My three year old has been giving us problems at bedtime. We have our routine and we put him in bed and before we are even out the door he is out of bed running after us. We put his closet light on and leave the door open (he hates it closed ) and we try snd leave the room. Within seconds he says he has to go to the bathroom eventhough he has just gone potty. So, we let him go potty again. Then he keeps coming out of his room and he asks for things etc. After awhile of this we put a gate up and he screams and cries at the top of his lungs and usually wakes his nine month old brother. Last night we left his room at 8:00 and at 10:00 we was still up!!!!! Durring the day he goes down for a nap without a problem. I thought maybe he needed to give up his nap, but when our sitter is here or grandma, he goes down with no problem. We have tried a sticker chart and reward system, but nothing is working. He is a great kid, but we can't go through this every night.
Any suggestions or advice would be great!!!
I'm wondering if he goes down for the sitter or grandma with no problems because he either thinks or knows that he will suffer serious consequences if he doesn't obey them???? Seriously, you need to put in place some consequences for this situation that he cares about and see if that doesn't help.
Hi L.,
My husband and I had to take the "tough love" approach with our daughter. Each night we each give her a kiss/hug and she then gets to go into her brother's room and give them each a kiss/hug and then its off to bed. When she gets up there is absolutely no drink, hug, kiss or whatever we don't say anything just put her straight into bed and out we go. This has taken about 2 weeks to get to the point where now she just "sings" to us from her bed. That only lasts about 10 minutes or so then she is quiet and falls asleep. This is a result of every time we let her do "just one more thing" (kiss, potty etc) each night the list got longer. We are both less stressed at bed now that we stick firm to our routine (of course we wish we would have stuck to this with her brothers but like they say...Live and Learn, right!...lol)
Best Wishes and Happy Sleeping!
Do not give him the attention he is seeking. If he gets out of bed, do not talk to him, just march him to his room. Stop at the doorway, DO NOT tuck him in again. Walk away before he even has a chance to climb in bed and turn and look for you. If he realizes you won't pay attention, he'll quit trying. Be prepared to do this many times at first.
If he wants to have a fit and fall asleep on the floor, so be it. As long as he's quiet and safe, let him be. He'll soon learn it's just easier to go to bed and stay there.
When my kids were little we played lots of short stories on tape. The tapes were a series from Disney which had many disney stories and then stories like the 3 little pigs and classic stories. My kids loved them and then they also had music on tape that was soothing for them to listen to...look around there are tons of kids CD's out there. My kids learned how to run the tape player by themselves. You could even tape yourself reading several stories to him so that he could listen to that while falling asleep. We never let them listen to the music or stories except while going to bed or sometimes on long rides in the car. Don't put a tv in his room....I have had friends do that and I hear the visual stimulation of a TV makes them stay awake longer. You could also try the Super Nanny approach by sitting outside his bedroom door till he falls asleep. Good luck!!! My kids are now 12, 14, 16 and 19. I miss those days when they were little!!!! Enjoy all your time with him!!!
I still go thru this with my 4 yo daughter. So far the only thing that works is to put her to bed, lay down with her until she falls asleep (the first time) and then get up. If she wakes up after that she is on her own to put herself back to sleep. She may get up and potty, but I will not help (unless there is a real problem). If she is still awake when I am ready to go to bed I tell her to get back in her bed and go to sleep and then I shut my bedroom door and lock it. She may come and knock on that door. I only tell her that yes I am in bed and you should be to. I say nothing more, no matter what kind of fit she throws. There are nights she will go back to bed and there are nights she gets her pillow and blankie and sleeps in front of my door. Eventually she will figure out that her bed is more comfortable than the hall and I am not ever going to give in.
So, be consisitent and firm!
Good Luck!
We have this problem with my son too. Here are some things that have helped us (but not completely solved the problem)... We ignore the trips to the bathroom as long as he's just "killing time" in there (not goofing around, making too much noise, etc.). We lead him back to his bed with few words (SuperNanny) if he's calling out to us or playing in the hallway. We've given him a "Mommy or Daddy Pass" that he may use one time per night. This pass allows him to choose which parent he wants to come in and give him 5 extra minutes of attention and re-tuck him in. Good luck!
Sounds like you are trying all sorts of ideas to get something to work. I give you credit for trying, but I think you should set some basic rules.
It's bedtime, you have to stay in bed. Implement a punishment.
If he truly has to go potty, let him go, once. If you can't tell, then set a time limit. If he plays around, put him back to bed. Don't chat with him while you wait. Stand outside the bathroom door.
When my son was 4, he had to sit on a chair in the kitchen for 2 minutes if he got out of bed or came out of his room. After a few days of that, he'd decided that staying in his bed was much better.
It sounds like his multiple requests are just tricks to stay up longer and be with you. So, maybe if you praise him verbally for what a good job he does, each time he stays in bed, you will get somewhere.
You just need to set some limits. If he has done all the bedtime routine, had a drink, etc, then there is no reason to get out of bed. He just needs to calm himself and get to sleep.
So, whatever you do, make a new stay in bed routine and stick to it, don't change it. I would guess that is probably causing him confusion and the ideas that he can do things to get you to let him out of his room.
If you decide to use the gate, keep it on all the time, not just when it's the last resort. At 3, though, I think maybe once he gets better about staying in his room, you wouldn't need it, unless it's for his own safety.
As far as waking up the other sibling, just remember this won't last forever. The sooner you stick to your guns, the sooner everyone will go to bed on time.
Oh, one last thought. If he truly doesn't seem tired at bedtime, maybe change his bedtime to 15 to 30 minutes later for several days, and see if that makes a difference. I wouldn't go after 8 though, but that's me.
Best of luck, I hope you get some peace soon, I know how frustrating that can be. My 2 yo has decided she's going to climb out of her crib. So, we are in the transition to letting her be able to get in and out of her bed now without help. We took the rail off and put on a side guard. She has been doing surprisingly well for the latter half of the first week. We do gate the door though, that has helped the game of running down the hall. =)
One of my old coworkers got her son a bed tent when he had trouble staying in bed. He felt safe and secure in it and the problem was over. Perhaps it is worth a try!
Good luck,
A.
