Attitude Gives up Before the Task

I have trouble with my 9-year old on this and what has helped some is to give her a goal she can achieve before she competes. She does gymnastics and cheerleading so I'll tell her that her goal is to beat her last score (not anyone else's). Then she's only competing against herself. In cheerleading I'll tel her her goal is to hit her stunt and not fall down.

This doesn't always work, but I find she's not giving up as easily. Once in a while I do have to look her in the face and say sternly (but with love) "You get back OUT THERE and DO IT because I KNOW YOU CAN! We are the "C." Family and WE DON'T GIVE UP!!!"

Sometimes that works too :)

Somebody said something to him. Especially if he wasn't always like this. This happened to my son in baseball last year. All was well he loved it, then one of the kids told him he wasn't a good player and my kiddo did a turn around didn't want any part of the sport and started to doubt his other skills/activities. I only found out after I asked him why the change. We had a long talk about other people's opinions and how he felt he played. He was not allowed to quit as he made a committment and had to play the season. Towards the end he was having a great time again and totally dismissed the other kid. Ask your son has anyone been critisizing or teasing him.

I agree with Sandy's answer. Here's a whole article on the science of praise and motivation: How NOT to Talk to Kids, by Po Bronson: http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

It sounds like your son could be worried about failure, or at least no being able to measure up to someone's estimate of him. That tends to become extremely demotivating.

oh I am so hoping you get some responses to this because I have the same problem with my 10 year old. He is so strong, and could be good at so many things yet he gives up...sometime I think he is perfectionist and if he is not going to be "the Best" at something, well, then he figures why try. It is such a frustrating thing to watch - and it is something that has come up in the past year. I did notice that one of his friends was teasing him about his soccer playing skills....so I wonder if stuff like that does it?

Let him know it's ok not to always be #1. It looks like he would rather not try at all than to come in second. Is he a perfectionist in every aspect? Some kids feel like they will fail of they try, when 'failure' is not trying at all. (Not that he's failing at ALL - just perhaps his perception.
Introduce him to very famous people that weren't always at the top of their class. If I'm correct, Einstein and Bill Gates would be good examples - they didn't succeed perfectly in the traditional sense, but are still icons for our society as far as what they have accomplished.

STOP praising success (not easy to do)
Praise EFFORT "you worked hard reading those first four books." encourage him to evaluate himself "what did you learn from those books? did you find them easy or challenging?
Dont tell him he did well at the sport events even if he did. Smile to show you're happy and say "How did you feel about the ball game/ track meet/whatever? did you feel prepared? "
Praise him for practice not for home runs or winning. Too often we praise good grades without caring if they learned Oh look You got an A on your spelling test? do you feel the words were challenging and you had to study hard? No ? it was easy ? then I'm sorry you were denied the chance to learn new words. this it makes them realize their work and effort is valuable, sometimes success comes easily and they feel they dont deserve the praise and feel guilty. sometimes they are too afraid they wont succeed to try they dont want to let you down. Kids who are often told they are smart feel pressured to succeed easily and avoid trying things they are not confident about. Research better ways to praise our kids, and avoid over praising.

I've taught in the middle school setting, and this is a common occurrence for this age group. However, it could be that since it is a recent development, he could be getting picked on by someone at school, or even just FEEL like he's getting picked on. It may even be something as simple as he may feel like he'd done something well only to have it broadcast in class that someone else's work was "the best". There are a whole slew of possibilities, unfortunately, because he's getting into that age where the kids are getting more and more cutthroat.

The only thing I can say is to keep on him. Keep pushing him to do HIS best, even if he feels like it won't be the best out of everyone. He will fight you on it. When kids get into the pre-teen/teenage years, they have a hard time seeing past the "here and now". Their brains literally stop working the way they did and are completely re-wiring. (Hence why teenagers do so many stupid things.) He could be starting that process and may be having trouble recognizing that hard work now, regardless of how it compares to others, will benefit him in more ways than one later in life. Just keep at it! He'll come around eventually!

Hello, Years ago when I was working at an elementary school, I worked at a Halloween costume factory. When working at the school, I was teaching non-English speaking children English. To me it didn't get much more important than that. However, when I worked at the costume factory, I felt that my "signature" was on each job I did and I did my very best there. I have passed that attitude to my kids and grandkids. It is very important that you do YOUR best in everything you take on. You could try that. Remind him that each of us has something that we do better than anyone else we know, however, we still have to do our best at the other things in life.
Good luck with your precious little boy.

Well... "winning" is not the point.
At all.

It is about... being 'your' best... trying your best, having self-fulfillment about it, working hard. Everyone being different.

maybe, he just does not 'like' his sports???? If so, then maybe if he does something else, that HE does like... he will be more into it.
What are his interests????

For school, my daughter has that reading/points system too.
For her class, IF at the end of the week, their table meets the points goal... then the WHOLE table, receives a classroom "bucks" money. With which they can 'purchase' something in class... per the Teacher's in-class "store" they have. So... it is a 'team' effort... in order to encourage the kids. Because, if just 1 kids does not meet the point goal... then NO ONE on that table, can get a classroom "bucks" money.

maybe, have some sort of 'goal' for your son and 'reward'?