Balancing School and Raising a Child

Updated on January 25, 2010
M.P. asks from West Lafayette, IN
7 answers

My daughter is 13 1/2 months old. I just started back to school this month. i'm going to school full time, and have a ton of homework. Thankfully i don't have to work and go to school at the same time. My classes aren't really hard, but there is a lot of homework for them. Thankfully i live with my parents and they help me out a lot with my daughter, so i can still study when i'm at home. My daughter goes to daycare everyday from 7:30am-5:30pm. By the time we get home its dinner time, and then time for bed (i live 45 minutes from daycare and school). I feel like i don't spend any time with her anymore, even on weekends because i have so much homework. I just feel like i'm an awful mom, but i know to be the best person i can be, and for her future i needed to get my degree. I'm just having trouble becasue i feel like at the same time i'm letting my little girl down. anyone have any advice for me?

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

It can be very hard & emotional when you are trying to go to school and have little ones. I went back to school for just over a year (I only needed 13 classes to get the degree I wanted)... I started back about 1 week after going back to work when my baby was about 9 month old. I was working from 8 - 4:30 M-F and went to school 3 nights a week till 10. I did have my weekend, but I also had to do the laundry, cleaning and get the harder homework done. I did try to do homework from about 5-6 (time I got to school till class started), but it wasn't always possible. Some nights I would stay up till almost 2 or 3 in the morning doing homework only to get up for work by 6:30/7:00. It was hard... you see I have 3 kids at home. Yes, daddy is here too, but I did feel like I was missing everything. I went from a SAHM to working full time & going to school full time in just a week.

What I did was set aside one day on the weekend... for family. Went to a park, played a board game, read books, had a special meal - whatever the family wanted to do. She is still within napping age - try to get some of the homework done when she is napping on the weekend. That way it doesn't away her mommy time.

Remember - you are doing what is best for her... in the end it will make a better life for her. You are far from a awful mom. I've been told quality time is always better then the quanity of time spent with the kids... try to get the time you spend with her to be special time not just time.

Also, remember to tell you folks thanks and show them how much it means to you that they are there for you and your daughter.

Good luck with school!

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N.D.

answers from Columbus on

Hats off to you.. I think you are doing GREAT ! You will be a role model for your daughter. Hug your parents everyday for helping out. I think if
you consider that it's quality time not quantity that you are after, you could and should do just right. How about setting aside just 30-45 mins for her alone after dinner ?
Get down on the floor, play with her, bathe her, read to her, put her to bed and then complete your homework. She will remember that special time with mommy and she will look forward to each evening, it will make up for all times you can't be there when and if done on a daily basis.
Don't guilt trip yourself. It serves no purpose. You have a goal, just do it and try to enjoy her childhood at the same time. We all do the best we can.

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L.D.

answers from Detroit on

Be thankful that you have quality daycare and that your parents are so helpful, and especially that you don't have to work in addition to your schooling right now. Your daughter, and you, will get through this period of limited time together and she will grow up seeing that she has a strong and capable mom who cares enough to provide a stable future for her. Yes, it's hard, but you are building an excellent foundation for your both yourself and your daughter. Spend quality time together when you are able and don't allow yourself to feel guilty!

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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I know how you feel, but you have to focus on the future. you are doing this now, so that you can provide something better in the future.

Just like school, you have to plan time to be with your daughter. Set aside an hour when you just get home to spend with your daughter. Be sure to eat dinner or snack together.

M.

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L.V.

answers from Dallas on

It is difficult, I am in school part-time and work full time ( 3 twelve hour shifts) I take one day a week to plan an activity with my 2 year old and I study after I put her to sleep at night. You will have to learn to schedule time with her and remember it's only temporary.

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S.E.

answers from Cleveland on

You are in a tough spot, but are absolutely doing the right thing for you and your daughter. If you were working a full time job, you'd feel the same way. It's so hard balancing and being a mom. Just do the best you can to make the most of your time with her. Do homework when she's napping? Or get up a little earlier then she does to hit the books. I give you alot of respect and credit!! It's hard but the payoff in the end will be worth it when you can provide a better future for yourself and your daughter! Hang in there!! You aren't letting her down at all. One day she will proud of all the sacrifices you made :)

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M.C.

answers from Cleveland on

I think your posting could have been written by any mom. It is completely normal. I had to go back to work 6 weeks after my daughter was born. I also had a 2 year old at the time. I always felt guilty. I felt guilty when I was home because I wasn't getting enough work done. I felt guilty at work because I wasn't with my children. It got easier as time went on. I have made a point to try to have "special" outtings with each of them. The special outting can be anything. For example, my son loves to go to the grocery store or the library.

You are doing what is right and thankfully you have great parents that can help. Just try to spend as much time as possible with her. You are not an awful mom. You are trying to accomplish something that is wonderful for both of you.

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