P.M.
Some of the other moms have nibbled at a solution. Newer research into children's motivation has revealed a surprising fact that really makes sense when you think about it:
Praising kids for "being" good, smart, beautiful, clever, talented, adorable, good at something – for "being" anything, sets them up for having to disappoint you at some point. The more perfect, smart or wonderful they come to believe they are IN YOUR EYES, the more anxious they can become about not being able to live up to that assessment. This can emotionally paralyze bright, earnest children. They KNOW they also sometimes behave in ways that are stubborn, lazy, mean, and dumb. Everybody does.
So our delightful, wonderful, talented children need a more realistic way to please us (and at least as importantly, to please themselves). The way they can do that is simply to be willing to try, to make an attempt, to work at learning new skills or getting better at old ones. Failure is actually a wonderful thing to experience, because it means they've tried.
It's fine to say something like:
I love the effort you put into that.
Wow, look at that drawing. Tell me how you chose those colors!
I see you're still working on that trick. I'll bet YOU'RE proud of how much you've been improving.
Yep, sometimes I feel sad too when things didn't go as I hoped. Guess it just needs more practice.
Hey, you've been improving on throwing accuracy since the last time we played catch!
Let's see if the "A" you wrote this week looks better than this page from last week. Oh, look at these angles! I can tell you've been practicing.
This is a normal enough stage for kids who are bright and empathetic. Fortunately, we can help them through those tender and unrealistic feelings.