Ugh!! I am at my wits end tonight! We're in the process of potty training our 2 yo and I try to be as supportive and encouraging whenever she says she needs to go potty... However, she's figured out that if she declares "poops are coming" and "I have to go potty" right at the moment we say goodnight, then she can delay bedtime for 20, 30 or 40 minutes. And of course, she is insistent that she has to go until she does do something--usually pee (although she has surprised me once or twice). But really, if anyone sits on the toilet long enough, they're bound to pee! I feel like I'm getting toyed with by my 2 year old! (I know, I can hear some of you saying "Wait until she's 14!" LOL!)
My thought is not to disipline her nor refuse to let her try, because I don't want to send confusing reactions to her potty training efforts. But I really can't let this behavior continue--she's staying up to 9:30-10! And its so obvious that she's tired, but the more tired she gets, the more wound up and insistent she is... tears running down her cheeks, "yeah mama, I have to go! I have to go!" (And she's not doing it for candy or stickers because we haven't done a reward for potty use).
I'm sure she's not the first toddler to try this little ploy... Or maybe I just need to let the 10pm bedtime happen, stop stressing about it and assume that she really senses something but it takes her that long to make anything happen...?? Any advice on how to break this pattern yet still preserve a positive potty training environment would be so appreciated! Thanks!
You have gotten great advice already...I just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
My 3 yo son tried this delay tactic too...I just left the light on in the bathroom and told him to go and then get right back in bed. And left him alone...sometimes he will get up to pee and goes right back to bed.
Good luck!
{{{{hugs}}}}
Hi Karen,
My son did this same thing and still continues to avoid bedtime, 8 yrs later. Although you don't want to discourage her potty training, you have to nip this in the bud. It is just a phase, but one that will continue and she will just be staying up longer and longer to the point there is no reasoning with her because she is so tired. It is hard to decide how to handle it. Try taking her to the bathroom right before putting her in her bed. Make it part of her bedtime routine. If she starts to insist she has to go then you explain to her (I know explaining/reasoning with a 2yo but she is completely understands what she is doing) tell her that she just went a few minutes ago and that there is no way she needs to go again that soon. Tell her it is time to go to bed now and potty time will be later. See if this helps any. It got to the point with my son that I had to completely refuse him going to the bathroom right after getting into bed. EVENTUALLY he got over it. It didn't ruin his potty training nor did he wet the bed. These kiddos are smart these days. Good luck.
I would be a bit firmer with her...you are the Mother after all. At two and potty trained, she will not get mixed signals, she is smart enough. Try this...before bed, without reminding her it is bedtime, take her potty. Make sure she does both if you can. When she is finished, praise her and tell her now it is time to go to bed, it is bedtime, not potty time and do not back down. This will only work the first night then she will catch on (hopefully it will break her on the first night you stick to your guns). The next night start bedtime earlier than usual and tell her "this is the last time you can use the potty, if you don't go now, you will have to use your pullup because it is bedtime." I do not think this will have an adverse affect on her potty training because you will make the issue about BEDTIME and not about potty training. She is still a bit little to expect nightime dryness anyway so I don't think that will be affected, tackle that issue later on. Good luck.
She really does have to go!!! My little boy (now almost 6) started the same thing at around 3. At first, we were so frustrated at thinking he was just delaying bedtime, things were very hectic. Now, we know he really does need to go, so I just tell him to go quickly. I have just always figured that when he really calms down and relaxes, his body decides it's time. It doesn't happen every night, but frequently. It's funny that it just happened last night - and he had pooped just before bath! But sure enough, he pooped a little more. I would really try to just remain calm. When me and my husband were frustrated, he was not be able to go because he knew that everyone was frustrated with him. When we were able to just say, "ok, go head", he's done within just a couple of minutes and bedtime isn't delayed more than 5 minutes now. Now, the kicker is this - after Thomas goes, my 8 yr old tries the pull the "I have to go now, too". For him, he really is just delaying the inevitable, so if he goes, he has to come up with something or he's in trouble....
my kids are 8 and 6 and they still find new bedtime delay tactics.
I pushed bedtime up by 40 minutes to account for it.
Now that mine are old enough to figure out time, I tell them if they can get in bed and stay there for a week, I will put bedtime back at the regular time...they haven't made it yet..
It is really hard to know what to do, you want to enforce the bedtime but still have to keep potty training positive...whats a mother to do? Best of luck.
The good news is that it's a stage and will pass. Have you tried putting her to bed 30 min earlier? If this happens every night, plan her bedtime accordingly...this way she will get her sleep and you will be able to be consistent.
I must LOL.....my oldest daughter is turning 11 today and she did the exact same thing!!!! You know kids are funny---we never denied her the opportunity to "try", but if she didn't go in about 5 minutes we would simply tell her that she could try later.
Well, we would put her to bed and she'd be asleep in 2 seconds. Don't worry this to will pass and she'll be on to something else soon.
Good Luck,
Debra
When our oldest was potty training she would do things like that often...still does. However, I would just start getting the bed time process started a little sooner and make sitting on the potty part of the routine, even if she had just gone an hour earlier.
Good luck!
My oldest daughter did that! Haha! and she still does it today but now she can go by herself so we just tell her to go and then get back in bed. She's usually back in bed within a few minutes. But when she was younger and doing it, we would put her on the potty and then leave her alone. The longer we stayed in there with her, the longer she was up. We would just walk out of the bathroom and hide around the corner. The first time we caught her off the potty, we would put her back in bed. I think eventually we even turned off the bathroom light and just left the hall light on so that it was darker and prevented her from being hyped up. Within a week she'll realize that being in the bathroom alone isn't much fun and hopefully she'll stop trying to stall. I hope this helps but just get used to her always trying to stall bedtime.
That's a hard one because you don't want to tell your child "no" if she really has to go, IF she really has to go! Our 3-yr-old daughter tried this too. We set up the bathroom so she has a stool to turn a light on by herself, another stool to reach the sink, etc., so she doesn't need our help except to help wipe (usually she doesn't need help when she pees). We told her that she could go to the bathroom any time she needed to when she was in bed without asking, but she could only go directly to the bathroom, and had to do it by herself. The "by herself" rule got her to stop "pretending" to have to go so she'd get more time with us. No more games and she doesn't have to worry about struggling with us if she actually does have to go. She just calls us after she poops for help wiping and then we leave for her to wash her hands and go back to bed by herself.
About thirty min or longer if needed set her on the potty. Then by bed time when she whails she must go potty tell her you dont think so and its bed time she just went to the potty. Hopefully she wears some kind of pull up durring the night. Hope that helps. Best of luck
Karen,
I have to agree with what some of the moms have already told you. Start the bedtime routing earlier. Bathe right after supper or soon after, and before bath put her on the potty. Then start getting her in bed at 7 or earlier.
That way she can keep getting up and peeing or whathaveyou every 30 min or so as she does, and you tell her she has to go by herself. Now, if she can't go all by herself, then you might want to invest in a little potty chair for night if you don't already have one. (You might even consider putting it in her room. I know that sounds icky, but it keeps her from running all over the house, you can always duck in there after she passes out and take care of it.) Get her a night light.
Now, as far as putting her to bed that early, this is where you have to think about black-out curtains if the light of dusk is keeping her awake.
And make sure she is getting a good nap in the afternoon. It sounds strange, but napping helps most kids get better sleep at night.
Make sure she's getting lots of fiber too, this will help her pass anything she needs to during the day or afternoon instead of feeling like she has to go at night.
If you feel she is staying up because it's fun or because she's thinking she'll get more time with you that way, you have to show her this is not the case.
And be firm. Bedtime is bedtime. But understand that when you're potty training, you have to prioritize requests to use the potty over anything else. That doesn't mean, however, that those requests have to disrupt your entire schedule or take longer than 10-15 min. or that you have to be involved in every single trip to the potty.
This will get easier, trust me. And don't let her sleep late as a result of this nighttime situation. This could only perpetuate the problem and continue to slide her natural bedtime later and later.
I put my 3 year old in bed by 7:30 or 8:00 at the latest most days. That way even if he spends 30-45 min talking to himself in the dark I know that he's still getting plenty of rest.
There is no harm in putting her to bed starting at 6:45 or so. This might mean that you have to put dinner earlier or bathtime earlier, but if you can get her to sleep by 8:00 or 8:30 then it'll will all be worth it, and you can get some much needed recuperation time.
Potty training is TOUGH, and you need time to have a little quiet and recharge, and it sounds like right now, you're not getting any of that and this is only adding to your stress.
Remember that she's only going to go through this once, just like she'll only learn to ride a bike once. These times pass so quickly and then they're gone, and we have to get the most out of the short time we have that our children are young.
Take good care of yourself so that you don't go insane and miss out on all the good that is around you.
I hope this helps.
C.
Perhaps if you try putting her to bed "earlier". Make potty time a part of bedtime, so that she "thinks" she is getting away with it if that is in deed what she is doing. If it isn't she will still be continuing her training and you will get her to bed on time.
