Baby Blues Really Bad

Dear J.,

Do you have friends or family nearby who would be willing to take your older boys for a couple of hours a week or come over to watch all of the children while you take some much needed time for yourself? It is hard for any mommy to juggle 2 active boys and a new baby and you have the added stress of not having Daddy at home. You are probably sleep deprived as well. Let those who are close to you help and don't be afraid to ask them. You are NOT being selfish. You need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of the children - so it is OK to put yourself first sometimes. Your older children may not understand why Mom is emotional, but it is normal and temporary and they will adjust and be alright. You do not have to face this alone. If the sadness does not seem to lift after some rest, contact your doctor.

God Bless,
Melissa

As much as family and friend support would help, you really should contact your health provider. It's really normal to get these feelings, especially when there's additional stress than just having a baby. Throw other children and no other parental support and you can't really expect anything else to happen! If you don't have anyone around to help, make sure you tell your doctor that, so that they know what kind of help you need. The first step is realizing that you are feeling this way and being aware of how you are reacting to your feelings. Keep reassuring your older boys that you're just "cranky" because you are tired and recovering from having the baby. Also tell them that sometimes it can take awhile to get all better. I really believe that communication really helps children understand, no matter how old they are.
I hope you feel better soon. Hang in there!

J.,
I have been where your at. When my children were small (they're 14.5 months apart) that everything seemed to come down all at once. My sister introduced me to a local MOPS group. They are moms that get together on a weekly basis, to share ideas, cry with, celebrate with, hug with, and are a great source of strength. The group usually meets for a couple of hours, and daycare is provided. There is usually a great speaker, small individule groups of about 3 or 4 ladies, prayer time, a lunch, and a craft. It is a wonderful experience and gave me something to look forward to, as well as my children. They loved being moppetts. You can contact a local church in your area or check online to find a great group in your area. Good luck in your future and I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless
D.

J., don't be too hard on yourself. It's a good sign that you recognize your less than stellar behavior, and it is natural to have hormonal adjustments for awhile after giving birth. The good news about your other children is, that they have really short memories about things like us being cranky. It is important to let your other children know, that the infant belongs to them too. This will give them a sense of belonging together, which will pay off later. Try to relax and find a few minutes alone to find your peace when you can and forgive yourself and I think you'll recover faster.

J., You are definitely not being selfish nor are you going crazy tho it probably feels like that. You are having post partum depression. Giving birth messes up your hormones. And you are in a life situation that could make anyone depressed.

Tell your doctor about what is happening right away! This is important. This is a medical problem.

And find some way to have more support.

It's sounds like you don't have friends and family near you. Perhaps you could temporarily move in with your or his parents but only if you feel supported by them. In the "old days" families helped in these circumstances. My mother became depressed after the birth of each of her children. After each birth either a sister moved in with us or we moved in with an aunt and uncle. When my 3rd brother was born my parents split up the family so that my mother could cope. My mother and the baby lived with her sister and the other 3 of us lived with another sister for 3 or 4 months. Medicine did not recognize post partum depression and did not have medication to help. This was difficult for all of us but it was much better than my mother struggling to take care of all of us. (My father was unable to provide much support because he was working 2 full time jobs.) I have experienced living with my mother while she was depressed and that did more emotional damage to me than living with my aunt and uncle.

This is just one idea based on the way families used to cope in this situation.

Another is to join a new mom's group. Most hospitals have one. And from that group you may learn of other resources.

Is your husband a service man? The military has support also. Call them. Perhaps seredipity is at work. One of my friends has a daughter who was in the Air Force but quit when she became pregnant. And as with you her husband was deployed elsewhere. She didn't want to "visit" her mother. Her husband called someone in the military and they sent someone to his wife and helped her find resources and support.

In summary the first person to call is your doctor. Then check out the possibility of other resources if you're able to do that. If not ask someone else to do that for you.

I empathize with your pain that is causing this depression and the depression that is causing pain. There is help!!!!

i hope the upped dosage helps! it helps too, to have a support network to talk to. i have a group online of women i talk to and that helps. try looking online for mommy groups or something. i know i was really depressed with my daughter, but it was mostly because i was just so tired from taking care of my 2 1/2 yr old and a newborn. so rest whenever you can, and i hope you start feeling better soon! i'm glad your hubby is more understanding too. men just don't understand what its like to deal with kids 24/7. its definitely a hard job! good luck!

I understand what your going through. The first few weeks after having a new baby are just so tiring and when you have other children to care for its so much more work and I can't even imagine not having daddy around to take on some of the extra work. Do you have any family around to have them take your older kids for a few hours so you and baby can just get some quiet time? I find that quiet time is what really helps me when my kids are stressing me out. Although mine are 2 and 6 now I know that when my second was born I was just miserable all the time and I just felt like I couldn't give my older child any attention so I found that if she could go play with grandparents or friends that the change of scenary really made a difference for her and it just gave me a little break. The way your feeling is completely normal though so don't feel bad its hard to have 3 kids especially when ones a newborn and very demanding of your time and with your husband being gone I can only imagine your stress. I hope you can find some alternatives that will help you feel like your not beging tugged in a million directions.

S.

If you call your OB they will be able to get you the meds you need. THEY DO HELP!!! And remember that even if the first RX that they put you on might not work there are other types out there that will. Just keep your doctor informed. As for the support system With your Husband being Military I'm sure they have something for you. If you call the hospital where you had the baby they should have the numbers for you. When I had my son my husband wasnt what you would call helpful at all, he might as well had not been here for about the first year and a half (better now) and I didnt want anyone at all to even touch our new baby (very selfish first time mom) so I didnt ask for help from anyone and I know how tired you get and how you feel like it will never get better and "Am I ever going to stop feeling so tired" but as you already know from your first two it does get better and the pills will help.....

I have to agree with the responces you are already getting. Call your Doctor right away. Every pregnancy is different just like evry post pardom. You are seeing the signs yourself and I beleive that you should never ignor your feeling and intuitons. Get as much help as you can Right Now! It sounds like you are a wonderful Mommy but your horomones are just running away with you right now. In time you will feel normal again. Good Luck - Y.

Hi, J.. I agree with the other ladies. You definetly need to see your doctor. You family and friends can support and be there for you but talking with your doctor may get you to understand what your body and mind needs.
I still get the baby blues. I have a 11 yr old and a 3 1/2 yr old, both boys. I'm going to see a counselor to get everything off my chest. Sometimes with everything you do, take care of the home, the kids, the finance, etc.. You sometimes forgot about YOU.
If you every need/want to talk, have lunch or coffee sometime OR get pampered and renew and relax your mind for a couple of hours, please email. I don't live that far away.
S.

Post partum can really put you through the mill, J.! It's especially rough on us 'can do' gals that are used to taking care of and controlling everything around us. Ask for or rent help to give you time to REST because along with the wild hormone shifts, the sleep deprivation is truly crazy making.

There is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself so you can be yourself again. There is no way your husband can know what you need unless you tell him, and since he's not there to help it's likely he's uncomfortable hearing that you need him.

I would suggest calling your doctor and getting on some depression meds and seeing if maybe someone can come help you with your kids during the day or just picking up the phone and calling someone when things get rough. I had the baby blues pretty bad too and I got on some medication and that helped alot. What also helped was haveing a support system of people I could just pick up the phone and vent or go over tho their house and have a cup of coffee and relax and talk.

But you are not crazy or anything like that alot of women go through the baby blues whats important is that you get help!

C. B

Hi Jennifer. I'm really sorry you're feeling this way and I know what you mean. I went through the same situation. The best way you can take care of yourself & your family is to seek help, like what you've done here. You may need to go see your OB & consider taking medications to even out your emotions. I mentioned your OB because of your little one on the way & the repercussions drugs have on unborn babies. It's a very common situation and you're not alone. My daughter is 3 and I'm still going through it at times. Not that it won't go away quickly for you, I just realize the feelings you're having. Taking as much "me" time as you can really helps. Talk to yourself outloud as to what feelings you're having, what options you can take to alleviate them, and how you'll feel once they're gone. This always helps me more than taking a walk, excersizing, etc. Be "real" with yourself and know that it's not who you are but rather a chemical imbalance and you're not to blame for any of it. Good luck and I really hope things change for you quickly. You deserve it! :)

Hello J., My name is Bree and I can understand how you may feel right now. I only have one child but my husband also has two sons...one lives with us and he is 16 now .At the time I had our little girl..now 2 ,there were a lot of problems for us .My stepson and I stopped getting along...because of the fact that he felt that he was not cared about by myself and his father....we dealt with the problem and today are more happy than ever .My point is in the time right after having the baby it was really hard for me to not be depressed about everything it is normal to feel a little over welled .If I were you I try to find some one close to you family or Friends that may be able to take the boys of your hands for the weekend or some time just for you to be able to rest and get everything back together with your self ...It may not be some thing you can do but If you can ...do it for your boys and yourself....I wish the best and you are in my prayers

This is totally normal. A lot of what you are feeling is hormonal and stressed because you have a very full plate. Be honest with yourself when you need help and ask for it. Do you have some friends that can come and help you so that you can take a bath or a nap? I am a single but married mom, work full time, take care of my mom in a wheelchair and have an 8 mo old. My husband got orders to CA the day after we found out that we were pregnant. We had just remodelled our house to accomodate my mom in her wheelchair.
I know that it is difficult to get everything done during the day and that you are not sleeping well right now. Remember though that the calmer that you stay, the calmer your baby will be and your kids will be. I wish you luck and hope that you can ask some friends for some respite. I know it is hard to ask for help, I am terrible asking for help, but I have had to many times. Thank goodness that I did. :)B.