Hi everyone, sorry if this runs long. So I am wondering if this is normal????? I feel like I might be going crazy. So my Fiance and I have a blended family. We both have 1 kid from previous marriage and 1 infant son together. We do have issues like everyone but this seems like maybe this is not right. So we have trust issues that have kinda been there since start of realationship. Just fyi I have always been faithful. He has been jealous before but it seems to be getting worse. For instance if we go into grocery store and we are walking around with all of us kids included if I happen to smile back at someone who happens to be "male", he says I am giving men the green light that I want them. Or say we are on green belt riding our bikes as a family (people seem to be very friendly and happy there) if passing a male says Hi to us and I smile back same thing I am sending a green light that I must want them. He says that if I smile at any male that he knows how men think and they will take as a sign I want them. So I should just look away or down if this happens, and not to smile back. Thats one thing that makes me wonder, is this just him or is this normal? Here is the mail reason why I am asking . Our son has been sick for few weeks. I have been to many docotrs visits, just sinus infections and chest cold, bust scary cuz he is still small. Well about a week ago he kept waking up so I go over pick him up and he has fever of 101.3, so be being a scared mom I take to ER. (it was middle of night)Well the hospital has policy that they call to check up to make sure everything is ok a day or 2 later. So male doctor calls (same doctor that saw us) and askes how my son is doing. I say glad you called was goimg to call his docotor he is now coughing real bad. He perscribed something for him and gave me lots of good info. I then start to tell me fiance what all he was said and he is angry. starts asking me why this "male doctor was calling, and just acts like I have done something wrong. Other thing is we rent a place. I called to have something fixed and mngt place said they would send someone out that day and they would call before they got to my house. Well he did not call and shows up that afternoon as I am leaving to take my son to docotr appt. I say "good thing you showed up now, office said you would call and I am on my way out to take my son to doctor he is sick." I knew my fiance would be home soon so let him in and I left. I get home my fiance at door with it open, maintence man at his truck loading stuff in and can see him standing in doorway. He asks "how is he doing?" I say fine it was a check up and he is doing good. My fiance then asks why he felt comfortable to ask me how our son was doing. I told him what I said as I was leaving and he still said it was weird that he was asking me. Today the maintance guy calls and says he has to be next door to do some things and I had to put in a another work order with our mngt place cuz our sink plug thing broke so sink would not drain. So maintance guy said he would be by soon and asked if I would be home so he could fix. My fiance knew that there was a work order on this but now is saying its weird I did not tell him he was gonna be here today and thought there was a 24 hour notice. I said there has never been a 24 hour notice and he called 10 min before he came to fix. He says this is weird and something is going on. I feel like I am the one going crazy like this is my fault. He says I dont respect how he feels about this. Is this me and something I am doing wrong? Any advise would be great! Sorry its so long
Just a extra info. I have cought him cheating(well kinda he was texting my friend and we set him up and he did start talking sexual to her and I confronted him and he said it was my fault for setting him up that he never would of done it if I had not set him up even though he got her number out of my phone and texted her behind my back, and she told me immediatly, thats when we set him up. then 3 nights later a girl texted him. I called her back she said he had givin her his number and had said to text him, he says nothing was going on he was just beingfriendly) and we are in counseling for this reason. She has said that he is crossing some really big boundries. We do seperate sessions and then every few weeks come in together. I have tried to tell him even counselor says she thinks he is crossing lines he gets mad at me for talking bad about him
Red flag, red flag, red flag! This isn't normal. He is crossing the line with his obsessive, jealous behavior. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong. Give serious thought before marrying him.
I only needed to read the first few sentences. You need to get away from him or get counseling, he will drown you and suffocate you. My ex was just like that! We could be on the fwy and if some guy in a car looked over at me he'd chase the car down! I had many, many scary and embarrassing moments like that and it got worse and worse and worse. That's why he's the ex.
** we tried counsel but unfortunately it didnt help :(
Run, don't walk, away from this man. His jealousy is so far beyond normal, reasonable boundaries that there should be a sign reading "Here be dragons" over his head.
This isn't right AT ALL! I wouldn't marry him. Everything you have described is common courtesy or professionalism and you haven't crossed any lines! It would be downright rude if you blew off people as he described.
Sounds to me like he's hiding something which is making him suspicious of you. That seems to be the pattern with people who have things to hide. They usually acuse someone else of doing exaclty what they are doing out of guilt.
Sheesh...why doesn't he just put you in a burqa? Run while you can, dear. This has little to do with you and everything to do with the fact that your man is projecting (because he is a cheater) and insecure and controlling and it will most likely only get worse. GET OUT while the getting is good.
Your fiance is way too controlling. No, that is not normal and if you marry him this will be the rest of your life living like this. It might even get worse as time goes on.
Your doing NOTHING, NOTHING WRONG AT ALL !!!!!!! Hun this is VERY unhealthy!!! VERY ! hes accusing you of things he's Guilty of....
I SMILE at Everyone and if my S/O had an issue with it - I would tell him to screw, thats my personality and I'm not going to be unfriendly, or Shut myself down because he THINKS I'm 'giving the green light' to everyone. I'm sorry but if I were you I would Leave, its only going to get worse.
Not normal. Not normal at all. Not even close. Your fiance is extremely jealous and controlling.
Don't have time to read everything--but these are MAJOR red flags that you are involved with an abuser--MAJOR, MAJOR signs! Call your the Women's and Children's Alliance in Boise (24 Hrs Hotline) ###-###-#### and tell them your story. Obviously you know something isn't right if you're posting this. I hate even having to say this, but based on my knowledge of domestic violence it almost always gets worse.
I know you just had a baby with this man, but LEAVE!!! He's too jealous and this will get violent if it hasn't already. You know this is not normal, listen to these other women, go to a woman's shelter, your story is the same as theirs. If you stay and try to convince yourself it will get better as you continue to see it get worse, I PROMISE YOU WILL REGRET IT!!!
GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!
Not normal.
He is far too possessive and is going WAY overboard with the jealousy!
It seems to me, that you have put in all the necessary effort to fix this relationship, with the counseling and all...
~If it were me I would be heading towards the exit!
NO! This is not normal! He is way too controlling. He has problems! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!
This man's behavior is not normal! And very dangerous for you and your children. Find a woman's shelter. They will have information for you on how to leave this man. You need to do this today! I am so sorry you are in this situation! You and your children deserve better! You deserve to be safe. You are not safe. Remember you are not alone there is help out there. Go find it!
I would NEVER marry this man. I had an old boyfriend start pulling similar shenanigans, then it led to an abusive episode (from jealousy) and I ended it immediately. I agree w/ the other moms who said get out while you can!
This is not normal. I've been married for 19 years and never had an issue like this. You are not doing anything wrong and I would not marry this man.
NOT NORMAL. Usually when you are being accussed it is the accusser that is guilty and trying to releive their guilt and put on you. It's a done deal, counseling, talking won't work with this man and trust issues. Look for the exit, harder times are coming if you don't. Sorry so direct, but you said this has been going on since the beginning. Hindsight is 20/20, you knew it from the start it was wrong, but something kept you and now you have a child to connect you forever. Sorry but, you need to take you and your kids to a safe place.
WOW! My jaw dropped reading your post! His behavior sends up a lot of red flags for me.
Has he been cheated on in the past? Does he have self-esteem issues? Does he need a lot of reassurances from you?
Before you marry him and I mean BEFORE, you guys REALLY need to seek some pre-marital counseling. Make sure it’s a male therapist so that he can’t say “she’s a female of course she is going to agree with you” =-)
Just a final note = my husband has said he likes it when other men smile at me or stare at me. He has NO issue if I smile back or say Hello in return. It makes his chest puff out when other men still find me attractive because I’m all his!
Not at all normal!!
It doesn't sound like counseling is helping him at all...get out!
I do think that what you and your friend did is wrong but that is a whole seperate issue. No matter what he is doing it is not normal nor right for him to chide you at any interaction with a male...especially your sons ER doctor?1?! I mean really....this is not the way you deserve to be treated! So sorry....
I have no advice...other than this is not normal. I would proceed with extreme caution in this relationship.
Yes, he has some issues. Nothing he can't get past, but he has some issues. At the grocery store issue where he asks that you look down or away...my jaw drops. Is he from another country? This is not standard American etiquette.
You should have a serious talk with him and allow each other to express how you feel. Then work things out.
His level of jealousy is beyond cute and he has to work on it.
Please heed your internal warning! If you feel like something is amiss...it is. These interactions do not sound "normal" to me either. It may be time to step back and reevaluate this relationship.
there are a lot of red flags here.
Is he the one cheating?? Is he projecting his feelings of guilt from cheating on you??
Before you get married you need to get better at treating each other respectfully.
His issues (if he's not projecting his own cheating) are serious insecurity, and he needs some help loving himself before he can get into a relationship like marriage let alone boyfriend/girlfriend. He also needs a few lessons in manners if he feels treating others is appropriate in the way you're describing. If he can treat strangers this way...how does he treat you?
You need help with self image too if you feel any of this is your fault. Help your relatioship by finding a way to commuicate better. If seeing a therapist isn't right for you get a few books that you can read together on how to strengthen your relationsip. Another mom recently posted on here a question on relationship books and I think you should check out a few of them. http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/18096445508477386753#r...
The book 5 Love Languages was given to me a marriage gift and it was GREAT. Check out that one along with several of the others that were mentioned on this question.
IMHO...you need to work on your relationship before it goes any further.
Um, he DOES realize that a large portion of the world's population is male, right? And that you interacting with them while merely going about your daily life in inevitable, right? It really seems, to me, that he's projecting HIS OWN reactions onto every other man you talk to, smile at, or glance at. HE must think every woman that talks to him, smiles at him, or glances at him "wants" him. I'm sorry to say, this is NOT normal. You are doing nothing wrong, but unfortunately, YOU will pay for HIS issues (because he doesn't see them as HIS problems). If you decide to stay with him, this is something you'll really need to work out because this kind of insecurity/jealousy never ends well. Good luck!
