atEDITED!! What Is with This Child????

Stress? Needing attention? Younger child pooping in diapers? Change in schedule? Could be a million things.

First try to determine if she is doing it for attention. If so, this phase will pass. As annoying as it is, try not to make a big deal about it. You can also have her clean herself and her underpants. This can quickly deter the behavior if she is indeed doing it just for attention.

However, if you can not pinpoint an "emotional" reason that she would be doing this, than make an appointment with her doctor.

What does she say when you ask her about it?

How cruel to tell her she will have to wear her little brothers diapers. My parents did that to me and I remember it quite painfully. Also not helpful to equate going to school with fecal accidents. You want her to be excited about school.

I suggest that you take her to the doctor. She may be constipated and what is coming out is seepage from around a larger stool. She said she wasn't feeling well. When my digestive system is upset I sometimes do not get to the bathroom in time.

I doubt that she's doing this on purpose. It's not comfortable to be in dirty panties.

I urge you to not make a big deal of it. When you get upset with her she becomes anxious and has more difficulty getting to the toilet on time. Be sympathetic, tell her you want her to make it to the toilet in time and ask her how you can help. Ask her what she thinks is going on. Ask only if you can do so in a loving way.

I noticed you had a post back in May about your dughter peeing in her pants, an the doctor fining blood in her urine. Was that issue ever resolved? I wonder if that issue is somehow related to this issue.

I wouldn't make too much of a big deal about it, but do casually ask her about it. Since she is 4, she is verbal enough to give you some insight abut why she is doing it.

A chat with her doctor might be in order, I can't help but wonder if this is related to the issues back in May.

Good luck.

Some kids will do this like clockwork, same time each day. Sometimes it's related to digestion. At other times, it could be attention-getting. (I had one child I cared for who would poop his pants only when I was trying to get the baby down for a nap. ugh.)

If it's a child who was previously toileting on their own, just fine, I would often grab them up about ten minutes or so before their usual poop-accident time and get them on the potty with a toy or book to look at. It's to break the habit before it happens. This works well for some kids, esp. if their pooping is not behavior-driven.

If the child is "holding" the poop while on the potty but continuing later to mess their pants, I do as little as possible to help them clean up. "OH, you pooped again. That's too bad. Here's a plastic bag for your dirty clothes-- you will have to get yourself clean again." I let them work on figuring out how to change the poopy clothes on their own as much as possible, but will supervise to avoid any real mess. Any other cleanup that needs to be done-- they have to help, even if it means standing to the side, handing me rags or opening doors. They *do not* get to play while I am doing the cleanup. I will make sure they are clean, and I don't make them touch the poop, but they do get pretty disgusted. And I don't talk about it too much or give them much attention at this time.

If I know for sure that it's deliberate (and that's only happened with a couple of children), then I might say "wow, well we can't go to X because you are having trouble using the potty in time." and put it back on them. It might need to be X amount of days with clean pants before we can take that trip to the library or other fun outing. I treat it matter-of-factly: "Well, you've been pooping in your pants and it's just too hard to clean that up when we're out." Kind of like "wow... you've got a problem, now, dont'cha? Up to *you* to take care of that."

That said, these techniques are reserved solely for deliberate (behavioral) pants-messing. If there is a dietary issue, or if the child is just getting engaged and forgetting, or if there has been a big change in their life, I try to be more helpful. I also try to sort out what their emotional response is...if they just don't seem to care or seem defiant about it, I tend to assist less; if the child truly had an accident and is upset, I do offer empathy and comfort.

Added after your addition:
Mom, you are at your wits end after only 4 days?

There are kids who have toileting problems, including bedwetting up into their early teens. There are kids who hold their pee or poop, mess up their systems, have to go on miralax and bed-wetting alarms.

You shouldn't be at your wits end here.

There are several of us telling you not to shame her. Telling her that she will have to wear one of her little brothers diapers is shaming her. You are taking a gamble in making the problem worse by doing that.

Put this issue in perspective and help her by trying the ideas the ladies are giving you. There are 2 things a child can control. One is what they do and don't eat, and one is toileting. If she has a medical condition, she can't necessarily even do that. If it's emotional, then you need to deal with her with kindness, and understand that making her MORE emotional will only exacerbate this. Children do not think or act like small adults. Expecting her to stop having accidents because you threaten her like you are IS expecting her to act like an adult.

Original:
Sounds like there is an issue with her food. What is she eating that is different?

Do a food diary and see what you come up with.

One possibility, if she has loose bowels, is that she really has gotten kind of constipated, (kind of impacted), but there are loose bowels coming around it. This can surprise a kid who thinks she doesn't need to go, but of course she does. What needs to happen is get the plugged up stuff out so that it all works better.

I'd work on her diet right now, if I were you. Call the ped nurse tomorrow and talk about it and her diet. See what she says.

Don't shame your daughter or act exasperated. DO get her to help you clean herself up.

Good luck,
Dawn

There's a stomach bug going around. I've had 2 accidents myself this week! TMI, I know. Once I thought gas, and once I sneezed. I've only done this maybe 2 other times in my adult life. Ugh. Happens, sometimes, though. Feel just fine, otherwise... Maybe a touch crampy...But the 'gotta go!'s are coming out of nowhere.

I agree that it is too harsh to tell her she will have to wear her little brother's diapers. Did you consider that probably she is already dealing with stress from having younger siblings, so telling her something like that only adds to the stress, which will only increase her problems? Please don't bring up other siblings when dealing with her.

As others noted, look at diet (even if you think it's the same). I would also insist that the urologist appointment be moved up and take place ASAP -- tell them about this new development. Antibiotics do not always get rid of an infection the first time out, and you cannot "tell by looking" that she's rid of all infection. She could have an infection that is making her bowels loose. Always rule out a physical cause first. Don't hesitate to go to the doctor and don't just assume this about attention.

But once you rule out a physical issue -- Yes, she could be doing it for attention, as others note. You mention "babies" so I assume there are other kids around; are you sure she gets one on one time with you every day? Has another child been demanding more of your attention lately so she might feel left out by you? Think hard about it and think like SHE does --not like an adult. An adult might figure, "She's four, she knows I have to attend to the other kids," but in her mind -- no matter how much she says she just loves the babies -- she could very well feel left out. You cannot go by what kids this age say. She may also be saying she can't wait to start school and school will be great, when inside she is scared and stressed by the thought of school and being away from you. Those stresses could cause her to poop in her pants -- either because she's so stressed she's lost control or because on some level she realizes, probably unconsciously, that if she does this she will not have to leave you and go to school. Again, she may be saying she loves those babies and loves the idea of school -- but if you really work with her and talk to her carefully you may uncover some stresses there. But you can't talk with her that way if you snap and threaten her with diapers. That makes her feel guilty and ashamed, and if she feels that way it makes it less likely she will come to you and tell you if she has pooped again. To keep the communication open, be careful not to talk in ways that accuse her or make her feel guilty.

You said right from the start that she isn't feeling good. And you said that you gave her antibiotics.

Two things that could give her tummy/digestive system an upset. It might truly be an accident. I was ill just last week and on antibiotics...my tummy/gut STILL isn't right.

Settle down, momma. Just be kind and let her know that the accidents are because she was ill and on medicine. But she's better now, so she can go poopy in the potty like normal again.

she may truly have an upset tummy and may think she just has to toot but more comes out. my son had that happen yesterday he is also 4. Never has accidents during the day and he has had an upset tummy. He thought he just had gas and needed to toot but actually ended up pooping a bit in his pants. Im sure she feels bad so try not to make a big deal about it. Just tell her its ok but lets try not to keep having it happen. Now if she gets to the point where she is telling you she needs to go and then just goes in her pants or hides somewhere and does it then you may need to do more. but a few times if she hasn't been feeling well i would think its really just accidents.

It is normal for kids this age to go through a stage of accidents. It happens at pre-K, child care, home, etc...they grow in size but the body parts are a bit slower, they are having a brain growth spurt, the potty training sort of goes on the back burner for a few months.

It's all normal

This sounds more emotional than physical. What is happening in her/your environment? Have there been many changes or sudden changes? Is there stress? Is she being hugged, loved openly? Are you playful with her? Does she sing and dance and play? Does she feel free to be herself? Does she feel pressured? Is she stopping herself from going to the bathroom when needed because of some fear or because she's busy playing and doesn't want to stop to go to the bathroom? Sometimes kids will do this. They just don't want to stop their play and think they can keep holding it and then of course after a while they can't.

Maybe you need to keep an eye on her and just observe what is happening. Remind her to go to the bathroom when needed and to let you know when she needs to go.

Just some thoughts. Be gentle with her, she just a baby yet. Although I know this would be frustrating to deal with. It can be solve and will be solved, so do it kindly.

yes, i've told my older son (when he was about 4) that he if was having accidents, that baby brother will share his diapers. i didn't do it threateningly. it was more like, oh, do you need a diaper? are you a baby? hey, baby brother, will you share some diapers with older brother? you will? you're so nice to share! and they know they are big kids and want to wear underwear.

I just have my daughter naked (bottomless) any time we are in a house (ours, gparents). It gently forced her to use the potty instead.

i think it's more common for four year olds seeking more attention. It could also be changes or something. Tell her to stop doing it if she's doing it on purpose and tell her if she is that you don't think it's funny or gaining her more attention.
GOOD LUCK.