Any Advice on Custody?

Hi. I separated from my husband/son's dad when he was around 1. I was breastfeeding at the time, which was a major factor in what his visitation was like (very short). I agree with the other mom - breastfeed if at all possible. It will at least delay extended visitations for a while. If you are nervous or have concerns about breastfeeding I would be happy to talk with you. Good luck and hang in there - it sounds like you want what's best for your baby. Oh, by the way, I was 20 when I had my son and its been great! (he's 9 now)

I am currently getting a divorce and have a 4 yr old daughter ... from what I understand, unless you can be proven to be harmful to your child (abusive, alcoholic, etc.) there is no way the baby will be taken from you. NOW, if the father decides he wants visitation, etc., he most likely will get it unless he too can be proven to be a danger to your child. You mentioned there are two possible fathers ... do they both want custody? The good news is that if the guy who says he wants to take the baby away from you IS the father ... by starting this whole thing up, and wanting to be a father, he will be responsible for child support. I know I am rambling, just trying to fit it all in :)

Don't worry so much about what he can do, as I mentioned, unless he can prove you are unfit he won't get his way - at least fully ... plus once he sees how much work babies are he may decide he wants no part of it (good for you not so much for your child)

Whatever happens, remember that the father is part of your baby and regardless of how you feel about him, your child should feel safe and happy having a relationship with him should he step up to the plate.

Hope this helps - now enjoy your pregnancy!

Well, I don't know much about family law, but so long as you have never shown any kid of unfit motherhood, I don't see why you wouldn't get custody. My advice would be to contact the courthouse and get legal advice (pro bono of course so you don't need to pay for advice) and find out your options. Family law gets very complicated with custody and paternity and all that...so that is really the best I can suggest. Sorry, I can be on no more help.

I don't have personal experience with this, but since you are not married, it can take some time for the potential father to hire a lawyer and get a judge to order you to have the baby tested. I don't know your plans, but if you're going to breastfeed and it does turn out that he is willing to spend the money on a lawyer and it is his baby and he does get part-time custody, then you have an added factor to work with. A judge will not grant full custody to a mother just because she is breastfeeding, but the maternal bond may be taken into consideration, and pumping to feed the baby while with dad would be a consideration. I may be able to help with breastfeeding and separation if that becomes an issue.

I have a brother who spent several thousand dollars trying to get custody of his little girl (the mom has documented mental health issues and has 3 kids with 3 different fathers) and he ended up getting her for 2 days and then it was over-turned because of a jurisdiction issue. So while some dads do get custody, it's still more common for the mother to get custody.