Anxious Mommy

I am so right there with you and understand. I had lost my parents then had my daughter three days before 9/11, after that I was a wreck, made a huge financial decision I wasn't going back to work for fear something would happen. I would nurse her at night hearing the military jets flying over and be in tears. I was in a panic about carrying her down the stairs and did all the "what ifs". I couldn't leave her for even a night out until she was 6 mos old and even then called like four times. We moms get this instinct and it is over powering it. The difference is you have to understand the fine line between the irrational anxiety and reality. Hard line to figure out. I had lost my parents suddenly years before my daughter was born so I had this irrational fear of not being able to know when something bad was going to happen. Then I realized that my fear was consuming me, making me a less then productive mommy. I decided to get my daughter out and we did fun things together, I wasn't afraid to drive with her on the highway anymore, I quit watching 20/20, Dateline and even the news for a while, I then started leaving her with her dad for a few hours at a time to get out. When I realized that my worries took control and bottom line we don't have control over when things happen, then I started really relaxing. When I relaxed more then I saw everyone around me respond. When I had my son I was so completely laid back. My irrational fears had subsided, I put my trust in God and just did what a good mom does and realize only to worry about what is in my control. Worrying is fine, it is part of mommyhood, when your mind goes off kilter you either need to regroup, talk to someone or even consider getting on medication to relieve your anxiety. Babies feel anxiety. It can be hard on your other relationships as well. What if is a powerful statement, but in that same regard "what if nothing happens and I have wasted all this energy on worrying"...enjoy life, realize you are blessed, thank God for every day you have and put some faith in God. You cannot control everything, worrying never got anyone ahead and just try and not be so hard on yourself. Take a deep breath. We all worry, just do it so it isn't being counter productive in your life. I can say my kids are 3 1/2 and 6 now I am on mommy duty 24/7 and though I love to get a break now and again, for the most part I love being the one here for them and knowing they are safe and okay. However, I realize too that my necessity to stay home right now is more because of daycare costs and I am going to be excited to have some of my life back again in a year. I even still walk my daughter to her classroom, WE LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from the school!! :) I could watch her walk but prefer to walk her myself. Some of the worrying is normal..

I think that you are going through what most first time moms do. When you have a new life to take care of everything scares you and you feel like you don't have control over anything. I think that to a degree what you are experiencing is normal, but you also need to take a step back. You need to tell yourself that when she is with someone else while you are at work that she is still going to be okay. You have checked them out and that nothing is going to happen. You also have to remember that who ever she is with while she is not with you is still going to meet her needs. They might not do them exactly the same as you, but she is still going to be feed, changed etc. I think that with my first I went through that stage when I went back to school. I left my daughter (now 12) with my husband (her father) in one town and went to another to finish college. I would come home on the weekends, but she was with him all the rest of the time. The first time that I saw that she was still the happy child that I had left although things weren't done exactly the way that I would have done them, it put my mind at ease. Just know that she is being tended and let the small stuff slide. I was once told that you shouldn't sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff. If you are that concerned about the emergencies, take a CPR/first aid class from the Red Cross so that you are better prepared. I am not sure that I have put your mind at ease, but I hope that knowing that you are in the mother boat and that most moms are with you helps. Congrats and good luck!
J.---mother of 6

you should consider opening up your own day-care or work at the place your daughter goes too

I think that everyone rather they admit it or not has these these same worries. I know I certainly did. When my daughter was younger she's now seven I was prone to panic attacks they were embarassing and I felt out of control. I had to learn to relax more. But it wasn't easy and a couple of times I did take anti-anxiety medication. However that did not help, I had to learn on my own to relax. I also would call and check on my daughter at least every half hour when she was little. Now if I start feeling anxious and she is not with me I call and ask how she is and talk to her no matter who she is with.

Anxiety can creep up in many different situations. I think for the long term you should consider biofeedback as a natural therapy. Stress will contribute to anxiety in a major way so you need to be able to relieve stress. Anxiety is also related to depression, so the things that help depression will help--meditaion, exercise, natural foods, breathing. Talk to the care providers and see if there is any way to reduce your level of stress about leaving your precious baby with them. Also maybe some is misplaced guilt about not being there--don't feel guilty about what you need to do. Just be proactive and stay in the moment, be present and know that you are where you are supposed to be.

Hi J.,
Do you only worry about your daughter or do you worry about things in general? I've always been a worrier but it's much worse now that I have 2 kids (5 & 1). I seem to go through ups & downs too. I'll be doing pretty good but I watch the news every night & it seems to go in spurts where I feel like every story I hear is about some tragedy involving a child. Even though nothing tragic has ever happened in my life I feel like my life has been so good that something has to go wrong eventually & I always think it's going to be my husband or my children. My 5 year old goes to kindergarten this year & I'm terrified even though he's been going to preschool for the past 3 years. I finally started on Citalopram & it's helped a little bit. I wish I could offer you advice but since I struggle myself, I haven't found anything that helps!
T.

J., you are not alone dear. I have two kids, a son that is 6 years old and my daughter that is 2 years old. I felt the same way, and sometimes still do. I pray that Lord will protect my children when I am not with them. That He know how to keep them safe even better than I do. That gives me great peace!
I used to be panicy about my kids. I still to this day, can't watch anything on TV or the news about anything bad happening to kids. It makes me too anxious too. I used to get this feeling of overwhelming anxiety come over me and it felt like it would take my breath away and I would gasp for a deep breath. So I know exactly how you feel!
I find all my strength in God. Truely I do. And sometimes I still feel anxious. But there is a reason that the Bible says "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (2Peter5:7) and "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". (Phil.4:6). He doesn't want me to feel anxious, so I have to tell Him. It works, and sometimes I have to try really hard, but releasing it to Him is always best.
Hope this helps!!!!
Love, T.

I was the same way with my 4-month old. I was one semester away from completing my bachelor's degree and had to student teach for 6 hours a day--6 agonizing hours even though it was my mom watching her! I was so worried that she would grow up thinking I did not love her and that "mommy is always gone." Honestly, the only thing that helped was when I finally earned my degree and was able to be home with her full time. Now she is 2 and I also have a beautiful baby boy. I still get anxious when I need to leave them, but at least I know I am with them most of the time. I'd say the best help for you would be to find a way to get her out of a day care and into your care!

If it were me, I would do whatever I could to stop working away from home so that I could be with my baby full-time. I don't think this is being paranoid, just being a mommy. It might help you worry less if you were the one caring for her. No one else will care about your child like you will. And your daughter will be better off as well! :)

Hiya J.! I sooooo understand! My postpartum depression showed up as really bad anxiety about the baby. And that postpartum depression just never went away. FINALLY after 9/11 (I see I'm not the only one who reacted badly to that), I got up the nerves to talk to the doctor. I won't tell you specifics about my disorder because I don't think you have it and I don't want to disturb you, but the doc and I were able, after much trial and error, to find medicine that worked. I take Xanex when it's really bad (works right away) and Effexor every day. How's your sleep? I have really bad insomnia and I'm betting you do too.

The other advice is good too. Anxious people are not good breathers, so learn some good breathing techniques. That does help. If you're religious, praying helps a lot. I needed counseling for a couple of years and that was tremendously helpful. I learned how not to absorb everyone else's stress like a sponge. 'Cause I had enough stress of my own! One other thing my doc ORDERED me to do was STOP watching TV news. Bad bad bad. All those disturbing images and sensationalized stories really add fuel to the fire. Hope this helps!!