First, I like to say that sometimes I think our kid's sole purpose in life is to try our patience. This sort of stuff drives me crazy. Just to make you feel better, I have one that does anything I ask and always has but has a brother that will dilly dally and never get anything done when it comes to chores or will break down and cry that he is tired or his brother is mean - whatever to get out of it (he is 5), I also have a 3 year old girl who will simply dig her heals in and not budge, she just says "no" or "I don't have time", "I'm busy" (hmm, wonder who that sounds like?) - UGH!
Here is what we do, we give them 1 minute to fulfill their duty (which is pretty small typically) or they go to bed - PERIOD. The second they begin their tactics to get out of it, I take their hand and walk them up to bed. Usually they will stop and say, sorry, I will go do it right now! Sometimes not. It takes months for it to work, but my frustration is lower because I do not negotiate or even listen, I just stop it, no questions asked.
As far as the focus, that is a bit harder to deal with (my oldest used to be this way) but here are some suggestions:
- Make sure you keep his diet super good, low-sugar, good breakfast (skip cereal and pancakes if you can and stick with eggs, toast, etc.), lots of veggies, and little fast food if any.
- When he is on any task, e.g., meal time, you put the food in front of him, let him do his thing then after a reasonable amount of time, take it away and move to the next task. After a couple of meals, he will begin to eat when it is in front of him. The key is to not make it a deal for you or get aggravated or even talk about it. Just limit it and move on. Repeat all of this with everything. For toothbrushing, do it for him, you're kind of supposed to anyways.
- Try to remember, he is 5, and expect him to listen and follow through but he will be distracted and they LOVE to work you at this age.
In short, every time you react, he will get a charge off of it and do it more. That is what they do. So keeping your cool and rewarding the behavior you desire works really well. Side note - try to keep it to "I am proud of you when... " and not "What a good boy!" We have a tendency to reward without verification which makes them question what they did exactly and in turn question what to do going forward.
Last but not least, it wouldn't hurt to ask for an appointment with your Pediatrician as well. I did with my oldest son and the doc checked him for any signs of something else going on. There was nothing, he was just a free-flowing creative soul. I was glad I ruled out any other problems though.
Good luck! I am sure it will all work out.
P.S. The kids (5 and 11) are to pick up their room before bed at night. Make their beds in the mornings. Do dishes after dinner. On Saturdays, we all pitch in for 2 hours and clean the house, the 5 yo dusts, helps with the bathrooms and picks up. I try not to bombard them when the first walk in from school, I would rather they focus on school work. I expect probably double from the 11 year old from what I get out of the 5 year old. My 3 yo daughter is picking up the pace on chores, but still pretty much free, she helps pick up, clears the table, helps with bathrooms etc. The 9mo old is obviously not doing anything yet.