At What Point Is School More Harmful than Helpful?

Sounds like its more harmful now. I had a 6 year old that was moping, crying, chronically ill, miserable just not herself. We started homeschooling and she is bubbly and happy again, also she has made friends with other homeschoolers with ease. Do it. You won't regret it.

Just wanted to add that the statement the school is never harmful is incredibly false. There is a huge percentage of adults who carry around scars to the psyche that they received at the hands of other students and even teachers.

In the beginning, the title of your post lead me to a totally different idea from what supposed to be the real concern, but reading it carefully, I understand that your kid is actually suffering. First of all, find ANOTHER doctor, not a psychiatrist but a GOOD psychologist who uses behavioral alternatives as treatment (I am sorry, but I do not believe in psychiatrists, and I do believe that many times such strong medicines are bad and have LOTS of side effects), and second, consider the alternative of homeschooling your kid. Don't be afraid to home school, it is totally doable and it will help your child IMMENSELY (I would NOT suggest online education, it wouldn't be the right approach for your child). He needs a healthy and a positive environment to thrive and get the education he deserves, and home, believe me, it IS the best place to achieve that.
There is a solution, there are ways to help him to thrive and feel safe, you are a great mom, go ahead and make the decision that is the best for your kid. You are in charge, you know and you love your child, you don't have to ask permission to anybody to help your kid. Be strong, you can help him, find a good support and inform yourself, ask lots of questions before doing anything, it is your child's life and future.

***UPDATED***: Homeschooling WILL NOT ISOLATE your child. He NEEDS a time to settle down and recovers himself, PS will not be at THIS moment the best for him, your patience and dedication will help him deeply, then and just then he will be able perhaps to attend PS again IF you decide so, but NOT AT THIS MOMENT (been there, D. that as mom and as professional educator).

In your situation, I suggest home schooling or possible online schooling.

When I was in 9th grade, high school drama turned my life upside down. My friends weren't my friends anymore. I was the target of bullying. My grades went from As/Bs to Ds with a random C or F thrown in. In 10th grade I started refusing to go to school. I was very depressed and couldn't be in that environment before. After the first quarter of 10th grade, my parents transferred me to an online high school. My grades slowly started to get better and even my old teachers at the school saw a huge improvement in my mood (My mom and my aunt both worked at the high school so I would visit them there often).

Mainstream high school just doesn't work for all kids. Everybody has a different learning style and everybody works the best in a different environment. Find what works for your son and go for it!

School is usually harmful, but I homeschool, so I am probably not the person to ask.

I'd remove your son, find him supportive, loving homeschool friends, and then watch him blossom.

Btw, you don't need "school" to go to college, as many homeschool, students have proven.

Also, school isn't a necessary game to learn to be successful. It's mostly a giant waste of time.

Whether he stays in school or not, I would work to identify what specifically changed for him since the good reports. That would be important to know in helping him to deal with issues in the future.

(The psychiatrist did exactly what a psychiatrist is trained to do and that is stabilize mental health issues through medication. A psychologist/ therapist/ counselor would use other non-medicinal methods of treatment. A person will often be seeing both, concurrently.)

Your little guy needs to get the heck out of the main stream school he is in and into a smaller montissori environment. You'd think a smaller ratio of kids would make it harder for him to make friends and become accepted. Its actually the opposite. In a smaller situation the teachers and the rest of the staff can catch bullying and agressive behavior from other kids faster and have more time to help resolve the issues. I'd pull him out immediately and I'd send an email to the principle that you do not feel your kids safety and welfare is being taken in account. You want to pick up the rest of his work for the year and finish it at home. Poor guy it must be very hard for him.

My daughter is in 5th grade. The kids at her school (public school) that are ADHD or whatnot, have Aides, in class with them, and they have SPED related classes too. For help.

Now, at my kids' school....if that were going on, and a student treated that way... the school and the Teachers, would NOT allow it. They also have anti-bullying rules/regulations and per the State's Dept. of Education.
At my kids' school, the "SPED" kids are not mistreated.
And the other students, even if they know another kid has a condition, they don't treat them crappy. They are taught.... not to. The kids as a whole, are "nice" to these kids.
And there are Counselors at school, to handle any problems with adjustment.

HOW come, you have not.... reported all of this to the School and the Principal, and documented it and put it in writing... and MAKE the school... do something about it?????
No child, has to suffer this way... at the hands of bullies or crappy kids.
You need to advocate, for your child.
Stand up. Step up. Speak up.

Size of a child... has nothing to do with, being mistreated or not.
I work at my kids' school. There are MANY, "small" sized kids. And they are not picked on. And even some "small" kids... are just tyrants. Size has nothing to do with it.

Does your son, have an Aide in school with him?
Does he have an IEP?
Both my kids, have some ADHD classmates.
They are not mistreated... nor by the other kids or the Teacher or the school.

Going back to your son:
What is the bigger issue???
He is being... BULLIED and picked on, at school.
So sure, he is suffering more, now.
This is what bullying does... to a "victim."
This problem has to be... handled. And a parent has to step in.
TO THE SCHOOL. And demand, that it stops.
And TALK to his 504 Teacher.
TELL her and the school, what is going on.

Gotta say, my knee jerk reaction to your title was "Geeez...all kids need school!"

BUT after reading your post, I understand why you feel it may be harmful.

People are going to answer this based on THEIR own frame if reference. They don't know you. They don't know your child or the extent of his issues or pain.

I don't either. All I know that if I was experiencing what you are with my child, I would be looking at options.
Those are varied: private schools, charter schools, considering paying tuition at a neighboring district with better resources, smaller classes, etc., homeschooling (and I'm generally not an advocate for that, especially when motivated by religious reasons), cyber school, etc.

Only you know the options in your area.
This just might be a case where change=dramatic improvement in the academic/social experience for him.

All the best!

Updated

I can tell you as I child I did some harm to my body though I can't really remember specifics. Mostly finger nails that bugged me but I think I picked at skin a bit too. Nothing ever became a habit though.

It is just when you have ADHD you zone out so to speak, you really don't realize what you are doing. There is a good chance that is all he did with his hair.

Still in the age of self mutilation I can see why it would be scary. I think I freak my kid's school out being calm about stuff like this but been there done that, it doesn't hit my radar as something to be concerned about beyond a band aid.

Make him keep going to school. He needs to learn the game must be played. Yes I refer to school as a game. It makes no sense to have to keep doing homework to prove you learned what you learned months ago, yet there you are because if you don't go to school you don't go to college and if you don't go to college you hold little chance of always having the newest video games.

Even as an adult those last few weeks are living hell but it is good lesson to learn it is rewarding. Just help him break everything down to bite sized nuggets. My kids did a come home get out all homework and put in on the kitchen table, go play. After an hour, half an hour of homework, dinner, half an hour, video games, half an hour if needed though it almost never was.

School is never harmful but rarely easy. If you cannot manage the game of school you will never be able to hold a job.....
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Incredibly false, you don't know what you are talking about. I was bullied, I was very much ADHD, I had NO friends growing up but looking back sticking with it, not giving up was well worth it.

If you try to protect your kids from everything they will never be viable members of society. I am always here to pick up the pieces when my son with autism spectrum comes home after a bad day but he goes back every day and when he is an adult he will be glad he did.

We are the adults, they are the children, WE are supposed to see the big picture and guide them, not allow them to hide away from everything they learn from.

So I guess I am saying from my real world experience of raising four kids with ADHD, growing up with ADHD and one with the added bonus of autism, I am saying your observation is false.

I am not saying throw your kid to the wolves but sheltering is the opposite, both extremes are harmful.

I have to say that I think that you should homeschool him. Your son is probably a mess of emotions.

Unless you can find a private school for kids with differences, which would be very expensive, I'd really consider homeschooling. You could also hire a tutor for some part of it as well.

So sorry.

I think school becomes more harmful than helpful when it significantly interferes with your child's ability and/or willingness to learn.

We pulled our son out midway through 3rd grade (he's 9th grade now) primarily to get a handle on his health issues. He also had a visual processing issue which has since been resolved, thanks to years of specialized, one-on-one tutoring. Literally the week after we pulled him out of school he started sleeping reliably through the night again. School stressed him out so much that he would get up and down all night long. His health is so much better - no allergy meds, no meds of any kind. He is 6'3 (pushing 6'4) and a black belt in karate.

Homeschooling has been a God-send for him and us, though here at the end of the year I am extremely burned out. If you do go that route make sure to get support around you.

Good luck.

A psychiatrist is going to KNOW what signals they need to pay attention to. They know when to add a med or lessen a med or leave it alone. They are "the professionals when it comes to mental issues which is what ADHD is.

A pediatrician is fine for treating common things such as colds or doing a strep test but in all reality if there is something more going on don't go to a pediatrician for anything else. Go to the doc that treats that specific area. Like going to the family doc for regular womanly exams. That's okay but if you're going to have a baby you go to an OB/GYN. Same with a cardiologist, you wouldn't go to a heart doc if you had an eye infection. You go to the pediatrician. If it didn't go away or it got worse after medicating then you go to the eye doc or an eye, ear, nose, and throat doc.

So find another psychiatrist that deals with mostly kids. This is usually very helpful because they are up to date on the most current meds and can do more for them.

Try to talk to him. If he says he wants to stay home then let him "be sick" for a few days. See if it makes a difference then. There are only a few weeks left so he could miss a lot of days if he needs to. You may have to confide in the doc that he needed the time off and that you do not give her permission to say the "why" but could she please write a letter stating he should be excused for his absences due to a health issue.

Could this be a puberty issue and less of a school issue?? If the kids have always treated him in this manner then I tend to think it might be something else. how does he feel about the physciatrist leaving? does he feel abandoned? that's where i would start. I would try to tough it out the rest of the year unless you talk to the teachers and his support staff and hear that something has changed with his classmates. It's probably easier to blame the school but that doesn't necessarily mean the school is causing the issues. how has daylight saving time and spring affected his sleep and routines?? good luck, if you have to pull him you do, but that is something i would think through first and make sure that is the problem.

As a former SPED Teacher is sounds as if he may need some positivism in the school environment--------right now h is being subjected too much negativity.

Search around, maybe there is a Charter School in your area or close by where he may get his needs met more individually.
Home schooling I believe would only isolate him more!