Seeking Advice for 8 Month Old Son Not Sleeping in Crib

I, too, cannot stand to have my child 'cry it out' and believe that it's outdated and simply Wrong advice on so many levels. A friend gave me and I've just read a book called "The NoCry Sleep Solution" and believe it has so many wonderful tips to solve the problem without resorting to the cry method. However, my son is only 2 and half months old and i am just now trying the tips in the book. I'm really optimistic, though - there has to be a better solution and this book makes so much sense!

My son is 7 months old, and he still wakes up around 3AM or so to fuss (I put him to bed in his crib at around 8PM). He doesn't take any bottles at night so sometimes he can be soothed with a pacifier. In the past if the pacifier didn't cut it, I brought him to my bed and he would quickly fall back asleep. Now that he's getting a little older, I too have been trying to change this. I had tried the CIO thing and it didn't work for me! Not only was it heartbreaking to hear him cry in the dark alone, but he also was the type of baby that got more worked up when he cried--he didn't just fall asleep after 15 minutes like some babies do. So lately I have been putting a chair by his crib, and when he wakes up I sit in the chair and swaddle him, give him his pacifier and rub his back, but I don't pick him up. Eventually he falls back asleep, and I think it has something to do with him knowing I am in the room. You could try this approach when you put him to bed in his crib in the evening. The first week or two it may take a while for him to fall asleep, but after that I think it'd get easier for you. Hope this helps some!

I am as well 23 rasing my first son. Though he is only 5 monthes I think I can help. Every other night for two weeks I would put him in his crib and let him cry to sleep. If he crys for more than 20 mins. go in there pick him up let him know that you are there and put him back in his crib. Yes the first couple of nights this will be very hard. But it helps you and your son out. After two very long weeks of doing this my son sleeps fine in his crib. Hope I am some help to you. GOOD LUCK

I'm one of those moms who doesn't like the "cry it out" advice. I think for some kiddos it might work quickly, but for most, it takes weeks of crying and can be very traumatic. The other thing to consider is that by the time you get the "problem" "fixed", something will put a kink in it, like a sickness or teeth.

My oldest coslept and at 3.5 moved out of our bed full time and sleeps very well now in her own bed all night. My 15 month old still cosleeps and nurses at night.

If you're determined to change this behavior, please consider doing do gently by using the No Cry Sleep Solution. Dr. Sears is also good with information about sleeping. askdrsears.com or his baby book are both good.

I do want to reassure you that "relying" on you is not bad. It's a healthy and normal response. Babies are supposed to know they can rely on us. And I can also guarantee you that your baby will not need you to go to sleep his whole life.

L..... I let my daughter sleep with me when she was a baby because I breastfed and she ate every hour on the hour. But now she still wants to sleep with me and I feel guilty sometimes when I tell her no.... she is now 4. When I had my son (who is now 2), my grandmother would make me put him in his crib and let him cry for about 10 minutes. She always told me.... "If he is not wet, messy, hungry or sick.... you need to let him cry." If he was still crying after 10 minutes, I would go back into his room and softly let him know "mommy's still here.... you're okay...". It took nearly a month of doing that every night, but after that, when 8:00pm hit... I would pick him up and tell him it was time for bed. As soon as I got within 2 feet from his bed he would lean backwards trying to get into his bed. I know it's hard to hear them cry because it makes you feel bad, but if you don't start doing it now...... you'll have a preschooler sleeping in your bed every night.

--P. B.

Allie has some GREAT ideas...

I have a 4 month old that has been sleeping in her crib for about 2 months now. The easiest way I have found to get them in their crib is to get them to sleep first (rocking, feeding, etc...) then ease them in the crib and make sure that they are warm enough before you start to put them to sleep. Then, if they wake up in the middle of the night, just go in and sooth them to sleep. This may intail another feeding or pacifier, etc... but don't bring them to bed because if you do, they'll think that if they cry, they get to come to bed with you. You just have to be consistent. If it's really difficult to ease them into bed, then let them cry to sleep... this is only teaching your child independence, don't feel that you're abandoning your child... if the crying continues for more than 10 minutes, check on them and soothe them (this let's them know that you're still there for them even if you're not in the same room as them) then try for another 10 minutes. If that doesn't work, then get them up for a little while and exhaust them by playing then try again. I've only had to let my 4 month old cry herself to sleep a few times and it does break your heart at first, but most of the time, they're tired anyway and it won't take more than 2 minutes for them to crash out.

Hope this helps!

I also highly recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution. I used it with my son and his sleep problems and continue to use it's techniques as interruptions occur. I feel this single resource best prepared me to work with my son to find an approach that works best for him. I felt empowered and still felt like my son was able to trust that I was responding to his needs... that he could trust his world. This is a great resource. You can check it out from the library but will probably quickly find it's worth purchasing.

Good Luck!

Hello my name is K.. What i did with my son was let him get use to the crib by being in our room for a couple months, then by 10 months we moved his crib back to his room and he didn't mind at all. Im not a big fan of letting them cry it out. I never had to do it.

Hi L.,
I have a 7 month old son Avi who co-slept with me and my husband until recently. Everyone told me the same advice of letting him cry it out. But the couple of times I tried it he would not go to sleep for four hours! So I tried something that worked. I let him fall asleep with me. And then I put him in his crib. When he would wake up at night I would not nurse him. I gave him his binky got him to fall back asleep and put him back into his crib. I don't keep him in the bed all night. Just until he's back asleep. Now a month later he sleeps through the night (most nights) in his crib. Hope this helps.

Dear L.,
My son is now 9 1/2 months and he has also co-slept w/ me & my husband since he was born. I have always hated the idea of letting our son cry it out too when people suggested this route. I even tried it but it was just to heart breaking for me. Recently we have been getting him to sleep for about 3 hours now by himself in his own crib. It's not all night yet but it's a begining. My husband &/or I will play with him after his bath at night for about an hour or so (we let him crawl and chase us or a ball or toy) to get him tired. Then I will nurse him until he falls asleep and once he is sleeping we place him gently in his crib. This might take a couple of tries but once your baby realizes that his crib isn't something to be feared he should start to sleep longer and longer by himself. In the beginging we only got about 30 minutes for the first couple of weeks but he is now going longer before he wants to be fed. I also put him in his crib at different times during the day and play toys w/ him for a little while (this also gets him used to the crib and see it as just another place to be). Good luck and just keep trying.

IF you don't want to hear your baby scream it out, don't! I never did and my kids sleep great. We co-slept until they were each around a year old and did a modified co-sleeping arrangement after that. I also recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Another suggestion is to have daddy help. BUT your baby is still young. So you probably need to get him to sleep initially and have dad help with the waking. B/c he's still young, be sure he's eating enough during the day and not actually needing nourishment at night. But do expect to wake once or twice to feed. That is normal from what I know of most of my nursing friends.

Once your ready to have daddy help, if that's possible, dad should know that he will lose a little sleep at first, but hey, you've lost a lot of sleep comparitively! If you are not around and daddy is laying next to baby, baby is still getting comfort but will soon learn that mommy isn't going to give it and may decide sleep is better than waking up for non-nursing comfort. Again, he's still pretty young, so this step might be a few months off. Good luck. I know it's hard, but you do not have to give in to crying it out. Most moms who have tried it that I know regret it after trying it once and return to their gentler approach.

Hey L. we had both our babies sleeping with us. We transitioned them by putting a chair next to the crib and when they woke up we wouldnt pick them up we would pat them and tell them it was ok. then every few days we moved the chair closer to the door. it only took a week and they were fine and actually slept better on their own. the further the chair gets dont continue to pat. if that doesnt work let the baby cry for 10 min then go in and pat them and make them lay down. never pick them up (you have to start over if you do) then go back in their room in 20 min. the next time will be 30min ect. it only takes a few days. good luck-B.

Well we co-slept with both of our children. Now with our son we did the more nurture approach and ran in their everytime he cried and he was still at age 2 waking up as if he was an infant! He is now 3 and sleeps wonderfully on his own but we used me as a security blanket and his milk thinking he needed us to fall asleep and I did not truely realize that he did not know how to fall asleep on his own till he was like 2.

Now with my daughter we also tried the nurture approach but decided to let her cry it out. I felt this would not work but I was so exhausted I was willing to try it! 3 nights was it!! She would wake up and put herself back to sleep within a few days and I could not believe it.

Don't get me wrong it is hard but my kids due to living circumstances were both 14 mos before we were able to even put them in their own beds. I felt so guilty waiting so long so definately he is at a good age to get him in his own bed and believe me it will be well worth it later.

I have a seven year old and a two year old. My seven year old nursed until she was 2 and a half years old and slept with us until she was five. (Early on, my reason for letting her sleep with us was fear of SIDS if I put her in a crib.) My two year old still sleeps with us. I could never put either one of them in a crib. They would get hysterical because they loved the comfort of our bed. My pediatrician told us to put my first in a crib sooner rather than later or she would never learn to sleep on her own. I tried it and it tore my heart out watching her reaction. I never tried it again. Eventually my first wanted to be a big girl and wanted her own room so the transition was easy. And I think it will be for you.

I don't see any harm in a child feeling the comfort of a parent at night vs. alone in a crib. And nursing is a lot easier when you can just roll over and do it. I think my children are much better off for sleeping with us.

I remember reading a book by John Grey about parenting and he said something that really struck me: that the U.S. is the only modernized country that doesn't sleep with its children, but puts them alone in a bed in a separate room.

I'm not sure what kind of feedback you have received, but as hard as it is, the crying needs to happen! And I promise, sooner is better than later. It gets REALLY hard to ignore when in their cries, they're crying "Mommy!" When my daughter had to cry it out, I would drown it out with a shower, or music because it was so hard. Keep in mind, that if you teach your child to be so dependant, you'll pay for it later.

I Co slept with my child the first 3 months. Than I transfered her to the Bassinette and at six months I started weaning her to the crib. I would say when you co sleep there is a Transitional stage, you can't just thorw your son into the crib and exspect him to get used to it. This process needs to be done gradually. I would say begin by letting him sleep beside you (not with you) in a bassinette or playpin, so that he knows that you are there for him. Than I would suggest beginning the process of transfering him to his crib. What I found worked extremely well and rather quickly was letting my daughter take her naps in the crib, then I began putting her to bed in the crib and when she would wake I would bring her back to the bassinette. I would just repeat this process until she could get through the night in her crib. they have many things now that help with this process: sound machines, machines that project light onto the ceiling, I think they even have something that simulates the feeling of being in a moving vehicle. I also found the Boppy pillow is very helpful, it makes them feel like they are surronded, somewhat as they are when being held in your bed. It is also nice to get them relaxed before putting them to bed, they have a lavendar bedtime bath and lotion which works very well, and my daughter (most babies) love massage (my daughter loves foot massages).

I hopethis was helpful...Good Luck!

-A.

We co-slept with my daughter. We started trying to get her in her crib at 6 months. I'd nurse her to sleep, then as soon as she was laid down, she woke up. Well, they say to put them down drowsy but awake, but for us that would require her to cry-it-out. I thought her being in her bed for 3 or 4 hrs was a start, but for 4 months, she just woke up every 3-4 hrs. I was told that by 6 months old, they're nursing in the middle of the night out of habit (and the fussing - you probably wouldn't hear it if he were in his own room). It was hard, and I hated the idea of letting her cry-it-out, but that is what we ended up doing. The first night was about an hour. The 2nd night was 15 minutes & the 3rd was 5 minutes. It was pure torture. But before trying this, have you tried putting his crib in your room? I really think it depends on your child's temperment. I have friends that their kids fell asleep easier & slept sounder (than my children). My daughter did not start sleeping in her own bed for the whole night until she was about 2 1/2 yrs old. I feel I should have done the cry-it-out method a lot earlier. I did with my son & he cried for 15 mins the 1st night, then has been sleeping through the night since. I don't know how much help this is. I'd try everything you can first, but if you're going to try to let him cry-it-out, then I'd try to do it as soon as possible. Good Luck!

Hello, I tried different things depending on his age.
When he was an infant I layed him in his crib and patted his back (that was in the 80's when we could lay children on their backs), I patted his back for at least a count of fifty - patting lighter and lighter. When I got to fifty the I could make it to the living room and have the rest of the night to myself.
When he was older - I tried a couple other things to help my son sleep in his crib. First I got a relaxing music tape for children and played it everytime it was bedtime. Second, I sat down in the same room with my son, told him it was time to sleep, I stayed for 15 minutes and left the room. I would come back in to his room if he cried withing in one minute. Everyday I decreased the time I stayed in his room and increased the time it took me to enter his room. Eventually he was sleeping in his crib, with the music on.
Good luck,
R.

I know what you mean when you say you're not crazy about letting your little boy cry it out. Cry what out? A need?! I have never liked crying myself to sleep, for goodness sake. If anyone else can do the same thing (letting them cry it out) to "put" one's child to bed, how does that make one a parent? Dr. Sears (Makeesha mentioned him, as well) is a great resource. He talks about "parenting" your child to bed, which takes patience, effort, understanding and a bit of sacrifice. Heck, that's why we're parents!
I am 24 and have a 4 month old son who sleeps in my husband's and my bed at night, and I think I would never get sleep if he were in another room crying! I know eventually I will help him sleep in his own room, but for now, who is it hurting? I have had other people tell me that it will be bad for him or us, in the long run, and that they never did that. Then I ask myself, how would they know? They never did it! Plus, I have a sister and sister-in-law that have done the co-sleeping and nursing, and they're kids are sleeping in their own rooms just fine at one year old or older now. I'd rather go with experience than opinion, myself.

Good luck!
M.

Your child will not sleep with you forever, I promise. If you take things a little at a time and remember that this is a BABY everything will work out. As for letting him cry it out, I always say that you would never let a bedridden adult lay in bed and call for you while you just listened hoping they'd find a way to comfort themselves. Why do people want to do that to a helpless infant? Try to put a crib mattress next to your bed, that way you can still respond to his cries and get some sleep. Then, as you feel the time is right move him into a "big boy bed". Our time with our children is so brief, especially while they are babies and still love and trust us. Why end it so quickly? Just remember to trust yourself. You are his mommy, no one else. Good Luck.

I am in the same boat. My daughter has co-slept since birth either in a co-sleeper or right in bed with me. Now I am trying to transition her since she has recently started waking in the night when she had been a previously good sleeper. She could just be going through a developmental phase which is making her wake but I think she needs to transition anyways, she couldn't stand her crib at first. I had my husband bring it in our room at the foot of the bed. I nurse her to sleep in a rocking chair instead of in bed like I used to. Then I lay her down. At first it was very hard and she woke everytime I did that but she is getting used to it. When she wakes at night I do bring her to bed, one step at a time. Soon I will be switching to nursing her in a rocking chair and then putting her back to bed as a gradual transition, then moving her crib back to her room. That is our plan anyways. Good luck! I know what you are going through because we are too!

T.