So a neighbor who I am friends with recently send me and 2 other neighbors a texted invitation to a July 4th cookout at her house. I replied yes. One of the other neighbors replied that she is already having a cookout at her home and all the neighbors already know about it - clearly not me and not the person who sent this invitation.
She sort of invited the person who invited her now that we found out about it, but did not extend the invitation to me specifically. So now I know about the BBQ at her house but only because I was part of this other conversation. We are friendly enough, if we run into each other, but friends socially.
Would you go?
I wouldn't go to a BBQ I wasn't invited.
I wouldn't bring it up either. I would go to the BBQ that I RSVP'd yes to and leave it at that.
You responded yes to the texted invitation, so why not just go to that and forget about the other neighbor?
There are lots of people in our community who grew up here and already know each other and have a group of friends. Nice enough people, but not really interested in making new friends. This really upset my SIL, but I've decided not to waste my energy on it. There are plenty of people I've met (who are also "transplants") who are more than happy to make new friends.
Stick with the friends who invite your company. Be kind to those who don't, but don't worry about it. Enjoy life!
I think you should call the woman who originally invited you to make sure she is still planning to cook out, and let her know you'd still love to come. The other response was rude, and if I were the original friend, I would be annoyed at it. A backhanded, half-hearted late invitation? No thanks.
A few months ago, you posted about a neighborhood block party you were helping to coordinate. Is this the same event, or something different?
I think Neighbor #1 (who invited you) is the only one you should deal with. Stop worrying about Neighbor #2, who either is very relaxed about invitations (a good and mature thing) or possibly ticked off at Neighbor #1 for planning something when she (#2) already was and "all the neighbors already know about it" (which sounds a little childish the way you expressed it - "I'm having a party so you have no business having your own"). But maybe I'm not seeing the whole scenario.
So, you call your friend Neighbor #1 as if you haven't heard from #2. You say, "I just wanted to follow up on your invitation for July 4th and see what you would like me to bring or whether you would like me to come early and help you set up. Do you need anything like coolers or lawn chairs? How can I help?" End of debate. You don't give Neighbor #2 a thought and you don't let people get silly about who invited whom and who wasn't included. This is the sort of thing we teach our kids to deal with in 4th grade - not everyone gets invited to everything. If you have a neighbor being possessive or juvenile about such things, there's no reason to join in with that stuff.
I would never go to an event I wasn't invited to. I've done that 'friend of a friend' tag-along "it'll be fine" thing, and it was just awkward. Make your own plans. If you are invited, great. If not, just check in and see if the first neighbor who did invite you still has her own thing going.
You and the other uninvited neighbor should go do something fun and forget the B%$#& who left you both out of the "neighborhood" invite.
No. You weren't invited.
wait you are going to go to a BBQ you weren't invited to? No. You don't go. That's RUDE.
If you run into her at the grocery store or anywhere else? You don't change how you interact with her. This is LIFE. Not every neighbor is going to like you (we have a new neighbor and not many of us like her - but we deal) and you won't like everyone either.
you can be nice. you can be cordial. You don't need to be rude.
DO NOT go to the BBQ you were NOT invited to. NOT only NO but HECK NO!.
No.
I'm assuming your friend who invited you is not cancelling her cookout. That would be terribly rude of her.
If you're not sure what the deal is - pick the phone up or go over and talk to the neighbor who invited you in the first place. Just make sure it's still on.
I definitely wouldn't just show up to the other neighbor's cookout.
I hear you - not handled very well.
Wow, something similar happened to me a while back. My neighbor and I go to the same church. We're both stay in our own area sorts of people so we're not the "in each other's business" sort.
Our neighbors invited a bunch of people from church out for a huge 4th of July party at their house. We weren't invited. I felt completely slighted and it hurt, a lot. All my friends were at my neighbor's house having a cookout and a blast setting off fireworks but my grand kids and I were sitting at home alone with no fireworks or any funds to go to any of the big shows in town.
We ended up walking down our driveway which is on the opposite side of their house where the party was. We could see the fireworks clearly and hear everyone talking but they couldn't see us due to trees and overgrown plants.
It still hurt a lot though.
I never asked my neighbor about it though because I didn't want to risk having her upset with me. I let it go. I wish I'd have asked though. Because I remember it, even though I let it go I remember how it felt.
So, if I was in another situation like that I'd ask my neighbor what's up with that. Perhaps she thought she'd mentioned it to you.
Is the second neighbor going to the third neighbor's party now? Instead of having the party she invited you to? That's what's rude to me. If she invited you to a party and you accepted. She needs to tell the other neighbor that she's already invited you to her party and you're coming so she can't go to their party.
If the second neighbor told the third neighbor that neither she, nor you, knew about their party and that neighbor invited her but didn't tell the second neighbor that you are welcome too then call you and invite you, well, there's definitely something weird going on.
So I'd simply call the second neighbor and ask her. Are you cancelling our 4th of July plans? I need to know because I'm not invited to third neighbor's party and I don't want to sit at home on the 4th of July alone. I will find something for my family to go do by ourselves. That should get the message through and will tell you what sort of relationship you really have with your neighbors.
Nope!! I would just talk to the person that initially invited you, see if she still wants to have a bbq with you and your family, and go with her.
This kind of reminds me of people having weddings and discussing them on Social media, asking advice, needing information, where to get invitations, etc. and then not inviting one to the wedding (or showers for that matter) when they keep bringing it up. And we're talking large weddings-not a couple of people. Actually this has happened a lot. I think a lot of manners have gone out the window in the last couple of years. So for my thoughts: I would think you should ask the person who originally invited you first if she is still having her party and go there as previously planned if so. If she is playing fairweather friend and going to the other's party you can ask her so you can make alternate plans. In y life I have also learned, that (well with the exception of weddings that can cost someone a lot of money)-I invite myself and they can always tell me it's to large of a crowd or some stupid excuse. Really people should think about how some of these things can hurt people's feelings...
