Anyone Have Experiance with "Lazy Nursers?"

The main advice I have is to calm down, don't be judgemental and support her if she chooses to formula feed instead of breast feed. What YOU want her to do doesn't mean anything, what SHE wants to do is all that is important. Millions of children (myself and my 3 kids included) have been forumla fed and we're all doing just fine thanks. (And don't anyone bother with sending me the "lecture" about how good breastfeeding is for "bonding" and "health" and blah blah blah ... I've heard it and even got acused of abusing my kids for not breast feeding by two different LL consultants)

Encourage her to keep trying and pump more often, but if she chooses to switch to formula SUPPORT her in her decision. I formula fed all 3 of my kids and they're all extremely bright, happy, healthy kids. And we have a FANTASTIC relationship. I don't know how we could be any closer than we already are.

My advice is to back off. Yes, breastfeeding is great but it is not the right thing for every parent or every child - and before I get any nasty email responses I breastfed my son for 16 months, so I've got the badge thanks. What your sister needs is support in what is HER decision for HER child. The last thing she needs when she is trying to deal with a problem with her newborn is her sister being irritated, angry, and rolling her eyes at her. Your sister should not be made to feel guilty about making the decision that she thinks is right for her and her baby - particularly if you feel she may be suffering from post natal depression. Being told by her sister that she is being a bad parent is certainly not going to help that.

Do encourage and support, but please stop imposing what you think is right on a new, exhausted, emotional and vulnerable mommy.

I would suggest a lacation consultant,and then back off. Breastfeeding does not work for everyone and there is already so much pressure on a new mom, you don't need to add to it. If formula is the way that your nephew will get nutrition and grow then that is great and you can support your sister that way.

My daughter was a "lazy nurser", she would sleep like a charm while trying to nurse.. it would take about an hour to get her to feed, and she wouldn't sleep a wink not on the breast. Her pediatrician. was always concerned about her weight gain, she wasn't gaining as fast as she should have been, so she told me to feed her formula but to still offer the breast. (my breasts did not like pumping, and I tried many models, most I could ever get was 1 oz and that was out of both breasts) So I gave her formula. I would try to nurse her exclusively for at least 3 feedings and then for her other feedings I would offer the breast for 5-10 minutes and if she fed great if not I gave her a bottle, she needed the calories.

As for the whole formula vs breast milk debate.... Breast milk is BEST but formula is FINE, (and a tiered, overly stressed mother is BAD). I had a friend of mine who is a nutritionist explain it to me like this... Breast milk is like eating ONLY all natural raw foods, which is so much healthier because it hasn't been processed and is more bio-available to the body, whereas formula is like eating only casseroles, boxed cereal and power bars... it has all the nutrition… all the parts are there but they are just not in the "best" form for the body to make the best use of. And we all eat cooked foods, and processed foods. So I say unless YOU only eat all natural raw foods and absolutely no processed foods of any kind including vitamins (which are processed) then don't be too hard on your sister. The breast is best there is no doubt, but feeding formula will not harm her son, the human body is an amazing thing.

So please don't belittle your sister for "resorting" to formula, I know firsthand how frustrating breast feeding a "lazy nurser" can be, and I think it is only because I was not made to feel guilty about it that I am still nursing my daughter today (she is 18 months), but having a new born baby is hard enough and if you push her too hard to breast feed she may just give up all together. Encourage her don't discourage her by pushing too hard. I think an all or nothing mentality is not healthy. My daughter never stopped breastfeeding, I think because I always offered it to her and it was such a nice bonding moment, but there were defiantly times when she preferred the bottle, and that was OK too she was still getting nutrition.
I think being given the “permission” to offer formula helped with breastfeeding because it took the stress away from it, and that’s why I was able to continue breastfeeding. So again don't push... encourage and support.

Dear B.,
I understand your concerns about your new nephew. However, he is only 11 days old...he is so brand new. Take it from me, the worst thing that can happen to a new mom is have your baby and things not to go according to what you planned or what the books or other people say will happen.
Every baby and every instance is different. I expected my first baby to be asleep all day and be awake all night. Wrong. She was alert and awake all day and slept all night from the very beginning. I never had any doubt that I would nurse her which went fine at first. After becoming completely engorged initially, I didn't produce much milk. She was a very small baby, I was afraid she wasn't getting enough to eat so I gave her a bottle of formula one day and that was the end of that. She flat refused to nurse. I wasn't ready to be done, but she was. There was no sense in beating myself up about it, I just needed to give her nutrition from whatever source so she could grow. I tried breast milk in bottles and she simply preferred formula. My son, on the other hand, thought my breasts were the absolute center of the universe. But, he was awake during the day and slept all night, from the very beginning. Not all babies cry to eat every two hours around the clock. My cousin has twin girls and she decided on formula for logistical reasons and you've never seen such happy, healthy and alert little girls.
I agree that breastfeeding is best, but take it from someone who tried her very best with a baby that just wasn't in to it.....it's not the end of the world. It didn't make me a bad mommy. My daughter is beautiful and healthy and very affectionate.
I think you need to cut your sister some slack. Her baby may come around to being a more vigorous nurser and then again maybe he won't. He's a good sleeper. That's not a bad thing. There is no rule that says ALL babies will start crying from hunger every two hours. Neither of my babies ever did that. And I didn't wake them up if they were sleeping to try to feed them if they weren't hungry in the first place.
It's just been 11 days and it sounds like your sister is trying. The more nervous and worried she gets, the less she'll be able to relax and just try to let things take their course. If her baby prefers formula and thrives, they'll both be all right. She's got a long time ahead of her to figure out what works for her and her baby and it may be completely different from conventional wisdom, but she'll get it worked out.
Most of all, she needs you to let her know she's doing a good job even if it's maybe not the way you would do things.

hi :) i just wanted to mention that all us mamas are different and we have to find what works for our own selves...i felt sad that you were rolling your eyes and getting angry and irritated with your sister, who can listen to everyone's advice but really needs to find her own way...new mamas need all the love and support they can get as you well know from caring for so many foster kids! i can tell that you care very much and are a very loving person, and i know that you will be able to redirect your focus back onto what is YOUR job: being loving and supportive YOU! this will help your sister do her OWN best job with her little one, even if it looks different then what YOU would do :)
hope i didn't offend you, i think i'm a little sensitive today!!!!
best wishes and regards :)
S.

I think you should give your sister your great advice, but then I think you should back off and respect her decisions. She has to do what she feels is best for herself and her baby.

I have to agree with Angi C, Diana M, Monika P. Nursing is not for everyone and there is absolutly nothing wrong with formula. My first born was formula fed and hits advance scores in all his testing and he is very athletic and is good in all he does. My second I nursed for about 2 months and switched and my 3rd nursing worked for about 9 months. All 3 of my children are very bright in all they do. They are all athletes and do great in school. My theory... we, as parents, put time into all that they do and continue to let them know that it is important to us as it should be to them and that makes a world of difference. So I would take a step back and let your sister do what she feels is right for her family, and all the while you bite your tongue and back her up. Good luck to her and God bless you for your sevice as a foster mamma.

Hi B.
I agree with everyone's input so far about supporting your sisters decision and not criticize. It is her decision. Let her work with her pediatrician and what is best for the baby. Some babies sleep more than others and some eat more/less than others. Each is unique. One of my daughters became a sleep feeder meaning she would only take the bottle if she was sound asleep. I desperately wanted to breastfeed but couldn't. Sleep feeders are rare but you do what you have to do to get them to eat. For me, it was giving my child a bottle while she slept. She is 3 years 5 months and due to health issues, she still takes 2 bottles every night while sleeping. I only mention this to show how each baby is different and you just have to find what works for you. Her twin sister was very different.

Step back and let your sister find her own way. Offer support if she wants it, but don't put your relationship with her in jeopardy just because she is not doing it your way.

My son was what I would call a "Lazy Nurser". I had to constantly rub his feet and body till about 3- 4 months. I also woke him every 3 hours if he did not wake on his own. The dr recommended at least doing this for the first 3 weeks. But I want to make sure the baby is ok ... there was a mom in our moms group that her son had to bee woke up and nursed regularly ... he was starting to starve and was to tired to eat. Please make sure the baby is gaining weight and wetting enough.

Have you spoken to a person who specializes in nursing at the hospital? the person will teach you how to latch the baby on. Don't give up nursing it's the most wonderful thing to bond with your child in that way. Hope everything works out and that you'd have the privilidge of nursing your child.

Eleven days old is so early! Everything can change. If the baby is gaining enough to please the pediatrician, just do not worry. I would have given the world for an 8h sleep a night baby. At the same time your baby might change her pace. My other daughter was difficult to nurse (and I thought I am an experienced Mom...) and it took almost 3 months until I was confident in her feeding.
So, my take is that if the baby develops, and you get the sleep - just enjoy it while it last!

D. Orr

Please step out of your Foster Mother box. This is your sister's child - not yours. Your nephew is blessed to have his biological mother as you well know 8 times over - wow. I have had both a lazy nurser and a hungry monster. I have pumped round the clock after every feeding and in-between for 4mos straight before my LO finally got the "hang of it". Even at the end I was lucky to get 4oz from an entire day’s pumpings. I come from a family with two generations of LaLeche League leaders and three home births and a slew of nursing toddlers to their fame. Nothing is more depressing than watching your newborn snuggle and cuddle contently with someone else while you are trying to teach your body to feed a pump. I managed to breastfeed my lazy nurser for 15mos but that road is not for everyone. Offer to pay for a lactation consultant. Offer to buy her extra sets of pumping horns and bottles so she can throw them into the fridge and just do one washing/sterilizing at the end of the day (or offer to do all the washing). She is sleepless and exhausted and not feeling successful or fufilled... her circumstances are depressing even with the benefit of full sleep. Unless you are a psychologist you need to drop your depression diagnosis. If you are a psychologist you need to refer her to a trusted colleague. Every inquiry, comment or piece of unsolicited advice from you will push you farther apart and build frustration towards her baby. Let her do what she needs to feel connected to her baby… their bond reigns supreme regardless of his nutrition delivery method.

B.,

You sound like you really love your sister and want the best for her baby, too, which is wonderful. But I think you need to accept that whether or not to breastfeed and for how long is her decision, not yours. Breastfeeding is wonderful for mom and baby, but it doesn't work out for everyone. If she's having trouble and possibly even some PD, your pressure and disapproval could make the situation worse. If you really love her, you'll let her find her own way. There is nothing wrong with feeding a baby formula, and can be better for both mom and baby if physically and emotionally breastfeeding isn't working, and it sounds like that's the case with your sister. I can say that from experience, and I have an extremely healthy, active, intelligent 2-yr-old with no allergies, athsma, or other problems--she's been ahead on all physical and developmental charts from the get go, and removing the pain, frustration and anxiety from our feeding sessions by switching to formula actually helped our bond flourish. You'll help your sister best by giving her the love and support she needs right now, not by giving her guilt, judgement and disapproval.

J.

First of all he will be fine if she ends up feeding him formula. But if she really wants to nurse him then she needs to see a Lactation Consultant to get some help. My baby who is 5 weeks tomorrow is a lazy nurser too. With the help of a Lactation consultant we've done much better. My supply is up and she nurses well during the day. She is still lazy at night and she gets a bottle at night and I pump. Her doctor can recommend a lactation consultant the hospital should have one too. She can still have a good nurser but she will need help.

My daughter was a lazy nurser too, always falling asleep while breastfeedingm, but with lots of patience and support we're still nursing at 13 months. I did pump as much as I could when she was sleeping but other tricks to keep him sucking while feeding is to rub his foot, or back firmly, switch sides and offer the other breast, wipe down his arms or legs with a damp washcloth, etc. The first 3 weeks are the hardest because they are learning to eat at the same time that mom is learning to beastfeed. Mom needs both physical and emotional support right now in order to be sucessful and avoid developing post-partum depression. Good luck!