My 3 1/2 year old always wants me around. He's very independent most of the time - liking to do everything himself, but other times I have to be there. Such as everytime he goes to the bathroom. I've somehow been able to get him now to go by himself, but then he wants me to come "see his bubbles". This is getting very old. I don't want to downplay his "accomplishment" but he's been potty trained for almost a year. Another thing is he has been waking up in the middle of the night, mostly to go to the bathroom (once or twice) sometimes it's because he needs a tissue (he's got allergies). Then after we attend to the problem - quickly and easily, he wants me to lay with him. He really only desires me to lay there for a few minutes but again, I'd like to go back and lay in my own bed and go to sleep. Instead of trying to stay awake for a few more minutes so I don't fall asleep with him. Looking at this now it seems trivial, and yes it's my job to boost his self esteem and give him reassurance, but it's getting overboard. Any ideas on getting him to be independent in these areas as well? I've offered him a reward for getting up himself at night but that's not working. And I really don't mind getting up with him, it's the laying with him I'd like to avoid. Thanks for your time.
Hi H.,
Have you tried seeking out a support group for parents?
http://attachmentparenting.meetup.com
There is a web site for potty training.
http://www.parentingtoddlers.com/pottytraining.html
Allergy website for kids:
Hope this helps. Good luck. D.
H., I just think you need to go with this, it will only last a short time, take my word for it each phase passes and another one starts. Enjoy each minute as they go very quickly.
hi H.,
you're a sweet mom. i'd keep getting up with him (especially since that's not your main problem with it) while he needs/wants you, but not lie down with him. tuck him in, maybe stroke or sing to him for a few minutes, but then leave. it may take a little while, but as with everything, consistency is the key.
khairete
S.
It might help the waking in the middle of the night if you be sure not to give him any milk products two hours prior to bedtime. Water is usually not the problem.
He could be telling you his love language. It could be quality time. Just me personally: I would agree that it can be old, but I also tell myself the flip die-they will grow up way to quick and will not want you very often as far as that type of stuff goes. If it were me I would embrace it the best I can. As far as needing water/tissues, you could put a box of tissues in his room so he could get one. You could give him a cup of water when he goes to bed. Other than that, I would judt embrace it.
I am a mother of seven grown children. At the age your son is, chances are he will grow out of this stage. I would guess he just wants his Mom's attention.
Rather than make an immediate point of the situation, let nature takes its course.
I know this can get old on you, but they ary only toddlers for such a short time.
Rewarding him may encourage the expectations that all performances should get rewarded. I think he wants your attention.
I have a similar issue. If you want to avoid laying with him at night make a chart of what he's doing and have the reward at the end of the week for sleeping the night or getting up w/out you. At night take a couple of days when you're nice and rested and when at night when he gets up and you help him, put him back to bed with a hug and a kiss and go away. If he get's out of bed, put him back in the bed and go away again. keep doing this until he'll goto sleep without you.
Good luck. I've had similar issues and when my daughter goes to the bathroom and she wants me to be there and stand outside the door. I think it has to do with herr knowing that she wants more independance, but still feels scared and wants some reassurance.
A.
This is so normal. He's just a little guy. Children go back and forth through stages. I know you're really tired, but he needs you. His independence scares him. He was the baby and now he's not, but he really is. Who knows what goes through his head at night? You'll be so glad that you gave him that extra attention when he's older. If this is causing sleep deprivation for you, be attentive, but be firm. Perhaps he can lay beside your bed in a sleeping bag.
Maybe instead of lying down with him, you could come up with some sort of little "routine" for back to bed time. Maybe give him a kiss on each cheek and a big hug instead, and then tuck him in? You could also try getting him a special bear or other stuffed animal to be his "back to bed friend". Talk to him about these options and see if he likes the idea. My son was really receptive to the bear, and it made our nights much easier!
Bottom line, this too shall pass - the 3's are a tricky age and really try our patience, but they're gone in a flash, and before you know it he'll be wanting to go to bed on his own and rolling his eyes when you try to hug or kiss. Enjoy your little one! :)
Don't Blink!! Your baby is only little for a very short while in the Grand scheme of things...When he "wants"you, go to him with a heart full of Love,and know that you can never get these moments back, just like sleep, you lose it...that's it, it's Gone!! Relish in it, don't resent it for a second! We are so Fortunate to have our babies-Love them, even when your tired!!
Hi H.,
I have an almost 3 year old (birthday this coming Friday) and I have similar potty issues. He will go to the bathroom by himself at daycare (in fact, refuses to let anyone help him), but at home, he will not go by himself and will stand there and scream at me if I tell him he is a big boy and can do it himself. I always cave because I do not know if he would just stand there and have an accident on the floor if I flat out refuse to help him. The other thing is that when his sits on the potty, he makes me "push it down". I have tried to teach him to do this, but he wants me to do it. If I don't, then pee gets all over the wall! We actually trained him to stand up and pee, but lately, he prefers to sit. Anyway, I have also asked others for advice on how to break him of this dependency, but I generally get the same response and that is that he will eventually get tired of asking me for help and will get to a point where he WANTS to do it himself. All you can really do is continue to encourage them to do it on their own and eventually the independance will kick in.
On your night time issue, I have to deal with that as well. When he wakes up at night to go potty, he wants me to lay down, but I just say no. I tuck him in, kiss his forhead and leave the room, with as little talking as possible. There are nights when he crys out, but it only lasts 60 seconds and he is back to sleep. It is important to stand your ground, otherwise, you will create an impossible habit to break. A habit can be created just after 2 times, but can take 2 weeks to 2 months to break it. Good luck!
J.
