Anxiety or Is It Just in My Head?

Updated on March 17, 2008
D.W. asks from Middleburg, FL
7 answers

My husband and I have been married for 4 years. We've only been apart from each other for about a week and a half and that was in our second year of marriage. He's been away for a few days at a time and it was horrible. In October he decided he wanted to enlist in the Navy. I supported him then and I still do now. We have a 3 year old and a 21 month old and I am 26 weeks pregnant and he is leaving for 9 weeks for boot camp in less than 2 weeks. It really hasn't set in yet that he's leaving so soon. One thing I have noticed is I've had these little, what I would call, anxiety attacks. It's usually while he's at work (he'll only be working for 2 more days) and I get upset at him over the dumbest things over the phone. The other day he asked me to take something to the post office and it upset me because he knows I can't take the boys to the PO in the freezing cold. Later that evening my boys weren't listening to anything I said and I just yelled at them and broke down crying. We're in the process of moving (I'm moving in with my parents while he's gone) and we have some things in storage. I asked him for a dish that we use ALL THE TIME and he said "It's in storage." i was so mad because he took all these things we USE to storage and left all these crappy little things we don't. I got off the phone and BAWLED for about 5 minutes. I was having a hard time breathing I was crying so much and I couldn't stop.
I know the pregnancy and him leaving are big parts of this.
I'm seeing my OB on Monday 3/10 and I plan on telling her about this. Have other mothers had this anxiety and is there anything my OB can prescribe me that will help even though I'm pregnant?

What can I do next?

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S.F.

answers from Cincinnati on

Dear D.
what you are experiencing is normal for a mother with so much to handle at one time. Take some time for yourself if you have a family or friend who can give you a couple hours to relax and sort out your difficulties. I understand how you feel as a mom and being young with so much to deal with. Take care of your children and yourself and focus on the things you can do and dont let anyone put more on you than you can handle. Do what you can and let everything else take care of itself including your husband. He can do those little things for himself you are doing the most important job being a mother and that is a 24 hour job. Take care
a friend

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M.R.

answers from Columbus on

D.,

Go to your OB and tell him about how you are feeling and acting, they can help you evaluate your situation. If you feel like you need help, don't walk out the door without it, you should insist on it, even if you go the counseling route untill you deliver.

The Navy will also support you. If you husband is active duty, you will have access to many programs to help you deal with the separation and you will live in communities with many Navy wives to support you. 9 weeks is not so long by Navy Standards, so get the help you need now to cope with what will come next.

If he is in the reserves, when he is deployed you can access programs to learn to deal with the separation and you can always reach out to and become friends with the other Navy wives who are in the same boat. They will welcome you (speaking from experience-I have been on both ends!)Once he is through with basic, you will start to become part of the community. Reading all the stuff they send you is hard, but plow through it and call the numbers on the documents they give you and ask for help to understand the system. Just remember, you are not alone.

I kind of hear you saying that your head supports him, but your gut and emotions are saying something else because you are not in control of the outbursts. I have been there! You need to get some help to really sort it out and learn to support him on all levels, espcially when he is on his way to duty for an extended period. You definetly do not want to have him leaving with you still trying to sort out how you feel.

Seek help on all levels, medical, counseling, Navy programs, and other Navy Families. With all that, you should be coping with the separtations well in no time, still painful, but they are not the end of the world. You will find that you are stronger than you think, but remember, the strongest people seek the help they need.

Reach out and serve well (you have the hardest job in the Navy!)

God bless,
M.
46, Married 18 years, 3 girls 15, 11, 8. Very proud Navy wife, Husband an Iraqi Freedom Vet, second tour pending. Now at NMCB26 as CO headed to NMCB27 as skipper. Pins on CDR in August.

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M.S.

answers from Bloomington on

exercise, sunshine, and fresh air help a lot.

if you want a more gentle, natural remedy you can try 5htp. it's available at health food stores, is good for the baby, and will help calm you down when you have an anxiety attack. also lavender oil is very calming.

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A.W.

answers from Columbus on

You poor dear....you are dealing with A LOT right now. Anxiety is NOT some figment of your imagination and sometimes accompanies depression. After the birth of my first child I was very depressed but did not seek help until it escalated into anxiety attacks when I tried to sleep at night. (my attacks consist of a racing heartbeat, shortness of breath, and a tight chest.)
I was put on Lexapro, which is a lifesaver. I believe that the FDA is not sure of its effects on pregnant women, and I went off of it berore I tried to get pregnant with my second. After he was born I went back on it.
Definitely tell your OB. Please do not ignore this or think that you can "will" yourself to feel better. It is a real affliction that not only effects you but your kids as well.

Please contact me if you need to talk further. While I've never had to be without my husband for a long period of time, I understand what anxiety can do to you. Take care.

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C.Z.

answers from Toledo on

Hi. Wow, you have alot on your plate right now. I would have to say, not knowing you personally, that you are just anxious about all the change you are experiencing and going to experience. Definately talk to your doc. Talking always helps, especially when it is with someone who is not emotionally involved. Best of luck.

C.

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S.Z.

answers from Columbus on

It isnt in your head. Don't let anyone tell you that. You have a lot on your plate right now. Your stressed with him gone, moving and having two little ones and one on its way. There are meds out there to help you out. I was put on Lexapro 5 yrs ago when my 2nd child was born. I worked at home with daycare kids, and took care of my house and 2.5 yr old that decided to turn into a typical 2yr old. I have since then changed to Cymbalta. If I dont take my meds I am not a nice person. It does help. Talk to your doctor. It could get worse after your baby is born and you don't want that to happen.

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B.H.

answers from Cleveland on

Wow you have a lot on your plate. I am not going to try to play doctor as far as taking a medication but I'm sure there is something for you. I was pregnant last summer and my husband had to go out of town for 2 weeks. I have a 12 year old and an 8 year old an now a 6 month old. I missed my husband and had such a hard time with him being gone. So many things I count on him for as well as keeping me company. I think you need to let your husband know how you feel. I hope your family that you are moving in with is very supportive. Good luck and definately talk to your ob or a psyciatrist. I went through counseling and am still in counseling. It has helped a lot. I did take medication but I'm not going to give advise on that end because its your personal choice.

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