Help-my Daughter Won't Fall Asleep on Her Own!

My daughter wanted to be held at night to help her sleep but at 13 months old we finally broke that habit when Hubby put her to bed and we let her cry it out. It took 3 nights, each night got easier with her crying. I hated hearing her cry but it was worth it! She is now 16 months old and after getting her ready for bed we can lay her down in bed, say goodnight, and then walk out of the room and she's fine with it.

K.- This totally works...just have patience, stick to it & stay focused! Put your daughter to bed & sit on the floor right next to the bed (until she falls asleep), dont touch her, talk to her, or acknowledge her when she wines & cries, just let her see you are there. The second night sit a little farther away from the bed, the third night a little farther away, by the end of a week you should be sitting in the door way & finally right outside of the door. Your daughter will slowly learn that you are there for her & that she can fall asleep on her own. The dad may want to be the one to do this so she learns that someone besides you can put her to bed. Its very hard to sit there & ignore crying & wining but she will see that that kind of behaviour wont work. Stick to this & your daughter will be sleeping on her own in no time. You will be so glad if you do! Good Luck!

A couple of people mentioned a technique recommended in a book that I had got from the library some time ago called "Good Night, Sleep Tight" by the Sleep Lady. Instead of going into all the details, I'll just provide a link to her website. There's good info on the site too. I'm sure this book will come up if you check your library's database. http://www.sleeplady.com/

Dealing with sleep issues is where I'm sooooooo weak when it comes to parenting. One thing I've learned is there is no right answer.

With my dd, I tried the gradual approach. It just did not work. She either wanted it done the way she knew or she would scream and scream. I'm talking ear-piercing, stubborn, never ending, screaming. So I'd get frustrated and end up back to rocking and trying to find that darn binky. I was exhausted because she was also waking up in the middle of the night wanting me to rock her back to sleep. I finally just let her cry it out. Our pediatrician said not to do it until I knew I could stick with it. The first night she cried for about 20 minutes. I cried in the other room. The second night, just a couple of minutes. The third night there was no crying at all. She went right to sleep and that was it. It was like she learned how to put herself back to sleep. By the way, my dh was there, but he let me call the shots because he was weaker.

With my ds, doing it gradually worked. He was rocked and nursed to sleep. First I weaned him from daytime nursing. After he got used to that, it was time to take care of the nighttime nursing. He was 18 months old and would even wake up to nurse himself back to sleep. I knew he wasn't hungry because he wouldn't nurse that long. He had no interest in a binky. I was his binky. So the first night, I didn't want to shock him so I just put him in the bed with me and he immediately wanted to nurse. I talked to him about being a big boy. He did cry and rolled all over me and the bed. I'd just pretend to be asleep. So he did kind of cry it out, but with me right there. But, it wasn't as extreme as my dd. He would cry, moan, whine, etc. He woke up in the middle of the night for a few nights too, and cried and whined himself back to sleep. It wasn't really that bad. A few nights later, he was over it.

So if you don't want to cry it out, give the gradual thing a try. If that doesn't work, don't feel bad about letting her cry it out. I think different ways work for different types of personalities. My dd still has the personality of wanting to just hurry and get something overwith. My ds is laid back and takes things easy.

My 13 month old nurses to sleep when I'm with her but my husband rocks her to sleep when I'm at work. They outgrow the need to be nurtured to sleep eventually, when they are ready.

'The no cry cleep solution' is an awesome book, it really helped us. You should be able to check it out at the library. I hope it helps!

Well, you might have to try all of these before one works, but here is another idea. I have always rocked my son to sleep, but fortunatly, he started falling asleep on his own around one year old with a little help. However, he still needs to be rocked. I could never just read a book to him and then put him in his crib, which is why I suggest you take things more slowly. First off, telling her about it before hand is a great idea. I have found that telling my son before bedtime that it is soon going to be bedtime really does help. I would keep your routine the same, tire her out, and rock her. Just slowly shorten how long you rock her for. I would wait until he was asleep and put him down, as opposed to holding him for a while after he fell asleep. Then I would put him down just before he fell asleep and kept going at that slow pace until he got comfortable sleeping on his own. At 18 months old I still rock him for a few minutes before I put him down, but he falls asleep on his own. Now that it is getting so dark so early, he does need a light source as well. If I put him down in pitch dark, he freaks. Giving him a stuffed animal helped too. You will try and fail, but one of these should work for you!

My Daughter is 18 months and I go through the same thing. I watched ABC news the other day and saw a family on there that had the same problem with there 2 year old and 4 years old. I guess they call it sleeping Crutches. We are there sleeping crutches and that is why she wont go to sleep on there own. So they say it take three nights and this is suppose to work. You put her in the crib the first night, and sit a chair by the crib. Keeping telling her its time for bed and that you are there for her. This could take two to three hours, seriously and she will cry. Mine did! When she gets really upset you can take her out for five mins. Then start over. The second day should be easier. You put the chair in the middle of the room and do it again. Then on the final night you should put the chair outside the room and tell her you are there. Every night you do not leave the room until she is completely asleep, bring a book in or something. I hope this helps.

Dear K.,

That is a really tough one because she has had the habit of always falling asleep on you or with you. To try and change it now is a major undertaking.

Here is a suggestion, but whether it will work or not, I do not know.

On the day that you want to start getting her to sleep on her own, tell her what you plan. Then before dinner take her to the park and tire her out. Feed her a really good dinner. Maybe read a story from a book before bed. Bathe, etc. Set her up with a teddy bear or something. Put her in the bed on her stomach and rub her back in firm circles. This way you are still with her but she is in bed. If she falls asleep then continue for a minute or two before leaving the room. Make sure there is no TV on in the house before bed time. Studies have shown that TV is a stimulant for children.

Do this routine for several days.

See if that works.

That is all I can think of.

Good luck
D.

My 10 month old goes to sleep with a bottle yet but he has always gone to sleep with music playing. Baby Einstein Lullaby Classics is a good one. I let it play through one time only. He has always loved music, even pregnant with him he would kick me if he couldn't here it.
This might help to clam her down while you sneek out of the room.
Also try just sitting in there with her for the first few times. I have done this when my guy was not feeling good and just wanted Mama.

As hard as it is going to be for you. You are already doing what you are supposed to, you need to let her cry it out, put her to bed and stick by it. You can still read to her, but when the reading is over, tuck her in and leave the room. In the long run she will learn to sleep on her own.

i have had a very similar situation and the trouble is that every child is different so if someone gives you certain advice that sounds good it may not pertain to your child exactly. i tried the letting them cry it out thing when she was around 9 months but i lived in such an old building at the time that she was disturbing the nieghbors and one even called cps on me and said i was neglecting her. because of that all kinds of people had to come out and check my baby and stuff and one of the woman told me that letting her cry was wrong so i stopped doing it and now here i am rocking my 18 month old to sleep every nap and bed time. i am now in a new building and am trying the cry it out thing again because i HONESTLY believe it works. you just have to stand strong and everyone in the fam has to bare together and deal with the crying. and its very frustrating sometimes having to listen to it cause sometimes your just so sick of hearing it and it can be a little heart breaking cause your afraid they might think your ignoring them but sometimes kids wont like whats best for them and know that theres also a calm AFTER the storm and this to shall pass. just be patient loving and understanding and CONSISTENT and do what you think your child needs because my gut was usually right.i dont know if that helps but your not alone in the crazed battle of a fussy napper and its completely normal to fed up and drained. so goodluck and i hope my advice is helpful!

My daughter is the same way! She is 14 months and I cant leave the room until she's alsleep, she cries when Daddy tries to help. I'm at my wits end also! I don't have advice really, I just wanted to tell you that your not the only one. I put my daughter to sleep in her crib now and I just recently stopped breastfeeding her. Before I would just lay down on my bed (we have to live at my mom's temp so we are crammed in one room) and as I would feed her she would drift off to sleep and I could leave the room. Then before I weaned her I started placing her in her crib to sleep. Now that she doesn't feed anymore I just lay her in her crib and rub her forehead. Most the time she goes to sleep and I can just walk out, but I really just want to lay her down and leave but she cries so hard I hate leaving her. I hope I help someway

Hi K.. I did the sleep lady method, (although I didn't know it had a name), and it worked like a charm. I started it when she was 13 mos. old and I had taken her off of her bottles. She has gone to sleep on her own since then and she is now 29 mos. When you walk out of a babies room, to them you are gone off of the face of the earth. I couldn't bare for my baby to think I had just abandoned her. When you move out of the room gradually, it makes them beleive that you are always right outside their door and they are never alone. I won't lie, the first night was aweful and I sat there with my face turned away crying right along with her. (Don't let her see you cry, you lose all credibility). The second night, more crying, but not nearly as bad. Third night, no crying. On the fourth night, I was out the door, no crying and she's been fine ever since. Give it a try. You have nothing to lose. Best of luck.

I definitely think you are on the right track my trying to adjust your daughter now to falling asleep on her own. The longer you prospone it the harder it will be. For me once my daughter started walking at 10 1/2 mths she refused to be rocked to sleep all she wanted to do was get down and play. I would try walking with her and everything and the whole time she would fight to get down, so she forced the issue with us. I don't believe in letting your child cry to sleep and I can warn you that you will have good and bad nights. My daughter just turned 18 mths and we still have good and bad nights. My daughter is to the point where you can hear her talking to herself for close to an hour before she actually falls asleep. What we did to get her to fall asleep on her own was we gave her a pacifier, put her favorite book, stuffed animal or toy in her crib. She has 2 stuffed animals and her baby doll right now in her crib. She normally cries when I first put her in but my the time I have closed her door she has stopped and I can hear her talking to her doll etc. I would try putting your daughter's favorite toy or stuffed animal in her crib to make her feel more comfortable and relaxed. Also, don't forget a night light. We bought the turtle that lights up her room with stars. Unfortunately it only lasts 45 minutes but she loves to look at the stars and we will stare at them before I put her in her crib. You will need to discover what is going to work best for your daughter. Good luck!

K.,
One thing is my daughter is 6 now, but I also had the same problem. Sometimes she still wants me to lay down with her- I don't stay long-
But my husband did the "Big NO, NO" he laid her on her stomach and she was out like a light without any crying when she was young. I did have to sometimes pat her on her back for a couple of minutes if she was overely tired but never the less it worked.
I know a lot of people disagree with this because of SIDS but you have to do what will work for your child.
To this day, this is how you will find my daughter- on her stomach or on her side.

Best of luck, if you have any other questions that maybe I can help with let me know :) L.