby. The Dr.Sears baby book address wearing your baby to sleep. There are many slings and other styles of packs on the market. I wore my son in a Moby wrap, which settled him down while I finished the dishes and other tasks. When he grew to be too heavy for front wearing I found the Ergo to be wonderful. The ergo will work for front wearing, back wearing, toddlers, and newborns, I just didn't get it first. My babies are just 15 months apart and wearing one has helped so much with parenting and holding the two. My husband is also always away with work.

You could also wait a few more months to enforce the crib. I finished weaning my first child at 12 months (I was 7 months pregnant) It was another month before she was able to sleep alone in her room. There were still 2 months for her to really adjust to the new arrangements. The arrival of her brother didn't upset her sleeping-thank goodness.
My last thought is this. If you are stressed, impatient, anxious, frazzled your baby will feel it. Notice your own state. Then try to imporve it. Maybe do some stretches, deep breathing, a foot rub, Whatever. Just relax, feel sleepy, and know that everything is a phase. Peace.

At nine months, this is when seperation anxiety kicks in. We went through the same thing at the same age. We had to use the Ferber Method. Nothing else worked. I'm sure you're familiar with it. The whole bedtime routine. Put down, go back in, in 5 mins. Don't pick the baby up. Soothe, talk, leave. 10 mins. then 15mins. and so on. Within 3 nights, he was sleeping. The younger you do it, the easier it is. And despite what they say, she may do fine for a while then it starts again. We've had to use it 3 times. The older my son got, the harder it was. If I had to look back, we would let him get up thinking the same thing you do. Is he cold, stuffy, stomach? Stick to your guns. She will not need a shrink when she's 20 because of this. My peditrician recommended it. Good luck.

You did nothing wrong. I co-slept with my son until 10 months. I breastfed him to sleep every night and in the middle of the night and after 10 and half months he became the perfect sleeper, so it can and will happen. I never thought it would happen. He was the worst sleeper. waking every 2 or 3 hours at time, especially if he was teething. It is okay if she cries for more than 5 minutes or even 10. Unless she is screaming ... crying is her way to get your attention, when she realizes that it isn't working then she will stop. It might take a little while to reassure her that she can go to sleep on her own, but she will learn. I was just like you and finally at 10 and half months let my baby cry, I would go in rub his back, sing to him, tell him a story I memorized in my head over and over. Then he would fall asleep. I did this for a week. He would wake in the middle of the night (I had cut out middle of the night feedings) I would go in and comfort him. Finally, I had it and decided that I would wait to see how long it would take for him to fall asleep, I think 20 minutes the first time. Then it got less and less. I decided I had to ignore the middle of the night wakings and guess what ... he went back to sleep. Sometimes he didn't even wake up all the way, which was usually the case. She cries because she knows that is what it will take for you to go in there. My son is 17 months and just woke up and was crying for a few minutes, I didn't go get him and he went back to sleep. The first few nights of crib sleeping, I was sleeping in his room, big mistake, it is like they know you are there and they just keep crying for you. After a week of that I said no more, I need my sleep. I slept in my own room and turned off the visutal monitor and it made a huge difference. We started putting him to bed at 9 at night and he would sleep until 9 in the morning. Of course he woke up for a while at 6 am and I would give him a bottle, that lasted a month, but if I hear him in the morning now, I ignore it and he goes back to sleep. The whole sleep traing thing took about two weeks because at first it was so hard to hear him cry. If you have questions, just send me a personal note. Good luck, you can do it!! You can tell if she is teething if she is miserable during the day, drooling more than usual and irritable. If not, I don't think it is teething.

If you are letting her cry, when you go in, do whatever you can not to pick her up. My son had some issues a while back, even though we put him down awake from day 1 and he is a good sleeper. He was really upset (separation anxiety, I think), so we'd let him cry (and this was a really upset, screaming cry), and then go in at regular intervals. I wouldn't pick him up, but as he was standing up in the crib, I'd put my arms around him and rub his back -- basically hug him, but he remained in the crib the whole time. He practically fell asleep while standing up. When I went to lay him down, he'd cry again, so I'd sit next to the crib on the floor and put my hand on him until he calmed down, then later after he was quiet for a bit, take my hand away but remain sitting there, then gradually move further and further away. It happened on two different nights, and then he went back to his usual good sleeping patterns.

As you prepare for baby #2, consider reading Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for an alternate strategy to nursing your baby to sleep. We have done this for two children, and both of them are good at going to sleep on their own, in their crib, awake.

it's true, you CAN'T hold her forever. one day she will be too big and she won't want you to hold her. i know, it's so hard to have this little person who needs you so intensely, and it's really draining, this whole separation anxiety phase that she is going through. and you are probably feeling pressure just thinking about how it's going to be when the new baby comes along -- maybe she is picking up on that tension? but that is what, seven months from now? six months? that's practically an eternity in terms of development. it possibly that she could grow out of it by then.

for now, is there any way that you can lay down with her? is there a reason why you stopped nursing her to sleep? that's often the only way i can get my dd down, still, at 12 months.

this is an article that always reassures me whenever i feel overwhelmed about my baby's frustrating sleep habits:
http://www.mothering.com/guest_editors/quiet_place/141.html

Get some help.... Do you have a trusted friend or family member (Dad?) that can step in for a night? YOU need some rest to effectively deal with this matter and a change of nightime personnel might actually help the situation as well. I went throught this when my third child was born.... Focus on small gains and what you find tolerable right now. If you aren't going to let her cry it out (I couldn't either), then maybe you could try lying down with her.... Yes, new issues might develop, but there are things that we do for the short-term to make our lives manageable. YOU need some rest/support/time now..... Dad needs to know that it "ain't gonna be good" if you fall apart..... Good luck!

First of all stop beating yourself up. Breastfeeding a baby to sleep is never a bad thing. Second of all if she's settling down after everytime you pick her up nothing is hurting. If her teeth were hurting or she had gas then picking her up would make that go away. It sounds like she just needs to know that you will still be there. My almost 1 year old does the same thing for naps and bedtime. He's clearly tired, but as soon as he sees the crib coming he starts crying. There are times he'll cry longer than others or harder, but eventually he does fall asleep.

I can tell you with my oldest (who is now 9) I couldn't handle hearing her cry so hard. She ended up sleeping in bed with us a lot. Plus I was spending hours laying down with her once she had her own big girl bed getting her to go to sleep. I would fall asleep and she'd still be laying there awake. Finally when she was almost 3 I had to stop that. I was pregnant with my second and there just wasn't room in the bed for her. We had made her own little "bed" on the floor in our bedroom for her and started having her fall asleep on her own. There were nights where she was up until 11:00. Not crying or anything, but just not sleeping. I think in like a week though she was falling asleep on her own in her own little bed and then we were able to move her to her own room and her own bed. She did fine ever since then. So my point is there is an end to this. I wouldn't recommend doing this for almost 3 years though especially since you are expecting and sleep will soon be very hard to come by anyways. So don't give up just yet. At this age babies remember you and she just needs to know that you are still going to be there. So reassuring her that you are still there every few minutes or so should be all you need to get her to learn that her crib is just as safe a place to sleep as your arms.

M.

She's nine months old. She's telling you something important. She needs to be rocked, held, cuddled and loved to sleep. It may not be the most convenient thing in the world, but we don't have children for convenience' sake ;)

This times are short. Enjoy them. Rock, nurse, and love your baby to sleep. She needs you!

Oh, I'm so sorry for you. I've been there, and it's miserable. First of all, don't beat yourself up over what you've done in the past - there's no changing that and so no point in stressing about it.

I think you've hit the issue - you don't want her to cry, but you can't hold her forever. Perhaps others will say differently, but I think you have to pick. The endless rocking her routine, or crying. I know you're worried about letting her cry when she feels bad. That was always my thing; my daughter had ear infection after ear infection, and I never wanted her to be crying in pain and ignored. You know her best. How is she during the day? If she's fine, then she's fine at night too.

The crying is miserable. I wish it weren't. But at the same time, getting herself to sleep is an important thing. It will get better if you commit. I think you were doing the right thing. First go in after one minute, then five, then ten, etc. She will finally fall asleep. And you can do the same thing the next night.

The downside is that it feels awful to hear your child cry. The upside is that she won't remember any of this. Not one bit. She will still be so happy to see you in the morning, and will still love you tons. And you'll be so happy to see her in the morning, because you'll want to give her a great big hug and you won't be resentful that you spent half the night rocking her to sleep.

If you can, don't do this alone. Wait until your husband his home or get a friend to come and stay with you, at least for the initial "go to bed" crying. Turn off the monitor, turn on the tv, and do whatever you can to comfort yourself.

Some people might say that if it feels so wrong to let her cry then it's the wrong thing to do. That's a choice that works for them. But if you are dreading putting her to sleep at night, don't enjoy sitting with her and rocking her, don't want to nurse her to sleep forever, then what you are doing now isn't productive either. I think whatever makes you a better mom is ultimately best for your child, even if the short term is really kind of crappy.

Sorry that this is so long. I hope it was helpful. Good luck.

Congrats on your pregnancy.
I would *not* medicate your baby just for sleeping issues.
Try a book called "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber. We tried a modified (yes, we did pick her up) version of it when our baby was 8 months. It's not too different from what you're tryign to do, but it is all planned out and timed. It's a progressive method.
I have been in your position and it's not fun! Especially if you're working. Indeed, our baby was a great sleeper until I went back to work when she was 5 months.
Good luck!!

This feels like my life exactly, except substitute 8 month old daughter. I had the exact same issues. My little one always seemed to want to nurse right before sleep and then would fall asleep at the breast or with a bottle from Dad. She would be put into the crib asleep. Everyone told me I had to put her to bed awake, but how do you do that when she falls asleep eating right before bed? And, we probably didn't help the issue because initially when she was 1-2 months old, she really seemed fussy at night so we'd hold/rock her until she fell asleep. Fast forward to 6-7 months old, and she now won't go to sleep without being asleep in our arms and then wakes up 2-3 times a night sometimes to eat, sometimes to be rocked back to sleep.

I swore I would never do Ferber ("cry it out"), so I tried the Sousa graduated extinction method. Stand with your hand on her back, then hand on her foot, hand on the bed, stand next to the crib, stand 2 feet from the crib, etc until she settled and went to sleep but that didn't work at all. Finally after several exhausting nights, we committed to do Ferber. Everyone I talked to said it is 2-3 nights of torture and then you're fine. What a joke! 5 weeks in, we were still doing it. She'd usually fall asleep after nursing/bottle, go to her crib asleep and then when she woke up, we'd nurse her, if she didn't seem hungry but just wanted our attention, back to the crib she went. we did 5, 10, 15, 20 minute increments. It was torture on everyone! We had to sit in our room with the fan going to try to drown out the cries. She would be pulling herself up in the crib and then falling, sometimes hitting her head on the way. And, on we went for 5, 10, 15 minute increments. Finally, 4-5 weeks in, I said we have to try putting her down awake. So, we did. We'd feed her, get her close to sleep but not asleep and put her in the crib. Again, she would cry. And, now that we were weeks into it, we'd wait 15, then 20 minutes. (Ferber method says first night 5, 10, 15, etc. Second night 10, 15, 20, etc, to I think a max of starting at 20). Well, we couldn't deal with 20. So, we did 15 minutes and Dad and I paced and cried through the whole thing, watching her on the video monitor get up and cry and not settle. Then, after 15 minutes, we'd go in, lay her back down, pat her back, not pick her up, spend 1-2 minutes and leave for another 20. VERY DIFFICULT! I completely understand. But, once we started this method of starting her in the crib awake, it really did take only 3 nights. And, the first night it took 20-25 minutes total for her to fall asleep, then 15, then 10. I understand where you're coming from. It's horrible to listen to her cry. You feel responsible for all those nights of nursing to sleep. You're worried maybe she's hurt or in pain. I really think it's all just getting her used to falling asleep on her own. Forgot whatever you've done in the past (nursing to sleep, picking her up, etc.). Just start a new plan and go with it.

Now she goes in her crib for all naptimes and bedtime when she seems tired. Always goes in awake, NEVER cries, might crawl around for a bit, but always puts herself to sleep. And, for the first time in 8 months, she is sleeping through the night. I hear her get up sometimes and stir, but she is able to put herself back to sleep without rocking. She doesn't need the nursing, but just liked the comfort.

It was really hard and I think I was in the same boat as you by doing the "wrong" thing nursing her to sleep all those months, but this system really worked and it is so good for her and all of us.

If you can't do 5, 10, 15 minutes, try 3, 6, 9. Something, but you have to let her cry for a bit. I don't think she is hurt or has gas, she has just grown to need you to settle and needs to learn to settle on her own.

Final thought, my husband heard that sometimes air filters help because they both give a soothing white noise and help prevent congestion which might be waking her up. We have a Honeywell Portable True HEPA Air Purifier model 17000 bought at Home Depot that works great.

Good luck!!

IF you are at the end of your rope, you have to let her cry it out. Believe me, she won't remember it in the morning! Hug her, put her down and say good-night after your routine and let her cry for 3 minutes (use a timer!) and then go in and soothe her without picking her up and then say good-night again. Allow yourself to stay out of the room for 5 minutes and then 8 minutes and then longer, 10, 15, 20. The gagging and coughing is a normal worked-up crying sound, but she is not choking and eventually she will become so tired, so she will go to sleep. I know this sounds terrible to some, but at 9 months she is just wanting you to pick her up and basically sleep on top of you forever. She is comforted by you and your arms around her. So when will she ever learn to comfort herself? Unfortunately, we have to teach them. Does she have a blanket, stuff animal or anything in the crib with her that she is comforted by? Do you have any kind of white noise playing? We bought our daughter a crib aquarium that she pushes the button a light comes on, music and the fish swim around. It soothes her at night when she wakes up and then she goes right back to sleep. These can be additions, to the method of you allowing her to cry.

I am a firm believer that we moms hate to hear our babies crying, so we do everything possible to stop them--only making it worse for them. Crying is a normal part of life. She will not be scarred by it and will love getting a good night's rest in a few weeks! And she'll always be happy to see you in the morning, regardless of how much she cries at night. Please give it a chance before you give up!! Good luck, D.

I think letting her cry is worth trying again. You can go in an hug her without picking her up, waiting longer between each time. Not just a few minutes but like 10-15-20 if she cries that long. It's SO hard, but I seriously doubt it would take a week for her to quiet down and sooth herself. This worked with my little guy at that age, and it only took one or two nights. If you can resolve to do it, it would help you both so much in the long run. I can't stand hearing my son gag himself, but I'm sure they do it for attention. Please don't try the medication if she doesn't need it...that's not going to help her and could potentially harm her. God bless you as you struggle through this, you're not alone! You can do it!

Emily cries because she wants you to hold her. She know if she cries you will be back to pick her up. It happens every time, and she knows it. Unfortunately, you have to be strong and not go back and pick her up. You can try reassuring her and putting her back down when she stands, but just your presence may indicate to her that you are going to give in. Good luck.

i would say that since now you have picked her up she now knows that if she cries hard enough you will pick her up.. try having your husband put her to bed maybe she will know that no one is going to pick her up.. i know this is the hardest thing ever to hear them cry till they are choking.. but she know you will go get her and well she is playing you!

Hi L.- This is tough because each child responds differently to techniques. I "ferbered" my first child early, around 3 months. My best friend rocked her son to sleep until he was almost 18 months. She had quite the problems, if you could imagine. Any time he awoke in the middle of the night, he required her to rock him again which lead to her just sleeping in his room in the spare bed. Her ped finally made her "ferber" him at 18 months. Obviously a lot harder as they are older. There are the dramatic gasps for air, or the trying to climb out. Honestly though, I think it is harder on the mom. She had to turn the monitor off and not go back in to his room until he literally cried (exhausted) himself to sleep. The next morning she expected there to be hard feelings and resentment, but he awoke the same happy boy as always. He also slept through the night for the first time. It only took her 2 nights until she was able to have a bedtime routine and he went in to the crib awake.

So, long story long...I think you should read a book, feed her and rock he until she is drowsy but not alseep, kiss her goodnight and tell her you are not coming back in. And then not go back in...worth a try.

Good luck

Hi L. -

I went through the same thing. I haven't read anybody else's response but I will tell you what I did.
1)If you think that pain is part of the problem (such as teeth) give motrin not tylenol before bed
2)Do the bed time rituals like you are but push them back an hour or so. I was doing the same thing trying to get my daughter to bed by 8:30 but she really isn't tired until 9:30 or 10:00 (you want her to be as tired as possible when you bring her in the room) i.e. yawning, eyelids drooping etc. If you try to put her to bed before she is really ready - you may be in for a battle
3)I put my daughter in the crib with her blanket and pacifier then I put a pillow next to her crib on the floor. I lie her down in the crib and I tell her that I am going to lie down on the floor next to her and stay with her until she falls asleep. If your daughter cries just say "I am here with you - it's time for bed" don't pick her up or make lengthy conversation. Also, make sure the room is as dark as possible (black out shades etc.) and have one little night light. Everytime your daughter cries just keep repeating "honey I am here with you - it's time for bed"

When I first started this - it took my daughter 30 minutes to fall asleep. But within a week it went down to 15 minutes and that is what we are still at. I refuse to let my child scream and cry and I want her to know that I am there for her, but I still want her to fall asleep by herself.

One more thing - make sure your daughter doesn't nap after 2 or 3 pm otherwise they may not be sleepy. Try to limit the naps to an hour or hour and a half. I hope this is helpful

A.

We used the SleepEasy method - a sort of kinder, gentler cry it out - you can get the DVD on Amazon. Within three nights of crying and check-ins without touching him, my son was putting himself to sleep and sleeping through the night.

It was difficult to hear him cry - the key is to watch a digital clock and to write down the times you check in on him. You will see that it really isn't all that long, and you will survive - so will Emily!

The SleepEasy method recommends that you do not start the training if the baby has any illness or teething. If she's fine during the day, she'll probably be fine at night. You will be able to tell the difference between a pain cry or a comfort cry. Once Emily is trained, she'll keep crying if she needs you, and will be able to put herself to sleep without you if she's a-ok.

You have to think of it as a chance for Emily to learn this great life skill. If you continue to nurse, rock and comfort her to sleep, she will have greater difficulty putting herself to sleep as she grows older. A friend of mine did not sleep train her oldest daughter and eleven years later she is a terrible sleeper, waking mom in the middle of the night to help her go back to sleep. The three children she did sleep train are all great sleepers.

Good luck with whatever route you take, and hopefully you'll all be sleeping peacefully soon.

L.,

This is my first time responding to a request. I have only started looking at this site in the past few weeks. It seems great. I noticed that you wrote that your husband is away a lot with work, but I am not sure if you mean during the day only, or at night too. I don't want to sound insenstive with my suggestion if he is gone at night, as my advide will not apply as well, but I will tell you my story in case parts of it help you or someone else who is reading.
I have two daughters, one who nursed in the night for almost the enite first year, and a second who went even longer! When my first daughter was 11 months we decided it was time to let her cry it out during the night. I had been up with her 2-3 times a night since she was born, and I always nursed her. I didn't regret it at all, but I was a walking zombie at work. I don't even think I realized how bad it was until I finally got to sleep an entire night. Anyway, my husband and I decided that it would never work if I was the one to make the break, he was going to have to do the dirty work. So we chose a night, and I went out with my girlfriends for the first time really all year. It was just what I needed, and I didn't have to be around for the heartbreaking crying. It took a long time, but he got her to sleep. He would pat her and soothe her for a minute while she was in her crib, and then he would leave her even if she was crying or standing up. He would check on her every 5 minutes, and spend a minute again. She would settle a bit when he showed up, but would cry again when he left. He kept streching the timespacing out as well. She was finally exhausted, and was so glad to see him come back in, that she fell asleep. All was well until she woke up to nurse in the middle of the night. He did the same routine, we knew it would only upset her more if I went in. Also, I was too weak, and I knew if I went in I would pick her up. Well . . . it took 2 hours and 45 minutes! At times she would almost settle down, and then she would wind right up again. My husband would go in every 15 minutes to reassure her, but he would not stay for more than a minute or so. Thankfully I had a few drinks for the first time in a year, so I was able to rest knowing he was dealing with her, and not be freaking out thinking I was an awful mom. I could hear her but I didn't stress out as terribly. Also, I was so grateful to have it finally not be my responsibility. Well, the next day her daycare teacher said she was hoarse, and she was. But at this point I was in it for the long haul. The next night she went for two hours. The third night it was an hour and a half, the fourth night it was an hour, the fifth night it was a half hour, and the sixth night she slept!!!!! It was tough to let her cry, but it was necessary. And if we had waited until she was older it just would have been even harder.
I was pregnant again two months later with my second, and I was so glad that I had my first one finally settled. From then on out my husband put her to bed, and got up with her on the occasions when she did wake up. Our agreement was that I did the first year, and now it was his turn. When the next baby came, it was perfect because I put the baby to bed, and he put the older one down. Since it was her routine, she didn't feel like the baby was stealing her mommy time, so it wasn't disruptive, and it didn't cause jealousy.
When the second one was 16 months old we made the same transition at bedtime and in the night. I thought this one would be even harder, as we had slept with her since she was born, which was something we had never done with the older one. So the second was experiencing an even bigger transition, no nursing at bedtime or in the night, AND sleeping alone in her previously unused crib. Surprisingly she handled it better than her sister, not nearly as lengthy crying spells. After a few nights of his routine she would stand up and cry when he left, but when he came back in the room she would lie right down so that he could pat her butt. Sometimes if he walked away a bit too soon she would reach up and pat her own butt to tell him to keep it up! Also, when he took over the bedtime for the baby, my older daughter was so pleased to get to do bedtime with me, and I was honestly so happy to have that alone time with her that I hadn't gotten as much of since her sister was born. So it worked out for everyone. Now, when they wake up in the night, I get the older one and he gets the younger one. Sometimes I get more sleep, sometimes he does, but in the end it is fair to both of us, and it works.
If your husband is away over night a lot then perhaps you can choose to do this at a time when you know he will be home at night for a week or two. Then, once your daughter has made the transition, you can take over. Just train her with him for as long as you can.
Obviously you have to have a husband that is willing to make the sacrafice, and he has to be patient. My husband was great with it because he just followed the rule about leaving after a minute, and staying away for 5 minutes (gradually increasing to 10 minutes). He knew it was the right thing so he just did it. He never resented it becasue he always appreciated that I had done all the time for the first year. Your husband will make his own routine with her, and it will get easier. He will feel empowered once he is the one who can get her settled each night. In fact, my husband puts my younger one down for nap on the weekends as well (during the week she is in daycare), I don't even know how to put her down for a nap or bed, I haven't done it in months. Hopefully your husband is the type that can handle this type of situation and not get frustrated, as that is the reason it worked for us. The second baby is on the way, so you are going to need relief during your prenancy. You may as well start to set up a routine that will flow nicely once the new child arrives.
I have a lot of friends who wish they had set things up like this with their husbands, but not all of them have one who would be willing. My feeling is that we are both the parents, so it should be both of our jobs. It really works out well. We have a smooth and quick bedtime 99% of the time. My friends who are trying to put two kids down by themselves can struggle for an hour or more trying to do the bedtime thing. The crying it out now will save you a ton of bedtime hassle later, and getting your husband involved now will prepare you for the futute. For me the true key to making the break at bedtime was to have him take over, and honestly, I didn't have the heart to do it, I would always pick her up. He was patient and stuck with it, just soothing words and patting her or rubbing her back.
So, sorry my response was so long, but I really do want to be helpful. And again, I did not mean to be insensitve to you if your husband is away at night and it is not possible to try this. Hopefully some piece of it can still be helpful.
Best of luck,
K.

L.,

First off congratulations on the new baby! You sound completely exasperated!!! I feel for you. The good thing is that you can change these behaviors...it is just going to take time and commitment. Unfortunately what I have found with my three boys is that crying out for us is the only thing that works. And it really only takes a few days to a week. It might be on the longer end because your daughter is used to getting "her way" by you coming in to hold her. It's a power struggle at this point.

I think starting later with bedtime is maybe not the right thing to do. By the time kids rub their eyes they are past their "window". I take my boys up at 6pm to start the bedtime routine...bath, jammies, stories, bed. The baby is asleep by 630pm, then I will read a bit longer to the older two who go into the room around 645pm. The oldest will stay up and read in bed for maybe 30 minutes and then go to sleep.

Usually they are all asleep by 730pm, which gives me a chance to recharge my adult batteries.

I know this is heartbreaking for you!!! But she is playing you. You will do her the biggest favor by teaching her to fall asleep on her own. So next time you put her down, take a deep breath and go take a shower for 20 minutes. This will drown out her crying and hopefully relax you. If she is still going at it after that go in there, settle her down, lie her back down, cover her up and leave the room. Go watch tv or read a book. Don't stand outside her door!!! Wait another 40 minutes this time. Yes...it might take that long...or longer...but it will be worth it in the long run!!!

Good luck and my heart is with you!! I always put down my babies awake, but they still went through this phase around 9 months! New and exciting things going on.

H. Z. (SAHM 5, almost 4, and 16 month old boys)

Hi L.,
I feel for you, it's so hard to figure out this mom thing and to feel that you are doing the right thing. Everyone has an opinion about what you should do. But the "right thing" is different for everyone so all I can do is tell you what worked for me and maybe, hopefully, it will help you a little bit.

My 5 month old daughter is exclusively breastfed and she usually falls asleep on the boppy pillow during her final feeding, so we carry her upstairs and slip her into the crib and she sleeps through the night. (She has slept through the night in her own crib since 9 weeks old which is when she discovered her thumb -yes i know, i am VERY LUCKY!!)

But in the past month, some nights she wakes up on the way upstairs to the crib and she cries when we put her in. The first time that happened it was 30-minutes before she went to sleep. I was crying myself. I thought "oh no, i should've listened and not fed her to sleep every night!" But really, who is going to wake up a sleeping baby to put her to bed!! Ridiculous.

Anyway, I restrained myself from picking her up, poked my head in a few times to make certain she was OK (she was, just very snuffly from all the crying). Well she finally went to sleep and slept through the night. The next night it happened she cried a little less and fell asleep. Now if I put her in the crib while she's still awake she may cry for a few seconds but that's about it. Here's the thing - I felt OK with her crying it out because when I put her to sleep I KNEW SHE WAS TIRED, and I knew she was clean and fed, etc.

I had a bigger problem with naps. She fought them so hard so I just figured she doesn't nap and went on that way for months. But I ended up with a really CRANKY baby who was very very sleepy, visibly so, and I was very frustrated. I tried letting her cry it out for naps and it finally worked - I had a harder time persevering with the naps than I did night bedtime. If I put her down too early for the nap it won't always work, but lately 1pmish is the magic time - so she naps about 2.5 - 3 hours and I can check emails and finally get things done. Hallelujah!

So in my experience with my daughter, crying it out has worked. It's excruciating for mom and dad at first but the crying wanes and baby learns to self-sooth and gets used to the crib. Just like me and every other mom out there, the sound of your baby crying just breaks your heart so I'd suggest talking to your pediatrician just to make sure all is ok with your little angel if you're going to try the cry out. That may give you the peace of mind you need to persevere.

Good luck and I hope this helps!! Hang in there, you're a good mom and your baby loves you!!

I dont know what type of responses you got before, but heres my suggestion. YOU need to tell her a firm "NO" & mean it! When she stands up in the crib do not hug her, tell her no, its bedtime, & lay her back down. Your creating what shes doing, by hugging her your encouraging her. She knows what no means. Let her cry it out. Even if its 15 min, if/when you return to the room, NO hugging! Tell her its bedtime & that she needs to goto sleep. Lay her down, play lullaby music or other sounds on a cd. She needs to self sooth. Ok, the coughing & gagging thing, let her throw up. Shes gotten herself so worked up. Clean her all up & continue to play the tough love. I know some dont agree with this, its so harsh or she too young. Well you get what you teach, she cant be dependant on you for sleep. Let her self sooth, does she have a favorite toy/blanket? Let her have it. Put her to bed groggy. Tough love, it'll be harder on you, but you need to do it. And please, dont bring her in bed with you, thats a far worse habit to break! :) She'll be fine & so will you in the longrun - - good luck!

Fulltime working mom, 2 girls 7 & 4. Married 8 yrs.

Wow L. - this is hard isn't it?
First off - I am not the best at this myself. I learned a lot trying to teach my now 3 y.o. how to sleep and am wondering why I'm following the same path with my 2nd (now 5 months old - almost;)
I think the key is to not try to "get them to sleep" before you've taught them HOW to go to sleep. You'll drive yourself mad.
So, with that - great! you have a routine now. That is super important. If you introduced this to an older baby, I think it takes longer to be affective. It's very hard not to nurse a baby to sleep, so don't beat yourself up. Are you still nursing? Once your baby is asleep - does she stay asleep? Has she always gone down in her crib, or did you co-sleep?
You have a lot of factors that need to be accounted for - we all do when trying to teach our children to sleep.
For my eldest we went from nursing to sleep, to laying on a futon in her room and nursing (almost) to sleep, but taking it away as she was nearly out and cuddling her (rubbing her back, songs). (White noise is helpful, as well.) Then we atarted putting her in her crib and doing those "cuddling things" - then we started to pull away from "touch" before she was asleep, but stay in the room singing. Then there was almost no touch and I would sit on her floor (and stretch, actually)and hum and sing a little, then I would do it from her door...then out the door...then we were putting her in her crib and saying "good night".
See what I'm saying?
Baby steps. In my heart it's the only way. I thought I would do it differently the 2nd time, but this is what feels like the natural way, so I'm running with it. It didn't take as long as all this sounds.
Initially it was really getting into routine. Eventually, by story time their eyes start drooping and they know what's coming. Then it was weaning her off of us. You said your husband is away a lot, but boy would it be helpful to get him involved - especially, b/c you're really going to need the support with #2 now coming.
But really, once we didn't have to lay down with her to get her to sleep - it took about a month. From putting her into the crib to backing away - getting out of the room - and then being able to pretty much walk right out. That first week might mean an hour by their crib, but that's what it is and then they learn and you'll forget the challenge involved and the sacrifice it took.

Congratulations and strength, peace, and patience to you!

L.,
It sounds like you are doing all the "right" things. Her crying when you leave is normal and it sucks letting her cry but she will fall asleep eventually. Give yourself a good 3 min. (i couldn't go 5 min so i did 3) before you go back in. Set a timer if need be. It will seem like forever but find someting to do... Dishes, brush your teeth, fold laundry anything to stay away. Also... When you put her down don't linger. If you linger it lets her know that her crying keeps you there, and when you go back in try not to talk alot. Just the usual.. Time to go nite nite or what ever you say. Keep trying and you'll both get there. Good luck!

I feel so badly for you! I know your pain - I have 11 month old twin daughters and we're going through the same thing (times 2!). I hate to let my babies cry, too. We have been working on it and I gently lie them down (one baby is more tenacious than the other) and tell them it's time to go to sleep. I walk out of the room and after a minute or 2, come back and lie them back down. I do this over and over every night and eventually they do go to sleep. If they lie down on their own, I sing quietly, but don't touch them (sounds mean, but I want them to figure it out and if they seem to be on their own, then I think it's a good thing). It is slowly getting better. My son (who is 3) went through this, too. It was a slow process but it worked eventually. I know this may not be the best advice, but it's the only thing that works and sticks for me. Good luck!

Oh my gosh L., your poor baby is trying to tell you something! Have you tried bringing her to bed with you??? It sounds like she needs you during the night. I personally think the "cry it out method" is cruel and would never recommend it. No you have not done anything wrong with breastfeeding her all these months! Goodness, she happens to be a normal baby who just needs her mother during the night. Listen, I come from a long line of mothers: three sisters and myself and mom(who has been a Le Leche League Leader for over 25 years and mother to seven)we have ALL breastfed and brought our babies to bed with us and we all have highly intelligent and very happy babies. I would suggest picking up a couple of books. The Continuum Concept (crucial for any mom to read) and any Dr. Sears books (a highly respected pediatrician with 8 children himself, his wife and two sons are also authors). There is nothing wrong with your baby! Keep her close to you, continue breastfeeding her to sleep, try wearing a sling during the day, consider taking her to bed with you, and definitely read those books!
good luck!

As you can see from all the responses and advice you have received, sleep issues are very common.

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate - a spouse who is away a lot with work, a 9 month old and a baby on the way.

I have a six year old and a ten month old. Both are "terrible" sleepers. I think you need to do what feels right to you as a parent. I know the Ferber method (which works for many) is not for me. Any version of "crying it out" also does not work for me.

My ten month old is still nursing. We have a childproof room with a mattress on the floor. I nurse him to sleep there. Sometimes we rock him, sometimes we rub his back with background music and a fan on in the room for white noise.

Sometimes when I am especially tired, I will keep him in bed with me - he nurses to sleep and nurses a few times during the night. On those nights we both get the sleep that we need.

Right now your baby may be on the cusp of a milestone - which makes them poor sleepers, or teething. Babies can sense when parents are frustrated and sometimes that alone will make them clingy. There are many reasons why babies don't sleep well.

Make sure to take care of yourself during this period, try the suggestions that fit into your style of parenting.

Most of all, try to put things into perspective - babies are little (and very needy) for such a short time.

I have a friend who's son passed away when he was three. I think of her whenever I have frustrating parenting moments - she would trade for my "problems" in a heartbeat.

Good Luck and take care.
T.

There is a fantastic book you should check out. It was recommended to me by my best friend (who has three children), and I've used it with both my children and recommended it to all my other friends. They all swear by it. It's called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", by Marc Weissbluth.

Hi L.: First of all, I want to commend you for trying to respond to your daughter. I know it is really hard to be desperate for your child to sleep, yet hard to let her cry. We are also dealing with this issue. There are so many different ways of looking at this and ultimately we all need to find what feels right to us as parents, for our children. It's helpful and seductive to read the books, I've found, because I learn things, but then I also start to doubt my instincts about my own child and get into a vicious guilt trip about what I should do for her own good, etc., etc. I truly believe there is no one right way to address sleep issues. I agree with you that it is really hard to just leave and let babies cry. She may be uncomfortable, or she just may need to by nurtured because she is a baby. If you want to sleep train, many people suggest Kim West's Goodnight, Sleep tight book and the Ferber book actually is not as hardcore as some lead to believe. But these are ultimately methods to train your daughter to sleep, that involve letting her cry in the process of learning to put herself to sleep. There is a whole other camp of folks that believe that babies should be parented to sleep and that leaving them to cry may cause detachment issues, etc. Elizabeth Pantley has the No Cry Sleep Solution book and there is a Yahoo group for it to received support and advice, if you choose to go that route. Ultimately, trust your instincts and whatever you decide to do, pay close attention to your daughter and whether she is ok with the path you are going down. As desperate as this all feels right now, it is going to change. She is going to get older and sleep may become easier to accomplish as some of these developmental leaps happen. If you are desperate for sleep on a given night, maybe you should try bringing her into bed with you, so that you can get some rest. You may not feel comfortable with this, and that's fine, but if you are, allow yourself that. I've rambled on, but when I read your post I could so identify with what you wrote. I have passed through my desperation and am in a more accepting place right now. I bring my daughter into bed with us after she wakes up after the first stretch, if she won't settle back in her crib. We are comfortable with this, as we are slwoly trying to help her learn to sleep more on her own. I have realized how fast the time is going and so have regained some perspective and know that this will all work out eventually. I wish you the very best. Take care. C.

Let me tell you, it is the hardest thing you'll have to do in your young baby's life, but you have to let her fall asleep IN her crib, without you. She has to continue to cry like that. Every time you went in the room, you made her realize that if she cries long and hard enough, you'll come in. Once you break her of that realization, she'll figure out that she can go to sleep on her own. It's painful as a mom to listen to it, and I almost gave up - but I kept hearing my mother in my head saying, if you go in - you'll start ALL over again. So imagine listening to it for one hour, and then you cave and go in, the next time it will be 2 hours, etc.... I know it seems cruel and of course you worry that something is hurting her, but I have to reassure you that she's fine. You didn't do anything "wrong" - you just have to help your baby learn the appropriate thing you want her to do. You are right, you CAN'T hold her forever, especially with baby #2 on the way. And you don't want to be doing that forever even if you didn't have baby #2 on the way. My daughter is now 3 and a half and she has gone to bed like a dream ever since breaking her of that habit by letting her cry it out. There are all sorts of different schools of thought, but this one worked for us. Trust me, there were times I sat outside her door crying myself, wondering if I was a bad mom, or "what should I do" and just when I would be about to cave in, she'd stop crying and go to sleep. It WILL happen. Be strong. Time it, and realize that every night it might get slightly shorter in duration, but ONLY if you don't go in. We also bought one of those crib musical soothers with a switch that she could eventually activate on her own (they make some with remotes too, but you don't want her to see you so much as peek in the room). My daughter eventually used this to soothe herself back to sleep - even in the middle of the night! Good luck and stay strong - you can do it - it will be SO worth it in the end.

I suggested you buy "Good Night, Sleep TIght: The Sleep Lady's gentle guide to helping your child go to sleep, stay asleep, and wake up happy" by Kim West. A friend gave me her copy of this book a couple of weeks ago when I was complaining that I was up BF my 5 mth old every 2-3 hours a night.I have seen major improvement in my daughter's sleep since using the Sleep Lady's suggestions. The book is broken down into sections; the first three chapters explaining her method, than the later chapters focusing on age groups and their different sleep issues. Very easy to read and follow. I plan on trying some of her tips with my 3 year old, who has her own sleep issues.

Good luck and do what feels right for you and your baby!

PLEASE get the "Good Night Sleep Tight" book by Kim West. She also has a website and you can either sign up for a phone consult to ask her your own questions, either in a group/conference call format which is far cheaper (like $45) than an individual consult. All three of my wee ones were HORRIFIC, and I got so sick of all the advice that seemed to apply to all those "easy" babies who sleep came naturally too. The "sleep lady" as she's known, uses a gentle, but effective approach that's middle of the road from holding to sleep vs. letting them cry it out. The book is excellent in itself and gives an age by age guide of how to do it, but it's such nice comfort knowing you can contact her personally too. My husband is also away a lot. I've got a 4 yr. old, 2 yr. old and a 3 month old and I know what it's like to be at your wits end. (I'm using her book as a guide to help with my 3 month old now.) So please pick up a copy of her book today!! and feel free to contact me again if you simply need to report how awful your night was with someone to commiserate with, because I literally FEEL YOUR PAIN.

you could try laying down with her. maybe put the crib right next to your bed so she can see you.i,myself, am not a believer in the crying it out method. i do not see how a child can get a peacefull sleep when they get themselves so worked up. until your child can actually put into words what the problem is i would suggest that you give her all you can to make her feel secure.good luck.

Hi L.,

I can empathize with you and know how difficult it is to hear your child cry. My daughter is 8 months old and was carrying out the same routine at night. I would find myself giving in, as you have, picking her up and having her finally fall asleep only to awaken as soon as she felt herself leaving my arms. I also did not like to have her cry, however, it was the only thing that worked. Some good news is it only took two nights of crying-it-out (and the second was much shorter than the first) until she slept through the night again. I followed the Ferber method of extending the time I went back in by 5 minutes, sometimes 10, each time. It was hard to wait 30 minutes but I knew that it was best - they are smart little ones and know the difference between 2 minutes and 30...and they don't mind crying for 2 minutes to get you back to them.

Also, what I had to try to do, which made my daughter upset, was go into her nursery give her the pacifier she had lost say a quick reassuring word and then leave right away. The last time I went in she took the pacifier, turned on her side and fell asleep. Although it is so natural to try to comfort, hold and rub her back, try do give her as little attention and reward as possible. She will forgive you, I still get big morning smiles and laughs in the morning even after a rough night.

It's not easy and there were many times my husband had to remind me that this is best and to let her cry. The choking, coughing and everything makes it almost impossible but my daughter did this too and as long as you have a monitor and are able to hear that she is not in any danger she will be ok.

I wish you the best of luck and all the physical and emotional strength needed to get through this situation.

Kind regards,
N.

I had very similar issues with my son until I weaned him. I totally miss nursing him but had to stop nursing due to health problems, but I do think that there is something about nursing that makes it hard for kids to fall asleep on their own. That being said, I would try not to stress about your child taking a long time to fall asleep while you are holding him or her. Your baby will not want this forever, and it is a sweet, amazing closeness that there is NOTHING wrong with. I hold my son as he falls asleep and he has been sleeping through the night for 3 months. I did do some gentle sleep training that involved him crying for up to 5 minutes and then me coming in and giving him a pacifier. But, he was not nursing, so he was not associating me with food and he also was full enough to go long stretches at night. I think that if you are nursing, night feeding is part of the routine. I also would not stress too much about the next baby until a few months before the due date because even if your baby starts sleeping through the night now, so much will change between now and then. You also won't have the time to snuggle/nurse your first baby when the second comes, so you should do it now, while you still can.
ANd...you are totally right, you DON"T know if your baby is sick/in pain and letting them cry when you feel it is not right is not something you have to do. It is a baby who cannot communicate and is very vulnerable. It will all change as your baby grows older, but for now...follow your heart!

If you are really worried something is wrong with her, bring her for a check-up. If she's ok, honestly, try the cry-out method. YES, its horrible, quite frankly... it SUCKS. I had to do it with my son after he was still ONLY sleeping in his car seat at 6 months! After 4 nights of SOME yelling, and SHAKING THE CRIB TO SLEEP, he was fine. Now he will ONLY sleep in his crib, with a Homedics projector/sound machine we got a JcPenny. You can also get it at Target. He still uses it every night and rarely has trouble going to bed at 15 months. I also put him to bed with a training cup of water so he drifts off with something to suck on because he wont use pacifiers.. Hope i helped.. Good luck!

So many of us sympathize with you. I breastfed both of my children to 14 & 15 mos. I also could never get them into the crib to sleep. The act of lowering them down into it would wake them up & start them screaming. Letting them cry it out led to gagging & puking. So we got rid of the crib & replaced it with a mattress on the floor. I would nurse them to sleep then roll myself off of the mattress. It worked for both of my children & it was and still is much easier for me to leave their room then try to get them out of my bed. I simply babyproofed their room & put a gate in the doorway so when they woke up they coulden't get hurt. And since the mattress was on the floor I didn't need to worry about them rolling off & getting hurt. It's unconventional, but you have to do whatever works. Good luck to you

Your routine sounds wonderful and you should keep that in place. Keep up with putting her down in her crib and letting her fall asleep on her own. The next part will be hard...but it worked for us and you should give it a try.

Leave her. Go and sit in another part of the house, in a room with a digital clock. Do not go back until atleast 15 minutes has passed. After 15 minutes, if she hasn't started to settle down, head back in, give her a hug, lay her back down, and leave again. Repeat.

The next night...same thing, but stay out for 20 minutes. And so on.

After being nursed to sleep, she has to learn to put herself to sleep. It's best for you to do this now, while she is still so young, and before baby #2 arrives. We have 3 boys(4, 2, and 1) and our first one we use to rock to sleep. We did this, and it was especially difficult for me...my husband is the one who suggested watching the clock. He needed me to see that it was not that long of a time that we were leaving the baby to cry. It helps. It can feel like an eternity when they are screaming.

With our second and third, we started them out at about 6-8 weeks putting themselves to sleep...they were champs~ and then we never had to do this with them. At our house, all three guys are in bed by 7:30, and fall asleep on their own and then we get some time to ourselves. This won't be easy, but it the best thing for her~and you. Good luck!