Working Mom with 5 Year Old in School

It doesn't really get any easier. We have been going through the same situation for the last two years! I just recently decided that enough is enough and dropped down to part time, leaving at 3 instead of 6pm. I, like you, just felt horrible about having her with other people for so long. The determining factor for us though, was now that she is in 2nd grade, she has so much more homework. I hated not knowing what was going on in her school life except by what I saw on the papers she was bringing home. The papers that someone else was helping her complete since we didn't get home together til almost 7, then you have dinner and bath, and bed. It didn't leave any family time. I had to make a slight change, but let me tell you, we are so much closer now. I feel like I am a part of her life again! Something we tried last year though that also worked, talk to her friends parents. If they stay home, she maybe able to go over there after school so it would be more like a play date, than day care. Just another thought, but ultimately, she will be ok.. kids are very resilliant. Good luck!

So many moms go through the same thing. If you could find someone to pick her up from school and stay home with her until you get there would help. It's easier said than done especially if you don't know anyone a personal level who could do it. It's an alternative though. Maybe you can talk to her teacher or ask the school administration if they know of people who pick up watch children after school. Hope everything works out.

D.

I am assuming that since you work she was in daycare or preschool last year so maybe you are not really upset about the timing but really about the fact that she is starting kindergarden.
I was in the same boat last year. I work 7-4 and my daughter is starting 1st grade. I think that feeling is normal. Best advice is to make the most of your evenings and weekends which I am sure you already do. Anytime there is a change it will take time for both of you so be patient. Your not a bad Mom:)

K.-
I understand how you feel; my son is in preschool (he's just 4 years old) and is generally there from 8am to 6pm. It's a very long day for him, we leave home around 7:30 am and don't get back until around 6:30pm. For a long time I felt bad about making him go to school, especially on those mornings when he'll whine some and say "Please just let me stay home,let me go with you to work". On top of that I go to college part time and am at night classes twice a week, once actually at school and the other time is at home in front of my PC, having to actively ignore my son for a couple hours so I can get my school work done.
Do I feel bad about it? Sure I do. Can I do something different? No I can't. I have to go to school so I can better myself thus bettering life for him; I have to go to work to feed him and clothe him and shelter him. Maybe by the time I'm done with it all he'll feel like I've ignored him all the time. But if that's the worst thing he can say about me "My mom ignored me all the time when I was little because she was at work or school" that's ok with me. I can sleep at night knowing I'm doing/have done the best I know how.
The whole fact of the matter is you can't blame yourself and feel bad about not having more time with your kids because it's necessary. You have to work to survive, and one day your kids will appreciate you that much more for all you've done to provide for them and be a good mother. Society makes us feel bad enough for the things we do/don't do; don't be so hard on yourself for doing the right thing by providing for your girls.
Have fun with them, play with them, we read bedtime stories every night work on his leap pad, do puzzles, play shoots and ladders, just hang out and watch a movie. As long as you are spending some quality time with them, they will survive just fine.

What school does she go to??

Have you thought about placing her in daycare before and after school? This may be your best route to go so that she can be out of the school building and if you choose a home daycare she could also spend time in a home setting. Just a thought. T.

I felt the same way when my daughter started Kindergarten. I suggest that you see if there are any mothers of some of the other children that are full-time homemakers and see if they would be interested in eventually taking her with them when they pick up their child. Of course you will want to get to know them first but I made several friends and we all depended on each other for different things as far as our children were concerned. If you do have to leave her at school just see how she does but listen to what she has to say about how it is going. It would be great for her if she made friends with someone who also would be in the after-school program too. Good Luck, and you aren't an awful mother for doing what you have to do to provide for your children as long as when you are with them you spend quality time with them and let them know how much you love them and how proud you are that they do so well when you aren't around (especially the one in school).

I struggle with this as well, but I am friends with a lady in her 70s that gave me a bit of wisdom. She said it is not the quantity of time you spend with them, but the quality. Even mothers who stay home do not necessarily get quality time to spend with their kids. She worked her entire life and her kids are happy, productive adults with kids of their own. She was lucky enough to retire when her grandchildren were born so now she spends lots of time with the grandchildren.

I worked full-time for the first 4 1/2 years of my daughter's life and finally had a chance to stay home. After being together a couple of weeks, it was clear she needed social interaction with kids her age. Even though I'm only working part-time, she is in school from 8 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. three days per week. Although she may complain in the morning, if I pick her up too early from school, she complains that I didn't let her finish.

I have another friend that had the opportunity to stay home when her kids were approximately 4 and 6 years old. The kids chose to be in daycare.

Also, don't worry about the long hours. In my experience, it's better than seeing them in the middle. If I see our daughter at lunch and go back to work, she then decides she wants to go home. When I worked some evenings and came home for dinner, it was harder for her to see me and let me go again then to just stay at work.

Do what you need to do. Either way, I feel guilty for not spending enough time or not making enough money. If you can manage it, I would definitely recommend going on a class field trip with her or a class function. She will remember the shared experiences.

Good luck!
C.

K.--
I read your other responses and everyone's advice seems to be good. Just remember you have to do what YOU are comfortable with. What is Metro Kids? What kind of program is it? How old is your little girl? The only reason I am asking is because I am a stay at home mom. I actually worked the first 2 1/2 years of my daughter's life and just this past June decided that I wanted to stay at home with her. I might be able to help you out if it was something you were interested in. I understand where you are coming from I was there not too long ago. You can write me back if you like----my email address is ____@____.com

what does your daughter think about this? have you asked her?
since she does not know any different ,maybe it does not even bother her.i found that some times we grown-ups make a bigger deal out of it then the kids do.
i also have a 50 hour work week and always felt bad about leaving my girl for so long.but i tell you what:she became independent a lot earlier then her friends did and i can count on her to do things right today.she is now 14 and seemed to have survived it ok.
it is normal that you feel bad.you would not be a good mother if you wouldn't.but like some of the others said:spend the time that you do have together doing special things as much as possible.
when my 14yo and i talk about her childhood she never brings up:you were never home ,but she remembers us catching a frog in the backyard or trying to hang christmas lights on the outside of the house when it was freezing cold.
so enjoy the time you do have.and when she gets old enough to understand never forget to explain why you do what you have to to bring food to the table.she will understand and you will raise a child that understands responsibility.
best wishes and enjoy your time together.
M.

im a working mother of 4 boys and married. i have had similar problems in the past and when my husband goes away for work i run into the same problem. dont feel awful cause in the long run your children will realize you did it for them and they will love you more.

I am sure my suggestion is not new-how about finding a mother in your daughters class that is willing to take her for the afternoons? You may find a group of moms that are willing to take turns or help out? That is tough having to work so hard and put your daughter in daycare.

Good luck

K., you sound like a wonderful mother!! You are doing what you must do, even though you don't like it. My mom raised my brother and I alone and I had full days like your daughter since I was four years old. I am no worse for wear and I cherished the time I had with my mom. Evenings were too busy to really do anything as a family but weekends were ours! I have a very close bond with my mom and my brother because of our upbringing. I can understand how you feel "guilty" about doing this to your 5 year old but she will be fine and grow up knowing that you are a wonderful mother who sacrificed it all for your kids! I still strive to be as good as my mom is!

Is there a nearby stay-at-home mom who could watch your daughter after school so that she is still in a home environment? A neighbor down the street used to watch my boys after school while they were in elementary school. She had a son about their age, and it worked out well for all of us. She made a little money while she was home, and I was comforted knowing that my boys were in her care.

I went to wrok the year my son entered kindergarten. I hurt a lot. He would get on the bus at 12:15p and then I went to work at 3 before he got home. IF you cant change the situation then work with it. I she sees your doing OK the it will be easier on her. But just make sure you find a special time or a Special day of the week to make for just the 2 of you. even if it is sitting together over icecream and her favorite cartoon on sat morning. I believe all Children should have that special one on one time alone with each parent. Even just once a wk. Then they never feel forgotten and it gives them something to look foward to all week.

There is no reason to feel awful. 830 to 315 is a normal school day. She just has before and after school care for a little bit. Her schedual would be that way as a 1st grader, i am guessing. If she isn't complaining, I wouldn't sweat it.

looks like youve gotten some good responses!

she may actually enjoy it, and if she says she doesnt, find another mommie who might be willing to watch her after school...

a lot of times, kids dont really care....lol

I too work and there are days my 5 year old gets dropped off at 7:30 and I don't pick her up til 4:45 or so. She has been fine with the schedule and most days we end up going to the gym afterwards so we don't get home til close to 6:15ish. Kids are very adaptable, especially at such a young age. You just have to make sure what time you do spend with them is quality time. Play, read stories, reinforce what she is learning in Kindergarten. I know my 5 year old loves to play and so after school care is great for her because she spends a couple hours just playing. If it really bothers you, you may want to consider looking for a job that can allow you better or more flexible hours. maybe even doing some work from home, so you could leave when your children are done with school. I don't know what you do, but have you considered talking with your boss and letting them know how you feel. They may be willing to work with you. I do wish you the best.

Hi K.,

Man, do I know how you feel! I am a mother of four who works outside of the home and if anyone knows how tough it is, it's me. I have three boys (8, 5 and 3) and one girl (10 months). My older two are both in school but the younger two are still going to an in-home daycare. I can't tell you how many times they (and myself) have cried because I had to leave them with a "stranger" while I worked. I hate the fact that my kids are with someone else for most of the day and I only get a few hours to spend with them in the evening. It's truly heartbreaking. Fortunately I have a plan on how I will be able to come home to them within the next year and be there for them myself. Until then we have no choice but to keep plugging through. Have you ever looked into a different job or career that would enable you to work a flexible schedule around her school hours? I know there are things out there that might help. I understand where your coming from and would love to chat with you privately if you'd like. You are welcome to shoot me an email at ____@____.com your chin up, you are not alone!

Hi K., I know exactly how you feel. Its very difficult to leave your child in the first place, but to be away for 11hrs of the day, it has to be overwhelming. I have twins, and thankfully I've been able to stay home with them. I recently enrolled them in daycare for a couple of days a week, and it broke my heart at first, but I know its good for them to get out and socialize and they learn a lot. I have an amazing job, I teach and train ppl. how to build a successful homebased bussiness that can earn them a significant amount of income. I'm always looking for new ppl. to help, if you think you might be interested in learning more to see if this could be a fit for you, email me and I would love to help. I have learned to work smarter not harder, and I"m working to secure my families future and my future. I want us to have true quality of life, because thats what we all work hard for, to have time with our family not just money. so anyways, hang in there, I think it will get easier, and if you're interested, I'd love to help you so you can spend more time with your daughters and still contribute significantly to your income.
God bless you.
N.

I had the same feelings when I left my three sons (only 22 months apart) at the daycare, too. My advice would be: Try to visit her for lunch once a week, on the same day each week. Let it be a "Date Lunch", just mommy and daughter! Maybe bring her a McD's lunch or pack a special lunch that you know she'll love!
If you have family available, can any of them let her stay with them? I don't have any around, so I feel the pain with you about having to put them in daycare. Hang in there! You are doing the best you can to help provide for your family. They will survive, just like other children before them have. Be strong, and just be there for them whenever you are all together! :) Good luck!