Appropriate Punishment for Losing Valuable Item

Since it was a gift to him, loosing it without getting a replacement one should be punishment enough. Don't make more out of it than it is......

I believe that he is going to be punishing himself more for losing it then you could punish him. He knows that it was valuable and probably feels horrible. I would sit down with him and tell him that you feel he should be more responsible with his things. Then suggest that he write a letter to whomever bought it for him and apologize. He will get better with his things but for now just keep an eye out. ;)

F.,
He already has been punished. He doesn't have a camera. Once given, you lose the authority over the gift. And please, don't continue to use this incident as a constant reminder of why he can't have anything. He is a 12 yr old boy. Everyday, he is maturing just a little. This happened and its done. Move on.
I also don't feel that he should have to work to replace it. Again, you made the decision to purchase a gift that was not appropriate for a child. You cannot blame him for that decision.
My son is now 14 yo and the difference in his maturity level over the last two years is amazing. However, he still very immature in certain areas. These last few years have been more trying than any other period in his life. Good luck in figuring out what you will ultimately do.
K.

I think the adult who bought the item should have considered his age before buying him an expensive gift. If someone gave my daughter a camera at that age, I would have seen it coming. I know that it is frustating, because you want thim to have these nice things, but I think the consequence is clear and natural....he CANT GET the nice things, because he is not yet responsible. Kids at that age want many expensive things, so finding time to invoke the consquence will be easy (ipods, psps, etc.) The next time he asks for a valuable object, you might want to say that he can't have it, because you are conserned that he may lose it.

Hi F.! I'm sure that was disappointing to have it disappear so quickly. I have to agree with the others that a punishment isn't in order. I would ask him if he has a plan about how not to lose valuable items in the future. See if you can get him thinking about how to be more responsible in the future. It is a perfectly natural thing for them to lose stuff at that age (which is why it is easiest not to give them valuable stuff or to have them only use it in designated ways). The suggestions about earning enough money to buy another are good, IF he actually really wants a digital camera. If not, I think it would be too much of a punishment for him to have to dedicate his work efforts for the next year to buying another. Good luck!

Did he lose it because he was just careless? Or, was he somewhere with a group and accidentally lost it? Or did someone take it?
I certainly wouldn't buy him another one. I'd make him earn another one... child labor is my favorite kind of payback. He would be doing dishes, hauling wood, raking leaves, folding laundry, and more.
The punishment is natural - he doesn't have a camera and he can't use yours. There is really nothing more you can do. I wouldn't purchase another big item for a really long time. I would make him earn it. When my children lose things, I tell them that I only purchase the first one - they purchase the next one.
I also usually find the item in a weird place. Sometimes it takes a long time to find it, but they usually turn up...

YMMV
LBC

It sounds like he already has to deal with the consequence, that should be enough 'punishment.'

Hello F.,

Boy that must be frustrating. Here is a great punishment for that, does he have any type of bank account? Like when aunts, uncles send money do you put it in his own account, if so take him to the bank and have him/you withdrawal the appropriate amount of his money and go replace the digital camera. I am sure he will not lose the next one. Kids need to realize the value of things and this will be a great lesson learned.
Good Luck,
K.

Why punish him at all? You don't have to punish, but don't let the opportunity to educate pass you by. It was a gift, and therefore, his to do with as he pleased. Make this clear to him and also make it clear that there will be NO replacement, ever, unless he pays for it. Have him find the model on the internet and do the math to figure out how many lawns he would have to mow to earn that kind of money, then apply that to the situation and say, "so and so basically mowed so-many lawns to get that for you, that's the amount of work that goes into earning the money that paid for it". Gifts are a one time thing and should be treated as such. Also mention that if he cares so little about his gifts, you will make sure that people spend a LOT less of their own HARD EARNED (stress that) money on gifts for him, since it's not fair to ask them to spend a lot on something he won't value and take care of when that money could be put to better use. Let him know that expensive gifts are quite often a matter of SACRIFICE for the giver. They are sacrificing something they need or want in order to give a nice gift and hopefully make the recipient happy, which is an act of love and sacrifice for sure. Tell him that this policy will be in effect until he can prove that he's responsible enough to have nice things. Make sure that you let him know that this isn't a punishment for him (because it WAS his property, not yours and there's no laws against losing or destroying your own property), it's merely good manners to those who might give him gifts. That way he understands the impact his carelessness will have on others. This is the "punishment" that life itself metes out to him for his carelessness. This would happen naturally if the gift givers found out that he lost an expensive gift, you're just eliminating chance and ensuring it happens. This is one he has to FEEL himself.

I think all you need in this situation is a good humiliating lecture pointing out the feelings of the gift giver, and a little enforced reality.

Wondering, did you have a place for your son to keep this very important camera. A 12 year old doesn't understand how expensive a digital camera is. Unless he lost it on purpose it seems like you both already learned a valuable lesson. He is too young to keep track of important stuff and you will still have to be responsible for important stuff for him. Lots of boys are like that, especially if he is add. It is very unfortunate, but now you know he isn't ready for responsibility of that expensive stuff.

I haven't read all of the responses however I do agree with a few I have read that losing the camera and having him know that it's not going to be replaced is punishment enough. I'd say differently if it wasn't given to him as a gift.

This was something I hadn't thought of until speaking with a friend recently. Her step son (now 15) has received an expensive cell phone each year for christmas for the past 3 years. Every year it has gotten lost or broken, not because he doesn't care but because he is a young boy. She said although it is an exciting gift, he agonizes every time something happens. He is showing over and over that it is more responsibility than he can handle, but every year they give him a new one.

I think not having the camera is enough punishment. We all now what it feels like to lose a treasured item. Perhaps helping him learn to save for a replacement would be a more appropriate lesson at this age?

Well, I'm not really going to say much more than what a lot of other mothers have already said to you. Just going to give my opinion.

As many other mothers said, the punishment of him actually losing the camera should be enough for him. Plus, he can see that you aren't going to replace what he lost (as it would be a sort of "reward" then). Also, working it off will not help either. I am sure you are frustrated with the incident but it's just something you both have learned from.

My mother and my boyfriend's mother both get our daughter PORCELIN DOLLS and other "collector" dolls for Christmas and she will be THREE in February. Naturally, I put them up in her room on top of her wardrobe where she can't reach them, but she can admire them from afar. My mother said that some of the dolls she can play with but, in my opinion, they are collector dolls (no matter what she spent on them) and she can grow up looking at them and not playing with them.

Back to the camera issue...maybe a regular, CHEAP 35mm camera would suffice at his age (but not buying it right away) and then maybe as a birthday present for when he turns 16 or even graduation at 18 with a digital camera would work better for him. Just my ideas.

Good luck!

For one, I wouldn't replace it. I found that since I don't replace lost/broken items, my stepkids appreciate them more. I bought SD a CD player and she actually took care of it. Also, at 12, he may not be mature enough for a "real" camera. Kids are careless.

You can either charge him the money you (was it you?) spent or you can give him chores to do. I think working it off in some way would give him food for thought.

Not having one. And, if you really want him to have another one, make a list of chores and what you'd pay, until he's earned it back - or he can devise other ways to spend his own money to get one. No gifts of a camera, though.

He already suffered the consequences by not having a camera. You shouldn't replace it. He may bluster and say that he doesn't care or didn't want it anyway. Some kids don't like to let you know that they care. Some kids aren't mature enough for expensive things. And maybe they shouldn't have them anyway. I let my youngest have an ipod and it went through the wash twice. When his big brother got a new one, he gave the old one to his brother as a christmas gift. He also had a hand me down cell phone (pay as you go)which was handy for finding him in the neighborhood but he left it in the rain. He still wants new things but I've held off because he isn't ready. I checked the pockets on the clothes and missed the ipod twice so I'm not so perfect either.

It's really hard to be calm about it because you may have wanted him to have this special gift and it is so frustrating when something goes wrong. If you had lost a camera, you'd be really frustrated with yourself too. He may enjoy earning money to buy a new one. I get lots of bigger chores done that way.

Hang in there.

Did he honestly LOSE it or did someone he knows help themselves to it? If he truly did lose it...he already has his punishment...NO Camera! Don't buy him another one (or allow anyone else to!). Tell him if he wants another he will have to buy it himself with money he earns from chores and odd jobs. When he has to WORK for it maybe he'll be more responsible.

I would never buy a nice camera like that for a kid...BUT, it was his carelessness that caused him to lose his nice gift...my dad always told me that earning your own gift (in my case a car) always makes you care for it more...but he will learn the value of things as he gets older. I would not make him work to earn an extra one - because there's no way I would pay more money to buy him something that he has lost in the first place...you could make him do more chores every day to learn what hard work goes into that much money, but if it was a gift, then what's the point - it was his to lose. It's unfortunate that this happened in the first place and I would be very upset, so I understand your frustration, but there's nothing you can do at this point except give him time to grow up.

The loss of the item is alway heartbreaking for my children so that really is punishment enough for them. But... we still have a lost item that they want to replace. They are responsible for replacing the item because they were responsible for loosing the item. I give my children a chore list so that they can earn their own money to save up to replace the item. This holds them accountable for their actions and teaches them the value of a dollar.

I agree with a lot of the other Moms, losing it is punishment enough. Even though he may be responsible, he's quite young to be in charge of something important like that. Maybe the next camera and other such things should be more age appropriate.