At Our Witts End. Please Help!!

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My daughter too has ADHD and unfortunately has the same issue - taking things. I read somewhere that kids with ADHD have issues with impulse control and have problems with taking things that don't belong to them. My dtr will take things that are useless and hides them in her room. For an example, she took one of my mice for the computers. It's useless unless hooked up to a computer but she felt she had to have it. We have our dtr in counseling for this issue and for lieing. She is 7 years old. She is making some progress in the counseling but it's a long and slow process. You could look into that. We've tried all kinds of discipline as well. We've tried doing positive reinforcement and had some success with that. Her counselor gave us another idea for discipline. Since our dtr likes to be in "control" this might work. It's called the dice discipline. You have a sheet with 6 lines numbered 1 through 6. On each of these lines you write what the consequence is. For an example: "No video games for a week" or "No going outside for a week" etc. When the child gets into trouble they have to roll a dice and whatever number comes up that's the consequence they get. It sort of takes it off of you and puts it on them. We haven't tried it yet but I think we are going to. It makes sense. Consistency is the key and that's extremely hard especially with a kid with ADHD. I completely understand about the pressure of everyone else has it but not me. But he'll have to understand that we all can't afford these things. I wouldn't feel guilty about it though mom. A kid who is handed everything usually grows up to not be able to stand on their own two feet. Parents who give their kids everything under the sun and not expect anything out of them, are really doing a diservice to their kids. I've seen it happen too many times. I would try a counselor and due to his age, having someone from the law enforcement talk to him might help. Good luck!!

Does he have his own money or get an allowance? Maybe he can save up for an ipod(or item of choice). I know lots of parents who won't buy these things for their children but they will allow them to save for it. I know this won't completely solve your problem but it may be a "small" part of the solution. It will also teach responsibility & he would probably take better care of anything that he worked so hard for. I know the "taking things" is a totally separate issue that you may need some professional advice for...

Hope this helps!

I liked momee's answer! You are right to punish him for taking things that are not his, but how about giving him some control too. Offer him an allowance and/or offer ways he can earn what he wants over time. Choose something you approve of that would be fairly easy to achieve to begin with so he can have some success early in the game.

Behavior could be part of it. For example, if nothing disappears he keeps the money he earns. However, if something of yours disappears and you have to retrieve it from his room, then tell him, "I'm sorry, but since you rented my ipod for a few days you owe me (a certain amount of money) and so I can't give you your allowance this week. This way you don't have to be angry with him all the time and you can reward him for good behavior. Everybody wins.

Choose an item he wants you can live with and let him work on getting it. It may change his focus.

Whoever's treating him for the ADHD needs to know about this - if it's a behaviour that's typical in the condition, part of it will need to be addressed from that direction. Perhaps visiting the police station might be "interesting" - less confrontational, but he could learn something about consequences, the law, etc. in a less confrontational way. Stop the spanking - it's not going to teach him anything about what he should/shouldn't do, and he's close to puberty so that's just kinda old to be spanked. Good luck!

With severe ADHD he may wish he had impulse control but simply does not have it. This is not a punishing matter in my opinion. However he does need to learn consequences. Perhaps he could give the stolen item back with a note explaining his ADHD and impulse control? He probably needs professional help with the impulse control too, or else ADHD medication. A visit to the police station to explain his ADHD to them and for them to explain levels of consequences could be a good idea. You could also start with the principal - my kids had to sign a behavior "contract" at the beginning of school that explains the escalation from notice, to detention to expulsion, etc. My ADD (inattentive type, not hyperactive) daughter is on Clonidine which is used off prescription for impulse control (it is actually a low bloodpressure med). We have tried various focussing meds (Vyvanse and Concerta) but the side effects were too severe (no sleeping on one and depression on the others). Good luck.

Does he have a behavioral therapist? If so, this is definitely an issue to address with the therapist. If you're not seeing one, I'd say it's time to book an appointment. We've found our therapist to be extremely helpful in addressing the complex behaviors that come up with ADHD (even when it's treated with medication).