Hi everyone! I have a 3 year old son who sleeps in a toddler bed in his room. He falls asleep just fine. But throughout the night he will wake up anywhere between 2-5 times. Sometimes he will scream and sometimes he won't. He will come into our room and wake us up to ask if I will give him a hug in the morning. He has to ask me this 5 times before he will go back to bed. I ALWAYS tell him I will. It makes me sad that he has to keep asking me this question. I hug him all the time and EVERY morning. But me and my husband are losing sleep and so is he. This has been going on for about a month now. We both work and my son goes to daycare so I am extremely tired because of this. My husband thinks that my son should get time-out in the morning if he woke us up during the night. I disagree. So this is causing problems between us as well. Does anyone have any advice?? Thanks!
Hi Everyone, Thanks so much for the responses. A few of you mentioned that he might need a bigger bed. I think this could be true now that you mentioned it because he does move around A LOT during the night. Sometimes I will go and check on him and his bottom half of his body is hanging over the side of the bed. So I think that is a good first step. Secondly after having discussions with my husband, he agreed to not discipline him for waking up but we decided that if he wakes up calling for me or cries, we will go see whats wrong and ask whats wrong, but will not hug him. I am going to try some other ideas that I read about.I think I am going to try the idea where I tell him that he needs to stay in his bed and not give into answering his question, "am I going to hug him when i wake up?". He knows that I hug him EVERY morning. I am the one that gets him ready for daycare everyday and I take him there as well. Me working is not new to him. He has been in daycare since he was 6 months old. And I take him to a great Christian daycare center. I can tell he enjoys it there. Thanks again.
I absolutely - 100% agree with Mandee. My son is also 3, we had the same exact problems. I used Mandee's method (per my pediatricians suggestions) and we are back to normal. Try it~
Hello, i have a 5 year old, 4, and 2 year old ( all boys ).....sleep problems happend with all of them and are very fixable. he is seeking your attention, and you are deffinitly giving into him. i dont know if you do it allready, but giving him your undivided when you get home, until he goes to bed, might solve this, and let him know that that he can get your time and attention at the appropriate hours. let your house work and other things slide for a couple nights to see what happens, then work it back in little by little, involving him in your chores. then the next thing to do is when he gets up in the middle of the the night, limit your actual conversation, just walk him to his bed and put him in, you might have to do it a few times the first couple of nights, but if you are consistant, he wont have anything to wake up for, no hugs, no attention, and you will get sleep. also, if he has been in a toddler bed for a little while, it might be that he is growing out of it. get him a regular bed with one of those side rails that tuck under the mattress. he might find comfort the in the extra sleeping space and it might be why he wakes up to begin with, limited moving room. i absolutly disagree with the idea of putting his bed in your room.....this will cause bigger problems for you when you need to put him back in his own room. most importantly, whatever you decide to do, consistancy and not giving in under any circumstances will help your cause immensley! Good luck!!
Hi N.,
I am wondering how long this has been going on. It sounds like he is feeling anxiety and really needs your understanding and reassurance. I know how frustrating and exhausting it can be to deal with a child's sleep issues(both of my girls had issues of their own, but with time and patience they have overcome them), just remember that your son is tired and upset too! I don't think that punishing him is appropriate, but try using a positive reinforcement system where he gets a sticker for everytime he stays in his bed all night, maybe 3 stickers(or however many you decide) earns him a special treat. Maybe picking out, or making a special stuffed pillow or "friend" for him to sleep with might help, you could tell him that he can hug his special friend during the night, and you and your husband will give him hugs in the morning. Explain to him, in terms he can understand, that it is important for all of you to get enough rest at night in order to be healthy and have enough energy to play the next day. Let him know that you are concerned that he is not getting enough rest, and that he needs to stay in his own bed. Try to stay calm and positive, it seems like he needs the reassurance. If you do feel like he is manipulating you though, let him know that this will not be tolerated. If he wants a happy Mommy who has the energy to play with him and give him attention during the day, he needs to let you sleep at night. Also, a small flashlight he can keep by his bed, or a "touch Lamp" that he can turn on for comfort if he wakes up may help. I guess, just try talking to him during the day to find out what it is that he really needs at night, and let him help you decide what might work for him(this will give him some feeling of control, and let him know that his feelings count). I hope that you find some help amongst my ramblings. Good luck!
Hi N.,
It sounds like you need some one on one time with your son. Try to spend quality time with him when you get home, which I know is difficult being a working mom also. I would not punish him for waking up in the middle of the night though, that could make it worse. If he is having a bad dream or something would you really want to punish him for wanting to be comforted? Best of luck with the husband issue I know parenting can be difficult when you and your spouse disagree on what is best.
N.
It sounds like he is having nightmares. Or maybe he is dealing with abbandonment issues, because you work. There might of been a morning and he woke up and you were already gone. Reasure him that you work and you will always be there for him. Give him something that he can put in his pocket throughout the day, that reminds him of you, and kiss it. That way he can kiss it, and tell him you are giving him a kiss through this object, no matter where you are. Take him to your work one day, and show him around, and tell him what you do. This way he can picture you at work and see in his own minds eye, what you are doing.
If he is having nightmares, you can help him with that too.
Is he eating before bed? Don't give him any sugar or fruit before bed, or any cream. If he is too hot, he will have nightmares. Crackers are the best before bed, it helps them with retaining water also, its good for bed wetters.
Something may be happening in his life, he is having bad dreams from. Daycare, babysitter, or mom working alot. A neighborhood bully. It could even be a dog he is scard of, at a friends house. Ask him what he is dreaming, and write it down. Or he just may not want to be by himself, if he slept with you as a baby too long.
Prayers before bed help..Tell him God is watching over him and protecting him. Possiably even buy him a dream catchers, and explain to him the dream catcher catches his bad dreams.
I made a my grandaughter a dream catcher, and her mother said she has not had a bad dream, since a year ago, she put it above her bed. Its not necessarily the dreamcatcher working, its that the child belief that works.
A friend of mine had a problem with her boy and doors. She was in a friends garage one day, and someone pushed the garage door button, and her son was left outside by himself, for a few seconds, until the door lifted up again. He was in a panic, because his mom was on the other side of the door. From then on out, he could not be seperated from his mom, by a door. He would scream at the top of his lungs.
I gave him a small teddy bear, that fit in his pocket. I told him to carry that teddy bear with him everywhere. We named him doory. I told him if he was on the outside of a door by himself, pull doory out of his pocket to keep him company, and he will make sure nothing happens to him. Do you know that child is 23, and still carries doory with him as a good luck charm. And he never cried again after that day, when a door was shut.
Sometimes we all just need a little reassurance everything will be ok. Just like your son getting up. Tell him everything is ok, and you will be there in the morning when he wakes up. And if you ever have to leave before he wakes up, make sure you wake him and tell him your going and give him a kiss and hug. This age is hard for a child, especially one in preschool and daycare. Alot of children at this age develop abbandonment issues, because of it.
Good luck....God Bless....Chrissy
I agree that time out wouldn't be appropriate. Is sleeping in a toddler bed really new for him? How long has this been going on? Could he be having nightmares, or be scared of being in his new bed? Maybe talking to him about dreams or getting him to talk to you about what he is dreaming could help. Does he have a special toy or stuffed animal that your son feels strong with? Maybe you could set it out close to him to "protect" him at night. Perhaps you could put a picture of you hugging your son next to his bed with a night light so he can turn and see you loving him. Something that smells of you might help too. You could always put a pillowcase you slept on for a night or two, or a tee shirt you've worn into your son's pillow case so he can smell you and be comforted.
C.
I agree with the other responses...he is seeking your attention. But also i am wondering if he needs more room in his bed. I know with my two yr old at the time she would wake up in the middle of the night because she wouldnt have enough room. Maybe u can condider getting a twin bed & putting the mattress on the floor if u feel safer that way. then he can move around w/o hitting his head on the bars. We have to put up gates, two of them, one on top of the other so our daughter wont get out cuz she will roam the house if she wakes up. hope that helps too. good luck.
A time out? I don't think so. A 3 year old cannot help his night wakings. I have a 3 year old girl and she wakes up 1-2 times per night. Maybe your son needs to go to the bathroom, is hungry because of a growth spurt, or maybe he is going through a separation anxiety phase. Maybe you could move his bed into your room for a little while. The screaming could be night terrors. We went through a few months of that right after my daughter turned 3. It sounds like the persistent hugging is a distraction so he won't have to go back to bed. Maybe you could lay down with him for a little. I know it's hard getting interrupted sleep. I have 6, 3, and 6 month old, so I feel ya on that. Still, it won't last forever. My 6 year old doesn't wake up in the night anymore, and hasn't since about age 4.
I'm sure you realize that he will grow out of this behavior. Although, I understand the immediate need for a solution since you are both missing out on precious sleep. Unfortunately learning is repititious and requires patience. I know you like to be reassuring that he will get his hug in the morning, but when something is unacceptable, such as getting up in the night, you might want to consider if your feeding into his purpose. He knows that if he happens to wake up he can go to you for comfort. We would all love to let our kids know we are there for them but are main job is to teach them to be independent. What I recommend everytime he gets out of bed, instead of telling him yes you will hug him in the morning, simply say "You need to stay in your bed." If he responds, no matter what he may say (this may be tough) just repeat yourself and say "You need to stay in your bed". After a while he'll realize all your going to say is that and he'll stop getting up in the night to hear it. At first he may try anything and everything in the world to get you to respond differently but show him what you really expect from him. For your sleep and sanity as well as your husbands. Say this as your putting him back to bed. Show him and tell him. Feel assurred that you are not depriving him of any love. You know he will get his hug in the morning. Your teaching him to learn that if he does wake up in the night he'll have to deal with it by staying in bed. I think he'll learn to fall back to sleep. Good luck.
Maybe he is having nightmares. Try buying him a dream catcher and explain to him what they are for. My son at the age of 5 was still having nightmares. waking in the middle of the night screaming. My friend suggested we buy one and it worked. After a while we put it away. Just last night he came to me and said he was having bad dreams again could we get out the dream catcher and we did. He slept threw the night.
I know you don't want to hear this, but your son continues to do this because he sees that you will do what he wants you to do. It also may be nightmares, but I think he is using this as a way to have control over you. I mean who has nightmares every night? Sorry to say this, but your husband is right in the time out in the morning. Your child is trying to get control over you and you need to show him that you are in charge not him. Again I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it needs to be done before he gets to old otherwise you will have worse behavior problems later. Also try Nicholes idea with the dreamcatcher then if it is nightmares this may convince him that he is ok. Eventually with the dreamcatcher and try just telling him that he needs to sleep and that if he gets up he will be put in time out in the morning he may stop.
