Back-talking from 3 Year-old

Updated on February 03, 2009
M.B. asks from Providence, RI
4 answers

Our little guy has recently been back-talking. "Don't talk to me. Ever, ever." "Don't look at me." "I don't like you." The most recent of which has become "I don't want a baby!" (I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and we are going to be taking him to a sibling class to get used to the idea of a baby being in the house.)
He isn't always like this, but he gets into moods and the little monster inside of him comes out. He's usually a very sweet, well-mannered friendly little boy, who likes everyone and everything. I don't know if this is just because he doesn't know what to expect with the oncoming baby (although he is sooooo excited about being a big brother. He reads the baby a bedtime story and kisses my belly and everything.) or if it's just a phase.
Any ideas?
Thanks!

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So What Happened?

Well, it's still happening, but not nearly as bad. He seems to be just growing out of it. He's just a really strong willed little boy, and he is slowly learning that it is mommy and daddy's way not his. THe time-outs don't work because then he gets himself all worked up into a frenzy and it's all over after that. Completely against what we are trying to get him to do which is to control his behavior. He still talks back sometimes, but if we explain to him that nice boys don't use those words and act like that, he usually gets it. If he keeps doing it, he gets things taken away from him that mean something to him. His favorite car, a movie he loves, a stuffy. He gets them back when "he decides" he can be a nice boy again. Thanks for all of the suggestions. Kids will be kids, especially boys I guess.

More Answers

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M.D.

answers from Burlington on

That behavior is not allowed, so when it happens introduce him to time-out. Get down to his eye level. Explain to him that what he said/did hurt your feelings and he needs some time to think about how he can talk to you nicely because you love him very much and are sure that he doesn't really mean it. So have him take three minutes (1 minute per year of age) to sit down and think about what he really wants to tell you that is upsetting him. Put him back if he gets up from the time-out spot (I send my sons to their room or have one sit at the kitchen table if they are both misbehaving). When the three minutes are up (set a timer so you don't forget him there) tell him you love him and what he said hurt and ask him if something is bothering him that he'd like to talk about with kind words. After your talk tell him you love him and give him a hug and a kiss.

Hopefully that'll help. It also sets up communication between the two of you so that he will know he can come to you if he has a problem and needs to talk.

Good luck,
: ) Maureen

1 mom found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Hartford on

Three is PRIME for jealousy, and that sounds like that's exactly whats going on. He hears that hes not the main topic of conversation at the moment so he's acting out to get back in the spotlight. He is seeing that when he talks back, he gets attention because it's not his normal behavior. And small children do not care if it's positive or negative attention. All the same to them. I worked at a daycare in the toddler and preschool rooms before my son was born and I've seen it many many times. I can't really suggest too much to help though. Just try and include him in any baby talk, decorating, shopping, ask his opinions for names maybe? (you don't have to choose from his ideas, it will just make him feel more important and involved) Who knows, maybe he'll actually come up with something you like! :-) The big brother class sounds like an excellent idea. I'm sure it will help a lot when he understands more about what is going to happen after baby is born.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Everytime he back talks or gets in this mood it is time for a time out if he comes at you walk him back and start the clock all over again if he cries or screams or yells from the timeout the clock doesn't start untill he's quiet. Generally time outs are 1 min. per a year of age so 3 minutes for him. good luck

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N.A.

answers from Boston on

My darling Miss-3 likes to tell everyone to "Shh" or "Be quiet". I keep trying to explain to her that it's not nice, and she seems to be getting it. Time out simply does not work for her - if I put her back on the naughty step everytime she got off it, I'd be doing it all day (I did it once, for over an hour, and then gave up!) so while it is a great concept, it may simply not work for you.

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