Hey everyone!! I have a 22 month old daughter who has gone through varying degrees of sleep throughout her life. When small and breastfeeding, she'd wake and eat every few hours. As she got older, she would wake occasionally at night but sleep mostly through the night. Since I got pregnant (7 months ago), her sleeping habits have changed. For a while, she would go straight into her bed by herself (this came after me rocking her to sleep for 12 months). Then when I got pregnant, she suddenly would take longer to fall asleep or get drowsy, would want me to rock her again and started waking up more at night. We've always occasionally co-slept (does that make sense?) She sleeps in her bed but if she wakes up a few times or if she wakes up early in the morning, we'll put her in bed with us. That's always worked well for us. Since becoming pregnant, she wakes anywhere from 1-5 times a night and most times, she will go back to sleep within a few minutes - just needs her pacifier or a rub on the back or (just recently) just wants me in the room. She'll fuss and make a noise so that I will make a noise "Shsshh" or "It's okay" and then she's fine. It's almost as if she just wants reassurance that I am there. We moved her to a toddler bed 2 months ago and the transition has gone well. She hasn't fought me but that is probalby because she's tired and asleep or mostly asleep once I leave her room. I think the problem is that now she knows she can get out of her bed and fusses because she then is awake and wants me there to comfort her. Or she'll lose her binky. She's a very restless sleeper and moves around a lot.
This all being said, I know some (most?) of you will recommend sitting with her, then telling her it's time for bed and leaving the room. I've tried this. She literally threw herself out of bed, followed me and I had to shut the door in her face. She then screamed - I allowed this for maybe one minute. My husband works second shift so I'll be honest in saying that I do not have the heart to go through that.
Has anyone been through what I went through? Had success with something? Did they outgrow it? Did it change when having a baby? Anyone tried leaving the room and having the problems I did (screaming, running to the door, etc) and it got better?
To be honest, it's not a big deal for me (or hubby) to have her sleeping with us. But I'd like her to be able to fall asleep on her own. Not only for us, but because I think her quality of sleep would be better.
Ideas? Comments? Suggestions? (and just to let you know she only gets a binky at bed and naptimes and we'll continue this no later than 3). I am not going to fuss with getting rid of it when we'll have a new baby in a few months.
I believe it's been four days since I first posted this. I wanted to thank you all for your comments and suggestions!! Let me start by saying that my daughter used to go to bed with one binky...now she has one in each hand and one in her mouth! I usually stash a few under her pillow (she knows this) incase she can't find one in the middle of the night. She also sleeps with a stuffed bear and platypus. This is new for her and something she seems to enjoy but doesn't require them to be in bed with her. We also have a fan going at night for white noise. We shut her door all the way and she does not use a night light (never has and keeping the door open and having a night light makes things worse). Well I took someone's advice (can't remember who but THANKS!) and after our normal routine of brushing teeth, changing diaper, reading three books (we used to do more but I've limited it to 3 at bedtime for normalcy), I give her a kiss and hug, we do her prayers and then she goes into her bed (this is her request as I've tried for the past four nights to rock her but I think she's just ready for her bed) and I put her in there (lights out), sing her the three songs I've always sang to her...will rub her back and then sit for maybe 1-2 minutes after I'm done singing.
The first night, I got up, told her I had to go to the bathroom and she started to fuss but stayed in bed. I shut her door and she started to cry. I said through the door "I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you" and stood outside her room prepared for a battle!! Well she fussed for maybe 5 seconds. And I continued to stand there!! I think I stood motionless for 3 minutes!! Finally, I went on about my night and she stayed asleep! I did check on her 15 or 20 minutes later and she was fast asleep! The next three nights (including last night), I did the same thing, however, I varied what I said slightly (changed from I have to go to the bathroom to I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes) I don't want her to associate me going to the bathroom with her having to fall asleep! But it has seemed to work. She has never fussed (in four nights) for more than 10 seconds and has fallen asleep on her own. This has definitely cut down on our nighttime routine which is good considering I'm having another baby in a few months and will be home with them at night alone. She still has woken up throughout the night but I think it's only been 1-2 times and some of those times, she went back to sleep!
All children go through various sleep patterns as they grow and develop. There's always something to cause problems - it's just part of parenthood, I guess. Yes, she will grow out of it eventually. But it could be one thing after another until she's 4 or 5 years old. I always recommend the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It will tell you what's normal and how to handle common problems.
we're working on the same thing. my girl is 23 months and i'm also pregnant. i'm in the same place as you right now...we're just starting to work on it though sounds like you've been at it for a little while. I will tell you though my sister has a 23 month old who she lays down with and if her child is still moving around after 5 minutes and not laying still she gets up and leaves. he followed her out screaming for i don't know how long and she just kept putting him back to bed and she said it's only taken a week and he's staying in the bed (not necessarily falling asleep but at least staying in the bed) Her kid is VERY strong willed and that it's only taken a week for this is frankly shocking. i've heard that the book "no cry sleep solution" by elizabeth pantley is really good. Good luck!
I dont know if this will be of any help to you but when my son was around 6 months old he started waking up in teh middle of the night again (started sleeping 8+ hours a night at 2 months old) so I talked to the doctor about what it could be...he was not hungry...just wanted me to pick him up and/or be near him. She told be because I rocked him to sleep he associated falling asleep with me...and when he would wake up in the middle of the night, he thinks he needed me to fall back asleep. So we we started a transistion of rocking him until he was almost asleep and then putting him in his bed, and when he woke in the middle of the night let him cry for no longer than 10 min (my rule). Now, approaching is 1st birthday, bed time is bed time, around 8 he gets his bottle and then I put him in bed, he will sit in there and talk for a while and then fall asleep...and does not wake in the middle of the night. My doc's theory maybe true it may not be...but it worked for me. I hope you find the solution for you and your daughter...and good luck with the new little one on the way!
ok it is Friday night and late and the first thing that crossed my mind is they really never fall and stay asleep for the whole night till around 15 years of age-then you can't get them up till afternoon! But seriously there are so many things that effect children when sleeping that this may be more true than we can imagine. Just remain calm and try not to think to hard about it because truely everything and nothing will wake them or not let them stay asleep all night. they are little and have so much ahppening in their tiny bodies that it never stops. Remain calm and do what you can think of and all the ideas people give you to try will work. And then later they will only take naps when you don't want them to do that. Not in school, not on your clock, nor any other relative, not again oh till they are around 62 years and probably retired by then. I promise you are doing great stay with it and have fun!
Hi! I don't have any good advice, just wanted to say that with our 23 mo old daughter, we conquer one sleep issue, have a few blissful weeks of sleep, and then another problem rears its ugly head. I have found a couple of books to be helpful at different stages - the Sleep Lady's Guide worked well when she was an infant until age 1, and the No-Cry Sleep Solution helped after that. Our current situation is that we sold our house, but the one we were going to buy fell through, so we are staying at my in-laws indefinitely. Our daughter (like most little ones) does not like change. But I think this is a little worse because it's temporary. So we kind of do what you do. I have been indulging her a little more than usual to help her feel more secure. Before we moved, our bedtime routine was to watch about 5 minutes of an educational video, snack, then PJs, brush teeth, read a few books, and turn on her music. We would snuggle for two songs (because she can count to two), then my husband and I would leave her room. About 75% of the time that worked well. The rest of the time, she would fuss, and if it was 10 min. or more, I would go back in and lay down with her for 2 more songs (occasionally more). Now I have been lying down with her until she is about asleep or completely asleep. She has woken up in the middle of the night three times this week and I've had to go back in. Two of those nights I've just stayed there for the rest of the night. It's not a great solution, but while she's still asking to go "home", I feel like she needs that extra comfort. I've asked lots of friends when their kids started sleeping through the night and some have said some kids never really do. A guy I work with has a 7 year old who still gets up and comes to their room in the night about once a week. They always just take him back, and he goes to sleep fine, but it's still disruptive. Hang in there. Hopefully you will find a magic solution, but if not, at least it should get better with time. Good luck!
WYour daughter can sense things are changing (new baby on the way). She doesn't have the words to talk about it, and she's not old enough to fully understand. But she KNOWS something is different. They are so much smarter than we give them credit for. Her sleep issues are very likely due to this. Totally normal. We had the same issue when I was pregnant with second child and my son was only 2.
We moved him to new room/twin bed at 20 mos and he did great. But once the new baby came home, my toddler started waking up several times throughout the night. We put a baby gate in his bedroom door so he couldn't wander around, and he'd stand at the gate screaming every time he woke up. We had to put him back in his bed and lie with him to get him back to sleep. That got old quick when the newborn was crying next door! We read that we should not hold the bedroom door closed b/c that is very scary for small children. (This proved true with my son.) So we would put him back in bed, rub his back for a few minutes, tell him he was ok, time for sleep, etc. and then leave. We'd do this maybe two or three times. After that, we'd let him stand at his door/gate and cry until he got the message/got tired and put himself in bed (took maybe 15 minutes). Basically, we had to "train" him to sleep all over again, just like when he was a baby. This took about 2 or 3 weeks and his sleep pattern returned to normal. Pediatrician said ALL kids go thru adjustments when new baby comes home, but they WILL adjust with a little help.
My husband also works nights (I work days), so I have to put both kids to bed myself. My son still uses a binky (only at night). Don't let people give you a hard time about the binky thing b/c it's tough enough doing bedtime by yourself! Now my second baby is five months old, and when it's time for bed, I tell my 2 1/2 yr old to get his binky and go to bed. And he does it all by himself, and stays asleep all night!
Congrats on new baby! It's a challenge to manage two alone at night, but once you get a routine down, it's not bad at all. Good luck!
what's happening is that your daughter has not learned the skills of self-soothing. You are providing that for her. At 22 months, she should be able to find & reinsert that binky, not you doing it for her! I would also recommend eliminating the binky before or after the new baby comes. It's time to let her grow up! Allow her to chose a fav blankie or doll....& let her learn to self-soothe herself back to sleep. Implement a reward system to encourage her to stay in her own bed.
As for getting her to stay in bed: set your rules & stick to it. Soft music, no or low lights, & Mommy being firm that she has to listen to Mommy's rules. This is not going to happen unless you be the parent. You don't have to be mean or harsh, just be the one in charge!
I find it interesting that you are not the only one today asking this question! My own children had a hard time learning to self-soothe & sleep in their own beds, but they eventually learned.... by comparison, my daycare kids are fantastic! Even the part-timers lay down & immediately fall asleep. I truly believe that I am just better at getting out their energy...than I was when my own kids were little! Good Luck...
Ooops, one more thing: her restlessness could actually stem from being in bed with two other people! Your movements could be distressing her....just a thought!
well my daughter luckily has slept through the night from day one. My issue is just getting her to go to bed at a decent time without much fighting. so no real advice just hang in there and your not alone wanting to get her to go to sleep nicely.
One suggestion that comes to mind though is trying to put some soft music or ocean sounds on. my daughter liked that for awhile then eventually played to it. but it did help for awhile. since the ocean has the shshing sounds. It could also be issues with the last set of molars. Mine seems to be wanting her teething ring again.I broke the binky deal at 10 months along with formula and bottle.
I know that my daughter who is now 6 is and always has been a restless sleeper. She slept with as few as two and no more than 4 pacifiers. When she lost one and woke up she almost always was able to find one this way. You might want to try this if she only goes to bed with one.
That is the only thing that I can tell you. I would not be in any big hurry to get rid of the pacifier either. I did not get rid of hers until she was almost 4. My son who is 2 1/2 is an awful sleeper. So I really wish at times that he took a pacifier. He is not attached to any one blanket or stuffed animal. Good luck.
I haven't read any responses yet, but whatever you decide, know that you're a good mom who is responding to her child's needs. You're much more patient that the average mom, and that's good for your child. You don't need to worry about what other moms think...as long as you're comfortable with the situation. Every child is different and you are the best judge of what she needs. My daughter didn't sleep through the night until 22 months when we figured out her food allergies better. Now (just turned 3) she'll often sleep 12 hours at night, and she goes to sleep great on her own, even though we rocked and sang catered to what her needs were at the time, in spite of everyone's advice to let her cry. Good luck. C. D.
We went through the same thing, and I used to have to threaten to put my daughter back in her crib, especially if she got out of her bed. There were a couple nights where we actually had to follow through with this, and she hated it.
Another thing that helped was simply putting a few stuffed animals in bed with her also. She loved the Backyardigans, and so we had bought a few of the small stuffed characters from Toys R Us. I just started putting a different one in with her every night, or asking her which one she wanted to sleep with. She seemed to like having some control over the situation. I have found with my daughter that the more involved she is with getting ready for bed, the better she goes down and stays asleep. She gets to pick the books that daddy reads to her, turns on her music, picks out which pajamas, etc. It takes a little bit more time, but she became much easier to put to bed.
We also used to let her come into bed with us when she woke up, and this seemed to cause her to wake up more b/c she knew she could sleep with us. I had to put a stop to it for this reason, and also b/c I was pregnant and knew that I would not be getting ANY sleep if I had to deal with both of them in the middle of the night. I also did not want her to associate the baby with not being able to sleep in our room. By the time the baby came, she was doing pretty good. This started a month after she turned two, and it only took about a week for her to be more agreeable.
Just to warn you though...it will probably happen again. They go through weird sleep patterns. One day they will be sleeping great, and the next they decide that they are scared of the dark. A stupid Elmo video taught her that one. We had to get a night light, because she saw someone on TV say that they were scared of the dark.
