Beating Jelousy

Usually jealousy stems from insecurity, and unless you are a naturally insecure person who cannot find favor in herself, then there is a reason you are insecure. You say he hasn't cheated...but what aren't you saying? That you think he COULD cheat? If not, then you need to convince yourself otherwise.

My husband is very good looking, and was when we met 15 years ago in high school. Back then I was jealous because I thought, "Why in the world me, when it could be so and so?" He may have felt the same way about me...but more to the point, we are married, it's 15 years later, we have beautiful children, and I am totally secure.

How long have you been together? Are your children with someone else? How old are each of you? Etc, etc...all of these things are dynamics that come into play. Is marriage in the future?

And a bit of advice...men are generally turned off by insecurity and jealousy, but are attracted to a confident woman who knows (with humility, of course) what she has going for her.

You either choose to be jealous or not.
It is the person themselves, that causes it. Some jealous people even imagine things that just are not reality. And then they use it to cause problems when there are no problems.

Perhaps seek counseling.
Because, jealousy can destroy a relationship.

Jealousy, has nothing to do with how good looking a person is or not.
It is the person's own self-esteem and sense of self... that causes this vicious cycle in them... and then upon the person they are closest too.

Even if a person were 100% the most good looking person is the world... they could be a very jealous insecure person inside.
And some of the "ugliest" people, have no jealousy.
It has NOTHING to do, with appearances.
Because, appearances are all subjective. Not absolute.

Men or women, really do not like clingy-ness or jealousy in their partner... because, it "erodes" the relationship.
And puts the other person, in a very very negative position.
Even if they were a 100% Angel.... a jealous person will ALWAYS find something wrong, with them and whoever they interact with or not.

Perhaps, seek a Counselor, for help.

My Husband is very good looking. I was too before I had kids. I have baby weight still on me too. So what. I am not jealous. Other women look at him. So what. It does not affect my sense of self nor self image or how I treat him.
I know who I am. I know who my Husband is.
And we are all human. People look. You cannot control that.
"Jealousy" is also a form of "control" over what you cannot control.

try this:

http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/9-ways-to-overcome-je...

Hi

I agree that jealousy is an "internal" emotion. It's anxiety / OCD based and you can apply some behavior modification techniques to help you learn new behaviors. My favorite behavior modification book is "When Panic Attacks" by David Burns. I used it when I was having actual PHYSICAL panic attacks (Heart rate around 150 bpm / sweat so bad I could wring out my hair) during the breakup of my last relationship after finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me.

However - let me also tell you this. Yes, Jealousy is internal. But it's also external.

What it's not is anything to do with your current boyfriend (unless he's actually a disrespectful cheater - this answer assumes you have found a good guy) and it has nothing to do with whether or not he is cute (that is personal preference)
You have a REASON that you are jealous. And it doesn't have 100% to do with low self-esteem or your current b'friend. It has to do with the history of a relationship and how you were treated.

So you have to re-learn some behaviors. And you have to re-learn that not everyone is the same. It takes time.

Good Luck

I'll tell you a few things that I've learned (and seen) over time:
1. There is always going to be another woman that is prettier, thinner, more intelligent, richer, whatever.
2. Many a woman has driven a man away using the personality traits of jealousy and suspicion.
3. If it's not broke, don't brake it.

That said, I like the response that said when it's the "right" man, you won't be jealous. I hope your BF is not a flirt that LIKES to see you jealous and insecure! That would be proof right there that he's not "the O.".

Life is too short to give other people, especially strangers that kind of power over YOUR emotions!

This is most likely a self esteem issue, and maybe a counselor could help you?

Start thinking about it like this. Sure those other girls might look, but who does he come home to? Who is it that he chooses to be with?

You! You obviously have what he wants. So get out of your head and be happy that he's with you and next time you catch the girls drooling, think to yourself "Yeah, chicky, he's with me. I'm the lucky one, and you only wish you were with him."

This immediately came to my mind: when it is the right guy, you won't be jealous. Saying that, your BF may or may not be the right guy. But with my experience, I was very jealous with every BF until I met my now husband. I have never been jealous with him. That's how I knew he was the right one for me.

You need to get into counseling to work on your self esteem.

Yep, we could be twins. I am wayyy jealous. I suggest that you try to make the best of yourself! Fix yourself up, learn a skill, and most of all BE HAPPY to be around, etc.

You can change the way you think by using positive affirmations as suggested by Jennifer H. But that doesn't deal with the cause of the jealousy which is your own fears and insecurities.

If you're able to talk yourself out of being jealousy, good! If you're not, get into counseling and work on yourself to build self-esteem so that you'll feel more secure and in charge of the way you think.

My opinion is that this is really about your past relationship - not your current boyfriend. My ex-husband cheated on me and fortunately my bf knew my story from the very beginning and made a very conscious effort to show me he wasn't hiding anything (leaving his phone out, always taking my calls no matter what, etc.). Every once in a while, some random thing will trigger for me and I start questioning everything, but he is quick to pull me back down.
My advice is talk to him. Reassure him that this is NOT about him or his behavior. At the same time, if you're always questioning him it will drive a wedge between you and can damage or even destroy this relationship. He sounds like a great guy who choose to be with you and you are deserving of him. He obviously thinks you're beautiful - just believe it yourself. Trust takes time and no matter how much you think you've healed there can be things that will pull you back down. Just try to be aware when jealousy rears its ugly head and think about what you're really jealous of - is it his behavior or are you resopnding to what your ex did.

Good luck!