Baby Fear

What does her doctor say?
Talk to her pediatrician, and get a book about babies and their development.

This is normal and will pass. Don't stress her out or push her towards someone/thing she doesn't want to do. This separation anxiety will ebb and flow, please take it in stride. If they start playing with something she likes, she may slowly go towards it and parallel play, she doesn't have to be held by them either.

So what's the difference between the men she doesn't like, and the men she does?

I doubt anyone is putting things in her head to make her act like that. She's a baby, and babies tend to prefer certain people over others. There's often no rhyme or reason to it. They might not like anyone with a moustache or beard one day, and then another day they might not like anyone who wears a hat. They might prefer someone in glasses.

This isn't a big deal and is developmentally normal. It's a phase and will pass.

I agree with poster Sarah below that possibly the little girl had a scare recently and that's given her a temporary wariness around men. Something as simple, for instance, as a man startling her by shouting suddenly in her direction on the playground or in a store (calling his own kid, maybe) could set off a reaction like this for a while. If the reaction is extreme and you have difficulty consoling her out of it, get her checked at the pediatrician, but first I would just ask her mom if something happened that might have startled her greatly. Is your and your husband's relationship with his ex OK enough that he or you could just simply ask?

"Sally, we've noticed in the past week that Jenny is fine with me but when Bill comes near her she cries and runs back to me, and when she see any man anywhere, she acts afraid and comes to me and cries. This started suddenly around (time it started). Did something happen around that time where maybe a man startled her while you were out somewhere...?"

It is pretty normal for children her age to be spooked by something and then for a while after, get freaked by things or people that remind the child of that sudden, startling moment. So I would ask the mom if you are able to do that but I also would not worry too much right now. If she continues with this fear of men and it doesn't fade soon, though, your family and her mom are going to need to investigate further.

Meanwhile, please, don't ever make her go to daddy when she's like this, or push her to "be nice" or "stop it because it's daddy and you're safe." She is far too young to process that or believe it--she only knows feelings, not reason. Just comfort her and have dad keep his distance and speak to her very, very softly and calmly. At times when she is calm he could sit near her and start to read one of her favorite books out loud. See if she comes closer. But he shouldn't say anything like "It hurts my feeliings when you run away," nor should he pursue her for a hug etc. He should be in her vision but not focusing on her, but if he's doing something interesting without appealing to her to come to him, she might drift over on her own eventually. It takes patience.

Is this new behavior? Was this a gradual change or a sudden one? Is this towards all men or just some men? If this is new and sudden, try to pinpoint the period of time that she changed. Something dramatic may have frighten her. It may not have been anything that your husband did (especially since he isn't the only one) , only that he somehow reminds her of it. If her reaction is extreme, I would have her checked out by her pedi.

But some kids just go through phases. I couldn't understand why my youngest Hated Santa. Every year she would scream at the sight of him. Then I realized that she didn't like any men with facial hair and that this was a common issue. She out grew her dislike in time, as will likely, your step-daughter.

My nephew vastly preferred his mother til she got pregnant and daddy needed to do more bathing, feeding and general caregiving when she couldn't. I would encourage him to do those things with her, to have an outing, etc. Without anyone else around. She will likely calm down once she realizes she's at the park, etc. Also, is it all men or men with beards or men with glasses, or loud voices, etc? Sometimes there is a physical factor that can be adjusted. I wouldn't think that things are seriously wrong at this age.

One of mine was like this. Outgrew it in time but yes, it was frustrating and I know it made our male friends and family feel uncomfortable. They just let it go - as did we. It was a phase in our case around that same age.

What helped was having the men just sit nearby, sometimes they would play with something that my child was interested in. We'd all sit together, and gradually my child would loosen up and realize they were fine. But we never pushed it or showed annoyance.

The more she sees her dad as non threatening the sooner I'm sure she will accept him. Unless of course something prompted this. If it continues talk to her pediatrician as Mamazita suggests.

Good luck :)