Babyshower for Our 2Nd Boy

As the mother of two boys I can promise you with 100% certainty that they will NEVER care about this one bit. Unless you make them care by making a deal of it. Second showers are just bad form an point to a woman who seeks attention ..sorry.

My sister's friends insisted she have a shower. These are the invitations they used. http://www.etsy.com/listing/98495510/baby-sprinkle-invita...

Perhaps, you could do similar wording? I can't tell you how many second baby showers I've been to. They are always much smaller, but they aren't taboo. (At least, here they aren't.)

I had a friend who actually made invitations that said diapers and wipes shower.

I've had people put on their invitation that it's a "diaper party", and just to bring a bag of diapers and no gifts. To be totally honest, people will get you what they will get you, regardless of what you put on the invite.

You can't throw yourself a baby shower, any more than you can throw yourself a bridal shower. It's an outright request for gifts and it's just really bad manners.

Then you want to add to that by asking people for cash? That's what a gift card is, and so is outright cash, and so is asking for diapers which you would spend cash on yourself!

You are going to lose a whole lot of friends, and a lot of respect from family.

I wouldn't accept an invitation like this. And I wouldn't send a gift.

Let me give you another example - we received a wedding invitation for the daughter of someone my husband grew up with but whom we hadn't seen much. It was an email that came with a video of them and a detailed gift registry! Unbelievably offensive. THen we got a whole website with a few posts about how fabulous the couple thinks they are (we never met the daughter or the fiancé). Then they planned a destination wedding that was very expensive (airfare, resort hotel, golf fees, spa fees) - so the invitations are basically a request for gifts "since you won't be able to afford to come."

We couldn't wait to decline that one. And we did not even send a gift because we were so insulted.

Since all you'll be needing is a crib, a double stroller and pampers, why do you need a shower? To collect more money for other things - like family vacations or a new car? Do you feel your friends are supposed to underwrite your luxuries?

Please re-think this. There is absolutely no way you can do it and no words you can use without offending everyone and appearing very greedy. Because that's really what it is - an outright request for cash.

I just read your "So what happened" - how it that your baby will ever know about this? Does your 3 year old really run around thanking people for all the good baby gifts? Your baby should have a memory book that lists his special moments - first smile, first tooth, first steps, first pediatrician appointment, first visit with Grandma, etc. -- and you should take lots of pictures so he knows he's just as special as the big brother. But those shower gifts for Baby #1 were not for the baby - they were for YOU to help you financially. No one is slighting the 2nd baby. They're just recognizing that you don't need stuff to get started. And you've said that yourself, that you don't need things!

Sorry, but this just made me laugh. Yes, your second SON will know he didn't have a babyshower, but I would bet money that he won't CARE!! He's a BOY - do you really think he's going to get older and think "gee, everyone OBVIOUSLY loves my big brother more because they didn't throw ME a shower" *pout*

Honestly, if you're that concerned (and I think it's just the hormones talking here) ask a friend or relative (please, please don't throw it yourself!!) to throw a SMALL diapers-only lunch or something equally scaled.

I had 3 daughters within 4 years and never ONCE even thought about having a shower for the second and third! They used everything the first one got too, wore all the clothes, and we split the cash 3 ways and put it into their education fund. And if they *happen* to ask about it when they're older? I'll tell them the truth - that it's tacky and selfish to throw baby showers when the parents already have everything they need.

M.,

Please don't send such an invitation. It would be considered in very poor taste.

You say that you are concerned with what your little one will think if there is no shower for him. I PROMISE you he won't care, and unless you mention it and make a big deal out of it, he won't even think of it.

Of the billions of people who inhabit this planet, I have never once heard of anyone being upset or suffering in any way because no one held a baby shower for them.

Take lots of pictures of his homecoming and visitors. That will be more than enough photo ops for the scrapbook.

Congratulations and best wishes!

J. F.

Party? Yes. Baby shower where gifts are requested by the parents to be, on the invitation? Uh, hellz to the no! That is beyond tacky.

Throw a baby party, if you want to celebrate. Gifts don't need to be part of the equation, unless the guests choose to partake. You say you want to create that memory for your child, so gifts should not even be mentioned. Expecting or asking for gifts is beyond poor taste.

It has taken me several tries to write this response to you. Well welcome to the world of "entitlement". That's the only way I can put it. You said you kept the items from the first. These items are in good condition and usable -- use them and save the extra expense of the shower. As others have mentioned the baby shower was for you to get started no matter how manty babies came afterwards.

For you to plan a second shower and outright ask people for what you want is in poor taste no matter what you think. If I were to receive an invitation as you have described, I would probably toss it in the trash or send a gift from the local dollar store rather than my favorite expensive store and not attend the actual event. It's called etiquette and one time around. It's like those people who get married many times expecting everyone to give them gifts when they already have a household items.

I would suggest a meet and greet or a sprinkle shower for diapers. In this economic time people are thinking more aobut what they really need and not what they want. You can want the moon but that does not mean you will get it.

Maybe in 2050 they will accept having more than one shower for a mom having more babies.

Your question just hit a raw nerve with many of us older wiser moms and dads. The only exception is the gender and the spacing of 10 years between kids.

The other S.

Kids do NOT care about their baby showers. They just don't... not even a little bit. The shower is for the parents... the baby isn't even born. If that is your only reason for holding the shower, don't do it.

There really isn't a way to word an invitation to a shower you are throwing for YOURSELF for your SECOND child when you already HAVE everything you need without sounding selfish. If you don't want to sound too selfish, don't do it.

If it's truly for your baby, why not just host a party? State on the invitation "no gifts please." You can play all the guess baby's weight games and diaper changing races etc... but do NOT ask people to bring gifts and do NOT request cash. If people feel compelled to get something FOR THE BABY, they're going to get what they want to get: cute outfits, clothes, toys etc... if it's about what YOU need help buying (crib, diapers) , then it isn't for the baby, it's for you (as are all showers) and isn't appropriate in this situation.

HTH
T.

I can not under any circumstances see a child feeling slighted because they did not have a baby shower. Why not throw a "meet the baby party" after he is born.

I can also say my 9 year old daughter has never asked why there was not a baby shower to help prepare for her arrival and I didn't have a thing for her. (my 2nd child passed away and then we moved. At the time I felt I could never go through another pregnancy and I got rid of all the baby stuff. I had a couple of offers for a shower but I didn't feel I could handle it emotionally. People were more than generous when she was born however and she has never doubted how much we love and cherish her. Your child will feel wanted based on how you make them feel on a daily basis not just from 1 party you through before they were even born.

I do not think there is a way to word an invitation to not sound selfish if you are asking people for gift cards, cash and pampers.

Do a diaper party instead of a baby shower. Usually a diaper party is a way for the dads to be involved too by having their own party for the baby and the guys that attend just bring a pack of diapers instead of a frilly foo foo wrapped gift (because then they wouldnt be manly LOL). Your first didnt have a diaper party so when they are older you can show them pics from both. And Im sure the ppl that are closest to you will get you something other than a pack of diapers anyway
Congrats and Good Luck

OK.
The fact that you are talking about throwing yourself a shower is tacky and sounds selfish. Telling people what to give makes it even worse.

No, I cannot help you with this one because the whole concept is in poor taste. If I received an invitation FROM you, FOR you- telling ME what to give... well, I would decline the invite and you would get a much smaller/less valuable gift than had you allowed me to bring something over when you invited me to meet your little one.

We had a girl 4 years after having a boy and didn't have a big shower. My work friends threw a small shower and my family had a "baby party"- neither of which I asked for.

Tacky.

I really dont know why people think it's tacky to have a baby shower if you have more than one child. And big deal if you want to have one for yourself. I'd come! I think EVERY baby, yes, EVERY baby DESERVES to have it's own party whether you need anything or not! But that's just my opinion.

You could write invitations to everyone for a "Meet the baby" party and just tell everyone to come, and that gifts are not necessary but appreciated. That way no one feels obligated to give you anything but that they can if they like.

I think it's great that you want the new baby to feel just as welcomed and special as the first son. It's important if you ask me. And no, they wont know it now, but when they get a bit older they can look at pictures and know how much they are loved by all!

I think I understand where you're coming from, and if people you know who would be attending are accustomed to a woman throwing herself a baby shower then I think it's fine. But understand that that is not what most of us are accustomed to, and that's why you are receiving the nasty comments. My in-laws throw a baby shower for every baby, which is not something I am used to. In my family you get a shower for your first one, and that's it. Maybe something small if your second is a different gender or the timespan between them is like 5 years or something. In my family, one would be talked about for having a shower for the 2nd baby, and not in a good way. Especially if it was the same gender as the first.

So, if you want to throw a party and you are convinced that your invitees will not see it as greedy, then go ahead! A better option would be to have a friend, sister, mom, aunt, MIL, etc. actually throw the party for you, but you could be behind the scenes helping to organize it and even contribute money for the food and whatnot. But regardless of who throws the party, please don't dictate what gifts people can and cannot get for the baby on the invitation. There really is no way that you can get around sounding selfish if you do that. Even if you do go register for the things you do need, people are going to get what they want to give you anyhow. On some registries you can add that gift cards are welcomed. That's about as far as I'd go with that. Or you could do the diaper party theme, and then those that would like to bring something else will do that too.

I've always really liked the idea of the invitation asking to bring a book in lieu of a card. I think that's cute and not tacky at all. There's even a little poem that you can include about it (I don't know it, but I'm sure you could google it.)

Good luck, and congratulations on baby number 2!

I agree--YOU host a "meet the baby" party after the birth.

No O. ever "asks" to see pictures of their baby shower! LOL

Do it the classy way....too close to the last O..
It's just poor taste.

YOU host. And take pictures. :)

If you are planning on throwing it for yourself, I would wait until after the baby was born and have a "welcome my son" party. This would truly show your son how people got together to celebrate him.

I don't think your son will feel shafted if you don't have an actual shower for him. I tend to think of showers as being for the parents rather than the baby. I recently was invited to a second baby shower for a friend and the invitation read something like "come help us pamper the mom to be" and the party was a tea. It was worded so gifts weren't expected and the main goal was to pamper the mom.

I don't think there is any way of wording the invitation so it doesn't sound like you are just out to get gifts. Your best bet might be to have someone you are close with spread the word that what you really need is diapers.

As you can see there are many people who find second baby showers tacky. I don't think it is in all cases. But there is a guaranteed way to make it tacky and thats to through one for yourself, and indirectly ask for gifts by telling people how to gift you. Per your question, there is no wording that will rescue you from tackiness if you go down that road. You should realize that some of your friends and family will see it this way even if you don't. If you want to celebrate, do the "meet and greet" or some kind of last get together with friends before baby takes over. Make it about food and company. Say nothing of gifts and resolve to buy your own crib.

I agree with the meet the baby party. My husband and I have been toying with having a cookout after the baby comes home - and I dont even think I would call it a "meet the baby" party either. It would allow us time at home without visitors to recoup, and it would be small family & close friends. I'm pregnant with my second too, and didn't want to have a baby shower. A few girls from work told me we were having a get together (which we do about every 3 months), and it was a very small shower for me and the baby. It turned out very nice - but again - i didn't throw it for myself or plan it - it was a complete surprise. I don't see how my second child would feel jilted not having a baby shower of his own - and do you think you son will look back at pictures and be excited about all the diapers/gift cards he received (by your request), when compared to the first one - you probalby had tons of outfits, toys, etc. Each baby is a celebration - but IMO - your focus is on the wrong things.

I think you need to understand the purpose of a baby shower. They're intended for new parents who don't have any children and don't have any baby items, and the new parents are therefore "showered" with gifts to help them start on this new phase in their lives so that they don't have to break the bank.

If you already have a child, then it's rude and inappropriate to have a shower. People do it, but that doesn't make it appropriate. Even when it IS appropriate, people know the intention of a baby shower so the mention of gifts and money is NEVER to be made because that's the height of rudeness. I know people who refuse to attend any function where the mention of gifts and money are made in the invitation because it's THAT rude. Even birthday parties and anniversary parties.

One of the few times it's considered appropriate to have a shower for a 2nd or 3rd or whatever child after a first is if the parents no longer have their baby items.

Okay, so now maybe you understand why people are upset with your terminology. That's not people being nasty to you. It's etiquette.

I totally get you wanting your baby to "feel the love" and feel as special as your first child but you can have a party for the baby after his arrival. When each of our daughters was born, we had a baptism and then a reception to follow that we called a Welcome To The Family party since there were friends and family who attended who weren't religious and didn't attend the baptism. People were able to bring gifts if they wanted, but it wasn't expected.

When people called to RSVP they asked me if they should bring the baby a gift and I said, "If you want to, but all we really want is your presence."

If this is about things being "equal," well you have to understand that not everything is going to be equal all the time and it shouldn't be. This is one of those things... ie. baby showers.

Trust me your baby will never know whether he had a shower or not. I have three kids who are now 19, 16 and 13 and I don't think any of them have ever even looked at those photos/videos. Those are my memories, not theirs.
But, I do think it's nice to celebrate each pregnancy/birth, for YOU. Why not have a little "come meet the new baby" party? Have a simple get together about a month after the baby is born, and just say "no gifts please." Of course some people will bring gifts because they want to but it is never good manners to actually solicit the type of gifts you would like.

Do a "meet the baby" party! Have it when your baby is a few weeks old, and mention on the invite, it's a diapers and wipes party, (don't ask for cash or gift cards though). I had two boys as well and someone threw me a a diaper party for my second. It was amazing and it saved us tons of money. It's better if someone else throws it for you, but if no one steps up to the plate, then I don't see why you can't have your own "meet the baby" party... though I wouldn't call it a baby shower or have it before the baby is born, and I wouldn't ask for any kind of gifts either if you throw it.

Also, your son won't care he didn't have a baby shower, that's for first time moms to get all the gear and you can explain that to him if he does happen to care. Focus on his first birthday party for the pictures and everything if that really concerns you.

Hi M.,
My parents had my sister 16 months before me, and so didn't have a traditional "baby shower" for me and it has never once crossed my mind that I care. The only reason I even know, is that in my baby book, on the "Showers" page my mom writes something like "we hosted a big barbecue on [date]", she lists all the guests that were there, and then "everyone got together and bought us a dryer...we were so surprised!" :-) I really never even thought about it until just now actually (that there was a more traditional baby shower for my sister and just a barbecue when I came along) and I'm a fairly sentimental woman, your son (being a male) will probably care even less. My sons are 21 and 11 years old now, and neither of them has ever asked my anything about baby showers. I actually think they'd be kind of bored if I tried to show them baby shower pictures, lol :-) I can't think of any men who give any thought at all to baby showers. Please understand that I mean this in the most loving of ways and not to in ANY WAY dismiss your concerns, but I think your pregnancy hormones may be making you feel like this is a bigger deal than it will seem like a year from now. He's really really not going to care. I think that a "meet the baby" party like others have mentioned is a fantastic idea. Pictures that will be taken there will be much more precious to you and your family over the years because the second baby will be in the pictures, rather than you with a big belly :-) Good Luck and Best Wishes with your new baby,
A.

I do understand you question and I do understand your feelings about it. I don't think it's wrong to have showers for each kid, it can be fun... however, I don't really think you should throw yourself a baby shower. I've seen a few moms on here ask about it and honestly, I feel it's tacky. People will buy you gifts regardless of whether you have a shower or not. If someone asks you what you need then absolutely say something like well we always need diapers or something along those lines, but as far actually sending out invites and hosting it yourself, if I was your friend I would think it was a bit much.

As far as doing it "for the baby"...um, I'm not so sure that your child is going to be offended in 20 years that they didn't have a baby shower, especially if it was thrown by you when it is traditionally thrown by someone else. I get it if you're talking about a 1st birthday party or buying one a car when they turn 16 and not the other...but a baby shower, it's just not in the same category.

Hi M.,
No, don't throw yourself a baby shower -- for your baby, as you've explained. Why don't you have a meet-and-greet get-together at your house after baby arrives? Guests come, meet baby, munch on finger foods, etc., and you get to take pics for baby's book. No formal gift requests on that invite, though, either. Indeed, that is tacky. Now, you may have people actually ask you what you need and they may bring it. That's ok.

It's my personal opinion that 2nd baby showers are absolutely fine, but someone must offer to throw one for you. That is the unwritten protocol.

Well, you're not going to like this...I did read your post very well & I'm not buying it . I think you want to feel special. Like others have said, that kid won't care whether you had a shower, sprinkle, or meet baby party. That being said, I think if you want to feel special, that's reason enough to throw yourself something & Bugs idea is super cute. I think you do need to be prepared that some may find it tacky & not come. Congrats on boy # 2. I have all boys & love it!

K I didn't read the other comments but it sounds like people are giving you a hard time about the shower. Don't let them bug you! Someone gave me a shower for all 3 of my girls! I think it's wonderful to celebrate each birth! You are doing the right thing :) As for the invitation, maybe something like this....

Our second baby boy is arriving any day
There are a few things left we need if I may...
A crib, a double stroller and diapers galor
These are expensive gifts, good thing there's not more!
To help us afford these items, we ask for a lift
please bring small donations instead of a gift.
Thank you so much for all your support
We can't for everyone to meet our little sport!

p.s
Ok I did just went back and read your question again. Do you mean you are going to throw a shower for yourself? If this is what you mean then. No. you shouldn't do it. It is very tacky. However if someone is offering to throw it for you then yes do it! There is a big difference. I wouldn't have had all the showers i had if people didn't offer to do them for me.

Hi M.,
My girls are 13 months apart and I did not have a normal babyshower for my 2nd as we still had pretty much everything needed except the diapers. What I did instead was have a welcome party to celebrate her upcoming arrival (it was about 2 weeks before she was born). I told everyone that no gifts were neccessary as we had everything we needed but diapers. We still received a bunch of things (mostly diapers, homemade blankets, and gift cards) but the main thing was just to celebrate the little girl coming into the world.
I hope you have a great celebration and don't worry about people who don't understand or think it is wrong to do!

I think it's absolutely fine to want a baby shower for a second (or third or fourth or later) child! When you think about it, baby showers are a show of love and support for the expectant mama and her baby. What immediately comes to mind are the presents, but the gathering of family and friends itself is also an expression of love and support. Each pregnancy is unique and special, and just because you don't need all the "stuff" this time around doesn't mean you and your baby don't deserve a celebration! That being said, because presents tend to be a main focus of baby showers, you might want to consider calling it something else. I don't see any reason you have to wait until the baby is born though - I think part of what's special about baby showers is the time with family and friends BEFORE the new baby comes and life changes again.

Hi, My first inclination was to advise you against hosting a shower for your child. It has always been my understanding that for bridal showers the bride's maids hosted the shower and for baby showers a family member hosted the shower, and that baby showers were never done for baby #2. With that said, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE all of the ideas about a meet the baby party. I think that would be totally appropriate, and as mentioned don't register anywhere and don't ask for anything. Some will bring gifts and some won't. And yes this is the classier way to do it. :) Good luck with baby boy #2.

Regardless of how I feel about the way you are going about this....I will still give you my advice. For the invitations:

Please join us in celebrating ______baby shower.
Time:
Date:
Rsvp By _________

* If you are interested in contributing to one of the larger gifts, ________is registered at Target(wherever) and is hoping to purchase a double stroller, breastpump and can always use diapers!

Please join us!

Hope this helps---you can word it similar where it isnt asking...its letting people know what you need.

I had a second baby shower, but thats because my sister insisted. It was more of an excuse for all my friends and family to have a relaxing time and eat good food etc. It was less about the gifts (which was expected). If I were you...I would have the shower! BUT...do NOT ask for ANYTHING on the invite, and dont "register" anywhere either....people will bring/buy what they want anyway, no sense in making yourself look selfish (which I know you are not meaning to do). Second showers are only tacky when we make them that way....be classy and have fun with it! Enjoy that baby boy : )

I understand your reasons for wanting to have the shower. However, I still think it would be very strange to throw it for yourself and send out your own invitations. As a guest, it would seem in bad taste if I received the invitation directly from you.

Do you have a friend who can be the honorary host? Maybe you still pay for it and help with food prep and decorations, but she can be the one to send out invitations and collect RSVPs? Maybe even hold it at her own house (but you can help set up and clean up)? I get that it's hard to ask someone to throw you a shower, but if you are doing most of the work and really just asking her to send invitations so it's not actually coming from you, I think it might cast you in a better light to your guests.

As for the wording, call it a diaper shower and that's mostly what you'll get. some people will still bring other gifts. OR, the host can put something like "If you would like to help them get their double stroller, please contact me by X date." That way, any gift cards you DO receive will all be to the store where you want to buy the stroller from.

Do you have a crib from your first? If he's still in it now, you should be able to transition him to a regular bed before the baby comes so you don't need a second one.

A couple of thoughts. First of all, it is generally considered rather tacky to throw yourself a baby shower. When someone does that, it most certainly does look like you are just asking people to a party so they will give you stuff. Second, in my experience, I have not usually seen moms have baby showers for second children when it's going to be the same gender as their first. I think opinions on this do vary, but as you've stated, you have just about everything already. Do you really need a shower for people to give you gift cards and diapers? In my opinion, no. I completely understand your wanting people - I'm presuming people who would be inclined to give you a gift for your new baby whether you had a shower or not - to give you gifts that are practical and useful. Completely get it. I just strongly encourage you to reconsider whether it's really necessary to throw yourself a party in order to receive those gifts.

I honestly don't understand how a child would feel less loved because no one threw his mom a baby shower before he was born. The party isn't for him. It's for you. We had a shower when my oldest was on the way and none for the middle child. My coworkers threw me a small party for the youngest (10 years later and different gender). However, I am pretty sure that none of them care or were even aware whether there was a shower or not. And I'm pretty sure none of them feel that they are loved less because of it. Seriously, most kids (and at the risk of being too gender-biased, boys in particular) are not going to care to look at photos and videos of a party thrown before they were born, watching their mom open cards and people eating cake. It will only matter if you make a big deal about it and MAKE it matter.

If you're determined to have this party I would suggest that you at least have a friend or someone else send the invitations out, so that it doesn't look like you are blatantly asking people to give you gifts. The beauty of doing it that way is that then that person can field questions about what you want or need, rather than you essentially telling people what to buy you. Which, no matter how you slice it, just comes off badly.