OCD Thinking and Depression

omg! I am about to cry because you sound just like me! I am suffering from ocd and anxiety. I have been to many dr.'s. they tried to put me on zoloft but I didn't trust it. I have good days when I work out( running, gym, yoga, kick boxing...)It is worse the next day if I drink any alcohol or coffee. I get bad anxiety every night my hear races i get heart flutters, I know nothing is going to happen I just can't control it. when that starts I take a long shower, and try to get my mind to slow down from my busy day of controlling the ocd(obsesivley cleaning my house) I have horrible thoughts also, I thought there was something wrong with me..I think maybe we have just wathced to much t.v. lol. also listning to music keeps my mind focused on other things. The main thing all the dr's and friends have told me is to just talk it out with someone..friend, counselor, husband. I feel better just writing this response. take care. :) oh and keep doing good things for others even if they don't appreciate it (you will benifit from it!!)

Hi T.,

I just want you to know that I have feelings about something horrible happening to my kids all the time with my depression. I have chosen to try a variety of vitamins to help it, but it has not gone completely away yet. I wll be seeing a doctor soon about it if I can not get it to go away. I hope that you will feel better soon! One of the first steps to recovering from depression is being able to admit you have it!

D. Rylander

Sweetie, you need to get some help. What youa re describing is mixed anxiety and depression; very common in women. There are excellent medications to help and they have very few side effects. Once you are a bit stabilized, I'd suggest some counseling to work this anxiety through. Good luck. Please don't hesitate to make that appointment.

You've gotten some good advice here so far, and I hope it helps you.

I do want to say one thing though. It's really important that you get a professional diagnosis for what is going on. I find it a litle scary that other people have given what they consider a specific diagnosis, when in fact they could be far off. It's important to remember that most of us are not trained professionals, so we simply don't have the knowlege or education to make a specific diagnosis. This is why it's really important to make sure you get some professional help so that you can get the treatment that is best suited to your particular situation.

There is nothing wrong in seeking help, it's not a sign of weakness. It takes courage to ask for help, and I think you have that courage. Hang in there, and try to fit in a nap too sweetie!

T., honey, I have this vision of you sitting at the keyboard frantically typing away, afraid that you may omit something important. You need a break! And I think you need to figure out how to give yourself a break. I can only imagine the despair you're feeling now. Even if your perceptions aren't accurate, it's horrible to feel so depressed. I'm not going to tell you that you're just fine and what you're feeling is totally wrong. And I'm certainly not going to use my own life as a comparison to try to make you feel better. That's not going to help. I don't think you're looking for someone to debate with you whether or not your feelings are warranted. The point is, your feelings are valid, simply because you have them. After accepting that, you can start to address the reasons you're feeling the way you do. T., please talk to your doctor. You have too much going on to do it alone. We all need help at times, and I truly believe you've reached that point. You need to look at the whole picture and decide what you need to get out of your slump. It's a horrible place to be, but there is hope. Sometimes just talking to someone who is objective (ie: a therapist) is all it takes. Other times, medication may be the choice. Let me tell you, given the choice between taking meds and feeling functional or remaining miserable, I'll take the meds. Do you ever wish your husband, or someone else, would just look in your eyes and ask straight out "what can I do to help?" Sometimes it's so hard to express those feelings that are eating away at us. It's not easy for those who haven't gone through it to understand. Just to acknowledge another persons feelings goes a long way. That's when your doctor can help.

You mention your love of crafts and painting. I say, let that be therapeutic. I use flowers, and my husband and kids know to just leave me alone when I'm arranging. It really helps. Don't feel guilty about it, either. It's cathartic, and that makes you a better wife/mom/human. I wish I could reach through and give you a hug, T.. But I can leave you with the assurance that you are not alone. Call your doctor, and let me know how you're doing, OK?

consider spiritual causes

I had the problem with one particular bridge in town for over a year, where the thought would hit me "just drive off and end it all" and I had to fullllllly concentrate on all the reasons NOT to do that ... it was this horrible fight every single time ... then I did some spiritual work (with some other reliable prayer partners of course, one should never do these things alone unless there is no other option) and the next time I drove over the bridge I realized it was TOTALLY "an attack," with ALLLLL of the traditional symptoms, and I stood against it and declared that it was a lie and the lie had no power over me (I speak in the Christian tradition, so I brought the Holy Name of Jesus into this, which I of course recommend relying on Him as the basis of truth through which we as humans can work).

Anyhow, your situation totally sounds like all the traditional attack stuff (especially 'get you while you are down). Leaping guess, the "in" was your budding resentment about your husband's schedule, and this may have been the open door in you mind/soul.

Alrighty, that was my "woowoo" answer for today ... but it worked for me and I have of course seen it work for lots of other people, so I thought I'd offer it.

If you aren't Christian, I firmly believe that God honors all steps toward relying on the truth (and I assume all non-Christians will honor my faith-path similarly ;) ) ...

namaste ;).

Dear T.

I would like you to know that I understand how you’re feeling. I didn’t know, until a few years later, that what I was experiencing was postpartum anxiety disorder. I didn’t think about postpartum or even reference that because I was overly concerned for our daughter. And, I had never heard of postpartum anxiety disorder. I had horrible visions of someone coming into the house when I was taking a shower. I had unbelievable fears that ranged from her accidentally eating the wrong food (that would somehow result in brain damage of course) to terrible visions of accidents and so on. And, because I was so euphoric about the entire first 10 months, no one explained postpartum depression to me. The anxiety I felt was so unreal I couldn’t even begin to wrap my brain around it. Like you, every moment was filled with checking, re-checking, worry and so on. Everyone just told me it was because I was a new mom. And, honestly, many dismiss this type of anxiety because of the belief that most moms are over anxious. Hardly! Now, I do understand what happened to me. I have a friend who does a lot of work with the state to get the message out regarding postpartum depression. This topic is exactly the type of information people need to know about so they don’t feel crazy. Or, if they do, they know how to recognize the symptoms and to seek help. Please feel free to contact me off list if you would like to just share. I do think it helps to hear from other moms who have experienced this type of depression/anxiety. It is real. And, don’t let anyone make you feel that it is not.

Take care
RR
PS. I am an anxious person, naturally, when it comes to the safety of those I love. Our daughter has OCD and I'm convinced I helped her along with that by my complete and constant concern and control. Let me just add...I'm not suggesting I gave her OCD (she was born sensitive and anxious believe me). What I'm saying is I didn't do her any favors by not knowing how to help her with coping skills, etc. Anyway, even though I didn't voice it all the time....it came across in my actions, energy, etc. Because I knew what to look for and what to do with it, I did not experience the same with our son. I still have thoughts from time to time (like many people) about the safety of my children but I do not spiral, I do not control every moment of their lives. I do not have the amazing and very real visions I had for those years with our daughter. My husband knew what to look for the second time around and he was on alert. I am happy to share our experience, tips, etc., with you.

Hi T.,

I'm OCD...big time, but there are certainly things that help. SLEEP on your normal "cycle" (don't mimic your husband's cycle) will do you a world of good. I know that you said you wouldn't see your husband unless your sleeping was altered, but you need to find a workaround for this. Altered/reduced sleep is your #1 enemy...see if hubby can get a different shift or if you can connect in some other way.

Depression is also linked to lack of vitamin D which you get from sunlight. You need to get yourself some serious sunlight exposure. Read more about that here:
http://www.webmd.com/depression/news/20040803/vitamin-d-e...

Exercise every day in some small way...get out for a walk, etc. The exercise can get you out for some sun and also lighten up your moody hormones at the same time.

Get out and interact with some people you have fun with. A connection with other people will help your mood.

Get yourself on a schedule...something to do every day. I was bored out of my mind with my son until I started scheduling him for gymnastics and other fun classes where he got exposure to other kids and I had adults to interact with as well. A routine will help you.

Drink lots of water - it will help you feel less exhausted.

If doubts cloud your mind (will the car crash?) I've found it helpful to put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it when I get negative thoughts. I also am religious and also pass the burden off to God ("please protect us") It might sound funny, but it works for me. Someone else is doing the worrying. :)

Hang in there mama...just make some slight adjustments and you will be amazed at the change. Remember that you're no good to your husband, your child or most importantly yourself if you can't function. Not sleeping the right way or the right amount, not getting the vitamin D, not getting decent exposure to some positive human interaction...it will all weigh on you. Time to take care of yourself girl!

First of all - you are in Mom mode - and a lot of this worry is really normal. I think the lack of sleep is taking it over to the extreme side for you - it is amazing what lack of sleep will do to you. That said, how you can get more sleep is difficult - especially since your little boy is still quite young and your husband's schedule makes it hard too. I was an extreme worrier and when I didn't sleep at night I became a very cranky mom - I could not believe how I acted - I felt so far removed from myself...I felt like I didn't even know who I was. I also gained a lot of weight because I would turn to "sugary treats" to help me get through the day (which probably led to being irritable as well). Please know that it will get easier as your child gets older - and if you can figure out how to make good sleep a priority - I think it will really help. I think it will help you avoid taking any medications.

You are NOT crazy
You are NOT a bad person

It is NORMAL to get bitter with unappreciative people - because people suck!

It is NORMAL to worry about little things & your son breathing!

However - you are unable to slow down your thoughts because YOU NEED SLEEP!!!!

You should switch back to a normal schedule for you & your son's sake - he will need you awake in the daytime especially when he starts school.

In the meantime - take naps at the same time as your son.

If you are a smoker - just quitting can make a huge difference in the way you deal with things! I smoked for over 20 years - quit 5 years ago & feel like a new calmer person!

I know puppies are hard to deal with (I have 3 dogs all raised from puppies)- but look in those sweet little eyes - he/she just wants to please you! Try playing with the puppy & doing some training - watch "The Dog Whisperer" - he really knows what he's doing!

Take some time to do the things you love - get out those paints - get your son involved - make it fun!

If none of this helps - then talk to your doctor about medication. Best of luck - and remember - we are all here for you!!!

As someone with OCD, I don't think that's what's going on. You do however need to see a therapist. You said your husband's schedule is working for you all, but your post indicates that this schedule is NOT working for you. There's lots of good advice here, but you MUST see a therapist about this. It's a lot to have a small child, needy puppies, and a new marriage. Speak to a professional.

You are me. We are one. People will tell you, "Just don't worry about it!" or "Can't you just let it slide?" Uhm, NO. Sorry, but our brains are programmed this way. The only way out is through medication or cognitive behavioral therapy or a combo of both. I myself prefer Lexapro as a drug--low side effects overall and while medicated I CAN not worry about it and I A. ABLE to let it slide. Your OB can prescribe them, for one-stop shopping. Give them three weeks minimum. Best to you--I've lived that life, and it stinks. There is a better way.

T. , I am sorry you are not feeling well. I know how hard this can be since often times you think it is all your fault and you are going crazy. I think your best option would be to go to a doctor and talk to him/her about what is going on. They can prescribe you something to help you feeling normal again. I would NOT ignore this because it will more than likley get worse! The prescription is just a life raft to get you back to shore once you are on shore you can get better on your own (I hope that makes sense!)
Just remeber you are not alone and there is hope.

YOU NEED A NAP!
A very long one and several days in a row. You have go to get some sleep so that your positive self talk can take effect.
We are on my husbands weird schedule too and it makes things challenging, but it works for us too.
I found to keep my depression away was to make sure that getting sleep and eatting right and often were the number one priorities (other than baby of course).
As for the outrageous fears, I hope that the sleep helps that too. My husband is the one with those. He was worried the nine months of pregnancy and mellowed a little about her being healthy and there not being any physical or mental problems after age two, she is very healthy and very smart, yet he was still worried that she would end up a downs baby or something that involved lifelong care. His fears were and are so hard on him that we are stopping at one. He is concerned about my being over 40, and the problems of the world like hearing those stories about the horrible things people do to kids on the news.
Get your husband to take your son to the park or somewhere out of the house, leave the house work alone and just take a nap! Have hubby bring home something for dinner and just take it easy until you get your head and happy attitude back. Everyone is miserable if mommy is miserable.
If that doesn't help then talk to your doctor.

I suffer from depression, but mine is not feelings of being sad so much as it is feelings of anger. Irrational anger all the time. Minor annoyances would make me so furious I could burst. Effexor worked great for it, but had horrible withdraw symptoms if I forgot a pill for longer than 12 hours, so I quit that. I am now on Welbutrin and it works okay. It sounds like your problem may be similar.

Also, I have been reading a lot lately about Mirena having this effect on some women, so if you have Mirena, consider it as the source.

There are so many of us who suffer too. You are not alone, and you are not crazy, but you should get help. I suffer from horrible anxiety and I've never thought of it as OCD but I do worry about totally silly/odd/random things. Like last night my husband was taking out the trash in the dark and we live on a busy street and I decided to start worrying about him getting hit by a car. How silly is that? He's a grown man! Anyway, there are lots of medicines out there to help with these type of issues but... You've got to stay on them for awhile and sometimes you have to try a few before you find one that works for you. I am really sorry you are suffering. Please be assured you are not alone, you deserve to feel happy and normal, go get some help.

You mentioned Jesus in one of your other posts. I think working on your spiritual life and side will help a lot of what you are going through. The bible says "Pray all the time" (Pray without ceasing). Start reading your bible. Pray to God for strength. Repent for your bad thoughts, then without a further care for them, go on with constant prayer. Without God this life can be very scary, meaningless and darn HARD. Check out goarch.org and ancientfaithradio.com - both Orthodox Christian web sites. Ancientfaithradio.com - the music there can really calm me down. I recommend it to you.

When we do something nice for something - it's not to be thanked. It's to please God. Help people for God alone. It's amazing how God will reward YOU.

Spend time in prayer where you are just meditating upon Christ,meditating upon the bible not "DOING" anything in particular. It sounds to me as though you have burned yourself out. In our church we have monasteries that we can go to when I get burned out. They are quiet places of prayer and contemplation and healing.

I was just watching Oprah today and she was talking about hormonal imbalances. If I were you I would get myself checked out because that could be part of the issue, and there are definite ways to treat it!! Best wishes to you!

T.,

I would make an appointment with your health care provider ASAP. What you are experiencing is not normal. These are valid feelings - I know as I have been there myself. There are many things that can be ruled out with a blood test(Thyroid, etc). Thank you for opening up to us and starting your search for help. Just doing that is a great 1st step to getting better. Good luck and God bless.

HI-
Head to your doctor for a visit. He or She can help you thru some of the issues. What you call OCD, sounds like anxiety to me. I went thru the exact same thing. A lot of it has to do with lack of sleep, but it also has to do with all the new things in your life, a child, a marriage - it all adds up. I went thru anxiety also. I remember obsessing over the smallest things - sitting in traffic and being afraid someone would hit the car and hurt my daughter, feeling completely overwhelmed that I couldn't even move. It was bad. My doctor did give me a presciption to some medication (Xanax) that helped. I don't take it often but it does make a huge difference. It also helps me get some sleep at night. It helps turn the noise in the brain that makes you not sleep because you are thinking too much. But it doesn't knock you out so that you can't function.
Life can be hard and it isn't a bad thing to ask for help. You made the first step by asking "online friends". Now check with your doctor.

Hi T.
That is very brave and courageous of you to open up and expose your feelings. Honestly some times I wonder why it feels like sometimes I am just mad all the time. Like before baby came along I was really mellow and happy. After baby everything would stress me out. Not so much the baby but everything else, like if my husband got home 15 minutes later than he told me, or If anything could hypothetically wake the baby. Anyway what has helped me is just trusting that God is in control of everything! If He takes care of little animals and such how could He not take care of your little guy! Relax and try to take small steps and think of the good things that could happen and let go of the bad thoughts.
And being happy, a lot of times, is actually a choice, so try to not let things bother you so much and try to be the best person you can be, even if other people are mean to you just make the choice to not let it ruin your mood or your day

It sounds like your thinking and behavior is getting beyond your control. There are things that you can certainly do to help yourself feel better. Cognitive therapy is an approach that can help you control your thoughts, instead of letting them control you.

You could try a book to read at home (i like 'Feeling Good', but its more about depression than OCD), but since it seems like this is becoming a really large and overwhelming problem, i'd suggest you talk to your doctor, and see if you can get a referral to a good therapist. A few sessions may help you find approaches to calm down your mind.

Hi T.. There are so many things going on in your life and so many possible reasons why you feel so bad. I see that you are in Portland, so the weather is probably not helping your situation.

You could start by trying some lifestyle changes. Get plenty of sleep, sleep at night seek natural daylight while you are awake, cut the sugar and caffeine from your diet, find a sitter and get out once a week on your own. Use earplugs to help you sleep at night. It's great that you want to see your husband but right now it is more important that you feel well.

Then explore other options. See your doctor, get your thyroid checked, find a good therapist. It may be a simple chemical imbalance that you can take medication for, it may be more complicated. Don't give up until you find out what the problem is. God's blessing to you.

I go through bouts of meanness myself generally when I'm feeling overwhelmed or unappreciated. I know that the stress of the economy and lack of sleep or just having a messy house can launch both my husband and I into crabbiness that we take out on each other. It sounds to me like you have cabin fever and a lack of order in you life that would drive me nuts. I think it is very appropriate to feel annoyed by the lady that wasn't appreciative of your offer, that was just rude of her not to acknowledge your effort to be helpful whether she took the coupon or not. Don't let people like that keep you from trying to help out others, it'll be worth it someday when that one person shows you true gratitude over the simplest gesture:)

Second subject... I think it is insanely normal to fear for your child. Some of us take it further than others, I know I do. I have anxiety and often transfer my irrational fears onto my children. I've had the bridge thought and many others. One fear I have that I don't express out loud is- what if something happens to my husband or I or both of us? I can get teary eyed thinking about it and the sense of loss our children might feel. I don't wake up to check my children's breathing but I do lean in close to listen whenever I'm awake or look to see that they've changed positions. I think your lack of sleep could be exacerbating your fears. I know that when I am loopy from lack of sleep I feel really odd like I'm on drugs and I feel more anxious. I do not take anything. I just try talking to myself to remind myself that my anxiety is something I can control. I guess I should say that when I first had my anxiety I did go see a homeopathic doctor and did take a remedy because it was so out of control at that time to the point that it took me an hour to eat a simple meal because I had such a fear of choking on my food that I had to chew till it was almost nothing. You know I bet homeopathic remedies could be a great help to you for all these issues. If your insurance allows go see a homeopathic doctor or a naturopath that understands homeopathic use. I should also add that my anxiety does not make me overprotective of my kids. I make sure they are safe and well cared for but do not hover over them for fear that they are always in impending danger, I recognize my fears as my own and nip thoughts before they spiral.

Good luck, you are not alone:)
R.

T., my prayers go out and up for you. Don't wait to do something different to relief your stress and anger. If you do not see improvement with over the counter remedies in a few weeks you need to go to a Doctor or Health Practitioner.

Being a busy mom, wife and pet giver means you are seriously working full time to care for your family and pets.

Perhaps a part of the problem is you are probably not having as much fun as you did when you were teaching. 5-6 yr old's are a blast to teach and play with, without that contact you may be actually be lonely in a full house.

All work and no play makes can create very depressing days... Are you scheduling some time each week to work on a craft project or to paint? Invite a friend over to craft with you.

Do you realize the human body is not designed to function at 3 am. It naturally wants to be resting and repairing. Just being tired and on the go everyday can make anyone cranky. You may have to go to normal hours to help your system repair.

Remember to BREATH! Stop what you are doing, take a deep breath through your nose (inhale all the way to your toes)then slowly release (do this as many times as it takes to calm your system)

Life and family can and will drive you crazy if you let it. The dogs will get better with age but the kids will get worse so you need to think positive about who you are and what your job is. For every negative thought is a positive just waiting to get out. Take time to find the positive things about what you do (focus on them) Do not fall for the stinking thinking.

The "What If" way of thinking is right up there with stinking thinking...not productive or positive so do not waste your time with it. You need to let it go. If you can change it, then change it...if you can't change it, then it's not worrying about.

There are books on personal development, stress management and healthy alternatives, make sure your diet and lifestyle are healthy. You are not alone and you have the power to make changes. While at home schedule time for personal development and education.

Part of my personal solution for managing my stress is working part time from home as a nutrition specialist and Herbalife distributor. I also attend www.achs.edu as a Holistic Health Practitioner student.

If you are interested, I would suggest your trying Relax Now and Sleep Now. You can view my product line on my website www.herbaliva.com

Hang in There Baby!

Get yourself to your doctor and get a physical. Level with the doc and tell them everything you've posted here. It could be hormones, it could be depression. Yes, there are medications that can mitigate some of the things you are describing. If you can, get out in the light. That will help some. There are light boxes that can help with SAD (seasonal attitude disorder), which is similar to depression. Then, see a therapist to be able to talk things out. Your husband is out of the house for over half the day, not leaving much time for any serious conversations between the two of you. I know you want to be up when your husband comes home in the morning, but it may be in your best physical and mental wellbeing that he lets you sleep until 7am. He'll be sleeping until until 11-12 am, and you can always put your son down for a morning nap around 10, giving you that break. Then Dad and son can get up in time for lunch together. You need to talk with someone about what you're feeling. Spend some time doing the things you love, your crafts and painting. Even a two year old can enjoy those activities with you, or this is something you can do while he's napping. My husband and I worked opposite shifts from one another. He was up with the kids when I left for work at 6:30 am, we swapped the kids at work (4 pm) and he came home at 12:30 am. Once they got to school, he was able to take a nap during the morning. I was up until 11:30 pm, tending to the kids, cooking and cleaning. Weekends were catch-up on sleep and chores and family time. It was hectic, but our kids had access to a parent at all times. Dad got to be the room dad for field trips at school when I wasn't able to get a vacation day to go. We saved on childcare and the time has flown by all too fast, as our youngest is graduating from high school this spring.

HI T.,
I have felt simalar to things that you are feeling. I was suffering from depression and still am working through it. What helped for me, besides drugs, was that they let me go to couciling. Once I started to go and started to realize that I needed more help from my husband with things at home and as soon as he realized how much i needed him, things started to get better. It sounds to me that you need a mommy break. It is so hard doing what we do day in and day out and not having any adult time to do what we once did. It is hard to go from being an independant person to a mom who is at home full time. We don't have the same social times or the outlets that we used to. It is such a change. I know how you feel. I feel like i am horrible to my husband at times too and he is the best man to me. Part of it is that we need to have our own time to be together and connect. Our therapist had us read a book called the five love languages. It is really a good book. It has helped me to know that I need quaility time with him in order to feel connected and that he needs more loving words to feel like he can be connected to me. Anyway, I am rambling. just know you are not alone. It is the hardest job to give up all that we do to be mom's. We always put ourselves last and we should be first in order for us to be able to give all that we do. Good luck
B.

See a good counselor. They will be able to help you work through the changed thinking, etc., that you need to stop worrying so much about you child. Also, they can help you figure out why you are so bitter, etc., and help you get through that as well so that you can be happier.

Another thought is that you are not seeing enough daylight and that may be contributing to your feeling icky. Please see someone about all of this before it gets any worse for you and before it affects your son any more than it is. Our children know when something is wrong with mommy or daddy.

God bless you.

Please find a support group and/or a good therapist. I don't know if you sleep with your son, but if you had him in bed with you maybe you would sleep better. And maybe you can change your schedule so that you can sleep some while your husband is at work at night, and then leave the house with your son for part of the daytime hours when your husband is sleeping, so that you can get out, get some daylight/sunshine/exercise etc. Maybe go to a park or a gym.

It sounds a bit like you have answered your own question. The best way to guarantee something bad is going to happen is to keep anticipating it. If all your thoughts are about the negative, how are you ever going to focus on the positive and just enjoy yourself!
Being a first-time mom and wife is tough. We've never done it before and had so much invested. As far as how you act with your husband or others, ask yourself: would you treat your son that way? You'd want to forgive and forget right? Remember it gets easier with time, and make sure you have some time to yourself and with your husband. Make it a point! Get dressed up, forget your troubles. A lot of the things you are stressing about are out of your control. So just enjoy your new family and help bring the positive. And if you still feel wrong, you should definitely talk to your doctor or a professional.
Stay positive!

Time to ask for professional help.

You deserve the very best of all things. Take walks in the daylight. Ask your Higher Power for the help and guidance to be the kind and gentle person that you really are.

Blessings,

Dear T.,

In your current frame of mind I really don't know if you will understand what I am about to tell you but I must put my two cents in in the hopes that within you there is still a part of you that will be open to this.

I have been in your shoes, not in the exact same situation, but I have been severely depressed when I was in my twenties. Here's the thing...as long as we look to other sources for us to become emotionally healthy we will only be putting a bandaid on the situation and we will never heal enough to feel content and healthy or to have healthy relationships. You asked if others were like you and what they 'took' to help. Taking mood altering medications can help but they won't fix the issue that is within you. They most certainly can help us maintain a more even keel emotionally during counseling but if we don't change inside of our selves then nothing is ever going to change. Those who take medications to make them feel less depressed are not doing themselves any good as the issues that are causing the depression are not being addressed. Depression is an imbalance in the brain but it is us who causes the imbalance by what we focus our attention, thoughts and emotions on. When we shift our focus and what we choose to think about it changes chemicals in our brain and we become emotionally and mentally healthy.

It can seem very daunting to look within our selves and find out what exactly it is that we fear or resent or am sad about but in the end it is well worth it. It is a true statement that we can't change what we don't acknowledge. There comes a time when we must acknowledge that we are focusing far too much on things we fear, dislike or believe is being done to us by others. I highly suggest you seek good professional help that can guide you through a journey of self-discovery and healing. You may be perscribed medication to help you feel better and cope better but if you find really good help they will also make sure that you spend the time you need to spend to make your self better so you can get off of the meds eventually. You do deserve to be happy after all. Perception is everything. If we perceive that all is wrong in our lives or that we are not deserving of being happy and healthy then that is going to be our life until we choose to change our perception. I am speaking from personal experience here.

I also highly recommend the film or book titled 'The Secret'. It has a great many examples and suggestions that might help you find your self and live the dream life you want to have.

Good luck to you.

Blessings,
C.

as a long time head case, i'm going to say a lot of this sounds VERY MUCH like anxiety. this can be alleviated with cognitive therapy and medication such as zoloft or ativan.

http://www.medicinenet.com/anxiety/article.htm <---- here's a link to more info on anxiety.

i strongly recommend you seek medical help. life doesn't have to be like this! see your primary care physician for a referral if need be, or for a recommendation for a mental health counselor who can prescribe medications.

i've had mental health issues since i was a child. anxiety, depression, OCD, bipolar, ADHD...i've been diagnosed with them all at some point or another. i used to have the same self-defeating thoughts as you are having (still do, thanks to my low self esteem) and it sucks. i'm currently on medication for bipolar disorder (tghe final diagnosis that wipes out all the others) that takes care of my anxiety, depression, obsessive, and "hyperactivity" symptoms, and i don't care who knows it. there's still a horrible stigma attached to anyone whose brain might be wired differently and it's not fair! just because there are issues going on with your brain's chemistry doesn't mean you're "bad", "crazy", "insane", "bitchy" (okay, well, maybe a little sometimes!), or anything else negative. it doesn't mean you can't be a great mother or a wonderful wife or fully functional. it just means you need a little help and NO MAN (or woman) IS AN ISLAND. we all need help from time to time.
good luck. let me know what happens, or contact me if you have more questions or just want to vent.

Oh sweetie! I totally was where you are right now. About six years ago I had the EXACT same symptoms. I reccommend you go to your family doctor. I was put on a perscription for anxiety (although I was totally against being a pill popper!) and I had to go thru 3 or 4 different kinds until I found the righ one for me. Let me tell you, I love it. I am relaxed, happy, at ease, not paranoid, dont obsess about my kids dying, and I am soooooo much nicer.

You would not believe how many women are on some sort of anti-anxiety medication or anti-depressant. The side affects are MINIMAL so I highly reccommend it.

Also, I am a high end hairstylist in the Federal Way area. If you are looking for a fabulous look for your image...I do complimentary consultations! View Hairlounge.com, I would be extatic to see you!

Good luck T., I know exactly how you feel. :)

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T.,

Stress, changes in routine, and various other situations can add to or enhance your moods. I have experienced the same. I would recommend trying to get more sleep, talk to your doctor, and find a way to destress.

Currently, I take St. John's Wort to help my moods. It helps, but I have to find ways to have alone time, quiet time, or me time.

Good luck,
T.

Dear T., yes, sometimes life is rough. My husband is a baker so I often had the opposite time schedule that you have, except that I would have to get up and go to work, but my kids are also older. But I understand completely about not getting enough sleep and taking it out on the world. And when kids are great, they can be little saviors! I also am a light sleeper and would wake up at odd times, etc. The first thing you need to do is to de-stress your life. I don't mean to sound like a commercial, but Shaklee makes some great all natural products including Stress Relief Complex. I would take at least two a day until you could relax at least some of the time. I found that I slept better if I took some quiet bath time before going to bed - like soaking time, but then I still would take a bath before work to wash my hair. Milk is also a natural muscle relaxant. Experts say that good sleep is developed by routine, but I have found that on occasion, it might not be a bad idea to let yourself sleep when you actually feel tired - like when child is napping. Also, music calms the savage beast, whether it's you or a restless child. Hope that helps. T.
www.shaklee.net/markandterryhooper

I agree with others that have suggested seeing a professional for help. You can start with your family doctor and get a referral from there.
Psychological conditions can be worsened by having a schedule that goes against our natural rythms of being awake during the day and sleeping at night - it has long been known that depression, anxiety and even physical disorders like heart disease are linked to working night shifts.
I would strongly recommend that you try to get your schedule back to "normal" and see if that helps ease your problems, in addition to talking to a doctor. This may mean that you get to spend less waking time with your husband but it may contribute to your (and your son's) overall health. I am sure he will be understanding.

As for the puppy, I would get rid of it ASAP, it is much easier to find a new home for him while he's still young, as oppsoed to waiting for a few more months! All dogs need and deserve a home where someone is able to train and care for them - if you don't have the time or energy to do it now, it will only be harder as he gets older, to the point were he may become a safety risk to your child! Find a new home for him ASAP.

This is simply generalized anxiety disorder. It can be brought on by depression. You need to seek help. Don't suffer, it's not necessary. Postpartum depression is very common, and there are lots of good things out there to help you with this. I was treated for Postpartum as well when my DD was right around 2. I hadn't slept, or ate well since she was born. I was constantly obsessed with the thought that something was going to happen to her, like you. I found the help I needed to work me through it, and eventually I got off the medication, as well as over the thoughts. I finally enjoy my family again, and they me, I'm sure.
Don't let more time slip by, get the help you need.

Please do yourself and your family a favor and go see a doctor!! There are a number of things that could cause the problems you are describing.... Are you on hormone birth control? (I am a very nasty person and I get depression on hormone birth control) This is not a new thing, but I think lots of doctors are just now starting to realize that those extra hormones can cause so many issues. Another poster mentioned SAD, its a very real possibility. Have you explained to your husband and other family members what you are feeling? It's very important that you talk to others about what is going on, because they can be a huge help to you.
I hope you are able to get the help you need and get this resolved. Good luck!

Dear T.,

I'm a lot like you, and no, you're not really crazy. That coupon incident in the grocery store. That was really nice of you. She probably just wasn't expecting that kind of attention from a stranger. Next time preface it with something like "Excuse me, I notice that you have . . ." and then forget about it.

As for the irritability and annoyance, that's not bitterness per say. Those are pretty typical symptoms of a sleepless mom whose body is slightly off schedule. I get that way when my 10-mo. old changes her sleep schedule. I also get that way when I don't have enough healthy fat in my diet or when I'm just plain hungry. It sounds like you need to start doing some things to take care of yourself -- relaxation techniques, exercise, a community group to hang out with, a food evaluation.

As for the OCD, that's a habit you need to break. Those thoughts are pretty common, and they're also related to lack of sleep. I'm currently undergoing a treatment called neurofeedback training which uses music to reprogram parts of the brain. Basically it teaches the brain to fill in the habitual ruts that we've made. I'm not sure if they have it in your area, but you might want to look into it. It uses no drugs and has no side effects. I'm very pleased with it.

I had horrible bitchy attitudes at that age, and beyond. Have you noticed it being worse at different times, such as PMS? My doctor had me seek out a pms vitamin that helped re-balance my hormones about a week before my period and it really did help. Since I have had a complete hysterectomy, the road rage, stress, worry, obsesivesness, have decreased to almost nothing. Have your GYN talk to you about hormones, too. There are natural remedies for these things.