This may be long winded, so I apoligize ahead of time. My 16 month old has figured out how to throw what I think are tantrums. Let me give you what happened. First, she was starting to not feel well on Tuesday of last week. Wednesday I kept her and her brother home from daycare. Then, our grandparents came down from up north to visit for a week or two. Wednesday she was fine with them, a little standoffish, but it was her first time seeing them since she was born, so it was exepected. Then Thursday morning, when we came out and she saw them, she threw an all out fit. Screaming no, no, wanting me to pick her up, and wailing non stop until I did. Then she was fine. This went on all day long except for a few play spurts here and there. Went to the doctor, she had strep. Now, ever since then, she throws these fits and wont let anyone touch her except me. Not even daddy, who used to be her favorite. I finally determined, I think, that these are tantrums and i let her "get over them" without picking her up. For the most part, she has warmed up to the grandparents and will even play with them, but the first time she doesn't get her way, there she goes! Is this normal? How in the world do you handle this. My son, who is almost 4, didn't go through this, so this is all new to me and I am going crazy. Any advise or thoughts would help please. It is almost embarassing. I dont want to take her anywhere in fear she will have a meltdown! I wound up taking them back to daycare instead of leaving them home with gramma in fear she would do this all day with them. I had stayed home until today and am back at work now. HELP!
Well I am happy to say she is back to normal now. It must have been our grandparents staying in "her" house! Now, she does yell, but nothing like the complete meltdowns of last week. I know she is going to be vocal, but am just glad she has resumed her normal fits! Thank you everyone for your great advise. I may have to use it in the future.
Hi, The best advice I can give you which nobody gave me....but has helped me thru the years(I have almost 4 year old twin girls) Everything is the age and the stage!! Just rember that and it should help.
L.
It sounds like she had a lot going on at one time. That will probably account for part of it. I agree with the other poster, the nanny has some great ideas. I have a daughter who is queen of the tantrums because she has a very determined and passionate personality. She is 4 now. In the beginning I thought I was doing something wrong, but then I started working with her on what else she can do when she is angry and starts to feel the "volcano" getting ready to blow. Your daughter is a little young to understand, but if you start using the words now, she will get it as she gets older. I wouldn't worry about melt downs in public. I give my daughter one chance and then we are out of the store. Most people around you can appreciate what you are going through. I usually get comments like "I've been there", or "good for you, sticking to your guns". Just be consistent. Good luck. N.
Dear D.,
With my Sarah when she had a tantrum I could usually trace it back to sugar. I really had to keep an eye out for that. If she had sugar in any form-that stupid corn syrup that is cheap and put into so many things. Also There is a web site to help called Child Behavior Help that you might want to check, very sane advice. But first check and rule out sugar- it would be awful to try and handle what looks like mis behavior when it is nutrition. I'm telling you I hate Halloween, because of the sugar!.
Hope this helps.
Kya
Have you watched the nanny... I know it sounds funny,, but i tell you what she has some really good pointers. Time out , back in the spot, over and over , i know its hard and fustrating but you cant give in... Get down to her level and really make her understand what she is doing wrong.. Believe me she understands.... Good luck... Iremember those days. It is totally embarassing.
Through my experience with my daughter, I found that I had to just ignore her when she was having a tantrum. That way, she was not getting the response that she was expecting. If you give in and pick her up, she is getting positive reinforcement for having a tantrum. If you just ignore it then she will not get that reaction from you that she is looking for. Believe me, I know how hard it is to just sit there and ignore a screaming child, but my daughter hardly ever has tantrums now -- it is usually when she is getting sick. Just make sure that she is not sick. Remember, this age can be frustrating because they cannot communicate well with us and tell us how they are feeling or what is upsetting them. Oh, and make sure to keep your emotions at bay when she throws these tantrums. If she sees that it is upsetting you, she is still getting some sort of positive reinforcement even if you don't pick her up. Good luck!
D.~
You are totally doing the right thing by ignoring her and not picking her up. I would suggest everyone even leaving the room when she does this. As soon as she realizes that her "audience" is not responding, this behavior will cease. Be brave and hang in there!
Blessings,
G.
When I was reading your entry, it sounded like I wrote it...and I couldn't believe that someone else could go through a predicament almost exactly the same way. Like you, my son started throwing tantrums after he had gotten sick. This was a couple of years ago, but I recall how his tantrums tormented me because I couldn't understand where they were coming from - and they only started after he was sick. The only thing I could think of was the amount of attention he received from me during his illness left him wanting that same level of attention from me even after he was sick (I have three boys; he's my middle son, hence, the lack of dedicated one-on-one attention from mommy.) What I ended up doing (after realizing my yelling was certainly no help), I changed my own behavior and learned how to talk to him, understand him, and even ignore him (my silence often spoke volumes for the situation). All I'd suggest is to listen to HER and talk to HER and try to understand HER. Don't try to make her understand you, because she's not ready to right now. She seems to be yearning for your attention and wants to just know that you get her...that you got her back...that you understand where she's coming from. Trust me...it will require some patience on your part (it took A LOT for me), but you'll find you'll both have grown a little closer from this whole process. Good luck!
