Any Suggestions for Parenting Plans for Parents Who Arent Together?

The only comment I have is that the parents should be the ones to switch households, not the child.

They should each rent an apartment or room for themselves to stay at when not at the "family" home. Then the child stays home and the parents move in and out.

I have talked to many children who have to change households weekly and they ALL hate it! They say they never feel grounded because they are constantly moving.

My suggestion would be that they each stay one week with the child. MOther gets to be with child on Mother's Day; father on Father's Day. If they are civil, child's birthday spent with both. If they find that they cannot get along, then mother gets child for his/her birthday on even numbered years; father on odd numbered years.

Same for xmas and major holidays, mother gets for either odd or even years and father the other years. In the year that mom has the child for xmas, then dad has the child for Thanksgiving. Same for summer holidays - if mom has the child for memorial day, then dad has the child for Labor day. They switch off having the child for 4th of july - mom in even numbered years, dad in odd numbered years.

If they sit down and really think about it, detail by detail, they should be able to work something out. I do suggest not using any ambiguous language such as "at reasonable times" because everyone's idea of what's "reasonable" is different.

Since someone had to make the parents switch house comment I have to say that has to be about the stupidest idea I have ever heard tossed around. Yeah I have heard people do it but never heard it working out in the long run.

Come on, the parents switch so what do you do if you remarry drag your new spouse back and forth, how about new kids. I am more than aware of how much my kids hate going back and forth but I get the feeling stressed out parents would be worse.

The best solution is joint legal, one parent Monday through Friday and switch every other weekend. My kids are good with the every other weekend but the weekday switching during the school year they hate.

I also wanted to add for those that think I am coming from left field we had to "birds nest" during our divorce. The first thing out of my daughter's mouth when it was over, so the house is yours right? Yes. Thank god! I can assure you from my experience my kids hated it. The passive aggressive BS that occurred was out of control. That stressed the kids a heck of a lot more than going from house to house.

Tell your friend that he and his child's mother should meet with a court mediator who will help them, it's a mediator's job to do this very thing.

First and foremost...put the child first. This means that sometimes things might not seem "fair" for one of the parents but doing it anyway because it is more fair to the child.

I personally am not for the "equal physical custody" because the child never feels settled. Just as they get adjusted for the home they are at, it is time to go to the other.

I suggest that even if they are going for the "equal physical custody" they both realize that they both can and should be at school and other functions regardless of which parent has custody/is responsible for the child that week or day. Otherwise both parent and child miss out.

If at all possible, they need to try to maintain similiar schedules for the child (even if the child doesn't want that) because it is best for the child. Obviously both will parent differently (that doesn't change even in a single household) but the core rules and values should mesh.

First, I commend them for being civil for the kiddo.

Newborns/infants have different guidelines than older kids. When my friend was in this situation, she found out what was typically awarded in her state. Then she set up an arrangement with the father so that he could visit with their infant (still nursing) in her home or in a public place for a few hours at a time. When the child was no longer nursing and a bit older, the father took the child for daytime and then they eased into overnights around 18 months old. She is the primary custodial parent. He has every other weekend, and every other holiday. Since he does not live nearby, unless he makes other childcare arrangements, he doesn't yet take the child for long stretches in the summer. The catch is that even if he did have childcare for her right now, someone would still have to pay for the slot. When the child is older, I suspect things will change, like having several weeks at a stretch with the father or all of a school break.

They also established paternity and worked out child support through the state. It was less emotional to just let the state deal with the CS.

It was a little hairy here and there, but now things have evened out and they are able to be good parents to her, even if they are no longer even really friends.

I personally think that an infant shouldn't be in a new home every other day and whatever they come up with should provide the child a consistent caregiver and a primary home with visits to the non-custodial parent. They can work up to more time as the child grows.

Edit regarding the parents moving in/out: While I appreciate that my stepkids did not always like to be going to a different house, it takes a certain kind of person and situation, IMO, to be able to do it, and usually only lasts as long as one person doesn't move on to a new partner.

Ours works out perfect. We have 3 kids 6, 4 and 4. We both have the same schedule, M-F as well.

Mon, Tues Parent #1
Wed, Thurs Parent #2
Fri, Sat & Sun Parent #1
Mon, Tues Parent #2
Wed, Thurs Parent #1
Fri, Sat & Sun Parent #2

So basically it is 2 on 2 off and every other weekend. The judge actually came up with this for us. At first we were resistenat because we never went for longer than 2 days, but after a awhile we adjusted and having the 3 days off when its not your weekend has actually been really good for each of us to plan, rejuvenate etc. Whenever it's my night I obviously pick up from daycare and drop off in the morning.

Good luck!

Edit: Equal physical custody works if it is commenced when the children are young. We have been at this since our twins were born, so if it wasn't this way, they would feel "unsettled". Our kids are happy, healthy and perfectly settled and adjusted. Its the commitment of the parents to work closely together that makes or breaks their level of security in this situation.

As a child of divorce, my experience was living with one parent on the weekdays, the other on the weekends. My divorced parents lived about 20 minutes away from each other, so visitation was not hard. But this child is an infant, so depending on the feeding situation, mom may be the focus for a while. I don't think the switching weeks thing is fair to the kids because then they don't live anywhere, they just travel from home to home. If the parents live close enough, then they live with the "main" parent mon-fri and sleep over the other parent Fri/Sat night, and maybe Sunday if they can get to school. Good luck to them!

I agree with the meeting with a court mediator if they can afford it (They are just as expensive as an attorney fyi). They can be very helpful in trying to determine what both parents want and what is best for the baby.

With a newborn it may be difficult on equal visitation for only a few reasons. If mom is vreastfeeding, she will need enough pumped milk for long stays with dad. However, if they are civil, he may be able to meet her and obtain pumped milk regularly while he has the child. This isn't an issue with formula as he can just buy whatever formula the child takes. Also, if the kid is anything like my son, consistent routine is going to be important so they should try to negotiate having the same or at least similar routines at each house. However, if they can manage these things and they have everything the kid needs at each house it should be fine.

With that being said, I would say that doing something simple like one week at each place, switching on Sunday nights could be easy. So like Sunday at 6pm dad picks up the baby and keeps it till the next Sunday at 6pm. This will have to be changed as the child gets older and does school. However, if they are both convenient to the baby's daycare, it could be an easy way to do it. Mom would get baby for mother's day and mom's birthday, dad the opposite for the father stuff. Alternate every other holiday. If dad gets baby the week of a holiday that should go to mom, then mom can get baby for that day and return baby by that night? Or maybe the next morning?

I don't know that's my idea.