Bedtime Drama

Right about that age is when my daughter got some "fairy spray" (glitter water) to spray before bed so the fairies would come keep an eye on her. She kept a small bottle on her nightstand in case she woke up scared in the middle of the night.

She may very well actually be frightened, but your job is to provide her with tools or strategies to get herself back to sleep. She is using you as her tool right now. Give her some music to listen to, a night light, a special stuffed animal, a prayer to say, a song to sing, a picture of you, some sort of ritual, ear plugs...there must be something that will make her feel safe, just work with her to find it. Talk about what exactly it is that frightens her, then empower her by teaching her all about the object of her fears.

Age 7? Sounds like she's playing you like a fine violin. Dad seems to have a better handle on the situation. No need to yell but just send her back on her merry way. Give her a night light, a stuffed animal and maybe even a music box. On stormy nights, she can lay on the floor next to you for a bit but otherwise she goes back to her room. Never crawl in bed with a child when they're this way, only when you know they don't "need" you. She's gotten into the habit of you going in and you do just as she asks. You're in charge. Set your own habits. She's playing on your sympathy. She's 7, not 2.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I agree with Canuck. Time to let your daughter know that it is no longer ok for her to sleep with you, or wake you, unless it is an emergency. Talk about what an emergency is (she is throwing up, there is actual physical danger, etc). Be gentle but firm.
Yes, she might be scared. We all get scared- heck, even I do at night sometimes! That does not make it ok for me to call my mom and wake her up, or go wake up the kids to snuggle with. Talk about what she CAN do if she is scared. Examples would be to turn on the hall light, say a prayer, write in a journal, drink a cup of milk, hug her stuffed animal, think about a nice memory. Basically something that is quiet and does not disturb others in the home. You need your sleep! No, you do not need to yell. But tell her ahead of time what the expectation is. If she wakes you up or comes in your room to try to sleep with you, send her back to bed. Again, the key is to be gentle but firm. And make is quick, ya know? Like "Sorry you had a bad dream, we talked about this, back to bed with you", the end. Don't get sucked in. She will figure out how to self-soothe without disturbing you, but only if you give her the space to do so, does that make sense?

Honestly, I do not understand why some families and parents are so super strict about where kids sleep.

I said this the other day, I can guarantee you that no teenager will ever traipse into you bedroom to sleep - ever.

I used to set up a little futon on the floor next to my bed, when these phases occurred. If husband was out of town traveling, then they could climb right into bed with me, and I loved their little warm bodies all cuddled up next to me. We read in bed together, talk, share stories about the day, snuggle, listen to music. Our bedroom is a place to relax and not be afraid of being alone.

Geesh, I'd hate to be a small, lonely child in some of these home situations below.

She's playing you.

Dad is right on this one. Toughen your skin and send her back to bed. Alone. Be consistent and don't give up or give in. She'll stop when she realizes that she can't play you anymore.

7 seemed to be a hard age for bedtime in our house too. Keep ur chin up. This to shall pass.

When I was that age, I would get scared in the night too. Night lights didn't really help, because they still made scary shadows. So my dad got me a little flashlight to use. It was the kind you have to squeeze to turn on, so it was too much of a pain to play with. I slept with it under my pillow, and when I got scared I could shine it around my room.

I think that if you allow it for every little uncomfortable feeling, she will never get over whatever it is that is scaring her. If she doesn't have to face it, then it will stay scary forever.

I agree that even if she is truly scared, she needs to find a way to cope with it. Sleeping in your bed when scared is fine, but it has to be in moderation... Like those times she has a REALLY bad nightmare rather than a woke up uneasy.

It is possible a little bit of both.

Have you tried a weighted blanket? Or a heavier blanket? We have one that my mom made and we fillled it with "Monster repelling rocks" . and when he is scared I put that blanket on him and let him know that if he stays in bed, he is protected.

It is a fine line between figuring out if she is truly scared, you don't want to dismiss it. But if she has your number, you are keeping it going.

For storms and nightmare, we bring the kids into the living room and we sleep there. That is what my family did, and it was never an issue. They are not comfy, but if scared that is what they need. If they are playing you.. all are unconmfy and it will stop fast.

Good luck

I really agree with Mum4ever. I was really surprised by all the posts that said, "If she's really that scared," and finished with "she needs to learn to get herself back to sleep." I was expecting something more like, "If she's really that scared, then it's good that you are there for her."

My kids have gone through phases like this, and we try to be there for them. That's not always easy when woken from a deep sleep, so I can't say I haven't grumbled or said something I wish I hadn't. But for the most part we really try to reassure them in the middle of the night.

It isn't always easy to be at your best, but we are parents 24/7, not just during the daytime hours. Our children sometimes need us at 3:00 in the morning, and it's not fair to them to simply say, "Go back to bed." If they need us at 10:00 am it's ok, but if they need us at 3:00 am they get a gruff, "Go back to bed?" I just don't think that's right.

Remember when you were potty training her and someone would say, "Don't worry, she won't be going to kindergarten in diapers?" Same rule applies, she won't be in middle school and still asking you to tuck her back in at 3:00 am.

I was a scared of everything as a kid (no reason to be, I just was) and can remember sitting on the floor in my parents room crying to have one of them sleep with me. They didn't give in, I eventually went back to bed and I turned out just fine. If it's a nightly occurrence and there's not something specific going on in her life to cause fear then I think it's probably time for some tough love unless you want to be sleeping with her or tucking her in for years to come. Tell her that she is safe, and that you love her, and that you'll see her in the morning and to go back to bed! She won't like it, but she'll figure it out soon enough.

She's playing you. Tell her to get back to bed. And if she won't you walk her back. No talk no hugs no kisses. Just go to sleep.

I like the fairy spray idea. Very cute. Try it.

Dear E.:
If she is an only child, then, yes, she wants that attention and close family tie. I would encourage 1 hour or 1/2 hour before bed to play a game with her, read and discuss the same book that she is reading, start a garden together, play tennis, golf, bicycle together....this will give her that identity and she needs for her self-confidence. Do not lose her...do not let her go. Try to spend time with her every night before bed so that she can have an identity with you that will not be compromised when it is time to go to bed. Maybe you like decorating the house, ask her opinion of her room. Make her time special with you, as if she is the most important person in this world.....you will never regret it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give her that identity, give her that confidence (School is out ... the teacher is gone) Be her teacher, Be her Mom, Be her role model. Give her skills that will make Mom, Dad and Daughter something to be proud of. Bedtime Drama is a security issue...It need not Be!