Bad Parenting Skills

It took me a long time to make friends with the women I am friends with now. I will tell you the reason. I am very picky and I wanted to be friends with like minded people. I wanted women who DID parent their children and also moms that were like me. I cannot and would not handle the friendship you have with this women. I also would not care if the boys were friends or not. Its just how i feel. Good luck!

My sister in law and brother in law are like this with there kids they expect everybody else to watch their kids when they are here at my house or other families houses they don't watch them and just let them run around and trust me there little attitudes show that they don't have boundaries but good thing I don't really have much to do with them I love my nieces to death but don't like the way my sIL and BIL act or do things so I have distance myself better for me and my kids.

Good BY so called friend.My children where not allowed to run through anyones house like wild animals.Period.And I NEVER EVER spanked them. I used time outs,if a toy was being abused I put it on top of the fridge so they could see it and made let them come to me and tell me why it was taken away.Then they got their toy back.As teenagers,if they did not take the trash out?I carried to their room and left it in the middle of the room.It did not happen twice(I did NOT put trash on floor,just the trash bag).Today they are awesome men who finished college,have better jobs than me-Thank God! and are gentlemen.They hold doors,help the elderly and are just plain nice.Yes it took a LOT of work on my part but today I am proud of who they are.So if you want to let your kids run you and your house be prepared to have some really rotten adults later in life and they will probably live with you because they will have no sense of responsibility and won't want to work because you gave in to every thing they wanted.I am done.Thank You

Good friends are hard to come by, but I believe parenting skills will ruin some friendships and bring together others.

I completely agree with you in the first part of your message. I'm a disciplinary parent completely overly-sensitive to how other people may react to our kids. If they start getting fussy at a restaurant, one of us will take them outside until food arrives or we'll finish-up early.

Had that been my child, I would have gotten a replacement toy - but, my kids would never have been allowed to get to that point. I often ask people if my kids are bothering them and apologize when they act their age.

If the friendship's important to you, I'd voice your concerns. She may not know or realize how distracting her child's behavior is to other people (but, it doesn't sound like she really cares either, unfortunately). The worst thing that can happen is that she chooses to end the friendship, and you're better off without a terror running through your house and influencing your children.

Cut the cord.....She will not change - that is her personality and parenting style. She has her style and you have your style. She might think you are too rigid (I don't, I totally agree with you). The fact is, that is who she is and if you don't like it or don't want to continue to deal with it.......find new friends who share your values.

I would DEFINITELY cut the friendship. I am with you and cannot stand it when other parents let their children run like insane maniacs through stores, restaurants, etc. My child can sit and behave in a restaurant like a sweet little boy, why can't yours (and he has been doing it since day 1, so there is no excuses as far as age goes)? If you feel like you cannot talk to her about it, and you know that this is going to continue, then I would stop it all. If she asks why, explain that you expect good behavior from your child and others, and that if her 3 year old cannot behave properly, you don't want your son to be exposed to it. There is no reason why she shouldn't have paid for the light saber, told the man in front of her on the plane how sorry she was and how it won't happen again, and just plain old discipline the child for his ridiculous behavior. Unfortunately, kids live what they learn and she is doing him a huge disservice by allowing him to behave so horribly! Good luck! (Can you tell that this is also one of my biggest pet peeves?!?!?!)

First talk to her about how you feel, and what your expectations are if her kids want to play in your house. If things don't improve then only allow your friend's older son to come over and play (It sounds as though you are only having a problem with the 3 year old), or maybe just have your son go over to her house instead so that your house isn't the one getting ruined.

I know what you are talking about! And I have kids with special needs, so we are very aware that they can and do things that need our attention, even before they do something they should never do at someone elses house!

I had to just tell the parent of the 3 year old little sister to the older friend who came over, that the 3 year old was not welcomed. She drew on my walls, abused my dog, and generally ran wild, and her mother called her "the baby" and thought everything she did was adorable. It wasn't. I would bite the bullet, it won't get any better, and you DO NOT want to get too close to her either, because I can promsie you that she has not noticed that you have totaly different values and opinions. I bet along with sentative and defensive, she also becomes dependent...just a little hunch.

M.

Ugh. I totally agree!!!!!!!!
Slack parenting is the worst!!

If it were me I'd cut the cord. I don't want my boys around kids that misbehave without consequence. I'm raising men, not little boys. My boys will one day be young men and I want them to be respectful, polite and considerate. That ALL begins at a very early age.

You can make new friends for your son to have playdates with. He won't hang on to it for long - he might not love it, but its better for both of you in the long run. There are great kids out there that make great new friends! Ones who won't show him how to behave like a baboon! And ones who's mothers are actually parenting.

Brentwood is such a great area from what I recall - I was born and raised in Clarksville. I bet you could find a great Mom's group or playgroup to join - or better yet - start one yourself! Maybe network with other Brentwood moms from Mamapedia? Or maybe your church?... (if you go to church)... just a thought.

Good luck!

I agree with all the posts. I only add if the older kids have strong friendships with her older kids and you loathe to break them up, then volunteer to drive her kids back to her house when the play date is over at your house. Could be inconvenient but at least your kids can keep their friends. If it is new frienships all around then you could cut the cord easily. This kind of parenting drives me to distraction. How do people not notice their distructive, disrespectful kids?

I know exactly how you feel! I have a friend who laughs when her son breaks our glasses, spills things, knock things over, gets into the trash or starts smacking my son in the face. Umm hello? Aren't you going to tell your kid "no" or "we don't do that" ??? I got so mad to the point where I stepped in feeling like the parent and was telling her kid "no". Our son knows what "no" means already. Granted these are 1 year olds that we're talking about, but you still need to teach your child right from wrong. I just about gave up on our friendship, but one day my husband and I said "aren't you going to do something?" and she stopped laughing and realized that's not how things are done in our home. We go over to her place instead of she coming to ours now.

Hope your rant helped you feel better, plus the many responses agreeing with you. =)
I agree with you too.

The only time I don't intervene with my kids' behavior at other people's houses (they are in 4th and 5th grade now) is at their grandmother's house. This is because for years, any time we scolded them at her house, she would say-- in front of the kids-- something like, "What's the big deal? It's only ------".
You get the idea...Only money, only food, only a plate, only clothes, only furniture, only a car...where does it end? She professed not to care about anything material and didn't seem to believe in any kind of discipline.
After a few years, we stopped trying to discipline them at her house, because she undermined everything we said. But we are strict everywhere else.
Now that the kids are older, she has (hilariously) changed her point of view and is far less tolerant and scolds them herself. I say nothing. She sees us discipline them in public, and I think she knows that she "made her bed and has to lie in it" when it comes to her own house. =) See, I have my own rant, haha.

I totally hate this too. She needs to take responsiblity of her childs behavior. I say tell her the next time something happens that you can't let him come over if he won't be respectful of other people toys or things. If you take the kids somewhere ask her for money to help pay his way. If she balks then not worth it to have as a friend and explain to your children why. They will understand especially if they don't like this kid breaking their toys.

I have to agree - if your values are that different, and she's not concerned, it might be best to move on. Given that... could it hurt to talk to her about it? Maybe she could really use/wants help, but doesn't know how to ask. The best that happends - she's happy for the feedback and your friendship continues. The worst - she gets mad and the friendship ends. Just be sure you are comfortable somehow explaining why your son's friend isn't around (if that will be an issue).

I wouldn't take him anywhere or ask him over for a while. She MAY get the hint. She MAY not. If not, I'd say cut the cord, as this is obviously frustrating you beyond just a bit. (I'd be pissed too!)
My son is in first grade this year and when he has a new friend over, I always tell the other mom (in a nice way) that when her child is in MY home, in MY care: it's MY house, MY rules. I always tell the other mom that I fully expect her to enforce her own house rules when my son is there. I tell the other mom that she has my permission to "yell at mine the way she would at hers" in a lighthearted way and I will do the same.

I think it's sad so many people suggest ending a firiendship before it blooms instead of first initiating a conversation. It could be as simple as - "I love having all of you over, but it really stresses me when kids are running around. We generally keep things calm - if you don't mind, can you be sure that ______ follows the rules of our home?" If she's unreceptive or angry, then don't have her over - as someone suggested, be the one to take her kids home after play dates. I also agree that there may be some issues with the child that you are unaware of. Perhaps having a playdate outside your home with just the two of you. You could bring up the topic of discipline, or high energy in kids and see where it leads. Give it a chance first.

I know exactly how you feel, it's sad to say but some parents are so blind to the fact that there kids needs discipline(not physical) but i've learned your kids will only do what you allow them to do. I had a friend(had) who children always tore my place apart. It got to thepoint whenever i knew she was coming over i had to child proof my house, put everything away that was breakable(even our dog). I would never allow my children to disrespect anyone or their space. I think you should give her a chance maybe explain to her how u feel(i know its easier said then done) but if shes a good person then the friendship is worth holding on to:)

In most relationships, people being "different" (in some ways) is what makes for a good relationship/friendship. However, it sounds as though this may not be the best friendship for you; unless, you put your foot down & lay down the rules of your home NOW. If she doesn't like it; then that is too bad because this is your home. She will either respect your wishes or not come back around. However, I understand that your two boys are friends & that it is important to you that they remain friends & continue the sleep overs & such. So I could also suggest that you do not say anything & from now on, pick up her son & take her son back home (for your son's sake) to keep the 3 year old from running all over your home. Everyone raises their kids differently; so you may not be able to control what goes on in her home, but you can control what goes on in your home (new or old friend). Best wishes with this situation. I hope it works out for you all; especially the boys. :-)

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i think its kind of funny that nobody has responded yet. ahah anyways, i can't really say whether you should not be friends with her anymore, but i woudl say if your oldest play together well, then you should let that continue. (as long as she is returning the favour and watching your boy). um, and as for the youngest, i think, its your house, and if he is misbehaving, then you have every right to ask him to stop or redirect him. if she doesn't catch on, or say anything, at least 'your' not allowing him to disrespect your house or property. if she gets mad, its probably because she knows its wrong and could be embarrased. if thats the case and she decides not to hang with you anymore, then everyone wins. your son will find many friends in his life. it might be good for you guys, as new friends, to take a little break and not do as many favours.
Thats my 2 cents, but i do agree with you both on the behaviour of the 3 year old and his mom.